I'M BACK, YO!!
It's the holidays now, and seeing as I'm no longer a junior, I get a whopping 8 WEEKS off school!! That should give me plenty of time to catch up with my lag. Here's an update, and sorry for being so slack. (Pikmin 2 has something to do with it...oops.)
Oh, and I've played Soul Calibur 2 by the way (who was it who had that game again?) and I don't like Link on that game. He has a ******** voice. (HOO-YAAH!!) eh, Raphael is the French bomb.
CHAPTER 8: PART 15
Ness and his friends blasted their way up tho the top floor of the GF building. Most of the time, the blasting was done to locked doors, as the security staff were all on a picnic at the time.
Fox: right. This is it…the boss’s room.
Ness: Got it? We go in there, we check out the new boss of the Galactic Federation and then if all’s well, we go. I don’t want to see any weapons showing.
Everyone: Rodger!
Ness: I’ll perform a mental scan while Fox keeps the boss talking. If I sence an evil presence, I’ll do this.
Ness jumped ito the air and landed with his arms twisted together and one eye closed. He looked constipated.
G&W: why don’t you just shout? It’ll be less obvious.
Ness dashed forward and kicked the door down. Everybody ran inside and posed (without their weapons.) The woman at the desk looked at them with a raised eyebrow.
Sonia: well, well, well. Who on earth are you lot?
Ness: never mind us, ma’am. We’re just filling in a high-school survey.
Fox: tell me, do you like jellybeans?
Ness closed his eyes and shot a straight line from his mind into Sonia’s. Something barred his path. Ness took a deep breath and tried again.
Ness: Paula. I can’t get any reading.
Paula: let me try.
Paula closed her eyes for a few seconds and then shrugged.
Paula: weird.
Fox: what are your favorite colour of jellybeans?
Sonia: (trying not to frown) I like red.
Ness took a look at Sonia with his physical eyes. Samus was right, she was creepy. She had darkish-grey hair, pale, pale skin and weird yellow eyes…
Ness: (long gasp) You’re a MORPH!!
Sonia: it took you long enough!
Everybody jumped back into fighting stances. Sonia teleported up onto her desk and pulled out a magical tome.
Fox: gaah! So this is why the morphs have been attacking us! You’ve been posing as the leader of the Galactic Federation!
Sonia: yeah. NOW DIE!! I CALL FORTH WINTER’S SPITE, FIMBULVETR!
Casting the deadly ice-and-wind attack, Sonia filled the room with a snowstorm. Ness tried to erect his PSI magnet, but it didn’t come out fast enough. He was swirled about and driven out of the office window.
Ness: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
Fox: NESS!!
Fox jumped out the window and flattened his arms against his sides in an attempt to fall faster than Ness. Ness tried to float, but his body was numb from the cold spell. Fox continued to dive until he was right next to Ness.
Fox: grab hold of my arm!
Ness did as he was told. Fox then used his reflector to slow his fall.
Ness: (landing on the pavement) Ow! She took us by surprise! My PSI is somewhat weakish in this dimension, and difficult to use.
Fox: heck. We need to get back up there. Jeff, Paula, Poo, Adeline and Mr. G may need our help!
Sonia: ah-hahahahahaaaa! Do you bunch of scruffy riff-raff really think you can take me on?
Sonia cast another Fimbulvetr, pinning everyone to the wall of her office. She whipped out her Bolting tome and took aim at Ness and Fox, who had already started running for the entrance of the building.
Sonia: I SUMMON THE FURY OF THE SKIES, BOLTING!
Ness noticed the air around him crackling with electricity. He tried to put up his magnet again, but the lightning was too fast, blasting him and knocking him to his feet.
Ness: AAAGH!!
Fox: ah! Ness, hold onto my back!
Fox hoisted Ness onto his shoulders and ran as fast as he could. Sonia was about to cast another spell when Mr. Game and Watch attacked her from behind.
G&W: BEEP! TAKE THIS, YOU WITCH!
ThWaCK!! Mr. Game and Watch’s cement bag connected with Sonia’s head. She went flying up against a wall, but broke the impact by jumping off it, monk style.
Mr. Game and Watch looked up as Sonia whipped out her twin uzis and began to rain aerial fire down on the heroes. Everyone ducked, but there was no hiding from the bullets. Paula, Poo and Adeline fell to the ground, wounded by the attack.
Sonia landed and reloaded. She aimed the guns at Mr. Game and Watch and fired, but he used his key to block the stream of bullets and launched himself at Sonia, knocking one uzi out of her hand. The gun went flying and was caught by Jeff, who took aim and fired at Sonia.
Sonia: (erecting a barrier) oh, you horrible little fleas! I’ll scratch you!
G&W: just like the dog you are!
Sonia fired at Jeff with her remaining uzi. He fell to the ground, injured by a bullet in his leg. This gave Mr. Game and Watch time to sprint over and attack her with his turtle, shattering her barrier and causing a large slash across her side.
Sonia: AaAh! I’ll smite you one! Just you see! I CALL FORTH…
Before Sonia could finish her spell, a giant tomato of biblical proportions flew through the air and exploded all over her, smothering her in its red juice. Adeline had managed to drag her body against the wall, where she’d roughly drawn the giant projectile while Mr. Game and Watch and Sonia had been fighting.
Adeline: aah…It hurts! Do something Mr. G! Help Poo! If he doesn’t wake up and heal us, we’re all going to die!
Jeff: here, this may help…a bit…ah!
Jeff used his counter-psi unit on Sonia, effectively disabling her magic ability.
Sonia: AAAH!! Well never mind that…These tomes were getting boring anyway…
With an elegant flip, Sonia dodged a low kick from Captain Falcon and landed on her office desk.
C. Falcon: mmm. Flipping chicks…
Sonia grabbed a letter-opener from her table. It looked sharp. And pointy.
G&W: eek! I wouldn’t want to be stabbed with that! Think of the tetanus bill!
C. Falcon: flipping chicks with KNIVES! Baybee!!
Poo had woken on his own and was beginning to heal himself. Once the wound closed and the bullet disappeared, he jumped to his feet and got into the mantis position.
Poo: hoowoooaaaooaahhhooaoahaaawwwaaaaaaooo! (launches himself at Sonia.)
Poo slashed at Sonia, who evaded the attack. He stayed airborne for a few seconds, slashing wildly around before flipping out and jumping off a wall.
Poo: it’s MONK TIME!!
Sonia: bring it!
Sonia and Poo flew at each other without even jumping (you could practically see the fishing line) and began fighting in the air. Poo kicked Sonia away and ran along the wall of the office, all the while making a really stupid noise.
Sound Effects: has he been watching “Hero”?
Sonia: who’s that?
Sound Effects: ask no questions and you get no lies. (Horn honk)
Poo: hoowoooaaaooaahhhooaoahaaawwwaaaaaaooo! (fires a PSI freeze c at Sonia)
Sonia: I CALL FORTH WINTER’S SPITE, FIMBULVETR!!
But Sonia had forgotten that her magic had been blocked previously. Poo’s ice PSI blasted her and she fell over onto her back, where Mr. Game and Watch jumped at her with his key.
Sonia: not so fast! (Blocks Mr. Game and Watch and kicks him in the head.) I’m not beaten that easily!
Poo had now healed Adeline and Paula. Paula fired PSI freeze d at Sonia, who countered with Fimbulvetr. The two spells met in the air and exploded, filling the room with a blanket of snow. Captain Falcon rushed in and hit Sonia with a jumping Raptor Boost. She managed to block it and knocked him over with a punch to his side.
Poo: PSI STARSTORM d!
Paula: NOOOOOO!!!!
But it was too late. The incredibly powerful explosive spell detonated in the tiny office room, creating a fireworks display that could be seen for miles around.
