...It's bad that you don't know how good your own connection is. The lag depends on it too, and not only the opposite connection. I guess mine is around 3 stars. But sometimes it really lags. I don't accept anyone with 3 stars, because I know that it will be laggy thanks to my connection. 3 stars + 3 stars = lag. 3 stars + 4 stars = ok.
The star rating that is shown is the connection BETWEEN the two of you. It's not like if I'm playing you I'll see three stars and you'll see four.
I get what you're trying to say, but that's not really what's going on.