The_Altrox's Brawl Tier of Manliness

[The_Altrox]

Link to original post: [drupal=1011]The_Altrox's Brawl Tier of Manliness[/drupal]



I'm gonna put it out first, then explain. If you didn't read the title, it's a tier based on each character's manliness. You might be surprised at Marth's positioning, but I'll explain. I'm only doing the characters. No AT's or anything like that.

MANLINESS TIER

Chuck Norris Rank
Captain Falcon
Snake
Ike

Very Manly Rank
Bowser
Ganondorf
King Dedede
Lucario

Rather Manly Rank
Charizard
Wario
Donkey Kong
Marth
Luigi
Wolf

Somewhat Manly
Meta Kinght
Kirby
Falco
Mr. Game & Watch
Jigglypuff
Olimar
Mario
Link

Meh Rank
Fox
Samus
R.O.B.
Zero Suit Samus
Shiek
Ivysaur
Sonic

Almost Womanly Rank
Toon Link
Ness
Diddy Kong
Squitle
Pikachu
Lucas
Yoshi
Popo
Peach
Pokemon Trainer
Nana
Zelda

NOT AT ALL RANK
Pit


Explanations!!!

Captain Falcon: Have you not seen Falcon Punch? Have You not seen the knee? This guy is the epitome of man, and I don't wanna hear about priority, or any of that crap, cause he is the guy. Deal haterz.

Snake: Pretty badass. If it weren't for Falcon, he'd be top... It always seems like he doesn't quite cut it on any Brawl tier list...

Ike: Simply because you'll get no sympathy from him. Not to mention he uses a two handed sword in one hand. The guy is a god in human form.

Bowser: Spikey shell, and flame will make the manliest of men pee themselves. He even get's a suicide move. THAT'S PURE DEVOTION TO YOUR JOB PEOPLE! Dying for what you love to do is pretty extreme. And manly.

Ganondorf: Warlock Punch outs him pretty high. Not to mention he chooses not to use his sword but fight with his bare hands. See Bowser on suicide moves.

King Dedede: Hammers are just cool. They represent manly sterotypes like building things. The King also has lots of girth which is really muscle he choose to where humbly. That's pretty cool if ya ask me.

Lucario: The little guy seems out of place among heavy weights. But considering part of his game is taking damage to get stronger is pretty tough. Aura makes a little booy into a big man.

Charizard: You think your tough crushing a can on your head? Try crushing a boulder on your head son, and then you can talk.

Wario: He's a pure man. He does what he wants when he wants too, and farts in public without caring... okay, that last part might constitute for him being childish. He also looses points for eating his bike. While that seems hardcore, it is absolutely disgusting that he eats his pride and joy like that. Shameful.

Donkey Kong: A muscular ape wearing a tie but not under the man's control is a pretty big statement. Pure power FTW!!!

Marth: I can explain this!!! People say Marth isn't manly, but they're liars!!! Even the guy who made those youtube videos about Brawling like a man. Why is Marth manly? Well, first off, look at his fiance (no pic

). She is hot. Only a real man could score that. Secondly I'll cmpare him to this pokemon.

See this Machoke? You know what the belt is for? Pokedex says it's very heavy so he doesn't go out of contol. Marth's tiarra is similar. It keeps his manliness at normal level. In fact, when Marth Final smash's the tiarra moves a little off his head (no pic again) and he OHKO's the opponent. If you don't think that's manly, get help. Now.

Luigi: Mustache. It's better than Mario's. There. Said and done.

Wolf: He's pretty manly, and his voice is sweet. The eye patch though can be interpreted two ways though. On one hand, it can be seen as asweet pirate like clothing. On the other hand, it's like a soap opera guy's eyepatch... NOT MANLY! So he loses score.

Meta Kinght: The voice is cool, but his brokeness kills his score some. Still a pretty tough guy. Respect him.

Kirby: He's sphere shaped. Sphere shaped things are manly. And he carries a hammer. See Dedede on why that's important.

Falco: He's passionate about his bread. And real men are very passionate about they're food. Plus, he's got a brooklyn accent.

