SSBM: Academy of smash (Wow! It's updated!)

[NESSBOUNDER]

Ah, yes, your SUPPOSED to feel sorry for the bad guys. I dislike using straight Black and White in my stories. I like to paint with shades of gray if you know what I mean. I recently got Fire Emblem and it's so GADSGJ DJGFKLAJS HARDDDD!!! EEEEH! But it's great all the same.
(I hate that stupid king! His son goes as far as to get his daughter a baby fox, and what does he do? Killes it, that filth-hole!)

Oh, and ZeekeXIV, I know that script format is dumb, but when I started this fic, I never emagined it would become an epic. I'm not changing it now, imagine all the the editing I'd have to do!!

I'll make up for the cheap script format with my storyline. Has anyone reading this experienced nostaliga yet? Heh heh heh.

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

MEWTWOMASTER2002, there's nothing to say that C. Falcon and Samus DON'T come from the same dimension. In fact, Jodie Summers from F-zero X actually appears to work for the Galactic federation, which could be the same one Samus works for.

Oh and you know the part where Samus works for the Galactic Federation? Well Jodie Summers works for the Galactic SPACE Federation so the names are similar but they are different. So that can't be proof that they work for the same federation.

 

[ZeekeXIV]

Fair NESSBOUNDER, where art thou? The last time you updated was May 8th! Eons ago...

I just finished reading up to where Specll and Pokey turn evil. Pokey I expected to turn evil ever since you introduced him. I hated him in Earthbound soooo much...

Specll I suspected in the beginning. But as the story went on, I let the suspicions die. But then, BAM! The truth hits me in the face with a custard pie and laughs at my ridiculous appearence...

I wonder if Specll and Fox settle the score somewhere in between where I am in the story now, and your most recent update... I'll find out soon enough!

By the way, I love the randomness that happens in the story. Rawk Berry is now my favorite character.

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

I'm here, I'm here!! Sorry for not updating in two weeks, but I have been sick and the computer overheated and blew up and I couldn't work on it.
I'll update this weekend without fail.

MEWTWOMASTER2002...thank you for filling me in on that little piece of information, you've just opened up new posibillities for a whole dollop of new jokes. Thank you. You'll see what I mean when the update comes out.

(And the racer that Falcon crashed at the Academy wasn't his real one. It was just some stupid mobile that he made out of drink cans.)

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

The ending of this fic is in sight…waaaaay over there on the horizon. Yeah, that little speck. It’ll all be over by chapter 10.
Meanwhile, here’s…
CHAPTER 8: PART 6

Ness stared down at Captain Falcon’s racer. There was no way in the world that they’d all be able to fit inside. Captain Falcon jumped inside and motioned for them to sit down.

Fox: Falcon…we can’t fit in there…

C. Falcon: YOU CAN FIT IN ANYTHING IF YOU JUST TRY! COME AND SQUEEZE IN BY ME!

Ness: no thank you.

C. Falcon: I PROMISE I WON’T DIVE YOU!

Fox: you just tell us where you’re going and we’ll catch a bus or something.

C. Falcon: don’t you love me? Awwww…

Rawk berry: foot.

C. Falcon: too bad. I suppose you’ll have to take the bus then. I’m going to that big building over there. See it? The Galactic Federation building? That’s a branch in Mute City, I should be able to find out Samus’s whereabouts from there. Toodley whoo! (drives off.)

Everyone watched as Captain Falcon rammed a taxi off the highway and then sped off using a nitro boost to get through the traffic lights.

Paula: well…should we go and catch a bus to the building now?

Ness: yeah, good idea.

Ness signaled for everyone to sit down on the sidewalk as Adeline painted up a picture of a woman in a bikini. She placed the picture by the side of the road and soon enough, a cab arrived.

Cab driver: HEY! That chick’s just a painting!

Ness: congratulations! You’ve just gotten yourself seven passengers! Climb in everybody!

The cab driver swore because he hated getting passengers. This meant that he never got any money which was good because he was really a monk in training and was trying to go for as long as he could without eating. Why he continued to drive a taxi, nobody knew, but nobody cared.

Fox: we’d like you to take us to the Galactic Federation Building.

The cab driver farted and then scratched his bum.

Cab driver: are you sure you want me to do that? I stink!

G&W: so?

Cab driver: I…never mind.

And so they all piled into the cab. It was a squishy fit, but they managed. All the way to the Galactic Federation Building, Ness sang songs with his friends to keep them amused.

Ness: …and if ten green bottles should accidentally fall…

Fox: they didn’t fall by accident, I shot them.

Ness: why don’t you sing us a Cornarian driving song, if there are any, Fox?

Fox: ah well, I do happen to know an old one that Falco used to sing to annoy me before dinner…let’s see how does it go? Oh yeah!
--------------------------- --------------------------------- -----------------------
SALE(an old Cornarian music hall song.)

Come right in and see my wares, I’m sure they’ll open your eye.
I’m a seller of things you’ll want and need, so all come near and nigh.
Don’t fear to ask for the goods you want, ‘for I won’t fail to please you.
Put your name on the list, give the pen a little twist, and a brand new order I’ll put through.

A piece of mail, a dirty snail, a whack that’ll hit you gently
I can sell you the Pope in a tub full of soap just as long as you pay me plenty!
------------------------------- ---------------------- --------------------------

Ness: that’s not a driving song. It sounds more like something you’d hear at a carnival or in a boy’s choir.

Fox: well yeah, you’re right. How about this one. But I warn you, It’s silly.

G&W: silly is good.

Fox: very well.

_________------ ----------------------------- ------------------------
A SONG ABOUT STUFF…

Stuff, stuff, wonderful stuff! Where in the world would we be without StUFF!?
Red stuff, green stuff, nice stuff, mean stuff.
Stuff just EVERYWHERE, eat it up, yum!

Stuff can be stuffed up stuff to stuff it. Stuff can be put onto stuff to make StUfF!@
Hit stuff, Whack stuff, beat stuff, Smack stuff.
It can’t feel it ‘cos stuff is all NUMB!

STUFF, STUFF, SOMETIMES IT’S ROUGH! STUFF CAN BE ANYTHING, even just fluff!
Use stuff, chuck stuff, touch stuff, brush stuff.
STUFF PWNZ OUR BOTTOMS OFF, give it the thumb!!
---------------------- -------------------------------- ----------------------

Ness: ….I don’t know what to say. That’s a chant, not a song…

Fox: fine, I’m sorry to say that I can’t sing you any driving songs from my homeworld because I don’t know any. Hmph.

Cab driver: SHUT UP BACK THERE!

Sound effects: zip it! (mutes the cab driver.) I happen to know a song you lot might like…

Paula: you? Don’t be stupid, you aren’t even real.

Sound effects: I’M NOT A PUPPET, I’M A REAL BOY!! Nah, but seriously, you’ll want to hear this one.

Ness: yeah, fine. Go ahead and sing it.

Sound effects: ARE YOU DAWGS READY FOR THIS? SOUND EFFECTS IS IN THE HOUSE! A-ONE, A-TWO, (record scratching..) AND HEEEERE WEEEE GOOOOOO!!!

----------------------------------- ------------------------ ----------

when the queen came to vis-it my cool purple house
She knocked on the door five bil-lion times.
She plagued me with law-yers
And psy-cho-tic mimes
And I leaned out the window and said to her “AAAAuuuII!!”

When the Bishop came to vis-it my cool purple house
He knocked on the door five bil-lion times
He plagued me with monkeys
And terrible times
And I leaned out the window and said to him “AAAuuuII!!”
----------------------------- ---------------------------------------

Sound effects: each time, you simply change the important person who wants to visit your cool purple house and the things they plague you with. But they have to rhyme.

Ness: THAT IS SO FUN!!

Paula: YAY! I’m going to say AAAuuuII!! To the president of Fourside!!

Fox: I’m going to say AAAuuuII!! To General Pepper!

Sound effects: (gradually disappears leaving only a smile that won’t come off the car roof, no matter how much turpentine is used.)

And so all the way to the Galactic Federatin Building, the cab was filled with merriment and spedly noises. It was so heartwarming that it made several bystanders soil themselves.

Cab driver: if you idiots are just about finished singing, I’d like you to get out of the cab, we’re at the Galactic federation building.

Ness: thanks, how much is that?

Cab driver: DON’T PAY ME!! (drives off fast.)

Fox: hmm…we got that ride for free!

Paula: quick, let’s go into the GF building and find Falcon.

Everyone turned and looked up at the towering building. The Galactic Federation obviously had branches in most major cities in the Galactic system.

Adeline: (grabs Jeff’s hand.) Come on, let’s go in!

Jeff: …let go of my hand please, Adeline.

Adeline: ooooh, so polite! (giggle giggle blush blush.)

The doors of the GF building opened with a noisy “Ding!” and Ness looked around the foyer. Apart from the secretary, there weren’t many people inside. The floor was made out of reflective black marble and a large pillar stuck up next to a bunch of sofas. On the sofas, a single man sat reading the newspaper. There was no sign of Captain Falcon.

Ness: uh…(goes up to secretary.) excuse me, have you seen the F-Zero racer Captain Falcon in here?

The secretary leaned over the desk and glared at him over her glasses.

Seccy: I’m glad to say I havn’t.

Ness: oh…he should be here…never mind, would you be able to get me in contact with a certain Samus Aren?

The secretary stopped filing her nails long enough to give Ness a poisonous sideways glance.

Seccy: oh, heck. Not again. This is getting beyond a joke. (talks into a head set.) Floor 45, mark another one up on the wall. (turns back to Ness.) I’m sorry, but you’re looking for the Galactic Federation. This is the Galactic SPACE federation. We deal with extraterrestrial/aerial matters of defense and immigration. The Galactic Federation deals with defense and immigration on planets/chartered areas. Ms. Aren is not under our employ.
The Galactic Federation building is over there. (points to a map on the wall.)

G&W: doh!

Fox: it was that cab driver’s fault! We told him where we wanted to go!

Seccy: we’ve really got to change our name…this isn’t funny anymore.

Poo: forgiviness prease!

Ness: sorry. We have to go now.

Seccy: don’t let the sliding door sandwich you on your way out!

Ness turned to Fox with a worried expression on his face. Fox stopped playing with his human nose and turned to face his young companion.

Ness: If Captain Falcon isn’t here…then he must be at the real Galactic Federation Building…all by himself…I hope he doesn’t do anything too stupid while we’re getting there.

All the colour drained out of Fox’s face. The sliding door closed with a “Ding!” and closed on him, prompting a cry of “OICH!”

Seccy: I warned you!

-------------@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$^@$#^%#$%^#$%^

Meanwhile, at the Galactic Federation building…

C. Falcon: I WONDER WHAT’S KEEPING THOSE FRIENDS OF MINE!??

GF rep: please, Mr. Falcon, I implore you to lower your voice!

Captain Falcon flopped on his belly like a fish.

C. Falcon: IS THIS LOW ENOUGH FOR YOU?

GF rep: no, I mean talk quieter!

C. Falcon: (runs over to business cards and starts eating them.) ARE THESE YUMMY FOR ME?

GF rep: I…

C. Falcon: don’t bother answering me, I’m over it! HUAAAH!! (jumps up into the air and uses a knee smash for no apparent reason.)

The Galactic Federation Representative wiped his brow and carefully approached Captain Falcon who was now swimming on the floor.

GF rep: so what exactly are you after?

C. Falcon: I’M AFTER SOME TASTY WEENIE CAKE! (snaps at the Rep’s foot.) I could eat the @rse off a low flying goose!

GF rep: is…is this about employment? Do you want us to hire you or something?

C. Falcon: WWWWWRRRROOOOOOOOHOO! (runs as fast as he can and jumps into the wall with a loud “SMACK” that could be heard from the next floor.)

GF rep: ouch…

C. Falcon: DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME! I have golden boobie caps! I’m PrOtEcTeD!!

Just as the frightened GF rep was about to call security, Ness and friends came running through the door. Captain Falcon made a weird noise and ran straight at Ness. Ness quickly jumped out of the way and Captain Falcon ran straight past him and tumbled over a desk, causing paper to fly everywhere.

Fox: please excuse that fool. He’s touched in the head.

C. Falcon: THAT’S NOT THE ONLY PLACE I’VE BEEN TOUCHED!

Ness: actually, Captain Falcon’s really smart. I checked his data back at the Academy and he has an IQ that’s a bit higher than Kirby’s.

G&W: Kirby’s pretty smart…

Fox: I don’t believe Captain Falcon is smarter than Kirby.

C. Falcon: actually, I am smarter that Kirby in theory. But you can’t determine the intellectualism of a respective individual by IQ points alone. Some people excel in different mental categories than others, such as artistic talent, mathematics and thinking outside the square.

Fox: @_@!

Jeff: that’s creepy. He really is smart!

C. Falcon: IF YOU EAT ME, I’LL GIVE YOU EXPLOSIVE BUM FLIPPAGE!! RAAHR!!

Ness turned to the GF rep and shook his head.

Ness: bizarre…anyway, we’re wondering if we could somehow contact Samus Aren the bounty hunter through you?

GF rep: ah, well Samus is Currently attending a personal mission on Talon IV. We don’t know exactly what she’s doing, but we’ve been told to keep an eye out for any unusual going-ons.

Fox: can we take a ship to Talon IV?

The rep looked at Fox as if he was insane.

GF rep: I believe we could transport you there if you have Samus’s permission. Otherwise you’d have to wade through our legal formalities first.

C. Falcon: TELL SAMUS I THINK SHE’S MIL…

Ness: (quickly) can we contact Samus? You know, to get her permission and all that?

GF rep: I’ll ask the boss.

Ness watched as The GF rep walked away and took out a mobile phone. He turned to see everyone playing Step On The Foot with Captain Falcon. Captain Falcon was jumping around trying to avoid the others as they attempted to stomp on his boots.

Ness: stop that, you silly, silly bunch of grapes!

Everyone: WE’RE SOOOOORRRYYY NEEEESSS….

The GF rep walked back over to Ness and handed him a piece of paper.

GF rep: we’ll think about it. You should come back tomorrow, meanwhile, here’s our business card, just so you don’t accidentally mix us up with the (shudder) Galactic SPACE Federation.

Ness: don’t worry, we won’t make that mistake…again.

There was a sudden commotion behind Ness. He turned around to see Captain Falcon thrust out his bum, knocking Poo onto the ground.

C. Falcon: YEEEAH!! ONE POINT FOR JOHNNY!

Ness: ugh…come on guys, let’s go find a hotel.

Poo: that was a new experience for me! (gets up and Captain Falcon knocks him back down again.)

@#$%@#$^@#$%^@#$%@#$%@#$%^6

Specll looked around the waiting room of the Galactic Federation Building. It was a brownish colour, with drab textures and boring indoor plants. The whole thing smelled of detergent and air fresheners. Pokey quickly changed that.

Pokey: it was not me…you don’t know!

Specll: yes, I do know. I heard it.

Pokey: that was the couch! It farted!

Edward: It DiD! I smElt it wITh my VerYown…seNses!

Specll: it came from you, Pokey, so don’t try to hide it. Now where is that creepy woman? She said she’d be finished checking on the details and stuff.

Just as Specll had said these words, a man came walking in and faced the couch. There was a moment of silence before the man spoke in a stiff and almost mechanical voice.

Man: you may now see the boss. Right this way.

Pokey, Specll and Edward got off the couch and walked cautiously behind the person as he led them into a dimly lit office room.

Specll: hey you, where is your boss?

