I have never talked to a girl before in my whole life.

[Gold Dart]

I am going to CC and I heard it doesn't really help. I am going to try again tomorrow, I know I said monday, but I can't take the depression anymore, so I'm going to try, not expecting much. Maybe that will lesson the preasure, I also read part of that book, the section on body language and I took alot of notes.

I'm going to a CC myself right now so I can tell you that it doesn't really help. You should at least try talking to some girls who are taking the same classes as you. I was also HSed for some time
and have had freind troubles, so I understand how you feel right now. Dosen't matter who it is,
just be yourself and try not to give a **** about what anyone thinks of you.

 

[AvengingTheKnight]

I'm going to a CC myself right now so I can tell you that it doesn't really help. You should at least try talking to some girls who are taking the same classes as you. I was also HSed for some time
and have had freind troubles, so I understand how you feel right now. Dosen't matter who it is,
just be yourself and try not to give a **** about what anyone thinks of you.

were you able to make any friends? if so, where?

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Are you into anime or manga? There should be some conventions happening throughout the year in your state that has really friendly, crazed people (and if you're looking for a lady friend, there are some seriously attractive girls who attend those things, like, insanely "how-are-you-a-nerd?" attractive).

 

[Gold Dart]

were you able to make any friends? if so, where?

You'll make friends at CC, you just have to try talking to people. I wouldn't worry about girls yet,though.

 

[abcool]

The very first step is fixing up yourself dude. Once you feel confidence in yourself, girls will have confidence in you. A lot of people i know started going to the gym and transformed themselves. You can be fat, but not TOO fat where it's a problem. If you know how to cook that is a BIG plus with girls and a good convo starter. Talking about food is a topic everyone can relate too, even people that can't boil water lol.

 

[AvengingTheKnight]

I'm not even near fat, but I can't cook =(

 

[abcool]

If that is the case just ask what she likes to eat. The subject of food no matter what counts. That is a good convo starter btw. An you're not fat, so you don't have to worry about appearence. Go to the barber get a fresh cut, wear some nice clothes, smell good and you're gold man. Also, try finding some male friends to hang in the mall with, makes the pressure of approaching a lot easier. In smash when you team with Mango you auto win, because you got an experienced partner. Same with life, find friends that talk to girlsthey have the experience so learn from them. You're on Smashboards you automatically have friends.

 

[Teran]

Hey man being a ****in' cruiserweight (which is the vibe I'm getting) is totally not okay. Nobody likes just skin and bones on their man, jack. Hit the gym anyway and build up a nice physique because everyone digs it.

Protip: women are obsessed with abs, but visible abs actually come from low visceral/body fat and not having super strong abs. SO if you don't have abs and you're skinny, it means you're skinnyfat, which is like the worst thing ever.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Some girls are oddly enough not too crazy about cruiserweights, ones of my exes specifically told me that, and then I realized how she thought I was really attractive, because I'm almost a skeleton with skin. o-o

 

[AvengingTheKnight]

**** this, I couldn't do it today either, I need a new place to do this but I don't have one.

I give up. I'm done with life

 

[abcool]

Dude, stop freaking overthinking it already. You just gotta go through the motions, believe me talking to girls and going through drama ain't as fun as you believe. You got the good and bad sides to it as well. If you think this is tough, then i feel sorry for you if you date girl and you find out she is cheating on you. Make some male friends and do it the proper way, stop trying to jump out of your comfort zone.

 

[Yonder]

Yeah but when I try to talk to them they never say anything back

Sadly, I can kinda vouch for this. Girls online either just enjoy ignoring people, or usually can't reply back because their inbox is being mass filled by like 200 other guys on the site. Lol. Shame it doesn't work the same way for us guys.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

**** this, I couldn't do it today either, I need a new place to do this but I don't have one.

I give up. I'm done with life

Again, you shouldn't think your life is not worth living, at the very least because of this. Love does no one good and doesn't mean anything if it's of the kind that glorifies self-incompleteness, human-worship, and social-dependence. You don't need a girl, and I'm confident if you just live your life, getting **** done, you're very likely to get a girl (likely a good one) and have a healthy relationship. A girl shouldn't be a literal "other-half" or "complete" you. A girl should lift you up and help you achieve things in your life that you couldn't do otherwise. The typical, traditional mentality of lovers is that they view it as 1/2 + 1/2 = 2. It's not that, it's actually 1 + 1 = 2. It is you, it is her, and you two are together. 1/2 + 1 = 1 1/2 isn't going to work either, you'll be dropped in a second, even if you get picked up. No one wants to date half a person, someone emotionally exhausting (even those who are themselves emotionally exhausting!).

