Clearly this is just a joke, and we're not supposed to analyze every single one of these character chances, right?
Right?
...
Machoke
Chance: 35%
As Dunkey pointed out, this is clearly either Machoke or Gamera, but I cannot for the life of me tell which it is. Both have equal reason to be in Smash, they are equally requested by the Smash community, and they both have incredibly strong ties to Nintendo. I am going to give just the slightest edge to Gamera though, on account of the controversy that Machoke could bring to Smash Brothers, being a near-naked humanoid creature.
Want: 100%
LOOK AT THOSE PECS! LOOK AT THEM!
Gamera
Chance: 65%
See above. Being fully clothed in a shell, Gamera does not face the problems Machoke does.
Want: 30%
I would much rather prefer Machoke. Do you see any pectoral muscles on Gamera? I thought not.
Zelda
Chance: 5%
I just don't see this happening. Zelda is such an obscure character, I don't see Sakurai seriously considering him. Even then, if we're going to get any representation from that series, it's going to be Jim the Knight from Hydlide.
Want: 70%
A move-set entirely based around cross-dressing could be interesting but have no real attachments to the character.
Kirby
Chance: 1%
Overwatch characters are not going to make it into Smash Brothers, stop fooling yourselves people.
Want: 0%
Why bother when he would be an easy palette swap of Jigglypuff?
Jimmy Neutron
Chance: 90%
The only way Jimmy Neutron isn't on the roster is if Nintendo held him back for DLC. He's been a no-brainer addition ever since Nintendo bought HBO.
Want: 1000000000%
I have been sacrificing virgins to a shrine of Sakurai daily for the past 15 years to make this happen. I'm so happy that things are finally coming into place.
Bert and Ernie
Chance: 65%
Hold on, hear me out guys.
We all know Sakurai's feelings on Bert and Ernie. We know how a muppet killed his brother, we know how Sesame Street has treated Nintendo systems in the past. But at the end of the day, Sakurai is a people pleaser, so I'm sure he'll get over his prejudices.
Want: 10%
Grover is objectively a better pick in every conceivable way.
Tony the Tiger
Chance: 1%
A cereal representative that isn't Snap Crackle Pop? Puh-LEASE!
Want: 0%
I find Tony the Tiger's design to be very inappropriate, and I do not want my little brother to see that kind of content in Smash Brothers.
Jack Skellington
Chance: 100%
Why are we even bothering to rate this? Clearly that is Jack Skellington in the silhouette, the Nightmare before Chirstmas sold amazingly on the Nintendo Virtual Boy. An obvious addition.
Want: 100%
Easily the best Undertale character.
Sam and Wingding
Chance: 0%
Sakurai is not going to add hentai characters into Smash Brothers, regardless of how many people ask for them.
Want: Abstain
I really don't know enough about the series to say one way or the other.
Knack
Chance: 60%
As we all know, Sakurai is a big fan of Lord of the Rings, and while I could see him picking characters like Sackboy or Brash the Freakin' Bear, Knack probably has the best shot of the bunch.
Want: 100%
Knack might be my favorite video game character. His cameo in Doki Doki Literature club had me in tears for over an hour. I would die of happiness to see him make his way into Smash.
Boss Baby
Chance: 0%
I'm sorry Boss Baby fans, I know he's got great moveset potential, but the only possible Dreamworks representatives are a tag team of Ruffnut and Tuffnut.
Want: 60%
I'm not a big fan of the character, I think his fans deserve to see him make it in.
Trouple King (Really
TCT~Phantom
? How'd you forget this?)
Chance: 15%
An apple-party character is definitely going to happen, but the competition is so fierce that I can't in good conscience rate him any higher.
Want: 100%
He would keep Doctor Mario out of Smash Brothers for good.
Nominating x5