Girls/Guys/Relationships

[Jammer]

Recently in the Pool Room there has been quite a bit of discussion about girls and guys and their relationships.

That discussion was either off-topic or devolved into mindless sexism.

This is the thread where we can talk about relationships in general, sexism, girls, guys, etc.

A strong warning: Don't be a jerk. This thread just screams "Close me if I'm not being perfectly behaved". So behave.

I know that some people don't even think boy/girl relationships as a teenager are edifying for one's personal growth. I will copy and paste my opinion on the matter from another thread:

I have a question for those of you who have a Girl/boy/Itfriend, Why do yo take such stress ? Its just being distracted with some person, remembering Dates, Giving things, and having French Kisses outside of the school, because most of that teen love is just some superficial thing for a stupid, spoiled girl.

It is true that when you're a teenager, it's usually always lust, and not love, that makes you attracted to someone.

The French kisses you mentioned actually are a big plus. Mmmmm...

And the girl isn't always "stupid" and "spoiled". Girls are people, too. They have feelings, and ideas, and dreams. Sometimes it's nice to share those things with another person. It's especially nice when it's with just one other person, even though you know it won't last.

I guess it depends on the girlfriend whether or not you're putting more into the relationship than you're getting out of it. Maybe I've been lucky, but I generally don't regret my relationships with girls.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Geekily, I was refreshing my Pool Room page every few minutes for this thread..

Moving on..

Relationships can work at any age really. Well, above the age of 13 I think.

This young couple around the corner from me have been together since they we young, about 14-15 or something. They're like 26-27 now.

So it doesn't really matter how old you are, it just depends on how you see the relationship.

 

[Crimson King]

Better topic. Keep it clean and it'll stay open.

 

[Zook]

All right, I have a question: Is it obsenely wrong for a younger guy to go out with an older girl?

 

[Pluvia's other account]

All right, I have a question: Is it obsenely wrong for a younger guy to go out with an older girl?

No.

 

[Foe]

All right, I have a question: Is it obsenely wrong for a younger guy to go out with an older girl?

Better than a older guy trying to go out with a younger girl.

 

[Jammer]

All right, I have a question: Is it obsenely wrong for a younger guy to go out with an older girl?

Definitely not. I actually prefer older girls (not that old--I mean my age or a couple years older). I think it evens out the relationship a bit.

That being said, sometimes it's embarrassing for a girl to go out with a younger guy. When I was a freshmen, I had a date with a senior. When she found out how young I was, it pretty much ended any possibility of a real relationship, but we remained relatively close friends.

That's an extreme case, of course. I had a 3 month long relationship with a senior when I was a junior. It only ended because she went off to college.

Historically and traditionally, in marriage, the husband is usually older than the wife. I think that's pretty silly. That "rule" is especially breakable in dating, which is obviously much less serious than marriage.

So, Zook, if you're thinking of asking an older girl out (assuming you're a guy--I think you are), go for it. Good luck.

 

[Lightshade]

Honestly, who cares? Why would ANYONE go to a gaming forum for relationship advice? I mean seriously, if you're having trouble with a girl/guy, go somewhere else. Talk to their friends and not here with random people who don't even know the person you like.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Honestly, who cares? Why would ANYONE go to a gaming forum for relationship advice? I mean seriously, if you're having trouble with a girl/guy, go somewhere else. Talk to their friends and not here with random people who don't even know the person you like.

Sometimes talking to strangers about things is better than talking to people you know.

 

[Jammer]

Lightshade, why is absolutely everything you post on these forums rude and unhelpful? Seriously, it's really starting to bother me.

First of all, this is not just a "relationship advice" thread, although some of that may happen. It's more of a philosophical discussion on how relationships and the dynamics between guys and girls work.

Sometimes talking to strangers about things is better than talking to people you know.

Very true. It is much easier to tell random people online, for example, about my previous girlfriends than it would be to tell my parents. Why do you think it's so much easier to talk to a psychologist than your own friends? Strangers are easier to talk to, and they can definitely be helpful.

 

[Endless Nightmares]

It is true that when you're a teenager, it's usually always lust, and not love, that makes you attracted to someone..

This is the only thing that really irks me about that post, I'm gonna have to label that as an opinion, not truth. That's just a generalization.

 

[notftomearth7]

All right, I have a question: Is it obsenely wrong for a younger guy to go out with an older girl?

Not unless you are attracted to one another, then it can't be stopped.
I know, I dated an older woman one time, got some pretty strange looks from my friends, but it all passed in time.

 

[MattDel]

Honestly, who cares? Why would ANYONE go to a gaming forum for relationship advice? I mean seriously, if you're having trouble with a girl/guy, go somewhere else. Talk to their friends and not here with random people who don't even know the person you like.

if you dont like the thread, dont look at it...

 

[shadenexus18]

Warning!! Important Question!

Ok, What if the girl you are trying to date practices a totally different religion than yourself? I mean, I like her, but her parents and her are strong atheist. Grr....it's frustrating because I know because of this that our relationship is going to go down the commode....

 

[MattDel]

Warning!! Important Question!

Ok, What if the girl you are trying to date practices a totally different religion than yourself? I mean, I like her, but her parents and her are strong atheist. Grr....it's frustrating because I know because of this that our relationship is going to go down the commode....

well it really depends what matters more to you between YOUR religion or this girl in question... thats my opinion at least (i'm no expert or anything)

 

[shadenexus18]

well it really depends what matters more to you between YOUR religion or this girl in question... thats my opinion at least (i'm no expert or anything)

Then who cares about her and her family! Christ died for my sins. Nough said. And if they don't want anything to do with them, then forget them!