Even if we suppose you successfully do what you're doing, it's basically a drug to cope with how unsatisfied you are with yourself and is going to make you not be emotionally competent enough to be in a relationship (that IS why you are trying to talk to girls, yes?), and not only are you going to suffer, but the relationship would too, and you'll be right where you are now, again, but maybe even worse.

 

[z00ted]

hahahahahha dude, no... don't give up on life lol

 

[abcool]

This guy above me hit the nail right on the head. If you don't fix up your own emotional mess, you might as well forget about finding a decent girl and just buy a hooker. Sorry, to sound harsh, but you are a dude, your gonna have to be the strong one in the relationship(When you land one) So, please stop the whinning man, and just do what you have to do 1 step at a time.

 

[Luigitoilet]

also, all the best orgasms I've had in my life were when I was by myself masturbating.

I guess that's neither here or there. What I'm saying is that even if you are alone for years and years and years, that is not the only path to happiness. Relationships and sex are not a requisite to truly live. Life is always "worth living" because that is all there is. People get juked by society's box of what constitutes "a good healthy/happy life". The idea of the good career, a good education, a wife and kids, a stable house being the only way to have lived a "happy life" is utter bull****. It is movies.

You've really got to look into yourself and be at peace with what you find there, and make improvements on your own terms. Having a girl talk to you or touch you or sleep with you is not going to make your woes disappear. At most it will be a temporary distraction. That pain never just "goes away" but it is life, and it must be lived. If you are at war with yourself you can't be at peace with somebody else.

 

[Evil Eye]

If you are at war with yourself you can't be at peace with somebody else.

This might actually be the most intelligent, wise thing I have ever seen on SWF.

Damn.

 

[Luco]

This might actually be the most intelligent, wise thing I have ever seen on SWF.

Damn.

o.O

There goes my chance to earn someone's respect through wisdom.

Truth be told though we're always at war with ourselves. We can have limited times when we feel content-ish but our current lifestyle depicts a never-ending, full of commitments kind of life. We turn on ourselves for regretting things we should have done, get depressed over things we can't control and curse ourselves for missing a chance to do something.

I think a true partner (but friends can do this too) is a person who'll stand beside you through all of the grit and will laugh with you through the good stuff.

Remember: A friend will knock on your door politely before entering but a best friend will walk right in and announce "I'm home!"

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Another thing, if you don't view yourself with contentment, or if you are "war with yourself", and the principle the relationship is built on is that the other individual is the key ingredient to fixing this, the necessary piece to achieve the one thing that is intrinsically desirable in your life, it is like giving them a Ring of Gyges. Possibilities and temptations that otherwise would never be there would arise. Questions never even raised would be raised, or at least if they were raised before, the answers were never seriously considered outside of fantasy because of the absurdity of the questions.

What I mean is this, I've been in relationships before where I acted like this, and my partner was fully aware that's how we were running it, and it basically with full confidence and understanding gave her the knowledge that if she wasn't happy or entirely content with something, she had the ability to use it against me, and that her being away could be used against me. Not that it is necessarily sinister, or that she even realizes she does it, but she becomes conditioned to the idea that I am emotionally dependent. The problem with that is the subtlety of it. It'll create a really ****ty high-and-low relationship. This not only makes sense, but I can tell you from experience, it is most definitely true.


This reminds me of a problem my brother is going through with his new relationship, where his girlfriend has found out that in the past my brother had went out on a date with a really pretty girl but it didn't continue. Absurd jealousy arose, and through text she was pleading to have the question answered of whether she was prettier than her, and because my brother was like, "I don't think anyone is prettier, that isn't the point" basically, she took that as she wasn't pretty enough, and pleaded to him how she could make herself pretty enough. This all comes from her insecurities about herself, and now they are springing out into the relationship and making my brother doubt the entire social contract. I told him that he needs to tell if that if it is going to continue, that the only thing you expect from her is that she think herself good enough and content with yourself, and she can stop right there, she doesn't have to do anything more.

 

[Teran]

If you are at war with yourself you can't be at peace with somebody else.

Absolute truth. Persistent inner conflicts will somehow hinder your relationships with others without fail.

 

[abcool]

If you need to talk to a girl that bad. PM your FB info and i will tell some of my female friends to talk to you. Simple, done, bam. They won't be living in your country, but sounds like you only want female friends correct?!

