The Key to Happiness

[The_Altrox]

Link to original post: [drupal=2937]The Key to Happiness[/drupal]



What brings happiness? Or at least true happiness? Is it different per person? Why are some of us unhappy?

Is it material possesions? Money can't buy love or happiness, can it? Well temporary happiness and infatuation I guess. For me, it's a no. I live in a middle class family with a two story house. Though we were always taught to work for our dollar, I still have many nice things as gifts of bought by myself. But when it comes down to it, TV, video games, books, etc. None of these have kept me happy after I've hung it up for the day. This is one of the reasons I never tell my parents about this. They'd probably rant about how I'm so "blessed."

Speaking of which, shouldn't religion bring happiness? not for me it don't. For the first 14 years of my life, I had been a blind follower of Christ. after those years, I began to question the whole thing. Religion never brought me happiness. Even looking back on my past, I never remember feeling happy because of God. I was only doing it for eternal life. I feel know connection to this God. I'm a deist though, since I do believe a power exists but it isn't used. Not saying religion can't bring happiness, but it never helped me. Of course, I won't mention this either because my whole family is God Fearing.

My family... Do I love them? yes. Like them? Well... To be honest, I do not enjoy hanging with my family. I have two sisters. one is a puritan with a ***** attitude, and the other is too peppy as well as being ignorant to certain truths. My father is very different from me, and we fight more than we get along. I used to be close to my mother, but as I got older, I noticed that she suffers from the same ignorance as my sister (mostly in regards of religion. she can't understand why I question the "goodness" of God. She still forces me to go to church.) She is also impossible to talk to in disagreement. She will never hear out my point. Am I a bad son for not finding happiness in his own family? One who has provided for me all these years.

Friends... the closest I've ever felt to feeling of true happiness. We all have similarities: the youg people of the late 20th/21st century who want to have fun and feel something amazing in our lives. When I'm with them, I feel great, and it doesn't suffer decay as quickly as material possesions do. But not all friends give me this feeling. Sometimes I feel this disconnection from them. There are many times I feel lonely or sad about something, but my closest friends cant tell that I'm upset unless I tell them. and I don't want to pour all of my problems on to them, because if they don't care, I just wasted my time. some people just don't seem like they would care anyway. That was one of the themes in my last blog. The problem wasn't rejection itself but the fact that the person I cared for hurt me deeply (and is still hurting me) and she doesn't seem to give a **** about it. I'd like to think that if I hurt a friend that I would try to fix things, but idk. I really do not invest a lot of trust in people, because people can injure you more than a broken arm or a kick to the balls. I barely trust any of them with my problems. Those who I do, I tell them the bare minimum.

Where is your key to happiness? Mine? I can't say. I understand that bad things happem. They happen to everybody. Nevertheless, why is what I'm looking for so hard to find? Are my standards to high? Is my personality whacked? Who can say...

 

[highfive]

The key to happiness is in your right pocket. Or so I've been told.

My key to happiness.... If I described it it sounds like masochism. I guess I can try.

I enjoy lifting weights. More so the after effects of it. Lifting weights itself is a bleak process to me. It's the after effects. The day I lift weights I feel a near empty spot South of my brain and East of my heart. But the day after, if I've done it right, I feel happy. Feeling sore is my happiness. When I move it ripples (I imagine) like soft, blue waves over me. And I'm happy. Feeling that makes me feel happy because... I guess it's that I've accomplished something. That I've managed to reach my limit once more.

 

[finalark]

That was a very intesting read. I personally don't think that there is no true meaning to happiness, because it varies from person to person. For me, true happiness is to learn, explore, discover and push yourself beyond your own personal horizon. Perfrebly with people who you honestly care about, and care about you in return. That is my meaning of happiness, and it took me a long time to discover this.

Your diffenition of joy begins and ends with you and your choices. Although you may not be happy now, keep searching. If you really want it, and you're willing to put the effort into finding it, you fill find your happiness. That's my take on this.

Also, you're lucky you have your sisters. They're your siblings, don't take having them around as being bothersome. People don't last forever.