Mr. Game & Watch: He has the word "Mr." in his name, implying manliness. But I can't really go into depth on this one.

Jigglypuff: She's sphere shaped like Kirby. And she does what she wants like Wario. But she loses points because she cries when she gets smashed out.

Olimar: You know what's manly? Being a general. Being able to control your soldiers is repectable. Olimar takes it to the next level. He fights with his pikmin and suffers with them. Hardcore.

Mario: Average Joe really. Still pretty tough. And he get's a cape, and capes are cool.

Link: Knows how to use a sword and bombs. Pretty experienced dude. Give that guy a klondike bar.

Fox: He really isn't outstanding. He's just kinda there now on this tier and the Brawl Tier. Sorry Fox mains.

Samus: Seriously, she's tough. You gotta have balls of some sort to wear a suit like that. But she's still a girl, so she loses points.

R.O.B.: Not really a man at all. But has qualities. Laser beams are pretty nice point wise.

Zero Suit Samus: Loses points for that sexy, revealing skin-tight suit, but she is pretty hardcore in what she does along with high tier characters on thsi list. If she wore more clothes, she might be higher.

Shiek: Pretty hardcore as well, but nothing special. Not much to say here.

Ivysaur: Flowers are usually not manly. But he looks mean in the face, so I give credit.

Sonic: Seriously, if your gonna gloat like taht Sonic, at least know how to doggy paddle or something. Ego is pretty big for a guy who can't swim.

Toon Link: Has Linkl qualities, but less of them. Give him a few years, and then maybe...

Ness: Nice toys, but he's still a little kid with a whiney voice. Maybe when your older.

Diddy Kong: He uses lots of bananas. and you know what that implies...

Squitle: Not that he isn't manly, but he really has little going for him. But He does some tough stuff even though he's little.

Pikachu: Relies too much on lighting. Maybe if he wasn't so cute, he'd be a bit higher.

Lucas: See Ness. But he's worse. And I swear, don't talk to me about the Mother 3 story line, because I don't want to hear it.


Yoshi: Though he eats things live, he lays eggs. Men should not lay eggs. I like Yoshi, but he's low...

Popo: Though he has a hammer, he relies to much on Nana... who is a girl.

Peach: The dress, voice, and using her butt in such a sexy manner of attacking takes her point value. But she gains some back by being able to handle bomb-ombs: Bombs that make Link's bombs look like pop rocks.

Pokemon Trainer: Though he's a general like Olimar, he doesn't fight with them. Not cool. Also, his American voice bugs me. If he kept the Japanese voice, he'd be higher.

Nana: Behind every great man is a great woman. But this isn't a womanly tier. So Nana is pretty far down, even with the hammer.

Zelda: Nothing redeeming except her down B.

Pit: Watch Brawl Taunts 2. All I gotta say.


Opinions? If you give me good points, I may modify the list.

 

[Ange]

Finally someone who realizes Marth is manly.

HELL YEAH. >:C

 

[Jimnymebob]

Ivysaur is the manliest Pokemon out there.

Except Seadra and Sandslash.

Mew and Eevee are more cute than manly. So is Machop.

 

[Pelikinesis]

Just putting it out there, but yes, Ivysaur has a flower, but it uses the flower to spike people and Star KO people.

And Donkey Kong wears a tie and nothing else. He's basically a male stripper. A male gorilla stripper. And some people call his Neutral B the "Donkey Punch".

Mr. Game and Watch has a hammer, too.

Not trying to give exact positions, but in case you didn't think of the above, you can consider them.

 

[Darktemplio]

How can marth be manly when he is a she?

 

[The_Altrox]

How can marth be manly when he is a she?

See, this is the kind of ignorant post I'm talking about. I doubt this user even read the reasoning.