 

[Brawlman1000]

I read the OP again and wow I can't believe I missed this. U say u have NO friends? Not even one? No relative around your age? No one from down the street u know? Nobody at all? I find this hard to believe. But if that is indeed the case then u have your priorities mixed up.

Treat this as if u would the levels in a video game with getting a girlfriend being the final boss. When u first buy a game the game's creators don't drop u off at the final boss fight first and expect u to know exactly what to do and win now do they? No they don't. They start u off at level one and have u gradually work your way further into the game gaining experience, leveling up and preparing yourself for the final boss so that when u finally get there you'll have all the tools u need to win.

What I'm saying is that don't go straight for a girlfriend when u don't even have any friends yet. That's just plain stupid. Get some friends first, male and female, and begin to work your way up the social latter. Then once you've accomplished this u can focus on getting a girlfriend.

Have u ever been to a tournament before? If not then try to go to one. If so then next time try to socialize more with the people there. U already have something in common with the people there and most Smashers I've talked to at tourneys are pretty nice and approachable. Just spark up a conversation, even if its just asking for advice. Ya gotta start somewhere.

Your 18 so are u going to college? Its nearly impossible to not have friends in college. U will need a roommate. That'll help get u used to talking to people and will probably give u your first friend.

Don't give up on life just yet bcuz u haven't really truly started living yet. Your a man and your gonna have to start acting like one. So suck it up and keep at. I know its hard but no one ever said life was gonna be easy.

And if u ever feel like giving up listen to this song and get back in there. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em30XL9c5NQ

 

[Falconv1.0]

Brawlman why you no spell "you" correctly?

Why am I on Gaia online?

 

[Luco]

Another thing, if you don't view yourself with contentment, or if you are "war with yourself", and the principle the relationship is built on is that the other individual is the key ingredient to fixing this, the necessary piece to achieve the one thing that is intrinsically desirable in your life, it is like giving them a Ring of Gyges. Possibilities and temptations that otherwise would never be there would arise. Questions never even raised would be raised, or at least if they were raised before, the answers were never seriously considered outside of fantasy because of the absurdity of the questions.

What I mean is this, I've been in relationships before where I acted like this, and my partner was fully aware that's how we were running it, and it basically with full confidence and understanding gave her the knowledge that if she wasn't happy or entirely content with something, she had the ability to use it against me, and that her being away could be used against me. Not that it is necessarily sinister, or that she even realizes she does it, but she becomes conditioned to the idea that I am emotionally dependent. The problem with that is the subtlety of it. It'll create a really ****ty high-and-low relationship. This not only makes sense, but I can tell you from experience, it is most definitely true.


This reminds me of a problem my brother is going through with his new relationship, where his girlfriend has found out that in the past my brother had went out on a date with a really pretty girl but it didn't continue. Absurd jealousy arose, and through text she was pleading to have the question answered of whether she was prettier than her, and because my brother was like, "I don't think anyone is prettier, that isn't the point" basically, she took that as she wasn't pretty enough, and pleaded to him how she could make herself pretty enough. This all comes from her insecurities about herself, and now they are springing out into the relationship and making my brother doubt the entire social contract. I told him that he needs to tell if that if it is going to continue, that the only thing you expect from her is that she think herself good enough and content with yourself, and she can stop right there, she doesn't have to do anything more.

I know you didn't quote me but it did kinda feel like it was a partial response, so I just wanna clear up that while having a partner is great for that stuff (I think), they're not the absolute key to it. You can resolve problems other ways. It's just it helps if you have someone who'll be there for you. I mean, these problems would come up anyway in later situations so it's good to get them out of the way early. I don't think any situation is 'impossible', that is, the questions and temptations that you talk about can still happen, just in a different scenario and we can't always predict a situation like that and shield the other person from it every time.

Also it makes the good times so much better when you've gone through the pits with someone. Strengthens bonds, etc etc. This is why we absolutely should not bottle up emotions. Having arguments is actually very healthy so long as it's not done ridiculously often. If you bottle up your emotions it can all be let out in one huge bang and that can destroy relationships. Sometimes you can even turn violent, though you may not be an aggressive person.

I don't mean to attack introverts here because extroverts have their problems as well but bottling up is a problem that introverts do have to be aware of, which is why they have to get out sometimes and talk about things.