 

[CRASHiC]

You aren't being unreasonable on. Everyone goes through their lost time, but if you are a strong and smart person you'll get through it on your feet and not having your head burried in the dirt. Be patient and understand that you don't live to work and that the job you have does not equal your value as a person. Always question if you are lying to yourself. Life is very contradictory and in those contradictions is the truth. You must be patient but you must live your life to the fullest and understand that until you have kids or dedicate your life to another you are free with no obligations except to yourself and live your life to its fullest in that time. You must live with your future at mind and your presence in hand. You must not act rash but never pass up an opportunity to live.

Until you find something to live for, simply live to live. Existing is a truly wonderful thing, especially to exist as a human, the only known entity to be aware of its own existence. Life is born without a purpose, but when you find that thing that completes you, that's when you know what purpose to give your life, though understand its only a purpose you give and not a destiny per say. As of right now, I have decided that I would live my life dedicated to one person. If I could do that, then I could die a happy man. Before I knew this I suffered heavily from death anxiety. Knowing that I would live and die for this person, that makes me infinitely comfortable not only in my own life but in the end of it as well. That is where I find happiness like I had never known before.

 

[The_Altrox]

Also, you're lucky you have your sisters. They're your siblings, don't take having them around as being bothersome. People don't last forever.

You lost siblings?

You aren't being unreasonable on. Everyone goes through their lost time, but if you are a strong and smart person you'll get through it on your feet and not having your head burried in the dirt. Be patient and understand that you don't live to work and that the job you have does not equal your value as a person. Always question if you are lying to yourself. Life is very contradictory and in those contradictions is the truth. You must be patient but you must live your life to the fullest and understand that until you have kids or dedicate your life to another you are free with no obligations except to yourself and live your life to its fullest in that time. You must live with your future at mind and your presence in hand. You must not act rash but never pass up an opportunity to live.

Until you find something to live for, simply live to live. Existing is a truly wonderful thing, especially to exist as a human, the only known entity to be aware of its own existence. Life is born without a purpose, but when you find that thing that completes you, that's when you know what purpose to give your life, though understand its only a purpose you give and not a destiny per say. As of right now, I have decided that I would live my life dedicated to one person. If I could do that, then I could die a happy man. Before I knew this I suffered heavily from death anxiety. Knowing that I would live and die for this person, that makes me infinitely comfortable not only in my own life but in the end of it as well. That is where I find happiness like I had never known before.

wow, incredibly deep.

 

[finalark]

You lost siblings?

To some extent. I'd rather not talk about it, but you're still lucky you have them.

 

[kataklysm336]

There really is no such thing as "true happiness". All happiness is temporary, just like sadness. You can search for eternal, never-ending happiness, but all you will ever find is sadness in the end. The more you search, the more dissapointed you will be when you continually see that you are unable to find the answer. Just stop looking, and let the happiness find you.

 

[Jon Farron]

You basiclly just answered your own question. God is the answer, if you read your Bible more (which obviously you dont because your QUESTIONING christianity) you will read all the miracles and great things that happened. You will also learn to love your family more
Also, try putting more trust in your friends. If you dont feel you can trust them, how can they be your friend??? To me, friend means someone who you can trust and tell all your problems to without being made fun of, or hurt by them.

 

[Chris Lionheart]

The key to happiness varies from person to person, IMO.


I'm a pretty sad person, I'ld say. My brother wants me dead and is a future psycopath of America, I have a single working mom with health problems and depression... pretty dysfunctional family. I've been through two abusive fathers (well one father and a step-dad). I had moved to a trailer park where someone tried to kill me and called me gay every single day for no apparent reason. I later beat the everloving crap out of that guy because I was sick of it (the only fight I've ever been in. Thankfully, I no longer live there. I've been rejected, and often insulted, by almost every girl I've ever met. I have mental and physical issues. I'm just plain ****ed up, really.

I may not have many friends, but I have some great ones. My best friend, Travis, and his sister, Karen, as well as my third friend, John, are three of the best people I've ever met, and well... they mean the world to me. They are the only thing keeping me sane, and I hope I'm as much of a benefit to their lives as they are to mine.

