Link to original post: I have met the enemy and she has captives.
It's Friday night, and I haven't seen my friends in person for a week. I get the idea to get everyone together for a good night out, two of which are free to do so.
Friday night, that old beloved period of reprieve, is the night we settle on. One of them - we'll call him Steven - recommended a pub, and when we went there on the night we all appreciated the choice. They both brought along their girlfriends, who both proved to be good company. I was hoping to talk about the protests in Iran with them, too (it never happened: I accidentally mentioned Michael Jackson's name and thus locked the conversation in that tangent). The conversation was lively and flexible, the beer was fine, the music was pleasant, everyone was friendly with each other, and I didn't have to pay for a thing all night. 'Good job’, I think to myself.
Then, one single word cast storm clouds over the entire city. I could hear the birds fleeing in terror for shelter, as far away from our location as their wings could take them.
'Yaoi'.
It came from Steven's girlfriend. I try to shrug it off. Nah. She couldn't be. My friend is dating her. Maybe she said it in a different sense: just bashing it. Or more likely, I misheard. Or, y'know, she could be like a genuine person who finds this normal appeal about the opposite sex, and isn't wound up on it. Maybe. Either way, I get back to my drink and wait for the next window of opportunity to talk about Iran.
To those of you asking "What the hell is 'yaoi'?", firstly, it's not pronounced 'yay', it's appropriately pronounced 'yeowie'. I encourage you who are unaware to leave now and never come back; you really, really don't want to know where this is headed. But if you insist on being that little bit more internet savvy, a brief summary hidden for the convenience of minors.
Time passes. We leave the pub and walk to her place, which happens to be just around the corner. At the top of the apartment block, she shows us around her room. As we pull up seats and I try to get a joke in, she feels compelled to give us a tour guide of her room.
It all sticks out.
The three katanas in the corner.
The multiple Sephiroth figurines. She takes each one in hand and spends several long seconds stroking the pelvis of each. Tenderly.
The book shelf filled to the brim with manga. "...And the yaoi is on the bottom shelves." She is very eager to point out.
Funeral For A Friend is playing in the background (okay, that isn’t quite in the same vein as the rest, but still).
May god help me, she is going to shout "kawaii desu bishonen" any second now.
'Change the subject, quickly!' I go to mock Irish politics with my other friend (it's very easy to do, you should try it sometime). He's laughing for a while. Now if only I can keep this up long enough for someone else to jump in, we're in the clear.
No wait, Full Metal Alchemist is brought up. Then she sighs wistfully "Ed and Roy" like a teenage superstar she's infatuated with. I have never been more grateful for not following that series beyond the first episode in my life, but I am unfortunate enough to know that the relationship in that (if there is one) is completely heterosexual. At least she hasn't brought up anything like Death Note or Naruto.
Ten minutes later, and she's discussing Edward Scissorshand's ending with the group. My mind recoils in relief as things get a bit more universally pleasant; so they can talk about other things too. Please, let me take this moment to rant:
This wasn't my first ever encounter with the dreadedgay porn yaoi fangirl, as you may have realised, but it was my first in real life. I had hoped they'd keep to deviantart, fanfiction.net, livejournal and what other places they've contaminated, but they seem to get all over the place. More in-your-face than their original content, however, is their presence in fandom, wherein most of the mindrape will ensue. Anime, certain video games and even books are the most noteworthy genres they target. Even Super Smash Bros. is a victim to this (thanks, Marth, we owe you one), and Kingdom Hearts is absolutely FUBAR from its original premise. The single greatest argument in favour of homophobia isn’t the natural order or anything as trivial as that – it’s Calvin & Hobbes mpreg.
My problem isn't so much with the material itself, no. The internet is for porn, after all, and everyone has their guilty pleasures which they don't necessarily bring up. That's fine, as long as we keep it out of each other's noses. But porn can be a force for evil too, great evil, and if Japan's produce is anything to go by, then the more extreme porn doesn't just create perverts, it goes one step farther. Yaoi and the like produce the worst kind of pervert - the vocal one.
Who acts as if all everyone wants to do is listen to every single facet of their nauseating pleasures.
So you're a guy who likes to imagine lesbians getting it on, or a girl eager to picture guys doing the same thing. Hey, good for you, I'm glad you know the things you enjoy in life. But I'm not into the same thing, and it's quite probable that most of your company in life isn't as interested as you are. With your hyperactive obsession over two people behaving completely unrealistically or unhealthily for your entertainment, chances are you're the black sheep amongst a white flock. Go flock to a website dedicated to it if you're really desperate, heavens knows there aren't in short supply.