...And I went completely off tangent.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Ah, sorry, I wasn't actually responding to you. But you're right, it is nice to have that connection, those bonds. It is important however to make sure that stays healthy, otherwise relationships with people become these large areas in your life where, instead of building yourself as a person and getting a lot done, you spent a lot of resources like time, money, effort, etc. on something that now almost means nothing or does you no aid later, only potentially adding a little bit to you as a character overall. In a sentence, a waste of your time that has little to show for it except perhaps the loss of resources. If you learned about yourself in the process, then it wasn't entirely a complete waste of time.

Also, I too applaud Luigi's line, that basically condenses all of the tangents I've said in one single statement. Dangit I wish I had that power! XD

 

[Luco]

Ah, sorry, I wasn't actually responding to you. But you're right, it is nice to have that connection, those bonds. It is important however to make sure that stays healthy, otherwise relationships with people become these large areas in your life where, instead of building yourself as a person and getting a lot done, you spent a lot of resources like time, money, effort, etc. on something that now almost means nothing or does you no aid later, only potentially adding a little bit to you as a character overall. In a sentence, a waste of your time that has little to show for it except perhaps the loss of resources. If you learned about yourself in the process, then it wasn't entirely a complete waste of time.

Also, I too applaud Luigi's line, that basically condenses all of the tangents I've said in one single statement. Dangit I wish I had that power! XD

Oh I don't deny that relationships should stay healthy. What i'm saying is that arguments and damages to the relationship can be healthy, so long as you get through it and love each other the more for it or have developed in some way, like you said.

 

[Zoe9571]

There's no specific way to talk to a girl. If you randomly go up to a girl and start talking to her, she might think it's creepy. Honestly, just be yourself, but if you feel awkward or nervous, don't show it.

 

[Boxob.]

tell her you wanna take her to the bone zone.

 

[MaskedMarth]

I'm worried that this thread is about "how do I ask a girl on a date" when really it should be "how do I socialize" period, with women or with men. Crawl before you walk.

Men and women can be socialized with in much the same way.
Pay attention to their body/facial language. One way to avoid being creepy, for instance, is to be sensitive to their cues telling you NOT to do something. Example: people have different "bubbles", or spaces around them that you're not supposed to occupy. If you stand inside someone's bubble, they'll retreat. If you keep doing it after they've "told" you (through body language) to stop, you're "creepy." Being "creepy" is basically not respecting boundaries. So respect boundaries. (This one's especially important for when you start dating)
Also if you observe people's body language you learn to use it yourself.
It helps to be current on fluff news. Having something to talk about that isn't politics/religion/sex is good for small talk.
It helps to listen well. Give good eye contact while listening. Engage yourself in topics you might not be 100% interested in--this is a pretty good tip if you're short on small talk and don't share common interests.
Feel free to make friends with women you wouldn't date. Having friends of all genders enriches you. It also helps you socialize in general.
If you're in a very small town you might be able to ask someone (your neighbors, a grocery store owner, whatever) for help meeting friends about your age.

 

[z00ted]

So... how are you doing, Avenging?

 

[Spelt]

Stupidest post I have ever read.

Possibly the most intelligent post I've ever read.

Sums up this thread quite nicely I think.

 

[Crooked Crow]

I swear I can see her left nipple poking out at me.

Nibble.

 

[Falconv1.0]

I love how AvengingtheIcan'tgetlaid gets to have that picture of boobs with a woman attached while Arbuckle's pic of a haunter flipping you off was apparently too much for the kids.

This ****ing place.

 

[Pierce7d]

From someone that went from being a complete loser to a social superstar, I'll give you a few tips. To be honest, the serious posters on this thread have all said some pretty legit ****.
Stuff like first making friends, having mutual hobbies, and being confident are all true. However, I've been in a similar position from being widely hated and picked on, and then I grew into a person who was very popular in social aspects and with girls/women. Perhaps I can give you some insight from my experiences to help you understand better.

It's difficult to become a "new" person in an "old" environment. You hardly go anywhere, you say the only place you can meet girls is the mall. To me, this implies that you have limited means of transportation and/or limited income.

You wanna be socially acceptable at 18 years old, you should get a job, a license, and a car. 100% incontestable fact is that you are automatically a more likable person if you are self-sufficient, and even more so if you can provide for others. Suppose you manage to get lucky, you chat up a shy girl who shows enough interest in you that she would like to get to know you better. Well too bad if you can't take her out to eat because you've got no car and no money. Make sure you cover your bases. You need roots from which to grow.

