The Dating Advice Thread

[AAkacia]

I'm actually starting to wonder why people would want to hook up for long terms

Don't you get bored of being stagnant?

I think the only reason they do is because their scared they are going to end up alone for their life.

I couldn't tell you without writing much more than I want to. The "honeymoon effect" almost always disappears, and the only reason I say almost always is because I know one couple who's been together 12 years and swears it's not gone. Almost every culture, in fact, every culture in the world has a "marriage" type doctrine be-it polygamous or monogamous where the ones involved in the relationship plan to be together forever, except for one. I cant remember exactly where they're located but the way they do things is incredibly odd and "promiscuous" to mainstream standards. The male or female visit each other at night for sexual relations but by day aren't ever seen as more than friends. It's not viewed as cruel or uncommon to have more than one partner. I dunno much else about it.

That's why a lot of relationships fail or end up in one or both of the people cheating. You have to keep the spark alive somehow, even if it's true love, if you plan on it lasting for the long haul. That's also why you shouldn't settle unless you're both willing to accept that it won't be endgame for you guys.


Wow, congrats Lokii! That's pretty awesome and I'm jealous. How did you guys actually start dating?


They're just not looking for anything super serious right now, is all. Especially around that age (I'm guessing they're a little younger than 22?), a lot of girls (and guys too) don't really want to commit to anything too serious and just want something a little more casual or fun. Obviously there are exceptions.
Even if you're not explicitly looking for a serious long-term relationship, the fact that they see you as that mature makes them think that's the case.

Orrrrr, and this is more likely, them saying "mature" is just a nice way of calling you boring. I'm not saying you are, just saying that might be what they're trying to say.

That sounds like a big pile of bull****. If I had to take a guess, I'll say these women were actually trying to say: "YOU'RE A BORING GUY!"

This could very well be it. I used to skate, and snowboard, play sports, typical guy **** but I got in a car accident a year and a half ago that permanently(according to specialists) fractured my skull from my eyebrow to behind my ear (you can't tell by looking at me, oddly enough) that hinders my ability to really do any of those aforementioned things and I haven't really found out what to do to replace them. My last relationship was long distance from where I lived to where I currently live, so I'm pretty sure that's a big reason why that went sour. The other could've very well been because I'm boring

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

Thanks ; w ; <333

Funny story actually, Envy.

We both starting getting feelings for each other our sophomore/junior years of high school after telling people 'NAH MAN WE ARE JUST BEST FRIENDS' despite the fact it was painfully obvious that there were some feelings
I confided in a mutual friend
said mutual friend deemed it his duty to get us together.

so he picked me up from my house one afternoon after school while i was grounded and then dragged me over to now-boyfriend's house. without shoes. boyfriend was also grounded. and left me there. and after having a fun and typical night of hanging out, i fess'd up and the rest is history

 

[Trick or Treat]

So, lost my friend. The one who liked me. 'Cause I'm a horrible person.

On another note, the guy I've had strong feelings for, for a while, could be slightly in reach. We've been getting a lit closer, and at one point we texted and talked for 32 hours straight, about some pretty intense stuff. And we still text and talk for like 10 hours a day. I found out, though, that his girlfriend hasn't been great to him lately and he deserves the best. He said he might end up breaking up with her soon.

Where the issue now lies is that I can't really make a move, because I don't want him to think that all our friendship was a lie and just because I wanted to get with him. I don't want to take advantage of their breakup and use that as a chance to strike.

It just sucks. The only thing in the way of me making a move was the girlfriend. Now that she'll be gone, I still can't do anything for a while.

My Awesomeness level went down with this post, huh? But i just could use some dating advice here.

Thanks ; w ; <333

Funny story actually, Envy.

We both starting getting feelings for each other our sophomore/junior years of high school after telling people 'NAH MAN WE ARE JUST BEST FRIENDS' despite the fact it was painfully obvious that there were some feelings
I confided in a mutual friend
said mutual friend deemed it his duty to get us together.

so he picked me up from my house one afternoon after school while i was grounded and then dragged me over to now-boyfriend's house. without shoes. boyfriend was also grounded. and left me there. and after having a fun and typical night of hanging out, i fess'd up and the rest is history

This is pretty much amazing. You are my hero.