Man: you may now see the boss. Right this way.

Specll: WHERE IS SHE?

Man: you may now see the boss. Right this way.

Specll: I ASKED YOU A QUESTION, WHERE IS THE BOSS?

Before the man could answer, a female voice echoed out of the shadows.

???: patience is a virtue. Denning, leave the room please. These visitors are here to see me and me alone.

Denning nodded and robotically walked out of the room. Specll stared into the dim room, trying to catch a glimpse of the woman who’d spoken. Suddenly, a form materialized right in front of him.

Specll: Aagh!

???: ha ha ha ha…oh the look on your face!

Standing before him was a beautiful woman with jet black hair and pale, pale skin. She wore a blue, close-fit dress and looked as if she was dressed for a special occasion. But the most striking feature about here were her creepy golden eyes.

Pokey: well, you haven’t changed much since I last saw you, Sonia. How was death?

Sonia smiled cruelly and filled Specll with an icy feeling. Edward Hemorrhoid didn’t seem at all affected by her ghostly effect and was playing with a paperweight.

Sonia: I can’t change, you idiot. I’m a walking corpse. I can’t believe I allowed…him…to take control of me again after the way he abandoned me in my last hours of life, but things will be different this time. I’m just lucky enough to get a second chance.

Specll: …you…never mind, where is the item?

Sonia: you watch how you speak to me, animal! You may be living and breathing…but I am perfect. Perfect in every conceivable way! The item will be returned to us soon, we only have to wait for that annoying bounty hunter and that bird to return. When they come back, I shall slaughter them and the item will be yours…Ha hah…those two will give excellent…excellent quintessence…

Specll: ah…Falco…

Pokey: we were kind of hoping to speak with second-in-command of Giygas’s followers himself. Do you think we could?

Sonia: do you honestly think he would allow himself to be caught in physical form? You’re stupid, child. He is busy managing the quintessence created by the war in that other world…you know, for the “project.” He channels it into the Devil’s Machine and that horrid contraption stores it for when it will be used.

Pokey: heh. Yes, The Devil’s Machine is doing a great job. How much more quintessence to go?

Sonia: not much more. Then we should be fully ready to restore our leader back to his full power.

Specll: well you know we can’t actually complete the project without all of the items, so I’m waiting for you to deliver!

Sonia: hold your words, you disgusting beast. I will not have you speaking to me in that manner!

Specll: (growls under his breath.)

Pokey: and what about Ness and them?

Sonia: I have a little surprise in store for them. They don’t know that I am the leader of the Galactic Federation. I will plague them with enemies and they will have no idea where from!

Pokey and Sonia cackled like a bunch of ******** idiots.

Specll: I think we’d better go. The atmosphere in this room is giving me goosebumps.

Edward Hemorrhoid put down the paperweight and teleported Pokey and Specll away. Sonia turned in the empty room and looked out the window. She reached for the gun on her table and placed it in a holster at her side.

Sonia: the time I was defeated in is long past…but when I’m done here, I’ll be able to get revenge on that red-haired noble’s descendant at the very least. And I will make him wish he never inherited his father’s genes.

_________--------------------------__________________----------------

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

Great update. Ahahahahaha they got mixed up. Uh who is Sonia? And Samus' last name is spelled Aran.

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

yes, another excelent update. Capt. Falcon was so freakin' funny i litteraly laughed so hard i had tears in my eyes (i really did!!!).

as for who Sonia is, I'm pretty sure that she's either from Fire Emblem (the reference to the red haired noble decendant) or she's from that place you made a while back in the crossing dimension where that guy did something and Tommy Nook got brave and healed Ness and Co. when they were fighting Cackletta (sp?). you remember, that place where at the very beginning those 2 guys were dueling and the one who lost disappeared but his voice was talking to the other guy? o well.

anyway, that was a great chapter. i'll cya later then. :D

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

More spelling errors...oh well, I'll lern.

Sonia is from Fire Emblem. She was a very, very evil sorceress who was controlled by the bad guy who told her she was a perfect human being. However, he transformed her into a living dead person without her even knowing.
There are two ways she can be defeated. If you accept a certain side quest, you get to fight her, and if you don't she gets dispersed by her master anyway because she allowed herself to be wounded by Brendan Reed.

I've got homework to do, so unless I finish a script for English (I should be good at scripts by now.) There won't be another update this weekend. But I'll try anyway.

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

yah, i can understand how school drags you down, but im sure that summer vacation is on its way, isnt it? o wait! your in Australia, which is in the southern hemisphere, so its winter where you are. neato!!! lol. so, do you have summer vacation between grades in december and january? or do you have the vacation between grades in june and july? im just curious as to how that works.

anyway, on the subject of school, right before i got out for summer (w007!!) we had to do an english project where you made a five minute video of a scene from the book we were reading (To Kill a Mockingbird). it was fun overall, mostly because when we were done we played SSBM for a while (my friend was link and i was ness(w00t), and i beat him, btw. lol). Ness p\/\/|\|z!!!!!!!!!!!1111one lol.

anyway, nomatter when your updates come in, they're always filled with spedly goodness, so im sure i can entertain myself by re-reading the Capt. Falcon scene in the Galactic Federation building (i'm sure it wasnt the Galactic SPACE Federation).

anyway, till later, or, something....

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

When I capitalized space I was telling the difference but it's really called Galactice Space Federation. Lol, now people are calling it the Galactic SPACE Federation instead of Galactic Space Federation. Either that or you guys are trying to tell which one is which just by capitalizing Space.

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

Our end of June holidays are in Winter over here. I like that, Winter is my favourite season. Pity it doesn't snow in Australia.

And yes, I am aware that the Galactic SP..uh...space federation is not with capitals. But the Galactic Space Federation people were trying to stress the difference.

We had to do a thing on To Kill a Mockingbird as well! We watched the old black and white movie and sort of did a make-believe interview with the Author.
Then we watched Mississipi Burning.

I might have time to update The Disturbingly Quirky Pokemon Tale during the week once I've finished all my study for upcoming Maths test.

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

CHAPTER 8: PART 7

By now Samus and Falco had already made their way to the core of the planet and where staring needlessly into a lava tube. Falco glanced over at Samus, who was waving her arms in large, ovular circles.

Samus: The heat is not going away, no matter how hard I fan with my arms!

Falco: you’re joking, aren’t you?

Samus: yeah, I suppose I am. It’s just so boring down here.

Falco: I can’t believe your friends back at the Galactic Federation wanted to PROBE me!

Samus: well you do know that Chozos are extinct, don’t you?

Falco: yeah, but to PROBE me…that’s just…

Samus: well that’s what scientists do, they probe things.

Falco turned away from Samus and looked down at the bubbling lava. It was not as hot as he’d suspected, yet he knew that getting any closer to it would result in a deadly heatstroke attack.

Samus: rub a dub-dub! I’m in my varia suit, why don’t I take a dip in the lava to scout out any new passageways?

Falco: and what if you do find something? I’m not going to be able to follow you.

Samus: too bad. You’ll just have to twiddle your feathers and wait for me to return. If I’m not back in ten minutes, leave without me and send a patrol down to rescue me in case I’m not dead.

Falco jumped out of the way as Samus took a dive into the bubbling, festering pool of magma. He wished that he was anywhere in the galaxy rather than in a boiling volcano.

Falco: aaah, it’s so darn hot in here…I need some sort of fan or something.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Samus dropped to the bottom of the lava pool and looked around. Because the lava was thick and sludgy, she couldn’t see a thing and had to resort to her X-ray visor to see the walls. Instantly, she saw a tunnel leading off into the unknown.

Sumus: yay! A tunnel, that’s so…trippy!

With a robotic bleep and a switch of her arm cannon, Samus clanked into the tunnel, facing the unknown.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

By now, Falco was seriously dehydrated. He badly needed water and was trying to suck some vapor out of his empty drink bottle.

Falco: water…must…have…

SPLOOOOOOSH!!!!

Falco was thrown on his face as a geyser of lava erupted out of the magma pool and little blobs of the sizzling red liquid was splashed around him.
Falco opened his eyes to see a DIRTY GREAT WORMY THING WITH FREAKI’N BIG TEETH writhing around. Samus was standing in its mouth with her legs in a heel-drop position, the only thing that was stopping the beast from eating her like food was the fact that Samus’s legs prevented it from closing its maw.

Falco: H*ll’s bells Samus! Do you want me to write you a will?

Samus: shut up, Falco. I’m more than capable of getting out of this. Just you watch me.

Samus charged a beam in her cannon and aimed it down between her parted legs. The lava worm was too stupid to try and submerge, and Samus sent the ball of light right down its throat. There was a loud “SdUEH!!” noise and Falco was showered with sloppy bits of worm. Samus screwed her way back to the lava-free platform and stood in front of the cowering mercenary with offal strewn all over her suit. It was disgusting, but not for long, because the worm guts all jumped off Samus’s body and attacked Falco. Falco screamed loudly and tried to beat them away, but a rather offensive spleen kept getting him in the face.

Falco: SAMUS!! GET THESE THINGS AWAY FROM ME!!

Samus: I’m sorry, Falco. You’re just going to have to apologize to them. Now say sorry to the irate innards.

Falco: OW!! I’m sorry, even though I never did anything! YICK!!

The guts gave a little squeal of delight and jumped back into the lava.

Samus: aw, that was so touching. I’m going to write a kid’s book about this when I get back from this mission. It’ll be called “Falco Makes Peace With The Angry Internal Organs of a Dead Space Worm.”

Falco: I can just see that on the shelves already.

%^$%^$%^$%%%%%%%%%^^^^$^$^$^

Meanwhile, Ness and friends where enjoying their new hotel rooms. It was a four-star hotel. Only just short of being five-star because of a giant, overactive cockroach that lived in the poolroom. It was about the size of a watermelon, and about as nasty as an ice cream with WD40 in it.
Ness was sitting on his bouncy bed watching some show on TV. The hotel was so posh, it had about five channels pay TV, and you couldn’t watch normal television. The five channels were the beet root channel, (about as fun as death!) The beer with no hops in it channel, (our only wish is not to entertain you!) The bum channel, (unsightly bodily functions 24/7!) Bathroom Network, (don’t even go there.) and the WrOoN!!! channel. (all the silly nonsense you could ever want and more!)
Out of the entire package, the WrOoN!!! channel had to offer the best deal. It was actually interesting to watch the people on the screen twisting their mouths into odd positions and making noises that would have made the Rawk berry proud.

Ness: nice place, this. Where is everyone, Paula?

Paula: weeell, Jeff and Adeline went off to look at the camels, Poo and Mr. Game and Watch decided to check out the buffet and Fox is in the poolroom trying to hunt that big cockroach we saw earlier.

Ness: aw, he can’t do that, the cockroach is part of this hotel now! They named it “Bugger.”

Paula: I think they’d still appreciate it if Fox caught that thing.

Ness: what’s he going to do with it when he catches it, hmm?

Paula: gee, that’s a stupid question! He’s gonna eat it.

Ness: HE’S HUMAN NOW! I TOLD HIM HE CAN’T EAT BUGS IN PUBLIC! Let’s go find him before he takes a bite out of that roach.

Just then, a very unpleasant smell wafted out from under Ness’s bed. Paula and Ness both peeped under it just in time to see Captain Falcon squirm out and start writhing on the floor.

C. Falcon: PWOOAAR!! Who sat on a CraB?!!

Ness: you disgusting person, Falcon. If you must do something like that, do it under your own bed.

C. Falcon: There should be and ORANGE Gnome! (Runs away.)

Ness sighed. His normal stripy shirt and blue pants were in the wash. He was now wearing a white shirt and black pants which he’d bought from the shop across the road.

Ness: come on, let’s get to the poolroom.

After a few flights of stairs, Ness was greeted with a scene that made him feel terribly embarrassed. Fox was hiding behind a statue, gun in hand, with a look of intense concentration on his face. Ness could just imagine his animal ears twitching on top of his head. Not far away from Fox was Bugger. The massive cockroach was getting angry now, and had already destroyed a jukebox.

Fox: come on out you little shaitelvert…I know you can’t hide forever!!

Bugger: sssst!!

Quick as a flash, Bugger shot across the room and careened into a self-service juice bar. The wooden desk crumpled like a box of matches and juice and debris flew in all directions. Fox dodged a big chunk of wood and started firing off his blaster.

Ness: why aren’t people doing something to stop him!?

Paula: they’re enjoying it, look!

Gathered around the scene was a bunch of redneck fools, all cheering Fox on. Ness realized with embarrassment that this had turned into some sort of Cockroach Bullfight, and Fox was the matador.

Ness: leave that big cockroach alone! It didn’t do anything to you, Fox!

Fox stopped firing and turned to look at Ness, which was a fatal mistake. Bugger came flying out of the dust clouds and flew straight into Fox’s chest, severely maiming him.

Fox: AAAUUAUAUAAAAAGH!!! (splash of blood on the carpet.)

Ness: ooh! (cringes.)

Fox: AAAAGH!! AH, MY CHEST! IT SLASHED MY FR$#(%**NG CHEST!!! WHY ME??

Guy in Crowd: I bet thirty credits on the cockroach!

Fox rose to his feet with blood dripping all down the front of his jacket. He looked a mess and was obviously in pain. Ness rushed over and healed him back to full health before grabbing him by the ear and yanking downwards.

Fox: OWW!! What’s thAT fOR?

Ness: (whispering) you’re human, you idiot! You don’t eat cockroaches!

Fox: oh man! I seriously forgot! Forgive me, Ness.

Ness: it’s O.K. Just be more aware from now on.

However, Bugger wasn’t quite so forgiving. It perched on top of a statue and hissed threateningly. Ness had to admit, it was one scary cockroach.

Paula: what we need is a really big shoe.

Suddenly, without warning, Bugger attacked! He shot from his perch, aiming straight for Paula’s throat. Before Paula could react, a blast of sound sent the big insect sprawling on the ground. Ness turned to his right to see Sound effects standing there with a big horn in his hand.

Sound effects: adore me, fans.

Ness: oi! You keep out of this!

Sound effects: NEVAH!! I want a piece of the action, and I’m going to fight this cockroach, so there!

Ness: (sigh) alright, you win. Go get ‘em, non-existent man.

Sound effects gave Ness the doughnut with his fingers and turned to face his opponent. Bugger reared up and hissed menacingly. Sound effects took in the hiss, increased its frequency up ten thousand pitches and replayed it straight back at the monster bug.
Windows smashed, steel twisted, and lights flashed on and off. Bugger jumped into the air and fell on his back.

Fox: AAARGH!! MUST YOU MAKE IT QUITE THAT LOUD??

Ness: MY EARDRUMZ!!

Sound effects: oh, sorry, I forgot about that…Now, SUPER CLAP!!

Sound effects now brought his hands together and created a blast of sound that caused Bugger to shrivel up and turn into a prune.

Hotel owner: YAAAAY! You destroyed Bugger! Now we can become a five-star hotel. How can we thank you?

Ness: you could give us free room service and unlimited credit for meal orders…

Hotel owner: DONE DEAL! You are all now V.I.P. members. Good night all of you!

Ness gathered everyone together and eventually they were all sitting in one room with nothing to do. Jeff spoke first.

Jeff: why don’t we turn out the lights and tell some ghost stories?

Adeline: oooh, great idea! I’ll just paint us a torch…

After Adeline had finished painting a torch, Everyone sat around in a circle on Ness’s Queen-sized double luxury choc chip triple-decker bed and Fox turned off all the lights.