 

[Bandit_Kieth]

that his tiara this is full of fail.

marth is female, nuff said

 

[The_Altrox]

that his tiara this is full of fail.

marth is female, nuff said

Another person who probably didn't read

 

[Bandit_Kieth]

i read it, about how his tiara is meant to be holding his strength in a normal state as such, and that it slightly comes off while smashing which makes him insta KO.

i just hate marth, the way he looks, his voice. etc

 

[The_Altrox]

i read it, about how his tiara is meant to be holding his strength in a normal state as such, and that it slightly comes off while smashing which makes him insta KO.

i just hate marth, the way he looks, his voice. etc

So your saying Marth's female just out of personal bias? You'll need to do better than that

 

[Bandit_Kieth]

no.. i dont really, if i hate him because of his physical look, then thats my right to think so

i said he was female, but he's a really girly man. my perspective k

i know many others think it to, doesnt mean he is.

 

[The_Altrox]

Whatev, but let the record stand. A Tiarra a woman does not make.

 

[Bandit_Kieth]

you do realise, princess' are the ones who wear tiaras right?

 

[The_Altrox]

you do realise, princess' are the ones who wear tiaras right?

And Marth to neutralize his power. Did you read anything?

 

[Bandit_Kieth]

as stated above yes i did, are you blind?

i give up. arguing is for tards

 

[TP]

Zero Suit Samus: Loses points for that sexy, revealing skin-tight suit, but she is pretty hardcore in what she does along with high tier characters on thsi list.

Did anyone else read this entirely the wrong way?

 

[Teran]

This list is full of win.

I think Meta should be higher though, "FIGHT ME!" and "Come back, when you can put up a fight!". Only real men are so honorable and proud in combat. Such incredible voice snippets should never be ignored.

Sheik should be high up too, because I'm sure he has bigger cojones than Ganon lol.

 

[The_Altrox]

This list is full of win.

I think Meta should be higher though, "FIGHT ME!" and "Come back, when you can put up a fight!". Only real men are so honorable and proud in combat. Such incredible voice snippets should never be ignored.

Sheik should be high up too, because I'm sure he has bigger cojones than Ganon lol.

MK is pretty high. But don't you be talking about Ganon's cojones that way. He get's his condoms custom made

 

[Pelikinesis]

Ganon's condoms have an extra coating to prevent the purple fire from obliterating his bed buddies.

 

[The furosious robot has left]

Pit has 2 swords that can become a bow, he has a quilt, he can fly, he has rather rude taunts, and can control his arrows AFTER shooting them. In his game, he spent the whole time shooting his way through evil dudes. He spent his life in solitary after his game. That's pretty dang manly. Dang right "his balls hav'nt dropped" Which can only mean he did so BEFORE that happened. And if we are going to use the Young excuse: What about ice climbers? Put pit higher up.

 

[The_Altrox]

Pit has 2 swords that can become a bow, he has a quilt, he can fly, he has rather rude taunts, and can control his arrows AFTER shooting them. In his game, he spent the whole time shooting his way through evil dudes. He spent his life in solitary after his game. That's pretty dang manly. Dang right "his balls hav'nt dropped" Which can only mean he did so BEFORE that happened. And if we are going to use the Young excuse: What about ice climbers? Put pit higher up.

Pit's taunts are childish, his sword isn't that great, and being in solitary makes a monk. Not neccisarily a man. And his balls haven't dropped, but that's also symbolic. Popo is higher than Pit because he uses a hammer. See DDD decription on why that's significant

 

[The furosious robot has left]

pit's Taunts Are Childish, His Sword Isn't That Great, And Being In Solitary Makes A Monk. Not Neccisarily A Man. And His Balls Haven't Dropped, But That's Also Symbolic. Popo Is Higher Than Pit Because He Uses A Hammer. See Ddd Decription On Why That's Significant

He Spent His Whole Game Literally Shooting His Way To Medusa.

 

[Pelikinesis]

I think Pit has a tiara, too, but he lacks a hot wife.

 

[The furosious robot has left]

Your just jealous. You want manly?

 

[The_Altrox]

Your just jealous. You want manly?

That proves nothing.

 

[DemonFart]

lol robot.

trigger happy angels scare me.

 

[The furosious robot has left]

I think Pit has a tiara, too, but he lacks a hot wife.

 

[The_Altrox]

Fan art proves nothing. Anybody can draw a picture of Pokemon Trainer being with a hot girl, but that will not make him any manlier.