 

[AAkacia]

So, lost my friend. The one who liked me. 'Cause I'm a horrible person.

On another note, the guy I've had strong feelings for, for a while, could be slightly in reach. We've been getting a lit closer, and at one point we texted and talked for 32 hours straight, about some pretty intense stuff. And we still text and talk for like 10 hours a day. I found out, though, that his girlfriend hasn't been great to him lately and he deserves the best. He said he might end up breaking up with her soon.

Where the issue now lies is that I can't really make a move, because I don't want him to think that all our friendship was a lie and just because I wanted to get with him. I don't want to take advantage of their breakup and use that as a chance to strike.

It just sucks. The only thing in the way of me making a move was the girlfriend. Now that she'll be gone, I still can't do anything for a while.

My Awesomeness level went down with this post, huh? But i just could use some dating advice here.


This is pretty much amazing. You are my hero.

Most guys would not even consider the fact that your friendship was a facade to get closer. That being said, if he's attracted to you and actually does consider that maybe your whole (or part of) friendship was time you spent waiting on him to be single, he will appreciate it and probably be even more attracted to you for it. In fact, if you make a move and you find out that he has feelings for you as well, I'd even tell him at some point.

TL;DR - take advantage of the breakup

Thanks ; w ; <333

Funny story actually, Envy.

We both starting getting feelings for each other our sophomore/junior years of high school after telling people 'NAH MAN WE ARE JUST BEST FRIENDS' despite the fact it was painfully obvious that there were some feelings
I confided in a mutual friend
said mutual friend deemed it his duty to get us together.

so he picked me up from my house one afternoon after school while i was grounded and then dragged me over to now-boyfriend's house. without shoes. boyfriend was also grounded. and left me there. and after having a fun and typical night of hanging out, i fess'd up and the rest is history

Your mutual friend is pretty awesome for that.

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

Best part is the three of us are still like super close friends and now 'cupid' friend has a super cute gf

And yeah he is

He's a handful though.
Like
Kid is NUTS. unmedicated ADHD to boot.

This is us back in high school about 3 years ago
Boyfriend and myself are in the front...out buddy is sneaking behind in the back of the photo. He had so many pairs of sunglasses (he owns like 20+....) that the guys in our group all sported sunglasses for a few of the photos

 

[JFB (JurgaBurgaFlintines)]

Best part is the three of us are still like super close friends and now 'cupid' friend has a super cute gf

And yeah he is

He's a handful though.
Like
Kid is NUTS. unmedicated ADHD

This is us back in high school about 3 years ago
Boyfriend and myself are in the front...out buddy is sneaking behind in the back of the photo. He had so many pairs of sunglasses (he owns like 20+....) that the guys in our group all sported sunglasses for a few of the photos

Aww... that picture's soo cute!

 

[Trick or Treat]

Most guys would not even consider the fact that your friendship was a facade to get closer. That being said, if he's attracted to you and actually does consider that maybe your whole (or part of) friendship was time you spent waiting on him to be single, he will appreciate it and probably be even more attracted to you for it. In fact, if you make a move and you find out that he has feelings for you as well, I'd even tell him at some point.

TL;DR - take advantage of the breakup



Your mutual friend is pretty awesome for that.

I want to believe you, but I'm still a little wary about it. I already lost one friend, I don't want to lose another.

Best part is the three of us are still like super close friends and now 'cupid' friend has a super cute gf

And yeah he is

He's a handful though.
Like
Kid is NUTS. unmedicated ADHD

This is us back in high school about 3 years ago
Boyfriend and myself are in the front...out buddy is sneaking behind in the back of the photo. He had so many pairs of sunglasses (he owns like 20+....) that the guys in our group all sported sunglasses for a few of the photos

I want this.

I need this.

you guys are incredible. <3

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

thanks folks ; x ; <3

you got this, Envy. you got thisssss! stay diligent

Just dont force feelings if they arent mutual
and dont always get your hopes up. its always the luck of the draw.
whatever happens, happens.

 

[Trick or Treat]

thanks folks ; x ; <3

you got this, Envy. you got thisssss! stay diligent

Just dont force feelings if they arent mutual
and dont always get your hopes up. its always the luck of the draw.
whatever happens, happens.

