Hey everyone. So I got something I wanna get off my chest. At first I was going to just play along with the public perception that something happened to me and just ignore what happened, however, it's not right to live a lie to people who would call me friend and who are worried about me. So I'm going to explain what happened, and I fully expect some of you to think less of me for this. Anyway, here goes.
A few months ago as you're well aware, I was made admin. With it came a lot of responsibility, and with that, stress. Often times, it felt like so few people cared about the site, and fewer still doing work for it, so I attempted to tackle a lot of that, far beyond the scope of my responsibilities. Stress of course can make a guy do stupid things, which brings me to the incidents that led to this. There were a few members that I started friendships with, off site. I being an idiot, took advantage of their kindness' and through the course of knowing them, asked them to do somethings I shouldn't have. Long story short, I harassed them to make myself feel better. Eventually, they filed a joint complaint against my actions from a while back, and as such, our head admins decided they no longer wanted me to represent them, and honestly, I can't blame them. Part of me is even a little happy about it tbh, as I was starting to become constantly depressed trying to juggle so much, and a bit suicidal as well. I'll be sending them a message directly if I can, but suffice to say, I'm sorry to people who called me friend, for taking advantage of that like I did, off site or not, my actions made their days darker, and there's no real way I can repent and change that, all I can do is apologize. Furthermore, I want to apologize to all you, be you user or an ex colleague for letting you down like this.
Let me be clear, I still love the community, and I still want to make it a better place. It's obvious to me however that I'm not in a position mentally to do that. For to many years have I let things bring me to this breaking point, so I plan to leave for many months to sort my self out, and hopefully, one day try and make things up to everyone who showed me kindness, whether I hurt you or not. Keep in mind everyone who knew seemed happy to keep it private, so it's of my own volition that I admit to this. I make no excuses, no matter what the cause was, the effect was negative, and I have to live with that.
With that being said, I won't be replying to this, or anyone else at this point, as I plan to still disappear and work myself psychologically up, become more stable, more confident, where I can be proud of who I am and never have to resort or even think about such actions again. So Happy Holidays everyone, it was fun sharing speculation with you, and one day I promise I'll be back, better than ever. Until then, if you wanna hate this fool of a man who did such things, I'm ok with that, as I probably deserve worse than simply losing the title I loved and worked hard on, but I hope until that point, everyone has nothing but happiness and joy and to succeed in all that your aspire to do. This won't be good bye, so let's just call it catch you later.