 

[:mad:]

I can't say I don't agree with that list.
But I think we all honestly knew that Captain Falcon would be first.

 

[The furosious robot has left]

Your too stubborn.

 

[Pelikinesis]

And the same could be said of you or that guy from the previous page. You're welcome to post your own Manliness Tier List and then everyone will have one and the User Blog section will be full of them.

It'll be like clothes or cars in SWF:

"Hey, that's a nice Manliness Tier List you got there. It goes GREAT with your avatar"

or

"Ew OMG did you see her Manliness Tier List? What poor taste!!!"


etc. etc.

 

[Scott!]

Poor Marth, getting all this abuse. The Marth boards proved his manliness months ago, and the thread was epic and full of win. Find it; I'm too lazy. He really is manlier than people give him credit for.

Pit... isn't really that manly. Sorry.

As for Snake, I'm going to have to say he's too high. He's spammy and campy, and I think these are two qualities that are seriously detrimental to one's manliness. Same deal with Meta Knight, minus the campy. Snake is clearly not as manly as characters such as Ike or Ganondorf.

And, while I'm sure it's not the most popular of positions to take, I agree with the YouTube video, "How to play Brawl like a man!" in that Jigglypuff is the manliest character in the game. I mean, she really does kill people in her sleep! Her whole body is a weapon! What's more manly than this? Maybe the sun hat. But really. Jigglypuff is top tier manly material with just that.

Also, Samus is manlier than most everyone under the Very Manly tier.

Wario is extremely overrated. Farting is not manly; it's just gross. Same with his fatness. And yes, I judge him by his weight. I'm definitely biased on this one, but hey, this whole list and discussion are just opinions, really. I could say Nana was the manliest character in the game, but would that make her manler than anyone? Only PT and Lucas.

 

[Vorguen]

I disagree on Donkey's position. He should be number 3. How is Wario manlier than Donkey? Donkey is a GORILLA, which is proven to be stronger than anywhere from 8-15 men. Wario Ganon and Ike which are ahead of him... all men.

Now Lucario, yes, he has aura, but let's not forget what he is. A pokemon. Pokemon are never manly. They are cute, they fit in pokeballs, but they are not manly. No, not even Gyarados.

The only reason he isn't one is because to be honest, nothing is manlier than Captain Falcon, unless you are Chuck Norris himself. And Snake has explosives.

Charizard is the manliest of all Pokemon, but in the end he is nothing more than a Pokemon, in no way shape or form manlier than Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong has Kong, which comes from King Kong, the manliest ape of all time. If you don't remember how manly King Kong was, watch the Peter Jackson King Kong movie and watch how King Kong annihilates three T-Rex's at the same time.


Here is a link to the video for proof of King Kong and Donkey Kong's complete manliness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt2Q4BB8nRg

(sorry in advance for that guy's crappy editing in his video)


Now King Dedede? I'm sorry, he is a Penguin. Cute and cuddly is the antithesis of Manly. Want to prove my point? Get on King Dedede, and hold down on the control stick to duck. Point made.

Now, Donkey Kong's only REAL competition for rank 3 is Bowser.

Let's look at their pro's and con's for manliness meter.

Donkey Kong:


pros:
1) a Gorilla
2) Enormous and Muscular
3) he can Donkey Punch (This argument can be repeated infinite amount of times because it is the most win)
4) Wears a tie with his name on it. That is MANLY.
5) Bangs his chest
6) Kills people accidently while swatting flies. (f-smash, u-smash)
7) Defeated King K. Rool
8) Was the protagonist of many games, unlike Bowser, who was defeated in many games
9) He has three spikes.
10) He can breathe underwater (Donkey Kong Country underwater stages)
11) Descendant of King Kong himself.
12) He can Donkey Punch

cons:
1) none



Bowser:

pros:
1) big spikey shell (probably overcompensating because he isn't THAT manly)
2) he can breathe fire (respectable... yes respectable)
3) Mario's worst enemy
4) Likes to kidnap princesses
5) His suicide is pretty win.

cons:
1) Rumor has it he is just a Ninja Turtle cast-off that went bitter and tried to take over mushroom kingdom as his vengeance to the world.
2) He never REALLY gets the princess
3) Mario has defeated him plenty of times. That's not manly.
4) He's slow. Manly people are NOT slow. Look at Captain Falcon for more info.
5) He has too many subordinates. Donkey Kong is a man of action. He gets things done HIMSELF.
6) Bowser relies too much on his sharp claws, his spikey shell, and his fire to do things. It takes real MANLINESS to get things done with your fists. Like Donkey Kong.