 

[Jam Stunna]

PBS just aired a three-part series on happiness called "This Emotional Life." It was a really excellent documentary on happiness, and I would strongly recommend that everyone find some way to get their hands on it.

The show concludes that the primary source of happiness for us is the quality of our relationships with other people: friends, families and lovers. The better your relationships, the higher quality your life will be and the happier you are.

The show ends with the quote, "Life is a journey through time, and happiness happens when we spend it with others." I think that sums it up pretty well.

 

[†Slader7†]

Happiness

Psychologically speaking, it is about your age when teenagers start questioning their environment. They are yearning for understanding, they want to know what is universal, they want to learn the facts of life, they want to know what is real in life, and themselves. It is in this time period when people start looking for an identity, their role in society and that might be the cause for you questioning your religion. "Why am I doing this? Is this something I can believe in?" It is basic human logic that knowing brings content, but not happiness.

As for your question on what brings me happiness, I get happy when I take a walk. In this fast paced society, one has hardly any time to think about life and that is why walking brings calmness in my mind. Everyday as I walk home from school, I take a longer path through the park. There I see people, people who have gone through great lengths to look for happiness in this great country, sitting on the benches taking care of their children. They always have a smile with their young as they are truly happy being together. Just seeing a smile from someone brings me happiness.

 

[El Nino]

Money can't buy love

Where I used to live, it can. As long as you don't mind picking it up at 3 AM on the corner of 2nd and Main.

The show concludes that the primary source of happiness for us is the quality of our relationships with other people: friends, families and lovers. The better your relationships, the higher quality your life will be and the happier you are.

The show ends with the quote, "Life is a journey through time, and happiness happens when we spend it with others." I think that sums it up pretty well.

So, are loners never happy?

 

[Jim Morrison]

I think you can be VERY happy without the involvement of others.

EDIT: Johnwalt's attempt into getting people to read the bible makes me sad.

 

[INSANE CARZY GUY]

I make me happy. I don't want money or much really. Really I haven't been sad since my last mentally break down. But I can could to be happy, sad, or hyped due my mind I can say hey I don't have to be sad there are a million amazing happening, tomorrow will be better, this problem isn't unfix, and it's not really that huge of a problem.

I still believe you can do more with little than you can do with everything.

Also I questioned God before for a long times and I figured out there must a God think about the no God idea. We don't understand jack about the world and stuff and elevotion is flawed due to the fact everything was a cell and as it when along somehow things changed how did things get wings and just know oh we can fly. And how traits change if they were ALL the same at the beggining, and you couldn't have it so that there are magically a bunch of things alive at the beggining of life there would have to be many different living things because it it was just one what would it eat.

I just think there are way to many flaws even if I believe some of it I can't believe it all.

 

[The_Altrox]

You basiclly just answered your own question. God is the answer, if you read your Bible more (which obviously you dont because your QUESTIONING christianity) you will read all the miracles and great things that happened. You will also learn to love your family more

Okay, this is an opinion of yours. not mine, but let me try to let you see where I'm coming from.
First off, I know a lot about the Bible. I go to a Catholic Highschool and grew up in a Protestant home, so I'm not ignorant to the book. As for reading it, reading a book about miracles doesn't help me. I mean for one, we have no idea if those miracles actually occured. From a philisophical standpoint, Jesus's message would be much more important than healing a guy's arm. I understand these are good laws. Love your neighbor, and all that stuff. But it doesn't make me feel better because it's just words. I don't magically feel sheltered by a God who's presence I've never felt just because I read a testimony about Jesus that was written decades after the event occured. Who knows how accurate it could be.

 

[Mardyke]

I've been thinking about happiness a lot lately, myself. But before we begin, let me make one of my feelings clear - that happiness is not the be-all and end-all to life, nor is it the only thing to aspire to. If it is indeed a life goal, then let it not be the only one we hold dear to us.

