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'Comes' does not need the s on the end.Zasalamel casually has his scythe comes back to him and goes to head into the temple.
Where is it has to much punctuation. Make it 'Where is it!' or 'Where is it?'.“Where is it?!? With eternal life I could get countless fortunes, this treasure is meaningless!
Should read:Brawl: Kafziel (Zasalamel’s Scythe) VS. Temple Guards
Stock: 1
Music: Ordinary Pain (Soul Calibur 2 Money Pit – Top Tier Theme)
Yes, you play as Zasalamel’s scythe as you would when controlling it in Zasalamel’s down special. While Zasalamel’s scythe normally only has a mere 20 stamina, it’s thankfully buffed up to 75 for this fight. There are two guards out at a time, and they function like playable character clones of Marth/Ike. They are fully as strong as playable characters, and when you KO one another one comes to replace it. What is your goal? To survive 60 seconds to give Zasalamel enough time to get by unnoticed.
See what I mean? Much less confusion and much more interest that way.Brawl: Kafziel (Zasalamel’s Scythe) VS. Temple Guards
Stock: 1
Music: Ordinary Pain (Soul Calibur 2 Money Pit – Top Tier Theme)
Objective: Survive for 60 seconds.
Yes, you play as Zasalamel’s scythe as you would when controlling it in Zasalamel’s down special. While Zasalamel’s scythe normally only has a mere 20 stamina, it’s thankfully buffed up to 75 for this fight. There are two guards out at a time, and they function like playable character clones of Marth/Ike. They are fully as strong as playable characters, and when you KO one another one comes to replace it. Fortunately, you need only last 60 seconds in order for Zasalamel to escape.
Ah. Was my timing in releasing the chapter really that bad? Sorry. Anyway, glad you’re enjoying it! All I’ve been doing in story modes for the most part is whoring out to Twilight Princess, so I figured OOT would be a nice change of pace. I’ve been wanting to do this for quite a while.Jimnymebob said:I haven't read all of this chapter yet (only up to the Golbez vs. Undead Hero fight), due to being extremely tired, and it being late.
However, I have enjoyed the parts that I did read immensely, and you did a good job in portraying how the "best game ever" would work in the Smash Bros. world.
The writing style is what I expect from you, so no disappointment there.
Good to see the rest of your commentary up. Thanks!The second part is also good, mixing Warcraft with Zelda, but also using elements from other franchises, such as the Soul Blades. All these things work together, and don't feel tacked on, which is excellent.
My favourite part of this chapter would be this level=
Level 10: Arcane Sanctum
This is due to it being different, but keeping the basic mechanics, and to some people, could prove a challenge whilst introducing them to the different attack patterns in game.
II thought you were quite exceptional in story mode making in MYM 4. Even if you didn’t make all that much, what you did have was quality. More so then most of the other SMs. I’d LOVE to see you write one.As I'm not working on movesets now, and that SM I started in MYM4 was a lot more enjoyable to make than a moveset, I may make one for this contest.
Stupendous!Chris_Lionheart said:This chapter is stupendously stupendous!
I was trying to go to the origins of several characters with this story mode to make it more interesting. While this did cause some characters to have their characters somewhat flawed, such as Arthas and Kel, I’m hoping that they will ultimately develop into the characters they really are by the end of the SM. As for the homunculi, they’re essentially just created like that in the manga, which I personally find vastly superior to the anime.Your methods of introducing everyone were unexpected and enjoyable. Having the Great Deku Tree being part of the Night Elves forest was fantastic. I wasn't particularly overjoyed at Kel'Thuzad and Arthas being the servants of Zasalamel and the dialogue between Arthas and Kel was pretty much the opposite of Warcraft's implementation of them. Even with these issues, the chapter was enjoyable and ingenious. Illidan's introduction as a trainee demon hunter, with hints of his relationship with Tyrande still existing at this point in time, is one of my favorite parts of the story. Your method of introducing the homonculi was definitely not something that I could have seen coming, and while being a bit out of character, your creativity is to be applauded. The level designs were as interesting as always, of particular interest to me was the level where Link flees from the Druid of the Talon. The implementation of Palidan Arthas, Jaina Proudmore, Mounted Ganondorf, and others was also interesting.
Hyper_Ridley said:Wow, that was an aweome first chapter.
Staying to the core mechanics of Smash is really essential for me. I try to never stray from actually using the Brawl engine and instead simply use it’s potential to the fullest.I liked how most of the levels retained Brawl's core gameplay with special gimmicks attached. It made the chapter feel like Smash Bros but was still creative and interesting to read. I would be the moron who tries to bum-rush through the guards in Hyrule Castle xD
I honestly wasn’t thinking of the pieces of the Triforce at all as I made this chapter, but it did sort of turn out that way, didn’t it? Glad you liked how it turned out either way. I’ve always been a fan of adding NPCs to my SM and I probably won’t stop with them any time soon. I was also anticipating using the original forms of Illidan and Arthas to help give them more backstory, and I’m thankful it turned out well.So, I'm assuming the plot isessentially Orcania of Time altrered into this new story with the Soul Edge instead of the Triforce. I felt it worked out really well. Having all of those side characters was an interesting way of adding more characters to interact with, as was the special "forms" of Illidian and Arthas.
