STL Crew Adventures in Bizzaro World, by Thinkaman
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A familiar announcer declared a winner: Deku's Pikachu was the best in the nation, but couldn't keep up with Zig-Zag's high tier characters. "What a tier *****;" Deku complained loudly to everyone in Geno's attic, "you'd never beat anyone if you had to use real characters!"
"Bah, everyone is a real character except Jigglypuff!" Thinkaman was known for rabid anti-Jigglypuff rants. Everyone just laughed it off. It was a close-knit group, who had played Super Smash Bros. Brawl in Geno's attic it seemed almost since the game came out in 2001. Now, after almost 7 years, a new Super Smash Bros. game, "Melee" had finally been released. Everyone was highly excited about this new game, and wanted to play it non-stop.
Well, almost everybody.
"MOTHER EFFING AIR DODGE!" Random had managed to suicide by air dodging off the stage. "You know, this wouldn't be as big of a problem if people in this game could ACTUALLY GRAB THE EDGE! 'Oh, the edge is right behind me? Instead of reaching around and maybe GRABBING IT, I think I'll just fall to my death!' Nevermind the airdodge itself BREAKING PHYSICS!"
Random had hated Melee from the first impressions of it. As much as others argued with him that Melee would be a much better game than Brawl, especially Thinkaman, Random insisted that Brawl would always be more competitive.
"C'mon Random, the new directional air-dodge adds a level of complexity!"
"No, it REMOVES complexity, it's a crutch for people without skill. Trying to attack? How about I DEFY PHYSICS and teleport five feet out of the way! Except you can't actually use it to dodge intelligently, since the game doesn't let you do ANYTHING after dodging, not even another air dodge! It's crap like this, Melee is all about taking away options and strategy to make the game have less depth. I mean, they took out almost every advance technique!"
"Pssh, you know we'll find new advances techs in Melee. Like, people are already talking about using the directional airdodge into the ground to slide, they called it 'wavedashing'--"
"Okay first off, that's a ******** name. Second, you can slide like two feet, BIG DEAL! If this is the best Melee has to offer--"
Thinkaman was getting almost as irritated as Random was. "They are even bringing back Z-canceling like in the 64 version; that's going to make the game so much more fast-paced and exciting!"
"Great, just what the game needs, nonpunishable aerials. As if Melee wasn't already faster than a hyperactive cheetah on crack anyway, rendering all thought-out plans and strategies completely useless, not to mention good spacing... Entire point of the game shot down and made into a button-masher... It's worse than Crysis..."
By this time Andy showed up and Geno suggested they order a pizza. "Where's Toga?!?" Andy's roommate Toga almost never showed up to smashfests, but the group always pestered Andy to bring Toga anyway.
"Well at least you have to admit that the character balance in Melee is going to be a ton better than the crap in Brawl."
"You're kidding? Have you seen Shiek and Mewtwo? You call that balance?" The new Shiek in Melee was widely-agreed as horrible: her foward air caused damage to herself instead of the opponent, and her down-throw for some reason broke her shield; the only good move she had at all was her forward-B whip. Mewtwo, on the other hand, could control other characters with his mind and make them jump off the screen. Plus, his smashes were faster than some character's tilts and killed at 60%.
"It just needs more time for people to develop counters and stuff..." said Thinkman stubbornly.
"Crews!!! Falcon vs. Luigi crews!!!" Lixi was always wanting to do something ridiculous. Geno told Lixi to shut up and stop playing ******** characters, telling everyone to stick to "the top four."
Meanwhile, Random persisted: "The fact is, Melee was not made to be a tactical and strategic competitive fighting game like Brawl; it was designed to appease the lowest common denominator of hyper little kids who just want to bash as many buttons as fast as they can.."
"It's not my fault if Melee is too fast for you to handle, it's still going to be played at least as competitively as Brawl no matter what you think!"
Someone interjected "Would you girls shut up and give it a rest?" Sam, the only male member of STL crew, often had to step in to put a stop to these arguments. "How about you both admit one thing you like about the other game and stop talking about it?"
Thinkaman thought this was an acceptable idea. "Fine. I like in Brawl how you could customize your controls, a lot of characters and playstyles are hurt by taking that out in the new game."
Random concurred. "Right, that was one of the best things in Brawl. But okay, the one thing I like about Melee is that they made Peach better... I've always wanted to play as her. Anyway, let's play some Halo."
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omg guys sry i did'nt update in so long but my life was crazy and stuff so plz read and tel me waht you think! u r all so awesome and i am so glad u read my stuff1!!111