Enough said.


Donkey Kong for position number 3!!!!!

 

[Pelikinesis]

Are minions necessarily a detriment to manliness? If so, it's not just Bowser and D3's positions in danger of falling, but Ganondorf's as well (I haven't chosen a side, I'm simply laying out the consequences)

Dedede has Jet Hammer. I do agree with The_Altrox that hammers are pretty manly. And this one has machinery in it. Working on cars is pretty manly, and so is most other mechanical work involving gears and grease. Dedede has a hammer WITH mechanical stuff in it, which I think is something big going for him.

And his crouch position can be thought of as "Don't bother me, I'm watching the game" kinda pose. If Chauvinism = Manliness to some degree, it would be to his advantage.

 

[Vorguen]

Dedede is a Penguin. He is a King of the land where Waddle Dee's and Kirby are from. It is all cute beyond belief. Dedede is not manly.

Using your fists is manlier than using a Hammer, or arguably about the same. Dedede has plenty of minions, which do him no service either as his manliness is lost when he doesn't do things himself. Dedede has also been defeated by Kirby in the past. By Kirby, a cute round fluffball that spits out cute little stars.

Dedede's crouch isn't manly. "Don't bother me, I'm watching the game" is not manly. True manly people don't watch the game, they participate.


Did I forget to mention Dedede is a Penguin?







PS: Seriously did you not watch the video against the three T-Rex's?

 

[teluoborg]

Well in your order :

Ike fights for his friends, that's not manly, more like a thing you could see in a 4kids cartoon.
Switches with ganon

Ganon has the spartan kick, which is one of the manliest moves of the games.
Switches with ike

Dedede : what Vorguen said. Seriously, popo is manlier cause he has a gf.
Goes down

Marth : yeah the tiara thing and bla bla bla. Still, a real man is always on ignition and fights with 100% of his power. Look at the good ol' captain, is he holding back ? Hell no.
Moreover marth has a girlish appearance, that's not manly and makes everyone in your list except marth lose points, so try to be a little more coherent.
Goes down

Samus : there is no gender under the metal skin, she deserves a spot in the "rather manly" tier.
Goes up

Popo : got a girlfriend that dies if he dies, telling you how she can't even breathe without him. Ain't that manly ?
Goes up

 

[The_Altrox]

Marth : yeah the tiara thing and bla bla bla. Still, a real man is always on ignition and fights with 100% of his power. Look at the good ol' captain, is he holding back ? Hell no.
Moreover marth has a girlish appearance, that's not manly and makes everyone in your list except marth lose points, so try to be a little more coherent.

First off, we all know Falcon is holding back. If he weren't he'd be top tier on the regular list. But he held back to make everybody else feel better. That does cost him and Marth points.
And Marth did lose points for his appearance. He's not top tier or right after that either, so it's not like I put him above more manlier than a whole lot of others.
Secondly, Jigglypuff isn't as manly as that vid says she is. She is pretty manly, but she looses points for crying when she gets knocked out. Men don't cry

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

If you are going to rank manliness on girlfriend, why would Ike be number 3?





...If you catch my drift.

 

[The_Altrox]

If you are going to rank manliness on girlfriend, why would Ike be number 3?





...If you catch my drift.

Never mentioned his love life. and yes, I catch your drift

 

[Zook]

How is Ganondorf not in Chuck Norris Tier?

If he wanted to, he could kill all the characters in the game with his side B. But does he? No, he's too manly, he'd rather smash them into the dirt and curb stomp them. Now THAT is manly.