If it comes down to luck then I'm screwed lol.

But thank you. Hopefully it'll turn out for the best. I might just turn toward women if it doesn't work.

 

[Niko Mar]

Where da white women at!?

 

[AAkacia]

I want to believe you, but I'm still a little wary about it. I already lost one friend, I don't want to lose another.


I want this.

I need this.

you guys are incredible. <3

Since it is the dating advice thread,

I can %100 guarantee if he has a guy brain then no bad can come from it. The worst that could happen is your friendship gets awkward, and that only happens if you make it awkward. In high school and for a short time afterwards, I was incredibly shy. 4 years down the line, I've found out that the girl I had a crush on for damn near 2 years also had a crush on me, the girl that I most recently dated had a crush on me, and my relationship my senior year would have happened a lot sooner. I might be boring now, but turns out I'm way more attractive than I gave myself credit for. If you never take the shot, you can't hit the shot, but the buzzer goes off eventually no matter what.

 

[Thundermistress]

Relationships that start like this usually turn out best.(statistically) Early congrats!

Having said that, I met my boyfriend online, through a dating site, and we've been together for over 4 years now.

So although it's common for it to happen that way, doesn't mean it can't work otherwise too : )

So, lost my friend. The one who liked me. 'Cause I'm a horrible person.

On another note, the guy I've had strong feelings for, for a while, could be slightly in reach. We've been getting a lit closer, and at one point we texted and talked for 32 hours straight, about some pretty intense stuff. And we still text and talk for like 10 hours a day. I found out, though, that his girlfriend hasn't been great to him lately and he deserves the best. He said he might end up breaking up with her soon.

Where the issue now lies is that I can't really make a move, because I don't want him to think that all our friendship was a lie and just because I wanted to get with him. I don't want to take advantage of their breakup and use that as a chance to strike.

It just sucks. The only thing in the way of me making a move was the girlfriend. Now that she'll be gone, I still can't do anything for a while.

There's no point getting worried about how soon you can make a move and just let things pan out. You've still got to wait to see if he actually breaks up with his girlfriend anyway. As long as you actually see him as a friend yourself as well, and not just as a guy you have feelings with that you're trying to get closer to, then as AAKacia says, it'll be awkward at worst, but you'll live.

 

[AAkacia]

Having said that, I met my boyfriend online, through a dating site, and we've been together for over 4 years now.

So although it's common for it to happen that way, doesn't mean it can't work otherwise too : )



There's no point getting worried about how soon you can make a move and just let things pan out. You've still got to wait to see if he actually breaks up with his girlfriend anyway. As long as you actually see him as a friend yourself as well, and not just as a guy you have feelings with that you're trying to get closer to, then as AAKacia says, it'll be awkward at worst, but you'll live.

No shame in that. I dated a girl for 9 months that I met through a dating site when I moved up to this po-dunk ass town for a promising career opportunity.

 

[Lore]

My last girlfriend and I met on a dating site, and she ended up being awful! But that's one case out of many, don't let it discourage you.

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

I was wondering about Dating sites

I'm not even sure where to meet girls IRL

 

[Thundermistress]

Dating sites just make for another outlet to potentially meet people, and the more outlets you have, the better chance you have of potentially meeting someone eventually.

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

Dating sites just make for another outlet to potentially meet people, and the more outlets you have, the better chance you have of potentially meeting someone eventually.

Gambler's fallacy.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Thundermistress is proposing that if you increase the outlets it increases the odds of one of them producing a desirable result. Pull the lever of a greater amount of gambling machines gives you greater odds of success. Simple logic. Has nothing to do with thinking that there will likely be good results purely on the grounds of there having been bad results prior, in other words, thinking that the ninth pull of a one-armed bandit will more likely yield positive results because the previous eight didn't work.

 

[Teran]

Dipping your toes in multiple ponds also has the advantage of allowing you to be polyamorous with a lot more ease. Most people's downfall in being a serial dater/womaniser/man eater/whatever is that they stay within familiar circles and word always ends up travelling through slips of the tongue etc.

In the immortal words of Shaggy,"You wanna be a true playa ya haffi know how fi play..."