Jeff: I’ll go first. (turns on torch, illuminating his face from below.) Did you guys hear the one about the oversized cockroach?

Fox: oh, be serious!

Jeff: sorry. Ehem…One night, a man sat up in his hotel room looking out the window. It was dark and all the lights where out. Suddenly, he heard a voice calling “I’m gonna get you, and then I’m gonna EAT you…”
“Who’s there?” the man called. No reply…then the ghostly voice was heard again. “I’m gonna get you, and then I’m gonna EAT you…”
Now the man was scared, so he got out his gun and crept around the room. He tried to turn the lights on, but there was a blackout. “darm!” he said, and turned on his dim torch.
He followed the voice and then realized that it was coming from under his bed…cautiously he bent down, and down, his hand was shaking now, he bent down a little further…just a little bit closer….. ….. ….(suspense.)…and then he shone the torch under the bed.
And under the bed was the owner of the hotel picking his nose.

Everyone: (deadly silence.)

Ness: uh…yeah, Jeff…right, I feel your pain…who’d like to have a go next?

Suddenly, the torch disappeared from Jeff’s hand and went off. The room was totally dark.

Ness: hmm? Who’s got the torch?

Click. The torch activated not half a meter away from Ness’s head, illuminating Captain Falcon’s bum. Ness screamed and fell over.

C. Falcon: JOHNNY HAS SOME SERIOUSLY SCARY STORIES TO TELL!!


It looked eerie. Captain Falcon was bending over and holding the torch between his legs to light his bum from below. Ness tried to slow his rapidly beating heart and spoke in a shaky voice.

Ness: don’t…EVER do that again, Falcon.

C. Falcon: ALRIGHT, I WILL ONLY EAT BEANS FROM NOW ON, BECAUSE BEANS ARE GOOD FOR YOU’R NOSTRILS!

The torch went off. Ness fumbled for the light switch and turned on the light so he could see. Captain Falcon rolled out of his disturbing position and fell off the bed.

Ness: that’s about enough ghost stories. I don’t think we’d get anywhere with them anyway. Now I want you all to get a good night’s re-

Ka-lumph…The sound of a someone stumbling in a dark room could be heard in the bathroom. Everyone went totally quiet and listened as the sound of footsteps on tile could be heard.

C. Falcon: there’s someone in your bathroom…

Ness: shh. He doesn’t know we’re all here…just be very quiet.

Everyone watched in silence as the doorknob to Ness’s bathroom turned and the door opened slowly. A figure in a black bodysuit stepped out into the light of Ness’s bedroom and upon seeing eight smashers all perched on the bed, froze in his tracks. Everyone stared and started to load weapons and take fighting positions. The figure in black didn’t even seem worried. He raised a gun and fired at Ness’s head. Fox had already predicted this movement and leaned across the bed with his reflector up, reflecting the bullet back at the attacker.
The person seemed to disappear as the bullet connected, but only temporarily, as he appeared right in the middle of the bed, perched above Ness with twin daggers in his hand. Quick as a flash, Ness jumped up and use a sparkle rush (running attack) to knock him off the bed, where Fox finished him off with a burst of laser fire.

Ness: agh! Who was that guy!?

Fox: I dunno…check out his face, he looks like a ghost!

Ness stared down at the dead creature on the floor. It was human in appearance, but there was something so…inhuman about its black hair, pale face and golden eyes. Ness was sure he’d seen something like this before, but where?

Ness: I’ve got it! This thing is a morph!

Fox: a what?

Ness: a creature given life by the powers of darkness. Morphs are kind of like magical clones. They’re basically life force that’s been shaped into an artificial being to be used as a puppet by its master. They have a higher intelligence than humans and have the potential to be very, very powerful.

Fox: that one didn’t even seem concerned about its life! It didn’t even show any emotion the whole time.

Ness: most morphs can’t show emotion, and if they can, it’s only synthesized. They’re dead.

Paula: so how can you mold life-force into a dead being?

Ness: they’re dead, but they have souls. That’s why they can move and talk. Really, morphs only have half of a life. It’s not exactly life-force either, it’s power. Quintessence to be precise.

Everyone: WHATTESSENCE?

C. Falcon: Essence of Duck! (sprays deodorant all around.)

Ness: quintessence. It’s life that’s been taken from its owner and turned into power. That’s why morphs are so cold and lifeless, because their souls are made from this quintessence and not from life itself. I don’t think morphs can even feel pain, they just…live.

Paula: what a horrible existence.

Ness: (nods.)

Fox: but why do these morphs want to kill you, Ness?

Ness: my guess would be that our enemy in this dimension is a powerful sorcerer, someone who can take quintessence and use it to create morphs. I think we’ll have to be on our toes at all times from now on.

Everyone on the bed nodded in agreement. Except Captain Falcon, who was jumping on the mattress and trying to eat the moths that were attracted to the light on the ceiling.

C. Falcon: MMM!!! (falls back down with a moth in his mouth.)

Ness: ah well, we may as well enjoy our stay here, because we’re going to be on the run again tomorrow!

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

Great update. Ahahahaha Bugger was my favorite part of the story.

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

Click. The torch activated not half a meter away from Ness’s head, illuminating Captain Falcon’s bum. Ness screamed and fell over.

C. Falcon: JOHNNY HAS SOME SERIOUSLY SCARY STORIES TO TELL!!

that would give me nightmares, lol.

the morphs are a pretty cool idea. im sure they'll make for great fights in the future. C. Falcon was lol funny, as usual. i cant wait to get a copy of Samus's picture book. that would make a great tale to tell to all of posterity.... lol.

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

The morphs are also from Fire Emblem. Poor me, with homework oozing out of my ears...

(I thought you'd like Bugger!)

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

I DID like Bugger if you read my post. I never knew sound effect would beat him though.

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

yah, i liked bugger, it's just that i forgot to mention him. sound effects rox@!!!!11 lol. it would be funny if he's the one who finally saves everyone at the end of the fic. picture this scenario: everyone's down after being defeated and sound effects comes and blows up the "boss" (im not going to spoil it for those of you who havn't figured out who it is, but everyone probably does, anyway, so this is pointless) and he becomes a big hero. but i'm sure that wouldn't happen. would it?

>_>
<_<
*runz*

[NOTE]: like my sig change?

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

NO! When I said that, I meant that I thought (KNEW) you'd like Bugger, so that's why I put him in.

And I have some surprises as to who the last boss is. You think you've got it figured out now...but just you wait.

No updates this weekend I'm afraid. I just havn't had time to complete it. But it's almost complete and I'll have it up by next weekend without fail.

(WHOO!! Holidays are coming up a go-go baby! Two weeks of no school!)

I'm going to try do an update in Kirby Khronicles, so watch out for that. (I'm at my friend's house and my floppy disk with the update on it went broken. I hate that.)

EDIT: oh, and MM2002, thank you for reminding my about Falco going through the teleporter back there.I read back through my old updates and remembered that Master hand's teleporter was supposed to transfer you as you are.
Don't worry, the reason Falco changed will be explained next update.

PsiFlameMaster, I've always liked your sig. The people who think that stuff up should be proud of themselves.

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

Let me guess...Falco changed because he's wearing a COSTUME...or not. The last boss is...uh...a CHICKEN!?

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

you have a copy of the update on your home computer, though, right? i REALLY hope that wasn't your only copy.... *crosses fingers 4 luck*

as for my sig, I get a lot of them from the GameFaqs.com message boards. there are some funny things ppl will say in there.... oh yah. the top one on my sig, "Foolish mortals, Trix are for kids!" was actually made by me, one time when I was bored. ah, the memories.... of what, I do not know.

 

[ultimaiq2]

I finaly decided too reply too your story again. And I must again say that this is the best reading I have ever read on SWF (I also like some of the Survivor stories, but it dosen't get updated anymore).

Keep it up Nessbounder, I can sense talent, and you got plenty.
(closest thing I have ever come too writing a story have too be my endlessly long replies at a forum game called, Ruler of the land).

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

I must again say that this is the best reading I have ever read on SWF

*WhOW!!*

Now that's a compliment if I've ever heard one. I know I'm not THAT good...

CHAPTER 8: PART 8

Falco and Samus were sitting on a big, hard pile of molten rock. Falco sighed and stared at his gangly Chozo arms.

Falco: I don’t understand. Master hand’s teleporter was supposed to transfer us as we are to the chosen destination. Why was I turned into a Chozo?

Samus: Master hand’s teleporter was also supposed to include a return trip as well. In fact, the sort of teleporter he used is very similar to the type we use at the Galactic Federation to get around.

Falco: really?

Samus: yeah. The laws of dimension travel state that whenever you enter a foreign dimension, your body will adapt to the style and species of the native life forms. I learned that from Ness, he knows everything about teleprotation.

Falco: huh.

Samus: well anyway, Ness told me once that the sort of teleporter Master hand uses to beam us back home when the tournaments are over uses a technique known as “direct particle transfer.” As opposed to “particle conversion transfer.” Direct transfer is what was supposed to happen to you, and particle conversion transfer is what happened.

Falco: meaning…

Samus: that Master hand got the whole teleportation thing wrong. While it’s possible to return from a direct particle transfer by going backwards on the same teleport, particle conversion transfer teleports are strictly ONE WAY. You have to open another teleport if you want to return to your original location.

Falco stood up and kicked the ground with annoyance. He didn’t even seem to feel the pain of his toe connecting with hard, porous rock.

Falco: ONE LITTLE PROGRAMMING ERROR AND MASTER HAND STUFFS IT UP FOR EVERYONE!!! How thick is that glove?? Surely he’s sensed something is wrong by now, why doesn’t he come looking for us?

Samus: if I knew that, I wouldn’t be sitting here on this rock without any clothes on.

Falco: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Samus: yeah, I don’t always have to wear something under my suit, you know. I felt like going naked today.

Falco: I will never look at that suit the same way again!

Samus: oop! Time for a bath! (Presses a button.)

Samus started gyrating her hips and her suit began making washing-machine noises. Falco turned away in revulsion and looked up at the ceiling. A small, protruding thing caught his eye.

Falco: hey, look over there, is that something you can grapple onto?

Samus turned and pressed another button. All the soapy water in her suit was evaporated and steam gushed from every orifice in the suit, making Samus look spooky.

Samus: whhhhooooo…I love this! If I wave my arms about, I can make steam patterns!

Falco: where does that water come from, anyway?

Samus: it’s dehydrated water. I have several packets stored in here.

Falco: *_*?

Samus: hey, and you’re absolutely right! I could probably reach that if I jumped and grappled at the same time. Hey, you can jump pretty high, why don’t you give me a boost?

Falco: a boost?

Samus: yeah, like Mario and Luigi do, that weird one where I jump on your head and you grab onto my legs and we bOuNCE!!

Falco: um…you may like to remember that Mario and Luigi are practically made of rubber. If we attempt the same thing, you’re going to break my neck.

Samus: well we have to try! Come on, I’m going to jump on you!

Without further warning, Samus shot into the air and came crashing down on Falco’s head. Falco was lucky that as a Chozo, he didn’t have a neck, and therefore it couldn’t be broken. It still hurt, though.

Falco: ooooOOOOWWWW!!!

Samus: wheee! Grab me, Falco. GRAB ME!!

Falco obediently hooked his feathers around Samus’s boots and was soon flying through the air. Samus shot out her grappling beam and hooked on the protruding piece of rubble on the roof, and both her and Falco were soon swinging along Tarzan style towards a hole in the wall.

Falco: IF I WASN’T HOLDING ONTO YOUR LEGS, SWINGING OVER A PIT OF BOILING LAVA, I MIGHT THINK THIS WAS FUN!!

Samus: I WOULD LOVE TO DO THIS TOPLESS!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

The two space travelers shot through the hole at face-rending speed. Luckily for them, their progress was halted by a wall, which descended down into a shaft. As Falco and Samus fell down the hole, stunned and dizzy, Falco activated his reflector and grabbed Samus by the hand.

Falco: (dizzy) I…got you…

Samus: (delusional) OOOOH, FAALCO!! YOU’RE A KNIGHT IN SHINING AROMA!! SWOON!

Falco: stop…(grunt) Stop swinging on my arm!!

Samus: FALL WITH ME, YOU SCRUMMY LITTLE CRUMPET! FALL WITH ME TO THE BOTTOM OF TINKLY-WINKLY WORLD!!

Falco: YOU’RE HURTING ME!!

Samus: I’M A CHOOK!!

But Samus wasn’t fooling anyone. She was actually a girl in a power suit, clutching hold of a giant bird and falling down a dark shaft that could lead anywhere. Meanwhile, Ness and his friends had just woken up after their first stay at the posh hotel. Because Sound effects had destroyed Bugger, he actually didn’t need to pay accommodation. How cool is that?

Fox: I love getting stuff for free!

Ness: wanna sing about it?

Fox: YEAH!!

------------- ------------------ ------------

Fox: ooooooooooooooooooh getting stuff for free is the life for me!
Ness: you can bludge all day and still get hap-py.
Both: but you’ll never ever pull the lever always do the bigger favor
‘cos you never ever ever ever have to pay!

Ness: I get endless glee, getting stuff for free
Fox: get a big fat car or a baseball tee.
Both: but you’ll never ever pull the lever always do the bigger favor
‘cos you never ever ever have to pay!

------------ ---------------- ----------------

Paula: you guys are creeping me out.

Sound effects: this is not supposed to be a musical!

Adeline: It’s weird, but funny. Why do we always get the urge to sing those badly-composed songs?

Fox took his bagpipes out of his kit and blew a long, raucous note that sounded like a two-hundred year old hag screeching at her next door neighbor. The sound of a shoe hitting the wall could be heard from the next apartment.

Neighbor guy: SHADDUP IN THERE!!

Fox: YOU SHUDDUP! I HAVE A RIGHT TO PRACTICE MY ART!!

Ness giggled inwardly. Judging from his experience, the music Fox played was about as artistic as throwing paint at a white canvas and then sitting on it. Fox actually didn’t know many tunes and did mostly scales. Ness had only ever heard him playing a Cornarian hymn called “Meslas vei Teintio” (which translated to “sonata of the fields” in old Cornarian) and “Blow The Wind Southerly” which was one he’d picked up at the Academy of Smash.

Ness: come on everyone. It’s time to go.

Out on the streets of Mute city, everything was surprisingly quiet (nothing to do with the name.)

Paula: this place isn’t as bustling as it was before…

C. Falcon: that’s because everybody is indoors now, eating RICE!! (smacks palm with fist.) It’s still very early in the morning.

Poo: yes. Indeed, my inner clock senses that it is about six thirty on the dot.

Ness: then why is it so bright? And why is nobody working yet?

C. Falcon: it’s Sunday. Nobody works on Sunday, they just stay indoors eating RICE!! (palm smack) or go and play sport or something. Or watch the races!

Adeline: then why is it so bright already?

C. Falcon: because it’s SUNDAY!!! ***SUN***DAY!!!!

Everyone: OOOOOOOHHHHHH…

Before anyone could utter another line, a racer screeched to a halt next to them. Out of the car stepped Samurai Goroh in all his fat glory. Captain Falcon squealed and hid his face.

Goroh: FALCON, YOU TOEBITING CHUNK OF INTERGALACTIC SNOTTY-MEAT!

C. Falcon: you called for me, Satan?

Goroh: DON’T PLAY COY WITH ME, FRILLY-PANTS!! MY UNDERWEAR ARE ALL FULL OF HOLES. I’M HOLDING YOU DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE!!!