My thoughts thus far can be interpreted as me trying to take the best of life, whilst abandoning the worst. Is happiness something you lose? Can joy ever be taken away from you? Just because you feel misery, no matter how much, does not mean that you have 'lost' it. I believe that, at least at one point in our lives, we have comprehended (if not felt) true joy - and holding onto that understanding is what makes it real. It's an ever present feeling. This way, I think, whenever I feel miserable or disillusioned, I am able to hold onto my common sense and what I know is right. As long as you have that understanding - as long as you keep it close to your heart, no matter whatever else you lose or think you lose - then you will be alright.

I've had wonderful, true friends. I've met some narrow-minded people. My parents are loving, yet can fuss and worry to the point where it debilitates my character. I've climbed the tallest mountain in my country, seen the sun set over a valley, inspired laughter, admiration and good thoughts from those around me. If it were to end now, I'd be proud of my life and with few regrets. If I were to do nothing more but get an everyday job for myself, play games and watch movies, then I would be happy.

But it wouldn't be right.
I can do more. I should do more. I have dreams to follow, people to help, things to create. Whatever life that takes for me will involve tears, sweat, sadness and missteps. But that's okay - I have no need to let them weigh me down. They only generate fear, fear which creates indecision and regret. I'll stay brave, take the lessons those experiences teach me, and keep this memory dear. I wouldn't feel bad if ill fortune cut me short from doing those, but I would if I stopped myself from ever trying.

The will to be whole, the ability to shine when everything seems so dark... Perhaps happiness is its own reason for being.

 

[Veril]

Happiness does not require one to embrace any religion. You don't need a perfect family either (nobody has one regardless). By its very nature happiness is inconsistent. If you want to maximize your happiness, its about keeping perspective.

That said, there are a few things that I find really help keep one mentally stable and positive (something I have trouble with at times):
1. Exercise: endorphins make you happier.
2. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule.
3. Have enough money to feel secured. Ie. hold on to your job
4. Spend time outside in the sun whenever possible.

 

[Jam Stunna]

So, are loners never happy?

Never say never, but I think it's extremely difficult to be happy and be truly alone.

 

[kataklysm336]

Also I questioned God before for a long times and I figured out there must a God think about the no God idea. We don't understand jack about the world and stuff and elevotion is flawed due to the fact everything was a cell and as it when along somehow things changed how did things get wings and just know oh we can fly. And how traits change if they were ALL the same at the beggining, and you couldn't have it so that there are magically a bunch of things alive at the beggining of life there would have to be many different living things because it it was just one what would it eat.

I just think there are way to many flaws even if I believe some of it I can't believe it all.

Your gross misunderstanding of this subject baffles me.

Happiness does not require one to embrace any religion. You don't need a perfect family either (nobody has one regardless). By its very nature happiness is inconsistent. If you want to maximize your happiness, its about keeping perspective.

That said, there are a few things that I find really help keep one mentally stable and positive (something I have trouble with at times):
1. Exercise: endorphins make you happier.
2. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule.
3. Have enough money to feel secured. Ie. hold on to your job
4. Spend time outside in the sun whenever possible.

This is by far the best advice I've seen. Veril, you are a very intelligent person.

 

[Dre89]

Happiness does not require one to embrace any religion. You don't need a perfect family either (nobody has one regardless). By its very nature happiness is inconsistent. If you want to maximize your happiness, its about keeping perspective.

That said, there are a few things that I find really help keep one mentally stable and positive (something I have trouble with at times):
1. Exercise: endorphins make you happier.
2. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule.
3. Have enough money to feel secured. Ie. hold on to your job
4. Spend time outside in the sun whenever possible.

It depends on what kind of happiness you're talking about.

Those will achieve the subjective feeling of happiness, but not the objective state of happiness the ancient Greeks used to speak of.

And for those commentating on religion, religion (at least the Catholic religion) is not necessarily about being happy, as in feeling merry and cheery, although there is a great deal of potential for that.

The point of relgion is for spritual fulfiment, which is concerned with the objective state of happiness alluded to previously. Whether or not you agree religions are logical, or if they indeed achieve that state of happiness is irrelevant, the point is that's their goal.

 

[Veril]

It depends on what kind of happiness you're talking about.

Those will achieve the subjective feeling of happiness, but not the objective state of happiness the ancient Greeks used to speak of.