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

Thundermistress is proposing that if you increase the outlets it increases the odds of one of them producing a desirable result. Pull the lever of a greater amount of gambling machines gives you greater odds of success. Simple logic. Has nothing to do with thinking that there will likely be good results purely on the grounds of there having been bad results prior, in other words, thinking that the ninth pull of a one-armed bandit will more likely yield positive results because the previous eight didn't work.

People. Relationships. Probabilities.

 

[Robertman2]

I still have no idea how I got my girlfriend. Maybe because of how close we were when we were younger?

 

[Trick or Treat]

Dipping your toes in multiple ponds also has the advantage of allowing you to be polyamorous with a lot more ease. Most people's downfall in being a serial dater/womaniser/man eater/whatever is that they stay within familiar circles and word always ends up travelling through slips of the tongue etc.

In the immortal words of Shaggy,"You wanna be a true playa ya haffi know how fi play..."

This pretty much sums it up, right here.

People. Relationships. Probabilities.

yo I like your avatar

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

yo I like your avatar

Thanks. I picked it because I thought it was ugly.

 

[Trick or Treat]

Thanks. I picked it because I thought it was ugly.

That's a silly reason. I mean it's a good pick and all, don't get me wrong, but that's just kinda weird.

You're weird.

Your avatar is weird.

Weird.

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

That's a silly reason. I mean it's a good pick and all, don't get me wrong, but that's just kinda weird. You're weird. Your avatar is weird. Weird.

You're welcome.

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

Anyone know any good dating sites

I feel like I'm done with this point in my life

I want to move on. I feel like I should have done this whole dating thing when I was younger

Edit: I MAY just be suffering from anxiety attacks

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

Anyone know any good dating sites I feel like I'm done with this point in my life I want to move on. I feel like I should have done this whole dating thing when I was younger Edit: I MAY just be suffering from anxiety attacks

Are you into men or men?

 

[Trick or Treat]

You're welcome.

I was going to post about how your new one is even uglier, but I decided not to.

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

I was going to post about how your new one is even uglier, but I decided not to.

Don't hurt my feelings. I already abuse them enough on an everyday basis.

 

[Trick or Treat]

Are you into men or men?

They call me...Menvy.

Don't hurt my feelings. I already abuse them enough on an everyday basis.

Is it still abuse even if they like it?

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

Is it still abuse even if they like it?

My feelings aren't that feminine.

 

[Trick or Treat]

My feelings aren't that feminine.

Whoa there, don't need to bring race into this.

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

Whoa there, don't need to bring race into this.

I'm sorry.

 

[The Real Gamer]

@ PsychoIncarnate

I feel like this quote is very relevant to dating and could help you out in particular:

"Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all."

I see a lot of people complaining about their unsuccessful dating lives, but don't anything about it out of fear (in this case fear of being alone).

I think the #1 thing that separates men who get multiple women and those that don't get any at all is confidence. Men who pull women aren't afraid of being rejected, because they constantly put themselves out there. They take ACTION. Those with poor self esteem remain stagnant and are afraid of rejection. INACTION. Dating is a skill, which means those that date more are naturally going to be better at pulling women than those who don't date all.

Or look at it this way:
Person "A" is a bad dater with high confidence, and asks out 25 women within the span of a year. This person is so bad at dating, that he gets rejected 24 times until the 25th is finally a success.
Person "B" is also a bad dater, but doesn't ask out a single woman the entire year out of fear of being rejected.

Who's the real winner here... The one who got rejected a whopping total of 24 times or the one who didn't do anything at all? Who's the one who actually scored a date? Which one is more likely to get more dates in the future?

Person A, the one who TOOK ACTION.

This was longer than I intended but I think the message is clear; fear of failure is the biggest obstacle to overcome, especially when it comes to dating.

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

It's not that I haven't asked out anyone

It's that I don't meet enough girls that my statistics don't get the to the odd where I am not rejected.

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

the irony of the vriska avatar in the dating advice thread

 

[Lore]

Looool. Thanks for pointing that out, Lokii. Now we need an Eridan for maximum hilarity.

 

[#HBC | Acrostic]

8luh 8luh. H8ters. 8t least I know how to keep my m8 grounded.

Spoiler

 

[Lore]

Oh my gog I glubbin love you. <3

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

NO STAHP WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING