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The Story of Dekar

Redact

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Part One:

Zeus k. Rockerfella (who later changed his name to David “Dekar” Moore to avoid paparazzi following his invention of shoelaces) was born on the 25th of December, 1940, to a poor Laotian/Dutch family in the deep jungles near Borobudur. He was one of eighteen children born that day, seven of which were suspiciously stillborn. Luckily Dekar was the eighth child born that day and he was able to successful oversee the birth of the next nine children.

Each of these nine children would become figures of worldwide renown, some for good and some for evil. Dekar’s youngest sister is probably the best known. Known to Dekar simply as Dorothy, to the rest of the world, Adolf Hitler. Dekar has a typical childhood spending much of his time on his grandfather’s (Gandalf the White) enchanted tower hunting unicorns.

Dekar’s above-average intelligence was recognized early in his schooling when for a grade six science project he submitted a piece he entitled “The Investigation of the State of Aether in Magnetic Fields” which was later stolen by Albert Einstein. Of note also is that for a grade three ‘show-and-tell’ Dekar brought in his left bicep which impressed classmates and teacher alike.

He was no stranger to the sports field competing in the school team for swimming, soccer, tennis, rugby, basketball, baseball and polo (for which Dekar was the only player to not require a horse). At the age of 9 he played for the Junior Wallabies squad in the 1949 Rugby World Cup in Sri Lanka, where his innovative playmaking resulted in the invention of Jumping.

High School set the precedent for the rest of Dekar’s life. He was a favourite among the teachers and was popular with all students. No more was this more evident than on Prom Night when Dekar won both Prom King and Queen. Dekar participated liberally in extra-curricular activities such as the audio-visual society where he directed his first home-made movie entitled ‘The Godfather.’ Also an avid member of the Junior Politics society Dekar was integral in the formation and implementation of Chamberlain’s appeasement policy. It should also be noted that Dekar held the position of head-master for two years while simultaneously serving as a student.

On graduation day Dekar was voted ‘most likely to physically heal earth’ (perhaps a foreshadowing of his heal the world antics of later years) as well as ‘greatest all-round sportsman’ and ‘most likely to earn one million dollars’ (which he fulfilled the following day).
Dekar took a 17 and a half year gap year before he ventured into university. Some of his best known exploits during this period was his single-handed defeat of Operation Barbarossa and dropping himself on Hiroshima. Dekar returned to the known world at the ripe age of 15 ready to usher in a new age of civilisation after his six year rule as Sultan of Brunei.
 

Dekar289

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Joined
Feb 20, 2007
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6,306
[14:54] <+Redact`Work> youll probs reember half of it
nope, wtf is this rofl
 

Redact

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A short story on Atticus before we get to part 2 of Dekar's Story



The earliest records of Odin James John Johnsonsons (Now known as Jared "Atticus the Understander" Willett) go back to 27 of June, 1940 where he formed the USS Iowa, its entire construction crew, then served as the entire ship and all of its members until the year 1954.

His whereabouts from then until 1985 are unknown, but the most commonly accepted theory is that he spent his time fighting crime during this period. This was later turned into a series of comics by the name of "Superman"

When Atticus decided to undergo childhood from 1990. At the age of four, he was given multiple-choice diagnostic tests for the Johns Hopkins precocious math program. Without having studied for the exam, Atticus achieved an above perfect score of 50/45.

Atticus's primary school life was a short one. Graduating in 3 days without actually attending any of said days, whilst working at home developing a plan for his home computer business by the name of "Microsoft". After spending 2 weeks developing and producing all products from Microsoft until the year 2053, he grew tired of the idea and handed all his work and plans to his neighbor "Bill Gates"

He attended San Marin High School in Novato, California, for one year, graduating at the age of six in 1990. Whilst it was one only one year, the year was not uneventful. He lead his high school football team and basketball team through to victory in the Super Bowl and the NBA finals respectively. Atticus evolved the meta-game for each sport juristically during his time as a player, inventing the touchdown and the slam dunk for each sport. When asked to comment on these steps forward, he replied with "I simply love to slam **** down"

He enrolled at Santa Rosa Junior College in Sonoma County, California, graduating at age 8 with an Associate of Science in Geology and a PHD in plasma physics after establishing both programs himself.
 