C. Falcon: why?

Goroh: BECAUSE I SAID SO!! AND MY CAR IS PINK, THAT’S WHY!!

C. Falcon: wipe your chin, you’re dribbling everywhere.

Goroh: oh, I am too. Thanks. (wipes chin.)

Rawk Berry: AAAaaaaaiiiuuu!!

C. Falcon: are you just looking to start a fight? Because if you are, then I’m afraid that I can’t condone unnecessary violence.

Ness turned to Fox and raised his eyebrows. Fox shrugged. Captain Falcon seemed to change personalities pretty spontaneously.

Goroh: well, now that you bring it up, I was actually sent to tell you about the big race. Are you coming? I’ve got to tell the chairman if you’re not.

C. Falcon: I’m sorry, but I’ve got something important to do. I won’t be racing at all.

Goroh: aaaaaaaawwwwwww….we’ll miss you.

C. Falcon: ah, well. Such is life.

Goroh: there will be hot pit stop girls…

C. Falcon: HOT ONES!!? LIKE MICROWAVE STYLE TURKEY BUNZ?? I’M RADIOACTIVE!! (goes spastic.)

Ness: (grabs C. Falcon by the ear and drags him off.) Captain Falcon will not be racing today, and that’s final.

Goroh: O.K. I guess that means less competition for me. HUAHIAHHUA!! (jumps into racer and speeds off.)

Ness: well…Looks like we…

POW!! The concrete not three feet away from Ness exploded. Ness screamed and jumped into the air instinctively. Almost immediately, the air was filled with laser fire. Ness quickly jammed on his PSI Magnet SSBM and absorbed them all before falling to the ground where he was caught by Fox.

C. Falcon: they’re coming from every orifice!!

Jeff: what was that?? Was that a gunshot?

Poo: Quick, Danger Approaches!!

G&W: I don’t have a gun! I’m scared!

Adeline: aaaaah!

Paula: (hugs Adeline anime schoolgirl style) aaaaaah!

Fox: Wuf! (vulpine swear word.)

Ness: holey moley! We’re being attacked in broad daylight!

Sure enough, two gun fighters jumped down from a nearby building and pointed their weapons at Ness and co. Fox stood in front of Ness with his reflector blinking.

Fox: what was that for, you turds?!

The man on the left dropped his scarf, revealing a pale white face and yellow eyes.

Ness: you’re a morph!

Denning: we have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable.

G&W: oh yeah!? Well just try and take us!

Denning: we have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable.

Fox: yeah, we heard you first time, and quit calling me a mouse, (silently) you’re making me hungry…

Denning: we have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable. We have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable. We have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable. We have been sent…(etc. etc.)

Paula: what a dope! He just says the same thing over and over again…couldn’t his creator at least tried to give him functional communication skills?

Rawk berry: oyerou!

Denning: …inevitable. We have been sent to dispose of you mice. D-

C. Falcon: (suddenly standing in front of Denning.) Then just get on with it! (Slaps Denning across the face.)

Denning raised his hand up to touch his face. His expression didn’t changed, but it looked like he was now slightly annoyed. Before Captain Falcon could react, the morph extended his arm and slapped him back. Captain Falcon looked shocked and then proceeded to wave his arms in front of him like a prissy little dame. Denning retaliated by doing the same. The morph standing at Denning’s side rolled his eyes with embarrassment.

Morph: Please excuse Master Denning. He was designed for giving messages. But he is a brilliant strategist, and we have our troops positioned all over the city. You will never defeat every single one of us.

Ness: no DUH…as if your friend’s introductory speech didn’t give us a clue.

Jeff: if you’re going to speak the obvious, then just don’t speak at all.

The morph raised a finger and opened his mouth to say something, but then thought better of it. He gave Jeff a hateful glare and stormed off.

Morph: I’ll be waiting for you, brat!

Jeff: (pokes out tongue.)

Captain Falcon and Denning were still engaged in their little skirmish of slaps. Everyone gathered around to watch, as it was pretty entertaining. Captain Falcon had just grabbed a handful of Denning’s hair and was trying to smack his bottom.

C. Falcon: you b*$%#! How dare you smudge my eyeliner!?

Denning: -dispose of you…mice. Death is ine…vitable…

Fox: go Falcon! Poke him in the belly!

Adeline: fight back, Denning! Kiss him!

Paula: give him a nipple cripple!

Jeff: come on Captain! Flick his ears!

Ness: go for the wedgie!

G&W: That’s it! That’s it! Do a pinch! Go Denning!

Poo: squeal and bite!

Captain Falcon and Denning seemed to be evenly matched, so they politely bowed and called it a draw. There was a loud “aaaaawwww” from the spectators.

C. Falcon: you’re a pretty good catfighter. It’s a pity we have to kill you now…

Denning: -have been sent to dispose of…

Denning suddenly realized that he was standing in the midst of his enemy, completely outnumbered with nobody to protect him. If he wasn’t a morph, he would have sworn. (And then he would have repeated it over and over and over and over and o-)

Ness: yeah. You may be a brilliant strategist and all, and you may be excellent at remembering things, but you’re a blithering idiot for coming so close to us.

Denning: we have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable.

Fox: yeah. For you it is…

Paula: oh leave him alone. Can’t you see he’s a defect?

Denning: I AM NOT!!

Paula: eh?

Denning: ……..we have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable.

There was a flash and a hooded figure appeared next to Denning. The hooded morph grabbed hold of Denning and twisted his wrist.

Morph: with all due respect, master. You are an idiot. Now let’s go.

Before Ness could stop him, the mage teleported away with Denning. Ness watched as several figures materialized on top of the buildings.

Fox: looks like a battle is about to start…

Adeline: a big one.

!!!NOTE FROM AUTHOR!!!

Because this segment of the story is devoted to Fire Emblem, the battles will be set up in strategic Fire Emblem style. In order to do this, we need to divide all the characters into classes. Each character represents a different unit and each unit has a separate class. An explanation of the ally units and their classes will be shown below, along with the enemies.
ALLY UNITS

-Ness-
Class: PSI Lord Lv. 14
Description: a master of the psychic arts. Can use both PSI and melee weapons. Well-rounded, but low defenses.
Weapons:
PSI Sport – powerful psychic attack.
PK fire – effective against armored units.
PK thunder – long ranged psychic attack.
Baseball bat – average weapon.
shield – increases ally’s defense for a turn.

-Fox-
Class: gunfighter Lv. 16
Description: a shooter of high distinction. Can engage in both unarmed and distance combat.
Weapons:
Blaster – can hit consecutively.
Fighting – can hit consecutively.
Reflector – close-range weapon that’s very weak in power. Negates long-ranged enemy attacks.

-Mr. Game and Watch-
Class: Berserker Lv. 10
Description: a fighter of incredible fury. Low defenses, but skilled in killing strokes.
Weapons:
Turtle – increases critical hit rate.
Hammer – effective against armored units.
Match– S level weapon (powerful.)

-Paula-
Class: prodigy Lv. 14
Description: A Psychic of high distinction. Offensive abilities are offset by low defenses. Can use both PSI and melee weapons.
Weapons:
PSI fire – average PSI attack.
PSI freeze – S level PSI attack.
PSI shield – increases ally’s resistance for a turn.
Frying pan – weak, light weapon.
PSI thunder – inaccurate. Can strike consecutively.

-Jeff-
Class: shooter Lv. 19 (not promoted)
Description: lightly armored units who can only attack from a distance. Skilled with guns.
Weapons:
Hungry HP sucker – drains enemy HP
Baddest beam – A level weapon (strong)
Counter-PSI unit – prevents enemy units from using any type of magic for several turns.
Heavy bazooka – for experienced units only.

-Poo-
Class: prodigy Lv. 5
Description: see “Paula”
King’s sword: average power weapon.
PSI freeze – S level PSI attack.
PSI thunder – inaccurate, may hit consecutively.
Snake bag – may poison enemy units. Very weak.
Starstorm – for experienced units only.

-Adeline-
Class: artist Lv. 12 (not promoted)
Description: a gifted painter who conjures up medicines to heal her allies. Cannot engage in combat.
Weapons:
Easel – restores HP to allies near by.
Masterpiece – revitalizes tired allies and lets them move twice in one turn.
Abstract – increases ally’s critical hit chance for one turn.
Dumb – increases ally’s power for one turn.
Banner – rescues allies from afar and transfers them to an adjacent space.

-Captain Falcon-
Class: Superhero Lv. 15
Description: a hero skilled in the use of close range magic and unarmed attacks. Power and speed outweighs his low skill. May also use guns.
Weapons:
Laser pistol – average distance attack.
Brawling – powerful unarmed attack.
Flame body – close-range only anima magic attack.
Thunder body – close-range only anima magic attack. High critical hit rate.

ENEMY UNITS

-Denning-
Class: gunfighter
Description: see “Fox”
Weapons:
TZ-238 – for experienced units only.
Sniper rifle – long distance attack.
Pressure point – high critical hit rate.

-Morph- ( x10)
Class: shooter (not promoted)
Description: see “Jeff”
Weapons:
Laser pistol – average distance attack. ( x10)

-Morph- ( x10)
Class: mercenary (not promoted)
Description: professional soldiers-for-hire with superior abilities all around. Use melee weapons.
Weapons:
Knife – weak weapon ( x5)
Laserblade – average weapon. Raises critical hit rate. ( x3)
Silver knife – S level weapon ( x2)

Paula: my E.S.P. is telling me that there are about twenty one enemies in all, including Denning. Our PSI can only be directed at one opponent at a time in this dimension, so we’ll have to do this strategically.

Ness: right! Do we have any strategists in our group?

Fox: me. But I’ll be fighting.

Ness: dam…

Sound effects: MEE!! MEEEE!! YOO-HOO!! OVER HEEEEREE!! I’M a strategist! A genius one, too! Let me try!

Ness: I’m sorry, but we can’t trust your word.

Sound effects: fine…but can any of you fly?

Ness: uh…no…

Sound effects: well I can! And a flying strategist is better than a grounded one. Plus, I beat Bugger, so why can’t I be a strategist? Just this once, please, pretty please!! (sad music.)

Ness: O.K, O.K! You can be our strategist, just turn those stupid violins off.

Sound effects: yay!

------------ ------------------ ------------------
Will Ness and his friends be able to survive this upcoming battle? You’ll have to wait and see. So until next time…GLUE DOWN THOSE PANTS!!

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

C. Falcon's catfight scene = awesome x 5418273669

that (^) just about sums it up. Denning has got to be one of the funnyer (sp?) villains you've had. i'm a bit short for words right now bcuz i just woke up a little while ago and my drowsyness hasn't worn off yet.

Falco: where does that water come from, anyway?

Samus: it’s dehydrated water. I have several packets stored in here.

dehydrated water. BRILLIANT!!! i've got to figure out a way to get some of my own. must... win... Nobel... Prize!!....

about the levels of the characters, though....
what does "not promoted" mean? it's probably something from fire emblem game that i wouldn't know about unless i played it... o well.
also, why is Poo such a low level compared to the others? i thought he was on a level very close to Ness in terms of Psi, and even surpassing him in close combat because of his martial arts training. but his StarStorm technique is extremely powerful..... that'll probably make up for it.

anyway, i g2g. I'll cya later, then. :D

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

OK, here's how it works...

Fire emblem units start off as "unpromoted" units and can go as far as level twenty untill they can't level up any more. By use of certain items, you can promote units that are level ten or higher and allow them to grow another twenty levels. Everybody in Ness's army has promoted on level twenty, and then grown to their current levels, so really, Poo is actually Lv. 25 and has premoted from a psychic at level 20. He's not as powerful as Ness because in Earthbound you get him so late in the game. He hasn't got the experience yet.

Jeff hasn't promoted to a gunfighter yet, so he's the second weakest with Adeline not being able to engage in direct combat, so she levels up very rarely.

I made Jeff so low because he doesn't take out as many enemies as the others and mainly uses his support items such as the defense shower to help his friends.

I'll try to update again tomorrow, and possibly today if I get bored.

Edit: oh, and Denning really does repeat his messages over and over again in Fire Emblem. I thought he was cool. He's a Sniper in that game, he uses a bow.

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

Great update. Why is it Fire Emblem style in the Galactic System if Samus doesn't hit one by one? I understand how the way they fight works but wouldn't they have to fight like that in the Fire Emblem system?

 

[ultimaiq2]

Yet another funny post Nessbounder. Can't wait for the next update:D.

I kinda liked the Samus and Falco part more, but still all of it where good.

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

Sorry for being so slack these holidays. I had lots of stuff going on. MM2002. Samus was not in the middle of a war, so she didn't need to to all the tactical fighting and stuff. It doesn't really happen turn-by turn, but that's just the way I'll be writing it because the enemies are from Fire Emblem.

Here's another nasty update for those of you who enjoy the...darker...parts of this story. (Man, I chop and change more often than a sushi chef!)



CHAPTER 8: PART 9

While this was all happening in the Galactic system, Jigglypuff and her group of fellow spies had just sat down for a nice break somewhere near Mauville. Medicham had already gone to bed and so had Charizard. Jigglypuff was busying herself by toasting berries over Charizard’s flame.

Jigglypuff: Contrast, do you think this is a secure spot?

Contrast was standing on a log and staring up at the moon. He turned slowly and fixed Jigglypuff with a stern, almost hateful glare.

Contrast: it should be. Now sleep. I’m going to stand watch.

Jigglypuff: I’ll stand watch too…are you sure you don’t need my help?

Contrast: I need nobody’s help.

Jigglypuff turned away from Contrast to find her berry burnt to cinders. She groaned and chucked the stick into the bush.

Jigglypuff: is it alright with you if I sing?

Contrast: no it is not. You’ll attract attention. Just go to sleep! I’m perfectly capable of keeping watch myself!!

Jigglypuff turned away from Contrast and slumped into a ball on the ground. After a few minutes, she was snoring quietly along with Charizard. Contrast glared at the pink ball on the ground and then silently began to walk away from the campsite. Not far from where the others were sleeping, Contrast crouched in a shadowy forest clearing and waited for the sound of flapping wings.
Sure enough, a dark shape melted through the treetops and landed almost soundlessly on the ground in front of him. As the newcomer gracefully stood up and folded his wings, four eyes lit up in the darkness, two white and two red.

???: well Contrast, it’s good to see that you stuck by your words. Are the others sleeping?

Contrast: indeed, they shouldn’t wake up for some time. Still, we ought to make this meeting as brief as possible. I don’t want them to find out about you.

The enigmatic bird stepped into the moonlight, revealing a young Xatu with a purple neckband. His cunning eyes gave the impression that he was an intelligent and important Pokemon.

Wiles: Contrast, you worry so. Should anything go wrong, I’m more than sure you could find your way out of it.

Contrast: what’s that supposed to mean?

Wiles: it means that I’m not unaware of the fact that you’re very…resourceful. Should anything go wrong, I’m not going to have anything to do with you.

Contrast: you coward.

Wiles: does that mean we’re friends?

Contrast: argh. I’ve always found you so irritating…

Wiles: you love me, don’t you? Don’t try to hide it Contrast.

Contrast: SHUT UP! I think you’re a smarmy piece of offal who exists for the sole purpose of annoying me. I don’t know how you do it…but you do!

Wiles faced Contrast with a calm smirk on his thin beak. His voice was gentle and honeyed, like that of a caring parent.

Wiles: no need to shout. You’ll wake up your friends. Now I have to go, but I’ll be back later with another playmate. You just watch yourself, OK?

Contrast watched as Wiles flew back into the night sky. He waited until the green bird Pokemon was out of sight before muttering something under his breath.

Contrast: you’d better remember our promise, Wiles.

@#$@#$%@#$%^^^^$$$$^^^^

The next morning, at Mt. Pyre, Sylph woke to the creaking of a door. She opened one eye to see Keshi coming in with something on a tray. She let her gaze follow him around the room for a little while before closing it again. So long as Keshi stayed quiet, he was allowed to enter her room.

Keshi: Mistress Sylph, wake up! The Master wishes to speak to you…uh…I brought you a drink.

Sylph: I’m coming. Don’t you dare try to console me by acting as my nurse. I don’t want sympathy from anyone.

Keshi: … yes, ma’am.

Sylph: and don’t think that I’m missing either Byter or Spinner. If anything, I’m glad we got rid of those two incompetent fools.

Keshi knew that Sylph was lying.

Keshi: ma’am…if you don’t mind me saying this, I’m beginning to get a bad feeling about this. All the Rulers of The Night are dead…that is with the exception of you, my lady. I feel that you will be next, it is just a feeling, but…Deoxes doesn’t seem to care whether we die or not…and…

Sylph rose up out of the bed, her eyes filling the room with a bright purple light. Keshi felt his esophagus close and his lungs collapse. He realized that he couldn’t breathe.

Sylph: don’t…say…that…

Keshi: …a…

Sylph: I have served Deoxes ever since I was a tiny Ralts. I was chosen by Deoxes to be his elite servant. Do you know what that means? It means that the Mighty Deoxes, out of every other Pokemon on the planet, chose me to be his elite servant. And I will NEVER, EVER let my master down! Do you understand?!

Keshi desperately tried to gulp down air, but Silph’s psychic grip was too strong. Just as the Grumpig’s vision began to blur, Sylph released her spell, and forced a pocket of air down his throat.

Sylph: …and you are going to be loyal with me. I care not if you fear for your life, such matters mean nothing to me. But I and all those under me will serve Deoxes with our lives.

Keshi lay on the stone floor, breathing heavily. Sylph glided over him and made her way over to Deoxe’s chamber. On the way there, she noticed a shadow projected against a wall. Scanning the halls, she could not see any other Pokemon. The shadow must have been made by an invisible Pokemon.

Sylph: why do you creep around shrouded in your protective barrier? Is there something you hide?

Sylph extended her arm and tried to dispel the invisibility cloak. For some reason, it didn’t seem to be working.

Sylph: uh! When I command you to remove your cloak, I mean it! Remove your spell, NOW!

The shadow on the wall turned slightly and opened its arms. Two ragged, broad arms extended across the walls, revealing a body with no features. The invisible creature in the hallway was not a Pokemon. Sylph stared at the shadow on the wall and began to panic. Was this some vengeful ghost that had been disturbed from its grave? Sylph sent out her vibes to exorcise the spirit, but to no avail. The shadow remained on the wall and began creeping towards her. Now Sylph was frightened. She fired a thunderbolt into the hallway and it struck a large, unseeable shape. There was silence as the shadow on the wall disappeared.

Sylph was panting with fright. She had never seen such a thing in her life. The mere presence of the thing had made her feel sick inside. Similar to the feeling she got when she was around Deoxes.

Sylph: I must warn the Master…about this intruder!

It didn’t take long for Sylph to get to Deoxe’s chamber. The master of Psychic types sat on his throne, the disgusting fake eye glimmering horribly in the dim light. Sylph crouched in front of her master, quivering.

Sylph: Master, I know you wish to see me about something, but I have a most concerning report that you must know about!

Deoxes: my, my, my…you look terrified. What have you seen, little Sylph?

Sylph: something was in the hallway. It was invisible, but I could feel its presence and see its shadow. Master, I beg you, you must do something. I...I could feel…it wanted to take my life!

Deoxes appeared to be smiling.

Deoxes: “take your life…” I like the way you worded that, Sylph.

Sylph: if I hadn’t have shot a thunderbolt at it, I am sure I would have died.

Deoxes leaned forwards in his throne. His voice made Sylph feel shivers along her spine.

Deoxes: you attacked him? Most brave of you, Sylph. But it gives me pleasure to inform you that the person you saw is on our side. Nergal, show yourself.

All the warmth drained out of the room on Deoxe’s command. Sylph stared at the wall as a figure began to appear, and a dark black cloak billowed across the room. At once, a wave of nauseating dark energy engulfed Sylph, causing her vision to cloud slightly.
Sylph closed her eyes and tried to overcome the feeling in her stomach. When she opened them again, a thing shrouded in pitch-black robes stood before her. The being lifted the shroud over his face, and Sylph recoiled in shock.

Sylph: Ah!! But…but Master…that’s a…human!

Deoxes: ha ha ha ha ha ha! Nergal is no ordinary human, Sylph. In fact, he no longer is human.

Nergal was a cruel, evil looking man. His dark blue-gray hair just showed under the black turban on his head, which seemed to cover half of his face. He looked old, about in his sixties, but Sylph could feel in her mind that he was centuries older than he appeared. The robed man stepped forward and raised his hand to the goatee on his chin. Sylph shivered with fear.

Sylph: Master Deoxes, what is this…human…doing in our perfect world? Your aim was to purge all humans from the planet, was it not? T…then why…do you allow…

Deoxes: now, now, Sylph. Nergal is a perfect human. Powerful, ruthless…perfect. I have nothing against such humans, and besides, Nergal is aiding my cause.

Sylph didn’t trust this newcomer. The power radiating from the man was beyond comprehension. It truly frightened her to the point that she wanted to flee the room, but she stood her ground.

Nergal: quite a blast you gave me back in the corridor, Gardevoir. I almost felt it. Well done.

Sylph: what are you doing here? And how do you understand our language!?

Nergal: come now, do you honestly believe that a being of my power level wouldn’t be able to crack your pathetic language? Really, I had no idea you would be so naïve.

Nergal began to circle Sylph. He stopped behind her and spoke to Deoxes again.

Nergal: I like this one. She reminds me of my old servants…

Deoxes: yes…Sylph is a fine underling.

Nergal: never mind that, I’m ready to supply you with a new army, should you need it. And army of perfect soldiers. And I must congratulate you. The wars you’ve caused have generated a wonderful amount of FORCE.

Sylph: what is he talking about? What is all this about perfect armies and force? Has something been planned that I do not know about?

Nergal was now completely silent. Deoxes stood up and looked down at Sylph.

Deoxes: Sylph, this does not concern you. All I want from you is the death of those rebels. Do you think you can do that?

Sylph: y-yes!

Deoxes: good. I also want you to do one more thing for me.

Sylph: what?

Deoxes: bring every Pokemon under my command out into the great hall, every last one, and select a few whom you believe to be capable fighters.

Sylph turned obediently and glided out of the room. Nergal’s presence still haunted her. This semi-human being seemed completely devoid of a soul. Soon, she entered the main control room, and turned on the intercom.

Sylph: attention all Pokemon. Gather en masse in the great hall. The Master’s orders.

A little while later, the great hall of Mr. Pyre, the area where all the tombstones had once resided was full of Pokemon soldiers, standing to attention. Sylph stood on an elevated platform and watched as Deoxes and Nergal appeared. There was a gasp from the crowd of Pokemon and mutterings of “human!” but Deoxes silenced them all with a wave of his hand.

Deoxes: when you all pledged your alliance to me, you swore that you’d obey my every orders, and aid me in my plans for a human-free world. In return for your service, I would grant you all the right to live, true?

There was a chorus of “TRUE” from the assembled crowd.

Deoxes: Sylph. Choose those you believe to be fine fighters.

Sylph stared into the crowd of Pokemon. She singled out Keshi, who came and stood by her side. Next she chose the three generals of her Psychic army, a Solrock called Slate. A Claydol by the name of Jijei and Arco the Alakazam.

Sylph: that should be it…no…yes, that’s it.

Deoxis: truly? This is your final chance, Sylph.

These words made Sylph feel slightly suspicious. She quickly chose some more soldiers to whom she’d become fond of and then nodded nervously at Deoxes.

Deoxes: very well. Nergal, you may now begin.

There was a rumbling that shook the whole temple. The Pokemon gathered in the great hall began to panic, and uncertain cries of fear began to fill the air. Sylph turned around on her platform and stared around with terror in her eyes. It felt like the base was about to explode!

A sound brought her attention back to Nergal, who was walking towards the crowd of Pokemon, his robes flying behind him.

Nergal: ERISHKIGAL!!!

Sylph’s mind warped the minute Nergal cast his spell. A black hole opened up right in the middle of the room, and black spheres of arcane magic began to appear amongst the terrified Pokemon, shaking spasmodically like a dying creature. Suddenly, a pulse, a flash of light and a death-like groan engulfed the room, and Sylph’s ears were filled with the sounds of a massacre.

Deoxes: I have, however, changed my view on things. Useless Pokemon such as yourselves don’t deserve to live. Your lives are no use to me anymore, but my friend Nergal, on the other hand, can fix that. So now you are all going to die! Ha…ha…ha ha ha…ahahahahahahahaah! Hahahahaha hahaahaahaaaaaa!!

A black haze had just appeared over all the weakened Pokemon, who were now lying on the ground, still alive, but hardly. Sylph couldn’t believe that such a thing was happening. Was Deoxes truly ordering this demon to slaughter his entire army, with the exception of her and the Pokemon she’d chosen? Sylph’s mind snapped. She couldn’t allow this to happen. Breaking away from her few chosen ones, who were staring dumbfoundedly at the scene of death in front of them, she glided down to the dark haze in the attempt to perhaps save a few more lives. Trying not to touch the death fog, Sylph stared deep into the darkness, and saw the Girafarig named Tred, staring back at her amongst others. He was obviously in pain as his life was being drained, but Sylph could still hear the words that he spoke as clearly as if he was standing right beside her.

Tred: Lady Sylph…you promised…you’d make me a…captain…

Sylph: no! Tred!

It was too late, the darkness closed and Sylph could see nothing.

Sylph: …I’ll make you a captain…

As the haze cleared, Sylph was sure she could see the souls of the Pokemon that were killed. They were confused, as if trapped, and then one by one, they transformed into balls of light that slowly trailed back to Nergal.

Keshi: no…no! Brimon! Where are you? Where is my friend?

Keshi and a few others who remained stared into the empty space were five-hundred Pokemon had once stood and began searching for their lost friends. Sylph looked at Keshi’s grieving face and then at Deoxes. Deoxes was smiling!

Sylph: Keshi…this time…I feel hatred for Deoxes…clearer than truth, I feel hatred beyond that I’ve ever felt before.

Keshi: Brimon my friend…what have they done to you?

Brimon, Keshi’s childhood companion was a Banette who had belonged to Spiteshade’s army. Now, he was gone, along with many other Pokemon sucked into oblivion by Nergal.
Nergal…The name made Sylph boil inside. With one swoop, she glided down from the platform and made her way towards the robed human, bent of vengeance.

Sylph: NERGAL!!! PREPARE YOURSELF!!

Sylph use her most potent Psychic attack, and directed it at the person standing before her. He smiled and allowed the spell to glance off his body, completely harmless.

Nergal: feisty aren’t we? You shouldn’t let vengeance cloud your better judgement, Pokemon, it could be bad for your health.

Deoxes: Sylph, desist. Otherwise I’ll kill you as well.

Sylph wanted to cry. Not only had Deoxes sentenced an entire horde of worthy soldiers to death, but she had just met an enemy who she couldn’t touch. She sank to the ground, disillusioned and tired.

Nergal swooped across the cold stone floor like a rippling black slug. With a glance at Deoxes, he gathered a ball of dark energy in his hand.

Nergal: this is quite excellent…force…

Deoxes: just say it.

Nergal: oh fine, Quintessence. Brilliant. It only takes half the amount taken to create a morph. And now I’ll use half of this power to create you a better army, and the other half goes towards reviving you-know-who.

Deoxes: go on then.

Nergal walked to the center of the great hall and raised his arms to the ceiling. A sickly light filled the room and a low moaning sound could be heard echoing off the walls.

Sylph and her remaining comrades stared in awe and fear as each and every Pokemon that Nergal had killed began to re-appear. Bone by bone, muscle fiber by muscle fiber, until the entire army stood in its place as if nothing had happened.
But something had happened. All the warmth in the room had disappeared. The revived soldiers were cold and somehow different. Their eyes glowed with a strange golden light and their skins were pale. They looked dead.

Sylph: what have you…done?

Keshi stuttered and then walked down to the Pokemon he knew to be Brimon. Sylph watched him to see what would happen.

Keshi: B…Brimon? Is that you?

Brimon turned to look at Keshi, staring with his creepy golden eyes, completely devoid of emotion.

Morph: hhhyyyaahhah….

Keshi recoiled in disgust. He ran back up to Sylph, sobbing.

Keshi: that’s not Brimon…it’s not…Mistress, please do something to calm me, I want to die!

Sylph reached into Keshi’s mind and made him calm. He sat next to her with a stupid, contented look on his face. For the first time ever, she felt that her tampering with his mind was wrong.

Deoxes: behold…an army of Pokemon morphs! Perfect soldiers, completely impervious to stupid, useless emotions such as pity, care and sorrow.

The morphs just stared straight ahead, even breathing in unison.

Deoxes: but Nergal…they don’t seem able to talk…

Nergal: no. They don’t need to. I have made them to follow orders and nothing more. Now if you will excuse me, I must be going now. My task here is done, and I have to get back to the dimension I’ve been stationed in. We’re not very far off from restoring the master, your creator, Devil’s Machine.

Nergal warped away without as much as a sound.

Deoxes: Sylph. Prepare the troops for war and stand by to destroy the rebels. Those rebels will be my test subjects for this new army. You needn’t go with them, the morphs are perfectly capable of devising strategies on their own.

Sylph: Master…why? Why did you do this? What do you hope to gain from all this killing?

Deoxes: it shouldn’t matter to you, Sylph. I spared you. You serve me.

Sylph: but what of the others? You promised them life, and now you’ve…

Deoxes: Sylph…you will serve me. Betray me, Sylph, and I will turn you inside out…alive.

Sylph bowed shakily and slowly turned and made to walk off to her bed. Suddenly, she turned around and stared at the morph created from Tred’s essence.

Sylph: you…are a captain.

The morph said nothing.

#@$%^$#^%#$%^#$^%@#$%

After Sylph and the remaining sentient Pokemon had left the room, Deoxes turned to a Sandslash at his side who had just appeared.

Deoxes: what do you want, Scout?

Scout: master…what…happened here? You killed them, didn’t you!? Y…you killed them!!

Deoxes: I will take your life too if you shed but one tear in my presence. Now what is the news?

Scout: I…we’ve managed to detect a small group of Pokemon who appear to be working for the rebels. They consist of a Jigglypuff, a Charizard, a Medicham and a Keclion. One of the survivors of Klyncher’s army told me about them before he…well um…

Deoxes: spit it out.

Scout: We’ve recently met a mercenary who says he has a friend who can take care of these spies for you. He could not make it to see you in person, but he sent his friend with us to meet you and get your approval.

Deoxes: a mercenary…what are his demands?

Scout: a position as a Ruler of The Night, sir.

Deoxes: heh heh heh…he’s a little late for that, isn’t he? Very well, who is this friend of his? Bring him in.

Scout: he calls himself Twinkles, the Dance of Death.

Deoxes: …my, my, my…aren’t we lucky. Who would have thought…

Scout: do you know this Pokemon, sir?

Deoxes: the Dance of Death, a Pokemon who slew an entire army of Shiftry single-handedly…
I have heard of him before.

Scout: sir, will you be hiring his skills?

Deoxes: why not. Give him his mission…hahhahahahaha….

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

ah, an update of the darker side of this fic. I wonder what promise Contrast has with Wiles. hmmm... anyway, i kinda suspected what Deoxes was going to do with all the pokemon, but i didn't expect that to happen. you-know-who, huh? well, you said b4 that it's not who we suspect, so i'm fresh out of ideas unless its.... ha! fooled you! did you really think i was going to tell you? lol. Foolish mortal, Trix (tm) are for kids!!!

 

[jet]

your still writing this? man i've got alot to catch up on

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

CHAPTER 8: PART 9

Ness’s legion was in the middle of a small war. Already, they’d defeated a significant number of enemy troops. Ness watched as a shooter aimed his weapon and fired. Ness nimbly evaded the attack and retaliated with a PSI Sport, defeating his foe with one blast.
There wasn’t any enemies in the area, so Ness turned to Fox and Paula and discussed their next move.

Ness: they’ve still got a fair amount of fighters left. What are we gonna do?

Fox: we’ve played defensive for long enough now. Let’s charge them.

Paula: wait…it could be a trap. I say we head up the road there and take that burger house over there.

Ness looked along where Paula was pointing. There was a “Big Cheezo Burger House” not far away. It would make a good fortress if someone could get on the roof.

Sound effects: that’s a good idea. Even if you do go over there, you are still out of the enemy’s range.

Ness: come on, dudes! To the burger house!

@#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%

Meanwhile, Denning and his underlings had a map of the city and were also planning their next move. The morphs gathered around the map and began poking at the dots with their pale fingers.

Morph: Excellent, it looks like they’re going to try to take the burger house. Is this the right time to spring our reinforcements? Master Denning, what do you propose we do next?

Denning pointed to several dots on the map and then said “We have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable.” quite matter-of-factly. The Morph on the right slapped his forehead with frustration.

Morph: oh, this is just GREAT! What on earth did Lady Sonia have in mind when she resurrected this idiot!?

Denning: (pokes Morph in the eye.)

Morph: OW, IT HURTS ME!!! (falls off the top of the building and dies.)

Denning: …

Morph #2: if I may, sir. I think it would be wise to activate our trap now.

Denning nodded. The morph waved his hand and several Mages and one Sage appeared on top of the burger house. Ness flinched and pulled back.

Fox: whoa! Where did those guys come from?

Ness: we fell for a trap! TO ARMS!

One Mage armed with a Thunder tome attacked Mr. Game and Watch, damaging him a little. He didn’t have any long-ranged attacks and couldn’t do anything. Three more Mages gathered around Mr. Game and Watch and attacked. He managed to dodge all their spells. Next, the other three Mages attacked Adeline, who nimbly dodged all their attacks. Finally, the Sage moved towards Fox and attacked him with a Fire tome. It hit and Fox took some damage. Fox then aimed his blaster and hit four times, defeating his attacker.

Ness: argh! That was a sneaky tactic, you bums! How many freaks do they have hiding here??

After defeating the remaining Mages, Adeline got to work healing those who were injured. When that was finished, Ness decided that he’d had enough of being pushed around.

Ness: come on, let’s rush them.

Fox: eh?

Ness: let’s just rush in there and blow them all away! It’s not like they’re very hard. We should be able to take out that entire army by ourselves! Easily!

Fox: perhaps you’re right. I mean, if we start losing, we can always retreat back to the burger house.

Sound effects: uh…guys…

Jeff: what?

Sound effects: oh, nothing. Go on and charge.

The assault went very well. Ness and his friends sliced through the enemy troops like a hot knife through butter. Soon they were close to the building which Denning was standing on.

Morph #2: Master Denning…they’re getting closer, and we don’t have any troops left. I think we should bring out our secret weapon.

Denning: we have been sent…

Morph #2: yes, yes, I know. Now do we bring out the secret weapon.

Denning nodded. The morph sighed with relief and signaled to a lackey.

Morph #2: you. Go and fetch the secret weapon.

Morph #3: huh? Why me? I don’t want to get near that disgusting creature…

Morph #2: don’t argue with me, just go!

Morph #3: nyah nyah nyah. (walks off.)

By now Ness and his friends were almost at the base of the building. Denning watched as they finished off the last mercenary and silently took out his sniper rifle.

Sound effects: wHOa There! He’s got a sniper rifle!

Ness: who?

Sound effects: the dude up there on the building. Stay out of his range, we’ve got to get him to run out of ammo. Is any one of you good at dodging?

Fox: I have a better idea…

Fox ran into Denning’s range and activated his reflector. Denning stupidly fired at him and the bullet reflected straight up into the air, harmless.

Denning: …

Fox: you want another shot at me? Then just try! (deactivates reflector.)

Denning now fired at Fox again. Fox dodged the bullet and put his reflector up again. Denning fired and the bullet shot off into the sky. Fox repeated this pattern two more times and Denning ran out of sniper bullets.

Fox: man, you are stupid, do you know that?

Denning: …mice…

Ness was about to order a charge when a strange sensation came over him. Somehow, the space around him didn’t feel normal. It felt thick and silent.

Ness: uh…Paula…do you feel that?

Paula: I…think I do…Isn’t that a…

Poo: MAGIC SEAL!!! WHAAAA!!

Fox took out his binoculars and zoomed in on the top of the building. There, standing next to Denning, was a yukky looking old man wearing a red hood.

Fox: eh? Who’s that old fart?

Ness: Fox! That’s a Magic Seal!! A person or creature who’s presence alone blocks all magic, including PSI!! Adeline, me, Paula, Poo and Captain Falcon can’t use our magic with that thing up there!

Fox: oh no…

Ness: ah…at least Denning doesn’t have any sniper ammo. He can’t attack us, so let’s get over to that building. Perhaps we can find some other way to beat him…

Denning, meanwhile, was trying not to look at the foul thing standing just to his left. The morph who’d asked for it to be brought in stood to attention.

Morph #2: Master Denning. I have brought you Kishuna the Magic Seal. With him taking part in this battle, our opponents cannot damage you with their magical attacks.

Kishuna: (quietly) beans and milkshake are nothing but tuna fish.

Morph #2: er…he seems to have gotten a little bit more vocal since Sonia resurrected him…

Kishuna: (just audible) I want to throw your underwear up a mine shaft made of rice.

Morph #2: … aaand he’s gotten somewhat senile, but that shouldn’t matter, should it, Master?

Denning: We have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable.

Morph #2: I thought so.

@#$%@#$%^@#$^@#$@#$%#@$5

Specll sat at a long table in the Galactic Federation building, not touching the cereal he’d poured for his breakfast. Pokey had already finished the entire buffet and was now starting on the desert. Sonia sat just opposite Specll, her cruel glare boring into his.

Sonia: does your friend always have such deplorable manners?

Specll: yes.

Edward: OOOOIiIiiIII!!! (pops out of the porridge, showering everything with lumpy oats and milk.)

Sonia: (wiping stuff out of her eye.) ah…I see.

Specll took a bite out of his cereal and looked out the 23rd story window. He immediately spat the mouthful of wheat flakes and milk all over the glass and jumped out of his chair.

Specll: (pointing at the road.) d-DOWN THERE!! IT’S THEM!!

Pokey: uh?

Specll: my half-brother and those annoying freaks are HERE!!

Sonia: oh, yes, that’s right. I forgot to tell you that we’d be having a little war this morning…hmm, they appear to be doing very well. Only Denning and Kishuna left? My, my, this should be interesting.

Specll: he just doesn’t learn, does he!? Fox just has to be the hero. That bloody fool.

Sonia: I wonder if they’ll manage to make it up here? That would be a hoot…

Specll: I wouldn’t underestimate them, Sonia. They’ve defeated over half of our members already. What makes you so certain you can beat them?

Sonia: sit down, you’re blocking the view. With Kishuna here, I have nothing to worry about.

Specll: but Kishuna blocks YOUR magic as well! Did you think of that?

Sonia took a tome out of a large pocked in her flowing dress. She held it up for Specll to see.

Sonia: this is a Bolting tome. With this, I can attack from a distance. I don’t need to be in Kishuna’s presence to hurt them.

Specll: you can only use the magic in that book five times. It’ll break way before you get to destroy one of them!

Sonia: well…aren’t you smart. Hmm..well I don’t need magic all the time, do I? Anyone can use a gun.

Specll watched as Sonia took an Uzi out of her pocked and twirled it around. Edward Hemorrhoid jiggled up and down with excitement.

Edward: DO ThAt AgaAIn!!

Sonia: ooh…look. Denning is coming out to meet them. Let’s watch this.

#@$%@#$%@#^@#^

Ness watched as Denning teleported down from the top of the Galactic Federation building and appeared on the ground in front of them, armed with his uber-powerful TZ-238.

Denning: We have been sent to dispose of you mice. Death is inevitable.

Paula: I’ve memorized your stupid message by now!

Ness: hey…that’s the Galactic Federation building…

C. Falcon: ARE YOU READEAH??

Jeff: ready for what?

C. Falcon: FOR MY PECS, THAT’S WHAT!!

Captain Falcon crouched on the ground and did some weird things with his pectoral muscles that made Ness blush. Adeline cleared her throat and twisted Captain Falcon’s ear.

C. Falcon: OWOWOWOWOW!! Watch the lugs!

Ness: hmm…we don’t know what to expect from Denning…Falcon, you go first. Attack him with…uh…your Brawling attack.

Captain Falcon saluted Ness and flew through the air, kicking Denning in the face. Denning didn’t seem to be very badly damaged at all.

Ness: whoah…he’s stronger than I thought…

Before Captain Falcon could do anything, Denning jammed his fingers into the side of Falcon’s neck. The Pressure point attack dealt critical damage, leaving Captain Falcon with very low health.

C, Falcon: BLIMEY!!

Fox: OOGH!!

Ness: ay caramba! Adeline, get him away from there!

Adeline quickly painted up a Banner and Captain Falcon was teleported away from Denning and transferred to her side.

Ness: aw, quick, retreat, everybody. We have to think of how to fight him safely.

All of Ness’s units moved out of Denning’s attack range. Up the top of the Galactic Federation building, Sonia and Specll were looking down on the scene. Sonia made a posh laughing noise with her nose.

Sonia: well, well. Denning is doing a good job.

Specll: you still haven’t gotten us the item yet.

Sonia: look, if you’re so concerned about that item, you can go get it yourself. I’ve sent that bounty hunter after it and she should get it. Patience is a virtue.

Specll: not when our enemies are right at our doorstep it’s not. Samus is taking way too long. Give us the co-ordinates of this place and we’ll go get it ourselves.

Sonia: hmph. Fine, here’s the co-ordinates. (hands over a slip of paper.) If you see that annoying bounty hunter, do away with her for me, will you?

Specll: I’ll do what I like. Now if you will excuse me…Pokey, Edward…we’re going.

Edward: BUT THE Cu$tard!!

Pokey: there isn’t any custard, you spaz. It’s breakfast.

@#$%@#$%@#^$^^^^$%^$%

Samus looked at Falco. Falco looked at Samus. Samus looked at the big glowing ball of stuff that was looming before them.

Falco: you’ve been doing this for a while, so you tell me just what that thing is.

Samus: I have no idea…just let me scan it…

Samus quickly ran a scan on the pulsating ball of whatever that was floating not a few meters away from her and printed it.

Falco: …h…where did you get that piece of paper from?

Samus: I printed it. It’s the scan.

Falco: where’s your printer?

Samus: you don’t want to know.

Falco held the piece of paper (carefully) and read out loud.

Falco: “This is a Squezimerdtchs. They are only found in dank, old places that smell of something. Their body is composed entirely of glowing, luminescent jelly that you can’t eat. If you do eat it, you’ll get a fast-acting, lethally potent form of diarrhea. This organism defends its nest by firing T-rays at potential intruders. After only 3 seconds of exposure to T-rays, you will age 200 years in one millisecond and you will get cooties.”

Samus: …

Falco: …

Samus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Falco: SHH!! You’ll scare it!

Samus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Falco: SILENCE!!

The squezimerdtchs made a really, REALLY strange noise and fired a bright pink beam at Falco. Falco instinctively put up his reflector and the beam went straight through the squezimerdtchs and hit a rock behind it. Almost immediately, the rock turned pink and began dancing around to a stupid beat and confetti and fireworks and underwear began to spew forth from it like a waterfall. Samus and Falco just stared with their mouths open as this rock did everything they could possibly think of at once. They had never seen anything like this before. There was pink streamers and party poppers and dancing elves and music and hypnotic pink lights just coming from EVERYWHERE!!!

Samus: uh…the scan isn’t complete, by the way. (Hands Falco another sheet of paper.)

Falco: “Sometimes, a squezimerdtchs will fire off a mardigrah beam. This beam will turn you into a living festival.”

Falco and Samus eyed each other and then ran squealing through the ruins until they came to a door. Without thinking, Samus blasted the door down, entering into a secret room.

Falco: hey…you discovered some new place.

Samus: I did too.
==================================
What lies in this strange new room. Will Ness finally lose to Denning? Who is Twinkles? Find out next update! HAHOI!!

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

ah, Ness's fight seemed to be going well, until that Kishuna guy appeared. IMO they should have someone go up to him and just take him out really quick and get back to pw|\|1n9 Denning. Taking away their PSI is really bad for the EB crew because, aside from Jeff, that's what makes them so strong.

anyway, it seems like Samus and Falco are in for a big surprize when Specll appears. maybe they'll end up having to fight the Squezimerdtchs together. but then again, there's always the secret room that they found. might have some upgrade for Samus's Suit.

anyway, keep it up, NESSBOUNDER!

 

[ultimaiq2]

Wow, great update. I lost counts of how many times I have laughed at the time Samus and Falco met the squezimerdtchs^_^

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

CHAPTER 8: PART 10

Ness sat back and eyed Denning cautiously. Denning obviously wasn’t going to move from his place. That was good. His gun was also safely stowed in his holster and he was in his deadly pressure point mode. It was then that Sound effects had a brilliant idea.

Sound effects: hey Ness…let’s trick him into using his gun, then you can all rush in and attack him at close range, without him being able to counterattack you. It’s hard to use a laser gun at close range.

Ness: heyy…I like that…

Fox: yeh, I’ll just go in and use my refle…

Ness: no! If you go in and use your reflector, he’ll just attack you at close range. We need someone who’s good at dodging and has really beefy defence.

Paula: I should be good for the dodging bit, but my defense if far from beefy.

Ness: hmmm…

Ness looked up at Kishuna the Magic Seal. The range of Kishuna’s presence reached not too far from where they were already standing.

Ness: right. I’ve got an idea. Paula, follow me. You come with us, Adeline.

Adeline: coming.

Ness: right. I’m going to get out of the Magic Seal’s range and use Shield on Paula. Adeline, you then revitalise Paula. Paula then goes straight to Denning. You should reach his gun range before the shield gets too thin.

Paula: brilliant…

Ness: I know.

It worked to perfection. After Adeline had revitalized Paula with a Masterpiece, Paula charged at Denning, stopping within his gun range. Sure enough, Denning took out his TZ-238 and fired at Paula. The beam of light barely missed her.

Paula: Ha HA!!…WHOA!!

