Greetings and good day to you all! I am Princess Zelda, back for another educational chat. Today's presentation is mostly intended for the ladies, but a few of you menfolk may wish to pay attention too. (*cough* ... Marth ... *ahem* ... pardon me.) We will be discussing the means by which one may deal with ... unwanted attention.
Of course, one of the best ways to discourage the wrong sort of attention in the first place is to avoid traveling alone. Should you hold the chivalrous attentions of a tall, strapping gentleman friend, you are in excellent shape. Take him with you at night or whenever you do not feel safe.
Sadly, for some of us, such an ideal situation is not always possible ...
...
Anyway, slender or diminutive young women such as yours truly, who may not appear very physically intimidating, can be at the greatest risk.
If you worry that you might find yourself alone in a frightening place, remember that some U.S. states have concealed carry laws that are intended to protect people just such as yourself. Depending on where you reside, you may consider obtaining a permit. The threat or even possibility that you might be armed is often enough to avert trouble.
... Aha! I spy you, knave! Hastily remove yourself from my presence while I still show mercy!
... what IS that vile stench? It emanates from ...
... eep. *gulp*
Ahem ... well as you can see, there may be occasions when even this is insufficient. A few scoundrels may be stupid, fearless and/or drug-crazed. Particularly the eight-foot-tall, armour-clad scoundrels displaying eyesores where their countenances ought to be, and whose concept of hygiene is to dunk in a rain barrel twice a year whether they need it or not.
To my great fortune, even if an attack is unavoidable, you are not necessarily lost. The most important thing to remember is not to hold anything back. No half measures! You may be fighting for your life, so fight as if you intend to defeat your opponent! If he gets hurt, that's his own fault. He cannot guard everything, so strike whatever he may leave vulnerable! Personally, I prefer the neck. Additionally, it always helps to scream and yell courageous, intimidating threats.
I'll get you, my ugly, and your little snake too! Er, I mean the little Snake standing behind you, not the one that you ... oh, just forget that I mentioned it. Take this!
As I said, courageous, intimidating threats. They are critical. So there you have it. All that is needed to negotiate an unwelcome situation is a little common sense, determination, and ...
... !
Oh, that is IT, Mr. Yoshi. Should I so much as SEE that disgusting lizard’s tongue of yours ... take the worst thing that you can possibly imagine, and imagine something a thousand times worse than that. That is not what I shall do. I shall do something EVEN WORSE.
Did you observe how well that worked? Out cold, and no harm done. Sometimes I can take care of myself.
I hope our talk today was as informative as always. Never be afraid to take the proper measures to protect yourself, and you will lead a safer life. Time runs short ... good day and take care. I must be off.