Case in point, right after the nice discussion with Edward Scissorshands, she tells us of how a fellow yaoi fangirl has written porn not of two fictional creations, but of my two friends there in the room. And then called it good.
Urge to kill...Rising...
She goes back to her Sephiroth figure, now accompanied with Vincent, dubbing them 'bishie' whenever it isn't Sephie. 'My bishie' being a term she then turns on Steven, who has spent the night quietly in a corner since we came to her place.
It is only then that I realise this is the fifth time tonight she's called him that. And he's done nothing except indulge in it.
Sshhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—
And I'll leave it at that for now. Steven is in serious danger and cannot make it to safety alone. Retreat is not an option, even for my own sake: I'm his friend, I can't just leave him hanging. If I don't act soon, he might not have a weener in four months' time. Those of you already aware know what I'm talking about. I can see hundreds upon hundreds of Japanese-themed comics being drawn about him right now; in fact, they're probably half-way to that number already.
Logically I should do something, but if he likes it then there isn't anything I can do without being an ***, save to ask if we can leave out the squick next time we group up. Then again, common sense is thrown out the window whenever testosterone and oestrogen come into play - I'm inclined to just trap him in a life-and-death training regiment, preferably in an environmentally challenging location like an alpine mountain range or a warzone. Whatever it takes to man him up. My arsenal to this end is under heavy consideration - at the moment I’m preparing explosions, robots, Chuck Norris movies, training montages, video games, and, for when he's ready, a one-on-one with whatever monstrous animal I can find.
Any advice? Suggestions? Killer bears that I could borrow for a month or two? Cool story bro?
It's Friday night, and I haven't seen my friends in person for a week. I get the idea to get everyone together for a good night out, two of which are free to do so.
Friday night, that old beloved period of reprieve, is the night we settle on. One of them - we'll call him Steven - recommended a pub, and when we went there on the night we all appreciated the choice. They both brought along their girlfriends, who both proved to be good company. I was hoping to talk about the protests in Iran with them, too (it never happened: I accidentally mentioned Michael Jackson's name and thus locked the conversation in that tangent). The conversation was lively and flexible, the beer was fine, the music was pleasant, everyone was friendly with each other, and I didn't have to pay for a thing all night. 'Good job’, I think to myself.
Then, one single word cast storm clouds over the entire city. I could hear the birds fleeing in terror for shelter, as far away from our location as their wings could take them.
'Yaoi'.
It came from Steven's girlfriend. I try to shrug it off. Nah. She couldn't be. My friend is dating her. Maybe she said it in a different sense: just bashing it. Or more likely, I misheard. Or, y'know, she could be like a genuine person who finds this normal appeal about the opposite sex, and isn't wound up on it. Maybe. Either way, I get back to my drink and wait for the next window of opportunity to talk about Iran.
To those of you asking "What the hell is 'yaoi'?", firstly, it's not pronounced 'yay', it's appropriately pronounced 'yeowie'. I encourage you who are unaware to leave now and never come back; you really, really don't want to know where this is headed. But if you insist on being that little bit more internet savvy, a brief summary hidden for the convenience of minors.
'Yaoi' is a Japanese term which equivocates to English as 'Boy's love'. Rather than a genuine take at a romance between two men (I believe that’s the category of shonen-ai, which I haven’t a problem with), this tends to be simply gay porn. Very pornographic gay porn, usually veiled by the plot premise you’d usually find in a bad romantic novel. It caters, needless to say, to a female audience, and employs erotic aspects in their interests. Most prominent to my knowledge being the character type duo of the 'seme' and 'uke', wherein the former is dominant and aggressive - in behaviour both abusive and aggressive - over the latter, who is feeble, insecure, and is supposed to find comfort in the seme's behaviour. Yes, this can easily be linked to weeaboos and other otaku-affiliated activities.
"So it's porn, big deal. Why are you getting so worked up about it?" Before you hit the reply button to express your extreme disgust at how conservatively homophobic and prejudiced I am, read a bit further and you might get my point.
"So it's porn, big deal. Why are you getting so worked up about it?" Before you hit the reply button to express your extreme disgust at how conservatively homophobic and prejudiced I am, read a bit further and you might get my point.