Denning aimed the gun and fired again. Paula copped the beam right in the stomach. Luckily, the shield was still active, and she managed to hang on by the skin of her teeth.

Paula: AaUH!!

Ness: PAULA!! Quick, everyone!! ATTAAAAAACK!!

Mr. Game and Watch was the first to attack Denning. He whipped out his turtle, but didn’t get a critical hit. Denning didn’t seem to mind the cuts that had just been inflicted on him. Next, Fox rushed in and attacked with Fighting, hitting Denning four times for only mediocre damage. Denning wasn’t even on half health yet.

Captain Falcon: I’m GOING to tRY THiS AGAIN, BAYBEEE!!! WAAAAHH!!!

Captain Falcon used Brawling again. Denning was now past half health, and was starting to worry just slightly.

Jeff decided not to attack yet, seeing as he actually didn’t have any close range weapons besides the Hungry HP Sucker.

Ness was still standing outside of Kishuna’s presence. He looked up at the foul creature on top of the building and began to think. Perhaps he could attack Kishuna with PK thunder…he could easily reach the top of the building with the PSI attack. In the Galactic System, PK Thunder could travel at least five times the distance it would in the Smash Bros Academy. But that wasn’t the problem. Ness didn’t know how defensive Kishuna was, and PK thunder wasn’t exactly the most powerful weapon Ness had.

Ness: I can either attack Denning and hope to do some damage to him…or I can attack the Magic Seal and hope it’s really weak…what do I do?

Ness took a coin out of his pocket and flipped it.

Ness: heads, it’s Denning. Tails, it’s the Seal…

BiNg! The coin landed on the cold cement. Ness groaned. It had come up tails.

Ness: oh well…here goes!

ZAM!! Ness forced his mind out through the top of his head to create the bolt that was PK Thunder. He was now a ball of energy, floating high above the heads of the others, his empty body left motionless on the ground. Ness directed himself up to the top of the building until the cloaked figure came into view. He felt like some sort of suicide bomber.

Ness: (thinking) It’s time to see what you’re made of, Magic Seal!

Kishuna looked up at the approaching ball of energy and muttered something untranslatable under his breath. Just as Ness was about to careen into him, Kishuna zoomed out of the way like a marathon runner, his cloak flying behind him, exposing a set of skinny old legs.

Ness: (thinking) ****e!! He’s fast!!

Kishuna stopped again and Ness tried to direct himself back around for another swoop. This time, Kishuna jumped over him with a spectacular forward summersault. Ness was so awestruck at the sight of a dilapidated old man flipping around like a gymnast, that he forgot where he was going and crashed into a wall, totally useless.

As Ness’s mind returned to his body, he felt defeated. Sure, they had’t lost yet, but they didn’t know if they had the stuff to beat Denning without PSI.

Ness: we’re just going to have to be careful…very careful.

@_)#$(*%@#_$)(*%#_)$%(#_)$(%^

On top of the Galactic Federation Building, Kishuna stopped flipping around long enough to realize that he wasn’t being attacked any more. The fact that he’d been attacked at all made him feel slightly upset. He folded his arms and began muttering again.

Kishuna: (muttering) that toe shouldn’t be there. If I want ice cream, I’ll tell your mum. I’ve had enough, Dave. You play too rough. I’m taking the ball and going home.

With a fizz of arcane magic, Kishuna teleported away, probably to some place where he could pursue his pointless existence further, without disturbances.

@#$%@#^@^%$@%^#$%^#$%^$%

Paula: HEY!! The air…it’s Normal again!!

Ness: heh? But I missed him!! What the heck?

Poo: CONFUNCTIONUS SAYS: BRILLIANCE IS BLISS!!

Jeff: who the heck is Confunctionous?

Poo: INVENTOR OF THE BRUSSEL’S SPROUT!!!!! (Flails arms wildly.)

Paula: Oh yeah! I’m moving in! You guys will have to attack from a distance, so watch yourselves.

Denning: OH SHEITZER!!!

Everyone: WHAA??

Denning: …We have been sent to destroy you mice. Death is inevitable.

Paula: oh, I thought you spoke.

Paula ran behind Denning and howled a PSI Freeze right into his back. He was now on critical condition.

Poo: my turn…

Poo shot off his PSI Freeze, but Denning managed to avoid it. It was now down to Adeline and Jeff. Jeff gulped. He knew without fail that he could hit Denning, but he wasn’t nearly powerful enough to defeat him in one shot.

Jeff: argh…what am I going to do?

Adeline: you could look at this, for a start.

Adeline held up to Jeff one of the most stupid and ridiculously idiotic dumb paintings he had ever seen. It was just a blue splot on a white canvass; I mean…come on! How can you call that art?

Jeff: that’s…dumb!!

Adeline: it sells for one million dollars, too!

Jeff: that’s…DuMb!!!

Jeff drew his heavy bazooka and fired at Denning, hardly even aiming. The shell hit Denning right on the side of his head, not exploding, but knocking him totally unconscious. Everyone watched as the unexploded shell did a graceful flip into the air and landed on the concrete, detonating and obliterating Denning into…well…oblivion.

Ness: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Jeff: oops…I sort of lost my cool…but hey, I beat him!

Adeline: you’re so hot, Jeff!!

(deadly silence)

Adeline: uh…I mean you’re so hot-headed when you need to be. Hee hee hee…

Jeff was indeed hot. His body temperature was on the rise and his face was going red. Fox leaned over and whispered something in Jeff’s ear.

Fox: I know how you feel, kid.

@#$%@#$%@#$^@#$^@#$^$@^

Sonia felt like kicking something with rage. She aimed her foot at the nearest pillar, badly denting her toe.

Sonia: OWW!!! Blast that Kishuna!! He’s such a d*ck! That’s the third time he’s done that to us! RRRRRRGH!!

Sonia reached into her dress and took out a thick book, but it wasn’t a tome, it was a telephone book.

Sonia: I’ve yet to have the last laugh, though. Hahahaha…(takes out mobile phone.) Hello? Mute City police force? There’s been a real killer of a streetfight going on out here. If you come to the Galactic Federation building as fast as you can, you might catch some of the brawlers involved…oh yes…lots of dead bodies…I know, terrible, huh…no I do know a ten-letter word for fish…yes, I’m sure…SHUT UP!! (hangs up.)
What idiotic people!!

#@$^%#$^^^^$$$$$$$$$$$######

Ness: I somehow think we should check out the Galactic Federation building…it seems kind of dodgy…

C. Falcon: seeing as we’ve just overcome a big challenge, I think the occasion calls for ****** PUPPETRY!!!

Captain Falcon crouched on the ground and tore off his shirt. With a black marker pen, he wrote the words “Joey” and “Phoebe” on his nipples. He then began to flex his pecs to the disgust of everyone else in the party.

C. Falcon: HOW ARE YOU TODAY, JOEY? (flexes left pec) I AM FINE, AND HOW ARE YOU, PHOEBE? (flexes right pec) NOT SO GOOD. I BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFREIND AND I’M HAVING A BABY!! (sticks out his bum.) HI GUYS! (flexes his left pec) OH, HI JOHNNY!!

Fox: ugh…

Ness: that’s just…

The sound of police sirens ended the disturbing scene. Captain Falcon suddenly had another shirt on. Ness turned around to see a big, burly cop aiming a gun at him.

Officer Slardmuffin: GET ON THE GROUND WITH YOA HANDS ON YOA BUTTS, FOA AH AM YOA MOM!!!

Ness: aye aye, captain!

The officer was so intimidating that everyone did as they were told, even Falcon.

Slardmuffin: THAT FOOLS ‘EM EVERY TIME. OF COURSE AH’M NOT YOA MOM, YA TURDS!! AH AM THE POLICE OFFICER WHO’S GONNA BUST A CA…

Paula: excuse me, but could you try not to spit everywhere when you talk? It’s kind of gross.

Slardmuffin: DON’T YOU GO TALKN’ TO ME LIKE THAT MISSIE! (rolls head.) I AM IN CHARGE OF GETTING’YOU ALL TO JAIL, YA HEAR?

Fox: to jail? What have we done?

Slardmuffin: DON’T ACT THE STUPID BOY WITH ME, DUDE!! I CAN SEE BY ALL THE DEAD GUYS THAT YOU’VE COMMITIED HOMOCIDE!

Fox: that’s homicide…

Slardmuffin: WHATEVER!!!

Ness gritted his teeth. The grounds were littered with dead morphs.

Ness: but you don’t understand! I swear it was all in self-defense!

Slardmuffin: DO AH LOOK LIKE A FOO? (yes..) NO, SERIOUSLY, TELL IT TO THE JUDGE, ‘COS AH AIN’T LISTENING!!

Ness groaned. He could quite easily beat up the cop and run, but that didn’t seem right. Besides, he’d fought cops before, and they weren’t any fun, what with those night sticks and all…

Fox: huh…do we get a lawyer?

Slardmuffin: YEA, MAYBE. NOW GET IN MA CAR, YA BUMS!!!

Adeline: you’re spitting again, officer.

Slardmuffin: %_%

Adeline: EEK!

Ness: how the heck do you do that??

Slardmuffin: THAT’S FOA ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO GUESS. NOW GET IN THAT CAR BEFOA AH PISTOL WHIP YOU BACK TO THE STONE AGE, FOOS!!

Everyone obediently crammed into the cop car, too scared of Slardmuffin’s eye trick to disobey. Slardmuffin turned on the radio and began singing along to a song, totally out of tune.

Slardmuffin: AH LOVE YOU BAYBEEEAHH!! YOU ARE LIKE PUDDIN TO MEEEEE!!!! BECAUUUUUSE YOU AREEE SOOOO YUMMY!!

Ness: this is H*llish!!

Poo: now would be a great time for me to practice my meditations! (goes to sleep.)

Adeline: Poo doesn’t say much, does he.

Slardmuffin had just turned on the windshield wipers because the wetness was making it hard to drive…the thing is, it wasn’t raining, and the wetness was on his side of the windshield.

Slardmuffin: WHAT MAGIC IS THIS???

Paula: that’s your spit!! Stop singing, you’re like a garden hose when ever you open your mouth!

Slardmuffin: nyah nyah nyah…

C. Falcon: ooh, look! A dog!

Fox: where? Move your legs, I can’t see through the window. You’re pressed up against it!

C. Falcon: it just pooped on that old lady’s shoe! She’s trying to kick it off! OH WOW! Did you see that?

Fox: WHAT??

C. Falcon: she kicked her foot and the turd went flying!! It hit some guy right on his bald head and he doesn’t know it’s there! HE…HE JUST PUT HIS HAT OVER IT AND IS WALKING AWAY!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Fox: I WANNA SEE!! A…agh…you’re…crushing me!!

C. Falcon: (flailing wildly) THAT WAS SO FUNKY!!

Fox: OW, THAT HURTS!! Stop…DAH..ohhh…

Captain Falcon had just kicked Fox in the head, concussing him.

Ness: this is ridiculous. How far away is the police station?

Slardmuffin: WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!?

Ness looked out the window on his side to find that Slardmuffin had been circumnavigating a roundabout for the last ten minutes. Fox let out a clearly audible groan of discomfort before Captain Falcon planted a knee into his stomach.

Ness: Mr. Cop…why are you just circling this roundabout?

Slardmuffin: SHH!! %_%

Ness: EEK!!

C. Falcon: I LOVE ROLLER COASTER RIDES!!

(KNEE IN SPUDS!!)

Fox: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

C. Falcon: ALL ABOARD THE SQUISHY EXPRESS!!

(ELBOW IN THROAT!!)

Fox: GURHH!! PLEASE, MaKE IT Stopggle…(cough.)

Paula: Falcon! Sit down, or you don’t get a lolly.

C. Falcon: Lolly!! (sits down, all angelic.)

Fox: aahhh…oh….the two places which hurt the most and he got them BOTH!! Aahgh…

Slardmuffin: that should be about enough momentum…NOW LET’S GET ON TO THE COP SHOP!! YEEEEEEEE-HAH!!

Slardmuffin drove off the roundabout with absolutely no improvement in speed whatsoever. In fact, he was driving under the speed limit, just to annoy drivers behind him.

Slardmuffin: oh, would you look at that? WE’RE NOW ENTERING THE SUPER FAST LANE. YOU GUYS CAN UNDOO YOUR SEATBELTS, ‘COS AH AM GOING AS SLOW AS AH CAN!!

“What a b*st*rd…” thought Ness as the sound of beeping horns filled the air. He looked over at Fox, who had more or less recovered from Captain Falcon’s assault.

Ness: if it wasn’t so crowded in here, I would use my PSI to get us out. But I’m afraid I might hurt someone. Don’t any of you have a weapon or something we can use?

Jeff: he took all my guns off me, they’re in the boot.

G&W: I doubt my key will open this door…

Fox: ah…wait a minute…I’ll check my pack.

Fox reached into his backpack and pulled out a tiny file. Ness recognized it instantly.

Ness: hey, that’s the Swiss File that Crazy Redd gave to you after we save his life, remember?

Fox: oh yeah…Well it doesn’t seem to be much use.

Fox held the file in his hand. With an almighty “DOING” The file grew to at least six times its original size, looking like a massive sword.

Fox: WHOA!!

Ness: man, that’s cool…I know…try and rasp through the door.

Fox swung the giant file to his right and rasped the car almost in half. Two more strokes, and he had separated the back half of the car from the front. Slardmuffin kept on driving, completely unaware that he’d just lost half of his car, and that sparks were flying off the road where his engine touched the bitumen.

Ness quickly ran around to the boot and blasted it open. Everyone grabbed their weapons and ran like crazy before Slardmuffin realized that they were gone.

Fox: man…this thing is so cool!

Ness watched as Fox shrunk the file down to normal size and put it in his pocket.

Ness: it rasps through any kind of metal with ease. I’d imagine it would make a good weapon, too.

Fox: that’s great. Why didn’t I decide to try it earlier?

C. Falcon: come on! LET’S GET LOLLY!! JOHNNY WANTS LOLLY!!

Paula half-heartedly produced a chuppa-chup from her pack and handed it to Captain Falcon. He ripped the lolly off the stick, ate the lolly and dropped the stick down the back of his pants. That’s when everyone looked away.

Suddenly, a thought came to Ness. They’d completely forgot about their first objective.

Ness: wait up, guys…we’re supposed to find Samus first. I think that we should do things one step at a time.

Paula: good idea. There’s no point rushing things.

Rawk berry: soonj.

Poo: did you manage to find out just where she is?

Ness: well…we could probably run a super PSI scan, you, me and Paula…but you’ve never done that with us before, so I don’t know if it’ll work.

Paula: well there’s no harm in trying, is there?

Ness:…well…no.

Paula: then come on!

Ness sighed. He grabbed Paula’s hand, and Poo grabbed his. Ness then proceeded to close his eyes and think as hard as he could while the others powered him up.

Ness: initiating mega psiwave…one, two…

BAZOOOOOMMMMM!!!! Ness emitted a PSI tracking wave that spanned 2343588733 million hectares in every direction. After only three minutes of shaking and sparking, Ness fell on his bum, totally fazed.

Paula: well? Did it work?

Ness: a bit…I think I got Samus…but it could be someone else, it’s hard to tell. I picked up Chozo mindwaves, and Samus is part Chozo. So it has to be her. She’s somewhere…that way. (points to the sky.)

G&W: gee, that’s helpful…

Ness: sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. All we need now is a map of the solar system and I should be able to pinpoint her exact location.

Fox: well there’s no time to waste! Let’s go to the travel agency!!

