So there I was, playing with my Ellen Ripley action figure I got 15 Christmases ago, when her limbs suddenly fell off. I was so pissed. I tried to replace them with the limbs from and old Biker Mice From Mars action figure, but to no avail. My only real option was to find the cardboard back of the action figure casing, which was likely stored in one of my dads two barns. After extensive searching of the blue barn, I found what I was looking for.
I had hoped that there would be instructions on it, or at least troubleshooting that would help me figure out how to put Ripley back together. What there was instead was a tab that read "pull me now" sticking out of the front of the cardboard. I pulled it, and out of the cardboard popped what was basically a Gundam, one that Ripley fit perfectly into. I put her inside, and her arms and legs reattached to her torso, and then to the mobile suit. I was a bit upset, since I had had this action figure for a long time, when the toy suddenly started clicking uncontrollably and then morphed into a PSP.
I turned the PSP on, and I immediately recognized the video that started playing. It was some sort of Star Wars movie preview. At the end of the preview, a map appeared on the screen which pinpointed a few specific locations in northern California. Logically I followed the map to the first of the few locations, and found a fairly big, well kept house. When I knocked on the door, a short woman, probably age 30-35, answered the door and said "Can I help you?".
I explained to her the the nature of my situation, how I had found the PSP with the Star Wars preview on it. She immediately seemed concerned, but I sensed a bit of excitement within her as well. She said she would be more than happy do discuss it with me, but first we would have to go to a more public place, since she believed her house to be bugged. She invited me into the house, and while I sat in her living room, she went outside to talk on a cell phone. I couldn't hear what she was talking about, but she seemed agitated and while she was pacing, I managed to read her lips and make out one sentence. She had said "He deserves to know the truth". I considered leaving, because this whole thing had gotten a bit creepy and unsettling. But I'm glad I didn't, because what I found out next changed my life forever.
She took me to a park, where there were 10 or 11 other people sitting around a picnic bench. Most were her age, with a few older and a few younger. They all seemed pleased to meet me, but were also concerned. "What you saw on the PSP" she said "...was a preview for the original Star Wars prequels". I was obviously confused, because the preview I saw contained little CGI, great acting, and people I had never seen before, until today. She explained that what everyone knew as The Phantom Menace was actually the second modern Star Wars movie that was made by George Lucas. Naturally my next question was "Why wasn't it ever released? And why doesn't anyone know about it?" She continued to explain, with an increasing amount of sadness in her voice. Some of the people she was with even began to cry.
"When we first started working on the movie, everything was going great. We loved it, the staff loved it, and George loved it. But as production went on, the constant praise and worship that Mr. Lucas was receiving began to go to his head. He became more and more of a controlling jerk, and began to make strange decisions, such as adding CGI characters into scenes in ways that made no sense, and in some cases, even replacing our characters and our sets with CGI. We tried to explain to him that this was a bad idea, that it looked fake and nobody would like it, but he wouldn't listen."
I could see the tears running down the faces of some of the people at the table. "We tried to tell him" one of them said. "We tried to tell him so many times. 'You've got something good going on' we would say, 'why are you ruining it. Why are you adding a CGI tornado and vampire bats to a scene where the Jedi are reminiscing about their past?' we would ask. But he wouldn't listen." Again, I asked the most logical next question. "Why wouldn't he listen?" The look of sadness on their faces quickly shifted to looks of unimaginable fear. "What we're about to tell you can't leave this park" they said. I agreed, and the girl I had first met continued to tell the story.
"Those of us you see here are the only ones who would dare challenge George. Everyone else working on the movie followed his every command, and praised his every decision as if it were gods word. It was like he was some sort of cult leader. He began to resent us. He would make us do stunts that could only result in injury, he would make us re-shoot scenes over 1000 times just to spite us, and he would sharpen the blades on our lightsaber props so that if we messed up even a little bit, we would get deep wounds and lacerations." She looked over at one of her fellow actors, who was missing a few fingers on his left hand. "So we quit. And George was furious. 'HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REPLACE YOU WITH SUCH LITTLE NOTICE' he would scream at us. We told him we didn't care because of the awful treatment and disrespect we were receiving, which seemed to just make him angrier. 'You'll regret this' he would say to us 'You'll regret this for the rest of your god damn life.'"
As she continued the story, the more everything started to make sense. "The night after we left the set, we all got a call from Lucas. 'You think I'll forget about this, you little *******s? Well I won't. I'll never forget about this. Not only am I going to completely remake the movie without you and in full CGI, the rest of your life is going to be a living hell' he told us, while laughing maniacally. 'And if you ever tell anyone about the movie we started making, I'll kill you. I'll ****ing kill you. And don't even THINK about going to the cops. I own the cops. What do you think most cops grew up watching? That's right. Star Wars. They love Star Wars, and they love me. Because I AM STAR WARS. DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM STAR WARS' he yelled. We were completely terrified" she said. "But we knew we had to tell people, somehow"
As she was explaining her plot to hide the truth within Aliens action figures that morphed into PSPs, a yellow school bus rolled up into the parking lot of the park. "We have to go" she said, as her and her friends got up to board the bus. When I asked her why she had to leave, the look in her eyes gave me goosebumps. "You don't understand....Lucas knows about the PSPs. He found out a couple years ago and we've been in hiding ever since. I haven't seen my friends or family in 4 years. None of us have" she said, with a tear rolling down her face. "But you...you give us hope. You're the first person to find one of the PSPs. And Lucas doesn't know about you. Please Cheyenne...tell every soul you see. Tell them of the evil of George Lucas. Tell them...that the Star Wars prequels could have been good.'
"I will" I told her. She thanked me, hugged me, and handed me a small box. She then boarded the bus, along with the rest of her companions, and they drove off into the horizon. I opened the box, and looked inside. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a mint condition Ellen Ripley action figure, complete with all of her limbs. It even had all of her weapon accessories, which I had lost...oh, some 15 Christmases ago.