Single male of indeterminate age seeking a single woman for casual dating and inappropriate behavior.
I am comfortable with my body and expect your family to feel the same. After 5pm, I could be naked at any moment, often without warning. Your son's wife should expect, on at least one occasion, to walk into an unlocked bathroom and see me completely nude. It's no big deal to me - I don't have any hang-ups about your relatives feasting their eyes on my man-junk - but it may likely traumatize her. Also, I should mention that when I make number 2, I don't close the door. Is that going to be a problem? Our relationship will eventually become rocky, and I'll decide to send a letter to both of your sons, assuring them that I have honorable intentions and promising to be "the best lover your mother ever had." It will never occur to me that "lover" may not have been the best word, as neither of them are all that interested in the quality and consistency of your orgasms. In fact, they'd rather not know that we're having sex at all, much less that I know exactly where the clitoris is and how to use it. And it won't help matters that I've claimed to be the "best" lover you've ever had, which implies that I'm better at pleasing you than their father, may he rest in peace, and what I'm really saying is, "Your daddy didn't know how to **** like I do." And the more they think about it, the more it'll eat away at them, and they'll have vivid nightmares of me hovering over your bed, buck-*** naked (which, due to my tendency to be nude whenever possible, will not require much imagination), muttering sleazy come-ons like, "Mama Brazell, why don'cha back that *** up?" It'll haunt them long after we've stopped dating, and they'll never be able to tell you why their faces go beet red whenever my name is even mentioned in passing. If I really wanted this relationship to work, I'd probably think twice about being so thoughtlessly explicit with your sons, who are still mourning their father and still carry around the socks he was wearing when he died, and the last thing they need are details about your sex life,because even thinking about you with another man makes them want to cry. But I'm going to tell them anyway, because that's the kind of dude I am.