Everyone: TRAVEL AGENCY!!!

And they all held hands and skipped to the travel agency. And it was fun the whole way there.
------------------------------ ------------------------------------------
(camera rises up into the sky.)
To be continued…

 

[ultimaiq2]

C. Falcon: come on! LET’S GET LOLLY!! JOHNNY WANTS LOLLY!!

OMG that was funny:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

But I liked the rest of it too

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

ahh... good stuff. quality fic is my favorite delicasy on the net. lol. anyway, i've kinda been busy lately, so i've only just now been able to check for updates. it was really good, though, so it was worth the wait. lol at Adeline's comment to Jeff. and Officer Slardmuffin's strange %_% eye ability. anyway...

 

[MewtwoMaster2002]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY I finally got to read all three. They are good and funny.

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

CHAPTER 8: PART 11

Samus and Falco were obviously frightened of the squezimerdtch. The secret room Samus had stumbled into seemed to be safe enough, so they stayed there for a little while. In the quiet that followed, Falco decided to do something to liven up the mood.

Falco: a fat guy, a skinny guy and a beetroot walk into a bar…

Samus: I know it.

Falco: uh…well have you heard the one about the dirty weed?

Samus: yes. Mrs. Higgins turned out to be a prop stand.

Falco: sheesh, you’re good…

Samus: hmm…I can’t pick up the radiation of that squezi-thing any more. I think it’s gone.

Falco: great. Let’s get out of this smelly old room.

Just as Samus and Falco were prepared to leave the room, something shiny caught Falco’s eye. Being a bird, he was automatically drawn to it and threw himself down into the pile of rubble to find it.

Falco: SHINEY!!!

Samus: what are you doing, Falco?

Falco: I SAW SHINEY!! WHERE ARE YOU, MY PRECIOUS!!?

Samus: let me take a look.

Samus reached into the rubble and pulled out a small, glittering object. It appeared to be a sort of ring.

Falco: hey…didn’t the guys at the federation mention something about a ring?

Samus: no way! This can’t be the legendary Chozo emperor ring, worn only by the highest in Chozo royalty! We didn’t even find it in a power-up ball or on a Chozo statue!

Falco: well we may as well take it back to the Federation people. They’ll know if it’s the right one or not. We can always come back here.

Samus: great idea!! HEE HEE HEE!! I DID IT!!! (thrusts arm into the air.)

Falco: 0_0!

Samus: oh, that’s my victory pose. I do that every time I achieve something good.

Falco: you…but…I’ve never seen you do that before…

Samus: SHH!!!

Falco: EEK!!

Samus: righty…now let’s get this ring back to HQ and see if it’s the-

???: don’t bother.

Falco jerked out of his confusion. Not only was he surprised at hearing a voice on this desolate planet besides his own and Samus’s, but this voice sounded sickeningly familiar.

???: that’d be the right object. Now I suggest you drop it and back against the wall, or things could turn…unpleasant.

Samus: (bending over on purpose) who’s there? Did you say something, Falco?

Falco: tha…wait, I know that voice!! Who is it? I’m sure I’ve heard it before!!

???: We’ve met before, Falco. Now go do as I say, just like a good little fledgling.

Falco: aaaah…hmmmm…one second, I just have to try and put that voice to a face…

There was a soft “thud” and a person dressed in red landed gracefully in front of Falco. Falco glanced at the human with BRIGHT PINK HAIR and immediately knew who it was.

Falco: SPECLL??

Specll: hello Falco. Nice meeting you again. It’s such a pity we’re on opposite sides, here.

Falco: you’re Fox’s half-brother, Specll! What the heck are you doing here, you freak?

Specll scowled at Falco and folded his arms. Falco tried to do the same, but his wings just caused him to make an odd shuffling motion.

Specll: you never liked me, did you? I could sense it right from the start. As soon as I first met you.

Falco: well yeah! You’ve got PINK fur! And all those creepy love spells, I mean…how COULD I like you?

Specll: hmph. As frank as always, aren’t you?

Samus strided over to Falco and stood directly behind him.

Samus: who’s he? I like the hair. Girly men are so…rrrrroww…

Specll: what? Girly…ah, never mind. The thing is, both of you should do exactly as I say or else you’ll both be obliterated, understand?

Falco: I don’t know why you’re here, Specll, but it seems you’re…well…a bad guy. I wouldn’t have expected anything else from the son of a space pirate…

Samus: EEEEWWWWWWW!!! That’s wrooooong!!

Falco: no…not that kind of space pirate, Samus.

Samus: ….ah….

Specll: I won’t have any more of your beak. Unless you want to fight me, I suggest you get up against that wall as fast as you can.

Falco: in your dreams, pink boy!

Specll snapped his fingers and Pokey came jogging around the corner.

Specll: Pokey. We’re in for some fun. Where’s Ed?

Pokey: oh great! I was hoping it would come to this! I’ll just go get him…

Pokey put his hand in his mouth and made himself vomit. Edward Hemorrhoid rose from the pile of spew like some vile lake monster (in a tux.)

Edward: HaY haY HAy!

Samus: what is THAT? (scans Edward Hemmorhoid.)

Falco: oh no…QUIT THE SCANNING, ALREADY!!

Samus: “THIS IS A STEM CELL ABNORMALITY CALLED A WOMB TUMOR. THEY ARE CREATED BY HORMONE SCREW-UPS AND ARE OFTEN BORN WITH RUDIMENTARY NERVOUS SYSTEMS AND BODILY ADORNMENTS SUCH AS HAIR AND TEETH. THIS CLASSIFIES THEM AS A LIVING ORGANISM. THEY ARE QUITE GROSS. SEE FOR YOURSELF.

Edward: (wriggling his teeth furiously.) I Yam NoT GrOS$orz. I Is ReAllY Good For YOUR neXt PriME mInIsTeR!

Samus: it can talk…O.K…that is just wrong.

Specll: as you see, we outnumber you three to two. What’s more, you can’t hurt me, meaning that you’ve already lost.

Falco: I think not!! COME ON, SAMUS! LET’S GO!!

Falco scooped up the ring in one wing, grabbed Samus with the other and used a Falco Phantasm to dash straight past Specll, Pokey and Edward. Before Specll could react, Falco and Samus were running away as fast as they could, cackling like a bunch of chooks.

Specll: you can’t get away! We’ll hunt you down until yo…WHOA!!

The angry squezimerdtchs rose up in front of Specll, throbbing unhappily. It made a long, loud tooting sound and shot a mardigrah beam, hitting the stunned fox-turned-human directly in the stomach. If it wasn’t for the rejector shield, Specll would have been turned into a celebration. Instead, the beam bounced off the shield and hit the squezimerdtchs in its core. A low rumbling sound followed that struck fear into the hearts of all three villains.

Pokey: what did you do?

Specll: I…I don’t know!!

Edward: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII-fruit.

BBBAXOOOZZOOOOOMPH!! A torrent of colours, streamers, fireworks and pretty fairy lights erupted from the self-destructing squezimerdtchs. If Edward Hemorrhoid hadn’t have erected a barrier to protect them, Pokey and Specll would have been torn apart by the force of the blast. When the glitter settled, Specll opened his eyes to find both Falco and Samus had used the distraction to get clean away. He cursed under his breath and tripped over Pokey, who was crouching behind him.

Specll: DO YOU MIND?

Pokey: is it over?

Specll: YES! NOW HELP ME UP!!

Edward erected his leader with a twirl of his mind. This put Specll off balance and he fell on his face, almost breaking his nose.

Specll: aaaaAAAAWH!! YOU IDIOTS!!

Pokey: gee, sorry Spec…uh…they got away, now what do we do?

Specll: hmph. We can do without that item. Ness and my half brother will be here any second now. I think we should forget this ever happened and just get on with our job. We only need one more item, anyway, and I know just where a particularly powerful one happens to be.

Pokey: yeah. Let’s get out of here, Eddie!

Edward: EYEBALL EYEBLALL, PokeAueh!

With a flash of magic, Edward, Pokey and Specll teleported away to continue their march of evil elsewhere. Samus peeked out from behind the rock she’d been hiding behind and signaled to Falco.

Samus: you can come out now. Those guys are gone.

Falco: I never trusted Specll. It just goes to show that only a naïve fool trusts foxes.

Samus: but you trust Fox, don’t you?

Falco: actually, I don’t and I never have. In fact, I’ve been on my guard around him ever since we met. Huh. Sure, we’re friends, but what does friendship mean to his kind?

Samus: I think you’re suffering from a slight bout of racial paranoia. You know what’s best for that?

Falco: what?

Samus: A KICK IN THE SPINE!!

Before Falco could wink, blink or crap himself, Samus nailed him with an axe kick (u-tilt) and knocked him flat on the ground.

Falco: AAAGH!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Samus: for being an #*$hole, that’s what. I’ve known Fox for quite some time, and I know he’s not nearly as sly or underhanded as you make him out to be. Ever since you got invited to attend the Academy of Smash, you’ve done nothing but slander Fox.You’ve got Kirby hating his guts already.

Falco: ooooww…you treacherous wench! You and Fox should make a couple. I’m sure you’d turn into a vixen if he took you back to the Lylat system…OW!! STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR FOOT!! THAT’S HURTFUL!!

Samus: I’m just going to keep stepping on you until you learn some tact, Mr. Lombardi.

Falco: O.K., O.K. sheesh. What is wrong with you people!? I’ll stop putting dirt on Fox.

Samus: ugh…me with Fox…ew…Unlike Zelda, I don’t condone inter-species relationships. I mean…what is wrong with that woman? She’s weirder than me.

Falco: I’m sorry, I thought I heard you say that Zelda is weirder than you…I must be going deaf.

Samus: BUT SHE IS!! She supposedly loves an animal-person-thing, which is just not done in a normal society, and she frequently transforms into…(shudder) You-Know-Hoo.

Falco nodded understandingly. You-Know-Hoo was the pet name everyone gave to Sheik. In fact, her name alone had started to be used as a swear word at one stage.

*Flashback*

Kirby: is that an anvil?

DK: DAUUUUUHH!!! (throws the anvil at Kirby’s feet.)

Kirby: SHEIK!!!

*Flashback ends*

Falco: apart from that, I doubt that Zelda is weirder than you.

Samus: WHY?

Falco: does Zelda constantly hang around Master Hand’s lounge, trying to convince him to hold a furry-bra yogurt wrestling championship?

Samus: …

SHAZOOM!! A blue portal opened up just above Falco. The astounded pilot looked up to see Ness, Fox, Adeline, Jeff, Paula, Mr. Game and Watch, Captain Falcon and Poo rocket into his face. Then he saw stars. Coloured ones.

Samus: (squeals loudly) OOOOHH!! NESS, IS THAT YOU?

Ness: (picking himself off Falco’s twitching body) uh…is this a Chozo?

Samus: that’s Falco!

Ness: WHAH!! (jumps off.)

Everyone hustled to give Falco some breathing space, trampling him in the process.

Falco: KUH KUH KUH KUH!! (twitching spasmodically)

Fox: uh, gee. Are you O.K. Falco?

Falco: KUH KUH KUH KUH!!

Ness: heal him, Poo. I think we broke his body bone.

Poo: rodger, Ness.

Ness: So Samus…it was a chore finding you, but we managed all the same. I’ll explain how we got here and why a bit later, but first we’ve got to get out of here.

Samus: wait a minute. I’m not going anywhere until I get my facts straight…why are you here, and what are you doing?

Ness sighed and began to explain everything to Samus. Fox walked over to Falco and giggled inwardly at his gangly appearance.

Fox: you look weird.

Falco: huh. Shaddup. Your stupid pet brother almost killed us.

Fox: what? Specll was here?

Falco: yep. He tried to take this off us. (holds out the Chozo ring.)

Ness: whoa…do mine eyes deceive me, or is that a special item you hold?

Paula: yeah! Quick, grab it!

Paula made a dive for the ring, but Falco whisked it out of the way before she could grab it, causing her to fall on her face.

Falco: uh-uh-uh. You tell my why you want this first.

Ness: we need that so we can defeat the evil in this dimension and save the universe!!

Falco: yeah right. What are you doing in this dimension anyway? Me and Samus don’t need your help.

Fox: oh, come on Falco, stop being such a b*!ch.

Samus: yeah, Falco.

C. Falcon: oh Samus, you’re so authoritative. Let me kiss you on your left buttock.

Samus: EEEEEEE!!! (stomps on Falcon’s head.)

C. Falcon: IT HURTZ MEEEE, but I still think you’re hot like custard, Sammy.

Mr. Game and watch took this opportunity to covertly slip Falco a spiked drink. Falco didn’t even realize that he hadn’t been holding the beverage before.

Falco: for all I’m concerned, you lot are probably just trying to score brownie points with Master hand. Go back to the Academy, you’re not wanted here.

Ness: this isn’t about house points anymore!!

Falco: THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!! (Takes a swig of port.) Yourejusttrying ta…ta take ove…hic…over my dead body we needaslubberdie anayagramayayadurrieborrowaspockayal…DUH!! (falls over, utterly drunk.)

Fox: nice one! (hi-fives Mr. Game and Watch.)

Ness took the ring and stowed it in his pocket.

Ness: so Samus. Are you going to accept our help? We’re onto something big here and we may need your expertise.

Samus: no problem. Lead the way, Ness.

444444444$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4444444444444
Lack of updates are due to a homework problem, and the fact that I’ve recently bought Pokemon Colluseum. Hang on for the next excitingly stupid update, and keep your eyes peeled for an ACTUAL UPDATE of the Disturbingly Quirky Pokemon Tale, also by moi.
Until next time…eat cheese.

 

[PsiFlameMaster]

ah, so this explains why there havn't been many updates. It's ok though, i completely understand the drag of school. check out the "school sucks" topic in the pool room for more details.

and yet another exciting chapter of the Acadamy of Smash. funny stuff happens to Speccl and his gang, while samus beats up falco to teach him a lesson. good stuff. :D anyway, your getting Collosium is nothing compared to my animal crossing addiction at this time. must... find bells!!!!

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

You know what? My best friend recently gave up his X-box to his little brother in place of a shiny new Gamecube for his birthday. (It's creepy!! The little brother plays Backyard Wrestling and GTA3! My friend only played the Simpsons Hit and Run.)
What game was it that convinced him to get a Gamecube? ANIMAL CROSSING!

Now he's addicted to it. I knew I was onto something the first time I showed him AC. He sat there watching and said "Wow, this is so much cooler than anything I have on X-box. X-box is just realistic people shooting each other all the time."

Thought I'd share that. I have a long weekend, so I may be able to pull off some updates on all my fics as well as my co-written ones. (Cough* the Kirby Khronicles wouldn't be alive without me. Cough*)

 

[NESSBOUNDER]

I guess I made a promise I couldn't keep, huh? It's this homework again, and the fact that I spent the weekend in Sydney seeing The Lion King in theatre. I will, however, be leaving on an overseas trip in about ten day's time. (Going to Wales!) and I'm not sure if my relatives over there have the internet...I'll be gone for a month (GASP!!) so there may be a temporary update slack for quite a while after this. I am very sorry, but yeah. That's the way it is.

(YAYI'MGOINGTOWALESOMGOMGTHISISSOKOOLTHEREARECASTLESINWALESANDCOOLSTUFFANDI'LLGETTOSEEAFOXORSQUIRRILASWELLASBIGCHAPELSANDMAYBEABADGERIFI'MLUCKYWHOOOOOT!!)