Time passes. We leave the pub and walk to her place, which happens to be just around the corner. At the top of the apartment block, she shows us around her room. As we pull up seats and I try to get a joke in, she feels compelled to give us a tour guide of her room.
It all sticks out.
The three katanas in the corner.
The multiple Sephiroth figurines. She takes each one in hand and spends several long seconds stroking the pelvis of each. Tenderly.
The book shelf filled to the brim with manga. "...And the yaoi is on the bottom shelves." She is very eager to point out.
Funeral For A Friend is playing in the background (okay, that isn’t quite in the same vein as the rest, but still).
May god help me, she is going to shout "kawaii desu bishonen" any second now.
'Change the subject, quickly!' I go to mock Irish politics with my other friend (it's very easy to do, you should try it sometime). He's laughing for a while. Now if only I can keep this up long enough for someone else to jump in, we're in the clear.
No wait, Full Metal Alchemist is brought up. Then she sighs wistfully "Ed and Roy" like a teenage superstar she's infatuated with. I have never been more grateful for not following that series beyond the first episode in my life, but I am unfortunate enough to know that the relationship in that (if there is one) is completely heterosexual. At least she hasn't brought up anything like Death Note or Naruto.
Ten minutes later, and she's discussing Edward Scissorshand's ending with the group. My mind recoils in relief as things get a bit more universally pleasant; so they can talk about other things too. Please, let me take this moment to rant:
This wasn't my first ever encounter with the dreaded
My problem isn't so much with the material itself, no. The internet is for porn, after all, and everyone has their guilty pleasures which they don't necessarily bring up. That's fine, as long as we keep it out of each other's noses. But porn can be a force for evil too, great evil, and if Japan's produce is anything to go by, then the more extreme porn doesn't just create perverts, it goes one step farther. Yaoi and the like produce the worst kind of pervert - the vocal one.
Who acts as if all everyone wants to do is listen to every single facet of their nauseating pleasures.
So you're a guy who likes to imagine lesbians getting it on, or a girl eager to picture guys doing the same thing. Hey, good for you, I'm glad you know the things you enjoy in life. But I'm not into the same thing, and it's quite probable that most of your company in life isn't as interested as you are. With your hyperactive obsession over two people behaving completely unrealistically or unhealthily for your entertainment, chances are you're the black sheep amongst a white flock. Go flock to a website dedicated to it if you're really desperate, heavens knows there aren't in short supply.
Case in point, right after the nice discussion with Edward Scissorshands, she tells us of how a fellow yaoi fangirl has written porn not of two fictional creations, but of my two friends there in the room. And then called it good.
Urge to kill...Rising...
She goes back to her Sephiroth figure, now accompanied with Vincent, dubbing them 'bishie' whenever it isn't Sephie. 'My bishie' being a term she then turns on Steven, who has spent the night quietly in a corner since we came to her place.
It is only then that I realise this is the fifth time tonight she's called him that. And he's done nothing except indulge in it.
Sshhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—
And I'll leave it at that for now. Steven is in serious danger and cannot make it to safety alone. Retreat is not an option, even for my own sake: I'm his friend, I can't just leave him hanging. If I don't act soon, he might not have a weener in four months' time. Those of you already aware know what I'm talking about. I can see hundreds upon hundreds of Japanese-themed comics being drawn about him right now; in fact, they're probably half-way to that number already.
Logically I should do something, but if he likes it then there isn't anything I can do without being an ***, save to ask if we can leave out the squick next time we group up. Then again, common sense is thrown out the window whenever testosterone and oestrogen come into play - I'm inclined to just trap him in a life-and-death training regiment, preferably in an environmentally challenging location like an alpine mountain range or a warzone. Whatever it takes to man him up. My arsenal to this end is under heavy consideration - at the moment I’m preparing explosions, robots, Chuck Norris movies, training montages, video games, and, for when he's ready, a one-on-one with whatever monstrous animal I can find.
Any advice? Suggestions? Killer bears that I could borrow for a month or two? Cool story bro?
. They would bring yaoi++, I don't even know how they got away with it. There was also this one boy who dressed up in a different female anime outfit everytime! (The outfits were actually pretty cute...but that's not the point...). And every little thing that was said turned into something perverted. They didn't even know how to use "that's what she said" correctly Ex: "Hey do you want some pocky" ..."That's what SHE said!!!" *giggle giggle*lolwut?...