The blast effected everyone in the room except for Poo. Paula, Jeff, Mr. Game and Watch, Adeline and C. Falcon all fell into the snow, barely breathing. Sonia stood rigid in the spot, her dress torn and ragged. She coughed up a ball of smoke and fell into the snow with a sigh. Poo looked very unhappy.
Poo: oh no.
Just then, Ness and Fox entered the room.
Fox: (panting) whoah! Huh…huh…what happened here? Huh…I heard the bang…puff…it was like a bomb went off!
Ness: AAH! Paula, Jeff, Adeline, Mr. G! What happened to them, Poo? Where’s Sonia?
Poo: I forgot that explosive PSI effects a certain area and not a designated target in this dimension. I feel like such a nong. (sits in the snow and meditates with shame.)
Ness: don’t worry, we can heal them. (Jumps down off Fox)
Fox: Ness, watch out, Sonia’s still alive.
Everyone watched Sonia as she rose from the snow. Her face had soot all over it and she looked very angry.
Sonia: it’s not over yet. All I have to do is press a button and the security staff will come in here.
Ness: sorry, we beat them up on the way here.
Fox: yeah, no hands.
Sonia: RRRRRGH!!
Sonia looked like she was going to attack, but before anyone could think, the air in the office began to contract and a strange, dark presence filled the air.
Fox: wha?
Paula: oh! That feeling! It’s like…something evil is in here!
Sonia: yeah, me.
Paula: no, not you, you sausage. Something REALLY evil.
Sonia smiled wryly. She folded her arms and watched as a black shape began to form on her desk.
Ness: AAh, That energy!
Fox: I’m not even psychic and I can feel it!
Sonia: heh heh heh…you lot haven’t met my master, have you?
Ness shielded his eyes with his arm as a flash of black light filled the room and then disappeared. When he looked again, a hulking black shape in ghostly robes was standing before him. Nergal looked down at Ness with his yellow eyes. He frowned and brought his claw-like hand up to stroke his goatee.
Nergal: so this is Ness, the one who defeated Giygas…you’re a lot younger than I expected. But never mind, I’m not one to judge on appearances.
Ness: wh…who are YOU??
Nergal: I’m Nergal, second in command of Giygas’s followers. I positioned Sonia in this world so she could take my place while I attended to another matter.
Ness: so you’re the one who creates all the morphs! I thought I sensed a dark magic in this dimension other than Edward Hemorrhoid’s!
Nergal: yes, that magical tumor is actually quite powerful, I must say, as is the pink Lylatian. (turns to Fox) he’s your brother…no…cousin?
Fox: half-brother.
Nergal: close enough. Anyway, I know you’ve never heard of me, Ness. That son of Eliwood, Roy, is just too air-headed to have remembered me from his father’s words. He couldn’t have told you anything about me…and that is good.
Ness: why’s that?
Nergal: well think. We’re going to fight soon, aren’t we? It’s destiny. You fight us and we fight you and the side with the most power wins, correct?
Ness: not necessarily.
Nergal: ha ha…you ARE smart. Now I know that you’ve defeated just about all of my underlings and two of the Dark Missionaries. And I know that you’re a dimension traveler and have a vast knowledge of other dimensions, their histories, etcetera.
Ness: what’s your point?
Nergal: my point is, you knew about most of us already, our weaknesses, our strengths. And that helped you to defeat us. But you don’t know about me.
Ness: and you don’t know about us!
Nergal: or do I?
Nergal raised his arm and held a black tome out in front of him. He opened the book to a certain page and ran his finger across a line of text.
Nergal: I’m going to obliterate you all now, just like I obliterated that hoard of Pokemon in the other dimension. I’ll take your souls and transfer them to my master, who will then be revived.
Fox: and just who is your master?
Nergal glanced up at Fox and smiled.
Nergal: oh, I shouldn’t tell YOU…
CrACK!! Nergal fell forwards as Mr. Game and Watch’s cement bag connected with his head. He floated across the floor and pulled himself upright with his magic, hardly fazed by the blow.
Nergal: well I’ve never known you so called heroes to play dirty…this will be fun. But before we start, I need to settle a small matter.