I was afraid Voldo might’ve overshadowed Gohma a bit, but I decided to dismiss Voldo’s difficulty by making the prologue entirely optional. Anyway, I’m still somewhat satisfied with Gohma’s ceiling hanging mechanics. I honestly didn’t expect Darknut to be that interesting myself either, but once I got the idea of using the pieces of his armor that fell off he really came together. I probably would’ve included Armogohma as a more standard boss instead of Darknut, but I already used Armogohma in my MYM 4 SM, and I’ve already done a –lot- of giant bug bosses. I’m starting to run out of ideas to make them all unique.For early-game bosses, I enjoyed both of them. They were simple but sounded fun to fight. Darknut was more interesting than I thought he would be.
I almost made Harkinian a MYM 4 guest, but I didn’t really want to be stuck with him killing the more serious tone of the SM for it’s entire duration, considering that everybody now has dialogue. He was still mainly used for comedic purposes here, but I felt that his role was beneficial to the chapter overall, as I didn’t want things to get too dark so early on.And finally, I can't believe that you managed to make King Harkinian into a semi-serious character. That's like dividing by 0.
Glad you enjoyed it! Warcraft and Zelda fit together really easily, to be quite honest, and I’m very used to these sorts of medieval settings anyway. I was hoping to reach out to the Smash Bros. fanbase more with the Zelda parts, particularly with the first half where the SM was nearly exclusively following Link. Anyway, thanks, I’ll try not to disappoint!Tanookie said:This was great! I love how you seamlessly integrated the two universes of Zelda and Warcraft in such a natural way. It was great. I also loved how you managed to pull off traditional Zelda gameplay in a Smash Bros. style. Excellent work, and I'm looking forward to the next installment!
Ah, indeed, that was a typo. My apologies. . . .And I did indeed assume that Tyrande constantly rode her tiger, considering Lionheart already did a mounted moveset with his Arthas and Tyrande is always mounted in WC3. Perhaps I’ll just change the mechanics of the level revolving around sniffing Link’s scent to being activated by side B rather then crouching?But by the way...Tyrande isn't an MYM 4 Guest. I assume that's a typo? And also...Tyrande doesn't ride her tiger constantly, it's just an extra feature of her Side Special; her moveset is considerably simplified when she does so. Forgive me if you already knew that, but that's just the general gist I got from the chapter.
Glad to see some more actual (constructive) criticism besides grammar nazism. Let me be the first to say that I welcome it, including in SMs. Shows people are actually paying attention.Well... there were a lot of things in this chapter I liked.
Wolf's role in the story was kind of random, but pretty dang cool.
I wish I could give you more input on using the MGS plotlines, but I'm sadly unfamiliar with the series.
Fatman and psycho mantis were just flat out epic: SO... I SEE YOU ENJOY PLAYING MADWORLD... lol. Envy's role was pretty funny in this chapter, he just likes to stir up trouble everywhere he goes xd.
My biggest complaint about this chapter is how little it seemed to have to do with the overarching plot of the SM. Aside from Envy possessing a soul edge shard, there wasn't really anything to tie it to what happened 400 years earlier in the story.
Well, whatever. It was still a cool chapter. Awesomeness!
I didn’t think you actually fully read any of it, so. . .That’s a big improvement. Thank you! =DMarthTrinity said:I'll have give this a full read later (admittedly I read most of it but skimmed a bit of it, but hey, I've read all the rest of it so far >_>)...
How could I not put in Dumb Drum? Seeing you’re using you know who in your music mode, I had to return the favor. Glad you liked the bosses in general! =).I -DO- however love you for putting Dumb Drum as a boss like you promised you would. I'm incredibly happy to see how that turned out. The Fortune boss was win too, as was the Metal Gear RAY one...
</In Joke>*scurries off to work on music mode*
I’m not Sakurai! I’m Baron Von Pancakes!TheSundanceKid said:XD
Sakurai's part is freaking epic. I love the Cheez Whiz references.
=DHyper_Ridley said:Epicness overload!
I figured you’d enjoy Ridley and the Space Pirates being in there, even if their role was kinda small. Next chapter they’ll get an increase, though, so don’t you worry. As for AI Colonel, I was looking forward to do doing an in-computer segment for a considerable while, and it won’t be the last.Okay, so first off, the story was MUCH easier to follow now, so yay for that! Besides the Space Pirates and Ridley getting a nod [/bias], I enjoyed seeing an explenation for AI Colonel suddenly going haywire.
Gotta get Rool to skim this thing somehow, aye?The levels were, once again, really creative with tons of little puzzles using character move sets. I liked the remote-missile maze.
I questioned if I made Sakurai’s role a bit –too- ridiculous, but I’m glad that even if it was it was worth it for the lulz.Sakurai's role was hilarious. So many references to Brawl, with the friend codes, masterpieces, tiers...many lulz were had.
The back room only makes sense to be the final segment, and cyber Grimers were a no brainer for the enemies. The SWF level idea actually came pretty late into development with the chapter, but I’m pretty happy with it.My favorite part was easily the computer segment. It was awesome being a computer virus running around taking out a firewall. And the SWF level was full of lolz, cyber Grimer FTW!
Ah. Not HR commentary without boss commentary, no? I’m surprised Fortune’s getting so much praise, she was actually one of the ones I was more worried about.The boss fights were cool. I liked all the little mechanics they had. My favorite boss was Fortune, if only because she has her own final smash. That was epic.
So overall, awesomeness. I can't wait for more. =D