And for those commentating on religion, religion (at least the Catholic religion) is not necessarily about being happy, as in feeling merry and cheery, although there is a great deal of potential for that.

The point of relgion is for spritual fulfiment, which is concerned with the objective state of happiness alluded to previously. Whether or not you agree religions are logical, or if they indeed achieve that state of happiness is irrelevant, the point is that's their goal.

You are wrong.

1. Whether religion achieves that state of happiness IS COMPLETELY RELEVANT if your goal is to be happier.

2. I never said religion was logical or not. I specifically avoided that because of the faith of the OP. Religion can make people happy, but it is not a necessary means to that end. I lost my faith when I was 11, I don't miss it at all. (Reading the bible, as well as portions of the Koran, is actually what killed it btw. Religious texts are extremely disturbing.)

3. Happiness is not the goal of religion. Salvation ≠ happiness in this life.

4. Talking about objective happiness is pointless intellectual masturbation. Funny how what "objective" happiness is... is subjective to culture and philosophical predilection.


All of the things I listed remove impediments to happiness. Exercise is a major part of dealing with depression for many people, and does in fact release endogenous endorphins (a natural healthy high). Lack of full-spectrum light can lead to S.A.D. symptoms and generally lowers a persons mood and energy levels. Accepting the imperfections of the world and especially within your family is just... necessary if you want to avoid massive existential angst.


If the OP finds happiness in his faith, props to him. He sounds like a thinker though... and so I hope he doesn't rely on that rush of faith induced euphoria. That aside, my initial post is simply a few ways to make yourself a happier and more content person.

This is by far the best advice I've seen. Veril, you are a very intelligent person.

Thanks, I actually am training to be a psychiatric nurse, and I've been in a psych hospital myself, so I know a fair bit about depression and how to minimize it (and increase your general level of "happiness")

 

[El Nino]

We don't understand jack about the world and stuff and elevotion is flawed due to the fact everything was a cell and as it when along somehow things changed how did things get wings and just know oh we can fly. And how traits change if they were ALL the same at the beggining, and you couldn't have it so that there are magically a bunch of things alive at the beggining of life there would have to be many different living things because it it was just one what would it eat.

1. Genetic mutation
2. Photosynthesis
3. I'm not saying that God or any other creator doesn't exist; one could well exist, but even so, living things do evolve.

Never say never, but I think it's extremely difficult to be happy and be truly alone.

F*ck.

All of the things I listed remove impediments to happiness. Exercise is a major part of dealing with depression for many people, and does in fact release endogenous endorphins (a natural healthy high). Lack of full-spectrum light can lead to S.A.D. symptoms and generally lowers a persons mood and energy levels. Accepting the imperfections of the world and especially within your family is just... necessary if you want to avoid massive existential angst.

I agree, and I think it's good for people to keep in mind that the things they do to their physical bodies have an impact on their mental state. Physical misery feeds into mental misery. So, physical health can't be ignored if we're talking about happiness.

 

[Dre89]

1. Whether religion achieves that state of happiness IS COMPLETELY RELEVANT if your goal is to be happier.

Your goal in adopting a religious faith should never be to achieve a subjective feeling of happiness. Although religions can give that, that's not their primary goal, their goal is to reveal the truth, and subsequently provide spirtual fulfillment to their followers, or an objective state of happiness.

2. I never said religion was logical or not. I specifically avoided that because of the faith of the OP. Religion can make people happy, but it is not a necessary means to that end. I lost my faith when I was 11, I don't miss it at all. (Reading the bible, as well as portions of the Koran, is actually what killed it btw. Religious texts are extremely disturbing.)

My comments n religion weren't pertaining specifically to your posts.

3. Happiness is not the goal of religion. Salvation ≠ happiness in this life.

That's pretty much what I said. I don't know why you're repeating it to me as if I disagree with it.

4. Talking about objective happiness is pointless intellectual masturbation. Funny how what "objective" happiness is... is subjective to culture and philosophical predilection.

Cultures, as in the media and society etc. don't know anything about objective happiness, and are not credible sources for morality or anything pertaining to wisdom in general. The only people who think that they are the ones who blindly follow their culture without looking outside the box.