Redact

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And a short preview of my autobiography: "The conception of Winning"



Amun-ra Steve Stephenson-sons aka Kanye West (Now known as Philip "Redact" Pretty due to revoking his birth name for charity) was came into existence in 1855 by his own sheer will. Upon existence he also brought upon the miricale currently known as "the sun" among other things.

The "Male" sex within the human race was first brought into civilization upon Redact's creation. Before this time, females were self reproducing. Due to the introduction of the male, Redact also invented sexual intercourse, then in turn also abortion once he learned one of his wives were "a dirty tramp". The method of said abortion is still questioned until this day.

Redact's childhood was over 100 years in length, spanning from 1855 to 2004, within said time period his age fluctuated between 7-14 depending on his current mood. Redact attended Yale, Harvard and Oxford simultaneously, getting a PhD in Neurosurgery, quantum physics, mathematical sciences, juridical science and street fighting.

Redact's was not without setback during his university weeks. The thesis which he produced for his phd in street fighting, titled "the art of war", was stolen and later published by his landlord "Sun Tzu". Redact had kept his anger with this betrayl bottled until 2:46 PM (JST) on March 11, 2011 where on a cruise with his "boats and hoes" he released his rage into an ocean east of japan.

A large amount of Redact's childhood is unaccounted for, most of which he claims to have spent creating the planets in a solar system and about 30% of the stars currently in our universe. According to early documentation, the earth originally had two moons, one which was actually made entirely of cheese. Redact devoured this planet whole after a large night in the town because "the kebab place wouldn't let me in because I threw up on their floor".

The later years of Redact's childhood was spent inventing animals through a combination of elements. Redact preferred to work with atoms rather than anything larger, constructing the first horse atom by atom. This took him approximately 13 seconds and he titled this horse "Ygg" and was later granted to his first son as a gift.

In the lead up to the current years, Redact has spent his time playing as the "Protoss" race in Starcraft and Starcraft two, later giving up the role to one "Vincent "Forte" Lim" as he moved on to pursue greater things.
 

Redact

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Dekar's story, part 2: The Teenage Years

After Dekar’s extended gap year upon finishing school and his subsequent invention of excretion he decided it was time to focus his blinding intellect on more advanced learnings. For this reason Dekar attended Harvard, MIT and Cambridge and simultaneously completing a combined degree of Law, Engineering and Medicine respectively. During his time at these universities he served as tutor, lecturer and dean of each respective faculty. He influenced each of these faculties greatly by his invention of the book

However there was also a great stain upon his time at university, one that Dekar has tried to put behind him for the last twenty-seven thousand years. One wintry morning, after an especially bad Pakistani dinner, Dekar found himself in a dangerous predicament where he had run out of toilet paper in the public toilet. Luckily Dekar kept a tree in his pocket and was able to fashion a crude book which he used to wipe his own sphincter. This book which he deposited in the bin was later found by a complete loser (who was also an unemployed, mentally ******** loser, aka: Robsta) who worshiped the **** covered book like a God. He gathered other students to his call and thus the Arts Faculty was born. Dekar has never lived down the day. His post-graduate studies in Gypsy Magicks were however cut short when he joined the fight against the communist menace in North Korea and Jupiter.

Dekar served with much distinction earning the nickname “Korean Lightning” after he courageously destroyed seven Chinese M921 tanks using only his watch and a hand glass. It was here that Dekar’s love of medicine bloomed and he managed to find a cure to Asian Pox, which claimed over 1800 lives in the Korean conflict prior to his discovery. He managed to defeat the whole North Korean offensive with one decisive blow from his bulging bicep. Also during this time Dekar met his first wife Byung-soon Park. It was a warm summer morning and Dekar was patrolling Siberia when he stumbled into a communist booby-trap while attempting to juggle 19 live grenades. The trap was sprung and Dekar spent the next 6 days pinned to the floor surviving only on his hatred for Communism.

On the 7th day of the ordeal, when Dekar thought he could only take another two or three years without food and water a young Korean girl stumbled across the lone soldier and freed him (many have of course theorised as to why Dekar didn’t just free himself but as they say, Dekar only knows). The courtship of Byung-soon lasted 5 years and has become known as the ‘2nd Renaissance’ however she died during their honeymoon, where he traveled with her to Alderaan, not realising that she was unable to survive a direct hit from the Death Star. From that day on Dekar took a vow of celibacy and forever dedicated his life to the improvement of the human race.
 