When I was in 7th grade, I had already suffered through years of consistent bullying every day I went to school. I hated school, and stopped caring, and as a result, I got left back and had to repeat the 7th grade. That meant that all those bullies that I had to suffer all were now 8th graders, and I got to meet a whole new group of people, the new 7th graders. When I realized this, I made the decision that I did not want to be a loser any longer. To be honest, I did exactly what Jam first suggested to you. I saw a pretty girl on the first day of school at recess, I walked up to her, and I complimented her, and she smiled, and I walked away. That girl eventually became my best friend for the next 2 years, and she was one of the hottest girls in the class. Additionally, I made friends with SEVERAL GUYS. This increased my social status because when you're a guy, and you're walking around confidently with other guys, people automatically assume you are a cool guy, unless you do something to make them think otherwise. Just looking presentable with other presentable looking people is enough. I wasn't a social superstar at this point, but I was enough of an average joe that I didn't have to go to school worried about getting bullied all the time.

Of course, my social skills didn't grow in overnight. But let's face it, when you're hanging out with a bunch of fresh dudes, and you're consistently seen with one of the hottest girls in the class, which ALSO means that you're hanging out with her and her friends, who are also hot, these things automatically shoot you up the social ladder. From there, I was just myself, and I learned to weed out those "annoying parts of me" (because let's be honest with ourselves here, there's a difference between being yourself, and being annoying).

My experience is not going to be the same as yours. You have no social experience. I had negative social experiences. I was 13/14 at my turning point. You are 18/19. In some ways, you will have the advantage, and in some ways not. But when I decided to "go walk up and say hi" I think the number one thing that encouraged me and also that made me successful was the will to change my social status. I distinctly remember the following internal dialogue.

"Wow, she's really pretty. Too bad she would never talk to a guy like me. I wish I was one of those cool kids that could get a girl like that. Well wait a minute though, nobody here knows me. No one here knows I'm a loser. In fact, I could just try to be cool, and I bet no one would ever know the difference. Maybe I'm not the most handsome, buff guy in the world, but I'm not ugly. You know what? **** it. I'm gonna walk up to her all cool and tell her that she's beautiful. Well, maybe I won't say "you're beautiful." That's probably coming on pretty strong, and it'll probably seem pretty creepy. I gotta look like a naturally cool person who is out scouting, trying to find other cool people to associate with."

And then I walked up to her with my 7th grade wannabe cool strut, and I said, "Hey, you look pretty popular." And I smiled, and Brittany smiled back, and I walked away.

There is nothing that I learned that made me cool. Nothing about me changed. I didn't have swag, nice clothes, or experiences that gave me an advantage. I just had the will power to be the person I wanted to be, and I grew into that person overtime. Taking the first step was a little nerve wracking, so I made it a short experience. But as you can probably tell, that was a defining moment in my life.

When at a neutral point, people respond to politeness with politeness, and to cruelty with cruelty. If a person isn't like that, you probably don't want to associate with them in the first place. When approaching a person, don't be awkward, just be confident. If you aren't confident, fake it. CONSISTENTLY fake it in all aspects of your life. This will turn into actual confidence because as you practice it, it will become you. I do not approach problems thinking "I cannot solve this". If you really believe that, then why even bother trying. Believe in yourself, and your abilities to overcome, because they exist, even if they are currently underdeveloped.

To close, I'll give you a hypothetical analogy. Suppose you had never lifted anything in your life, and you were very weak. The best way to approach this is probably to begin lifting light things, and believing that eventually, if you exercise enough, you will become stronger. Overtime, you become more and more powerful, and you find that the problem of being able to lift heavy things disappears, because your muscles have developed.

Everything in life is like this, including being social and talking to girls. As long as you approach it with the correct mentality of "I can improve in this aspect" then you will. This I promise you.

 

[fkacyan]

The same way you'd introduce yourself to a guy.

Women are people too, they're not some mythical race of superbeings out to judge everybody negatively.

 

[#HBC | ZoZo]

No Thio

they are

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

Was just gonna say

Thio jeeeez get with the times
Oh btw judging you

AND ESPECIALLY JUDGING XONAR
Always judging Xonar.

 

[#HBC | ZoZo]

You can judge me any time bby

ilu totally platonic obv oops or not what did i just say are you crazy ramses

 

[Yonder]

Personally, the #1 most important thing you can have is confidence. Once you have that down, kindness comes next. Then so on and so forth the other qualities. Doesn't hurt to be decent looking either.

 

[Teran]

I think the ideal future of sexual partners is to biologically engineer them.

Nobody cares about your personality or HILARIOUS jokes anyway.