To say we shouldn't be talking about eudaemonia is to say we shouldn't be talking about objective morality, or anything pertaining to how we should live our lives. The theory that morality or happiness (as in eudaemonia) is subjective is one of the most bashed theories in the intellectual arena. I would love to get another essay question about cultural relativism, because I honestly believe it is the easiest theory I've ever heard to refute, it's so flawed it's not funny (no offence to any cultural relativists).

All of the things I listed remove impediments to happiness. Exercise is a major part of dealing with depression for many people, and does in fact release endogenous endorphins (a natural healthy high). Lack of full-spectrum light can lead to S.A.D. symptoms and generally lowers a persons mood and energy levels. Accepting the imperfections of the world and especially within your family is just... necessary if you want to avoid massive existential angst.

I never said your advice was incorrect, or that the pursuit of subjective feelings of happines (to a certain extent) is incorrect. I was just saying your advice will only achieve the subjective feeling, not the objective state, considering none of the advice was concerned with morality or excellence of character.

 

[Dre89]

I Also I questioned God before for a long times and I figured out there must a God think about the no God idea. We don't understand jack about the world and stuff and elevotion is flawed due to the fact everything was a cell and as it when along somehow things changed how did things get wings and just know oh we can fly. And how traits change if they were ALL the same at the beggining, and you couldn't have it so that there are magically a bunch of things alive at the beggining of life there would have to be many different living things because it it was just one what would it eat.

I just think there are way to many flaws even if I believe some of it I can't believe it all.

I believe a higher being does exist, and that Big Bang (not necessarily the evolution of entities, although I do have my doubts) is flawed, however, no offence but you don't really sound like you know what you're talking about. It takes a much more intellectual argument than that to refute evolution. You are of course entitled to your opinion, but you shouldn't go around stating it as if if were clear fact when your knowledge of the issue appears very limited.

Yes our knowledge of the world is severely limited, but it does seem that scientists know, or have more alleged evidence/data of things than you're aware. I suggest you study the issue more before flouting your opinions so boldly.

No hard feelings, it can just get frustrating when people who aren't learned in various issues act as if they know what they're talking about, when they haven't been exposed to the intellectual content that has been formulated on the issue.

Sorry for the double post.

 

[Pelikinesis]

|Post directly addresses the OP because I haven't gotten around to reading anything else|

Depends on what you mean by happiness. I know that's a bullcrap answer, so let me elaborate:

Suppose there's a pint-sized jug (yes, it comes in pints) labelled "True Happiness." It's filled with True Happiness. And once you drink it, or inject it into your veins, or paint it over your house's threshold while anxiously looking at your first-born child, you are happy. Forever. Hungry? Smile. Irritable Bowel Syndrome? Smile. Godzilla attack? Smile.

You're happy no matter what; not even time affects your happiness. It just never goes away. Is that true happiness?

Happiness fades so that you can find new sources of happiness. In a sense, yes, all happiness is fleeting. In another sense, it perpetuates itself by compelling you to seek it out in a different manner, since most of us can't enjoy watching paint dry all our lives.

You mentioned lots of none-too-drastic, but still very valid situations wherein you expect happiness but don't find it. Fair enough. You don't want to be spoon-fed anything all your life, not even as far as happiness is concerned, right?

The key to happiness changes from day to day, moment to moment. Half the fun is trying to see what will make you happy next. The absence of happiness is a part of happiness. But to add "True" to that:

You might say that kind of philosophy is dangerous because some seriously messed up people become happy when they do some seriously messed up things. I would ask, does that thing really make one happy? I'm not going to mention anything specific, but let's just say that if you smile whenever you punch a puppy, it's not a real smile. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

So basically, explore. Most things aren't bad as long as they're done in moderation. Even if you find a steady thing, there's always room for more happiness. And if you get tired of one thing, you get to look for something else to make you happy, which is half of the fun.

As far as people go, that's tricky. Just try to keep it real. Be fair to others and yourself.

Happy Hunting (wait, did i seriously just do that?)!