Nergal turned away from Mr. Game and Watch and stared at Sonia. She backed up against the wall.
Sonia: …what?!
Nergal: you failed me again, Sonia.
Sonia: !!!!! Oh, cr@p!
Nergal: I’m afraid that you really are a dud. I don’t know what I was thinking when I made you into a morph.
Sonia: and I don’t know what I was thinking when I let you do that!
Nergal: Sonia disperse.
Sonia evaporated right in front of everyone. There was silence as her vapors disappeared.
Nergal: it’s so fun to play with toys. You could say that I share the same mentality as Majora. If I recall, he almost defeated you. Ah, well…I know for a fact that I can’t possibly lose to any of you.
Ness: that’s what you all say!
Nergal. Believe me, I’m different.
Ness: I know that if Roy’s father could have defeated you, then you’re vulnerable to physical attacks. You’re far from immortal.
Nergal: Roy’s father didn’t defeat me, actually. It was Hector who defeated me. Him and that snotty druid, Canas. But that’s enough of that. I’ll give you a demonstration of my power right now.
Nergal flew towards Ness, his bony hands outstretched like talons. Ness gracefully jumped over him and came down with a step kick, (d-air) knocking the fiend to the ground. Everyone packed into Nergal and delivered their most potent physical attacks. Suddenly, Nergal teleported away, appearing on Sonia’s desk again.
Nergal: bah. You’re right about one thing, Ness, I am vulnerable to physical attacks. But can you reach me when I’m doing this?
Nergal reached for his magic tome again. He opened it up and ominously cast his dark spell.
Nergal: THE DEAD IN THEIR GRAVES, COME TO MY AID, ERISHKIGAL!
Ness had never experienced a dark magic attack quite so potent as this. The attack ripped holes in time and space, distorting his being and sucking the life straight out of his body. He fell to the ground in critical condition, as did everyone else the spell effected.
Nergal: see? I’ve won already. All it took was too spells.
Fox: ooooohh…
Adeline: don’t…count your chickens…before they’ve hatched!
Adeline flopped her easel onto the ground and drew several quick shapes with a dry brush. She then flipped the easel up and animated her drawings, causing five flying roosters to spew from the canvas, flapping and squawking and filling the room with mites and feathers.
Nergal: what idiocy is this?
The chickens flew over to Captain Falcon and picked him up with their feet. One of them laid an egg right into his mouth, (even though it was a rooster) restoring some of his energy. They then proceeded to fly towards Nergal at full speed.
C. Falcon: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Captain Falcon kicked out with his legs, socking Nergal in the Jaw. The roosters hovered in the air for a while, allowing Falcon to kick Nergal again and again before they finally disappeared. Nergal went flying into a wall and landed on top of Falco, who had been hiding in the corner the WHOLE time.
Fox: Falco, you WUSS!!
Ness: I wondered where he was the whole battle!
Falco: HEY, I’M A GUN FIGHTER, NOT A FLIPPING MAGE! MAGIC SCARES ME!
Falco shoved Nergal away and cowered in the corner.
Ness: but…how did you avoid Poo, Nergal and Sonia’s magic spells? They filled the whole room!
Falco: what spells? I had my eyes closed the whole time!
Nergal: that’s enough talk! I’m going to finish this once and for all! TWILIGHT SHADOWS, OBEY YOUR MASTER…FLUX!!
The strands of liquid shadow snaked across the ground towards Falco, who screamed loudly and covered his eyes. The malicious black goo enveloped him and seeped into his body…but nothing happened.
Nergal: what?
Falco: AAAAH, AM I DEAD YET??
Nergal: it can’t be!
Ness: FALCO! YOU’RE IMMUNE TO MAGIC ATTACKS!!
Falco: you’re just trying to get me to fight, aren’t you!? Well I’m not falling for that…
Ness: NO! It must be because you’re a CHOZO! Perhaps the Chozo could resist arcane magic because of their psyche!