Redact

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Quetzalcoatl ho chi min nguyen thanh chi chong wang (also known as Vincent "Forte the storyteller" Lim) was born in the centre of the sun at approximately 5pm on 21/6/2011. He was not the only child born at this time, but all 4 children were shortly consumed by Forte after birth to feed his hunger.

Forte's passion for fictional literature bloomed at a young age, writing both the bible and quran before undergoing any form of human interaction. After learning about the wonders that earth had to offer him, he continued to pursue the art of story telling by writing his first series of books by the name of "Lord of the Rings"

Once bored with the world of literature, after receiving every single nobel prize award during the year 1995 for writing "To kill a mocking bird", he pursued the world of electronic sports. Debuting in the world of starcraft by comprising the entire team of "SKT1" and their computers, he soon begun his 27 century dominance of the sport.

Shortly after he reitred from E-sports, he decided to invent the concept of wind and sound, thus inventing the first wind instruments and composing his first song "Piano Sonata No. 14 in C♯ minor "Quasi una fantasia"". After first tasting music, he grew an immense passion for music, continuing to make music under multiple aliases such as:

Beethoven
2pac
Tchaikovsky
Metallica
Miley Cirus

All music made by Forte was made through the sounds of his mouth and a telescope.

Forte never attended any form of schooling nor education, but still managed to receive a PhD in both Law and Sexual Intercourse, writing the Karma Sutra as a joint thesis for both subjects.

At the ripe young age of 5 and 3/4 he entered the human world yet again, ready to bring more miricales and sexual positions upon us.
 

Redact

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*insert bad story*
Dear Luke

Your story is bad.

It actually was really bad, honestly.

Like as much as I don't want to sound egotistical (for once), that story was actually horrendous and not entertaining in the slightest. Maybe it's your alternate sense of humor or aspiration, but it is not welcome here.

Please delete your post as I honestly do not want it in my thread.

Thank you.

Kind regards,
Philip "Redact" Pretty
 

luke_atyeo

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May 10, 2008
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the hater becomes the hated

also I dont think you can delete posts
melbourne so bitter
 

Redact

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Thank you luke

I will return the favour many fold in pure gold and land in the centre of the vatican.
 

Redact

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you spelled 'Cyrus' wrong..
The original name was Miles "Tails" Cirus, but when he went through a change of persona from Flying Helicopter Fox to Singer, he determined that changing the name to Miley Cirus would be best to suit the market. He then later changed the I in Cirus to a Y due to an imminent shortage of the letter I, thus avoiding an economic catastrophe.
 

Redact

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The 1960’s brought turbulent times for Dekar, who was only just recovering from the death of his much loved fiance. Her death turned his heart to ice and subsequently resulted in the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the USA as they fought over who cared more about Dekar’s feelings.

From 1957-1970 Dekar was mysteriously missing from the public eye and as such many rumours regarding his whereabouts surfaced. The most popular of these was that he adopted the pseudonym John Lennon and formed ‘The Beatles’. This is mostly false; the truth is Dekar was all four members of The Beatles, as well as their guitars and Ringo’s left drum-stick. Two other theories have been posed to explain Dekar’s absence during these 13 years. Firstly the outlandish theorem put forward by Dr. Adolphus Dremensteinman Esquire that suggests Dekar was posing as the country of Vietnam, hosting (and playing puppet-master) to the hostilities between South and North Vietnam. Secondly and more generally accepted among academic circles is that Dekar spent the years from 1965-1970 travelling back in time (in a machine reportedly fashioned from an envelope and a great white shark). The purpose of these chronological cruises was purely recreational, traveling back in time to hunt dinosaurs with his best friend who was made of scissors. Finally and perhaps most controversially was the theory that Dekar in fact WAS the years 1957 to 1970 after learning that the universe had momentarily stopped expanding. In order to properly correct this anomaly Dekar was forced to become time (by eating over 102,786,000 alarm clocks) itself for over a decade until the universe had returned to normal. Of course, all 4 theories are probably true.

Dekar returned to the world stage as himself at the beginning of 1970 springing into action early. On January 12th he ended the Nigerian Civil War using only a small Cambodian child prostitute (which he later ate). After throwing the first Japanese satellite, the Osumi, into space in February, and also starred in the World Cup scoring four goals for Brazil, Dekar spent the rest of the year working for a successful law firm as both the CEO and the office block that housed operations. By now Dekar decided he was ready for bigger things and so he decided it was now time to assume his adult form.
 
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