Falco: yeah, and my aunt was a carrot.
Paula angrily got to her feet and fired a PSI FREEZE a at Falco. The powdery snow whistled around his body, but didn’t hurt him in the slightest.
Paula: see?
Falco: hey! I AM magic proof!
Paula: come on Jeff, let’s do this. SLIMY MONKEY BODY PIN!!
The slime generator and the Monkey’s love both activated at the same time, gumming Nergal to the ground beneath the slime-coated monkey. Falco jumped on top of Nergal and hit him with THE SPIKE. (d-air)
Ness: yeah, come on, let’s do this. Bat Blader!
Ness, Fox and Paula launched into the team attack, spinning Ness towards Nergal, who had just stood up from Falco’s attack.
Nergal: WLAH!! (smack!)
Nergal flew against the desk, breaking it in two. Before he could move, Captain Falcon jumped on him and caught him in a submission hold.
C. Falcon: UUULEH!! (grabs Nergal’s leg and pulls.)
Nergal: rrrrrH!! Get off me, you ants! (Teleports away.)
But the tiny room did not help Nergal, and when he appeared in another place, everyone simply pounced on him and beat him up. But Nergal was far from finished.
Nergal: Gah! I didn’t count on this happening. But I still have another gambit I can play.
Nergal jumped backwards and floated out the window until he was out of everyone’s physical range. As Jeff, Fox and Falco fired at him with their guns, he smiled and let the lasers glance off his body.
Nergal: THE DEAD IN THEIR GRAVES, COME TO MY AID, ERISHKIGAL!
Poo had just finished healing everyone. Unfortunately, the distorting spell entered the room, blasting him and his allies against the wall and placing them in a pitiful condition a second time. Only Falco stood unfazed.
Nergal: I’ll deal with you later, bird. But first I’ll dispose of your friends.
Falco: AAAH! Ness, he’s going to cast that spell again! I can’t reach him, what do I do? If he casts that, you’re all history!
Ness: Paula, erect a Psychic Shield!
Paula: PSI Sheild d!
A pink shield covered everyone in the room. Nergal’s black magic bounced off the protective barrier and flew back at him. He struck it with the back of his hand and it hit the shield one more time, causing it to break, but shorting out the spell.
Paula: ahg…I can’t make any more shields, Ness…sorry, my brain is in agony!
Ness tried to think. Fox and Falco’s reflectors couldn’t reflect Erishkigal, because it wasn’t a projectile as such. He could possibly absorb it with PSI magnet SSBM, but then everyone else would die and he wouldn’t stand a chance against Nergal on his own.
Ness: there has to be SOMETHING we can do!
C. Falcon: WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, ASSUME THE FLYING IDIOT STACE!!
With these words, Captain Falcon sprinted towards the window and made a flying leap. It was the longest jump Ness had ever seen. Captain Falcon flew through the air and thrust out his chest with a loud “OOOOUUAAAAH!!!” noise. There was a nice smacking sound as his knee connected with Nergal’s forehead, and the two of them fell down to the hard pavement below.
C. Falcon: THE FLYING IDIOT STANCE ALWAYS PREVAILS!!
Ness: oouuh!!
Fox: wow!
Jeff: awesome!
Paula: I don’t know whether that was cool or weird!
Rawk Berry: REH!!
Captain Falcon placed his feet on Nergal’s chest just as they hit the pavement, cushioning his fall, but putting Nergal between a Fool and a hard place.
Everyone got up as best they could to look out the window at Falcon and Nergal. Amazingly, Nergal was still up and fighting. Captain Falcon punched him in the face a few times, but Nergal blew him away with a blast of dark magic and stood over him with his deadly Erishkigal tome at the ready.
Nergal: to struggle is useless. I’ll finish you all one by one if I have to. Now die!
Ness: AAAH!! RUN, FALCON! HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!
Nergal: MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! THERE IS NO ESCAPING THE MIGHTY NERGAL! THE DEAD IN THEIR GRAVES, COME T…
Ness looked away. He knew they’d lost. Nergal was still in fighting condition, and Captain Falcon was just about gone. He knew that even together, they couldn’t stand up to the mighty, broken power of Nergal’s Erishkigal tome. But something inside Ness’s head urged him not to give up.
Ness: PK THUNDER!
The weak projectile knocked the tome out of Nergal’s hand. The dark druid bent over to pick it up, barely singed by the attack.
Nergal: pah! I’ve had enough of you lot and your puny attacks and magic. It’s such an embarrassment to Giygas’ Followers that you managed to defeat so many of our members! Never mind, your winning spree is over. THE DEAD IN THEIR G…
An irritating noise in the distance distracted Nergal and broke his concentration.
Nergal: what is that stupid noise?!
Sound effects: don’t look at me; I’m having a day off.
The noise gradually started increasing. Nergal placed the tome on the ground, put his fingers in his ears and began chanting again. He was so absorbed in his spell that he failed to notice a shadow falling over him until it was too late. A flaming helicopter spiraled out of the sky and crashed right on top of Nergal, creating an explosion that could be felt and heard all over Mute City. Everyone stared in awe as the flames from the burning chopper ignited on its leaking fuel, causing a chain reaction of swelling flames that lasted for a good thirty seconds. When it was over, all that remained was a giant, blackened pot hole in the road and a creaking wreck surrounded by rubble. There was no sign of Nergal.
Ness: and I can’t find his life waves either. He’s…dead!
Fox: whuf!
Falco: don’t be a potty mouth, that’s my job.
As Ness and his legion let the recent happenings sink in, an orange basket ball crawled into the building and transformed into Samus. They turned and stared at her with dumbfounded expressions on their puzzled faces.
Samus: Ness, I am so sorry. I just couldn’t keep Slardmuffin away from the city! His chopper got damaged and he decided to turn around, but his engine was leaking. He crashed before I could do anything…was anyone hurt?
Ness: yeah…thankfully…the chopper crashed into Nergal and killed him. You saved our hinds!
Samus: who’s Nergal? Was the Galactic Federation to blame for all the weird stuff going on? Tell me.
But Ness didn’t feel like talking to Samus. He turned to Fox, who looked just as confounded as he did.
Ness: all it took to kill Nergal was one helicopter crash?
Fox: well he was mortal…
Ness: that’s DUMB!! We could have just gotten hold of the Mute City army and taken him out!!
Fox: yeah, but how would you have gotten them to listen to you?
This didn’t do much to cheer Ness up. For some reason, he felt like puking up his lunch. Paula, Jeff, Poo, Adeline, Mr. Game and Watch, and Falco, however, where already getting funky.
Paula: WHOO!!
G&W: YEAH!!
Jeff: PARTY LIKE A SEA BASS!!
Falco: I was the BOMB!
Adeline: we’re awesome! We’re awesome! We did it! We did it! Who’s for ice cream!?
Sound effects: (honks a clown horn.)
Samus: oh well, I suppose we won then, didn’t we? At least no civilians were hurt. Where’s Falcon?
The door to the office burst open and a very raggedy looking Captain Falcon walked in.
C. Falcon: SAMUS BAYBEEE!! I survived the explosion just for you!
Fox: that was very brave of you, Falcon. Without your reckless idiocy, Nergal would never have gotten down on the road in the first place.
C. Falcon: yeah. I thinks this calls for some MORE ****** PUPPETRY!!
Samus: no. I’m sorry Falcon. This sort of thing calls for pie.
* And so Samus went into the kitchen and made apple pie. She did it good like your mum’s, too. The pastry was so crispy and the apples so fresh, that it made cupid himself get the munchies. And there was much rejoicing. *
Ness: (eating pie) well Samus…I knew your were a ninja, but a ninja who can cook? What more could you ask for!?
Sound effects: she should sign up for Ninja burger, at
www.ninjaburger.com. It’s food to die for.
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(I’m not joking about that web site. Check it out, it’s the best idea ever!!)