 

[Crimson King]

Warning!! Important Question!

Ok, What if the girl you are trying to date practices a totally different religion than yourself? I mean, I like her, but her parents and her are strong atheist. Grr....it's frustrating because I know because of this that our relationship is going to go down the commode....

If this is an issue for you, then she can do much better.

 

[MattDel]

Then who cares about her and her family! Christ died for my sins. Nough said. And if they don't want anything to do with them, then forget them!

all right then! problem solved!

 

[Mini Mic]

Warning!! Important Question!

Ok, What if the girl you are trying to date practices a totally different religion than yourself? I mean, I like her, but her parents and her are strong atheist. Grr....it's frustrating because I know because of this that our relationship is going to go down the commode....

That depends on what religion you are, are you something where your religion is an integral part of your everyday life like a Muslim or are you something with less strict rules. If you are the latter then surely you could avoid the subject altogether and it wouldn't be a problem... well hopefully.

Edit: Ah so you are a Christian, so am I but I still don't think it would be that big an issue, how often in relationships do you talk about religion anyway?

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Warning!! Important Question!

Ok, What if the girl you are trying to date practices a totally different religion than yourself? I mean, I like her, but her parents and her are strong atheist. Grr....it's frustrating because I know because of this that our relationship is going to go down the commode....

Atheist isn't a religion.

Anyway, as long as you don't talk about anything religious, she probably won't mind. In Britain, less than 2% of the population is religious.

 

[Silent_Jester]

Then who cares about her and her family! Christ died for my sins. Nough said. And if they don't want anything to do with them, then forget them!

Thats your opinion and everyone should respect it. However if god and Jesus really did exist and are all powerful. Don't you think they made her that way on purpose? So its really their reasoning, I know you don't want to argue against your lord's reasons.

 

[Luigi Ka-master]

Thats your opinion and everyone should respect it. However if god and Jesus really did exist and are all powerful. Don't you think they made her that way on purpose? So its really their reasoning, I know you don't want to argue against your lord's reasons.

Pretty sure there's nothing in Christian beliefs that says anything about God and Jesus making certain people Aethiest or any other belief that God or Jesus don't exist. It would kinda defeat the purpose...

anyways, uhh...relationships take effort, and uhh laziness ftw IMO. >_> there's my full opinion of the matter.

 

[Sizzle]

Religion affects way of life. Of course it's a big deal. I would say try making her more comfortable with your beliefs, and in time she may adopt the same principles you believe in.

 

[Miharu]

Then who cares about her and her family! Christ died for my sins. Nough said. And if they don't want anything to do with them, then forget them!

That was blatantly close-minded of you to say that.

A difference in religion is irrelevant if the two partners are willing to sacrifice a bit for each other. Not too hard, if it's the relationship that really matters. However, if your religion is more important, then having an atheist as a significant other probably isn't going to work out for you.

 

[TheFifthMan]

You know, I can kinda see a sort of Densha Otoko story evolving from this thread as soon as someone asks for relationship advice.

 

[Livvers]

Meh, I date because I like having someone to hang out with, care about, and be close to. Loving someone is an amazing feeling, obviously. Some people say it's really stressful, but if you're with the right person, then there really isn't all that much stress. And yeah, you date someone for the physical aspect, but that's a secondary thing for me

What always irks me is when people dig at someone for being shallow because they like a certain look in the people they date. Yeah, personality means a lot, but nobody can tell me they've wanted to be with someone unattractive because they have an amazing personality. You can't pick who you're attracted to, and while personality can make a person more attractive, looks can be and are also a deciding factor.

 

[Crimson King]

Religion affects way of life. Of course it's a big deal. I would say try making her more comfortable with your beliefs, and in time she may adopt the same principles you believe in.

Why should she adopt his religious principles at all? Who's to say he is even remotely right.

That was blatantly close-minded of you to say that.

A difference in religion is irrelevant if the two partners are willing to sacrifice a bit for each other. Not too hard, if it's the relationship that really matters. However, if your religion is more important, then having an atheist as a significant other probably isn't going to work out for you.

Religion has a HUGE part in relationships because of future children. I am agnostic/atheist/deist (it really depends on my mood), so a Christian woman would clash because I feel religion should be chosen by the child. Teach him or her all religions equally and then let him decide what is best. If he didn't choose Christianity, some Christians would see it as their child being condemned to hell. Hence the issue.

As to whether he is concerned about children or not, probably not. If she is devout atheist a lot of issues will arise such as where will they go on Sundays, arguments about morality, arguments about how far is ok in a relationship, etc. etc.

 

[Witchking_of_Angmar]

Here in Germany people have relationships really early.... like I'm in 8th grade, and pretty much everyone has a girlfriend... go figure.

Off topic: Crimson King, doesn anyone other than you know what your location means? Norse religon ftw. I find the Norse gods and their stories very interesting.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Crismon King's right, it wouldn't work.

I would indulge a bit further, but I can feel my views on this matter bursting to get out, so I'll find a topic for this and continue there, as there's bound to be one.

 

[choknater]

i am in (or almost in) a relationship with a 14 yo girl right now

we are both catholic
we are both filipino
been friends for a while

am i weird

say no : )

 

[Virgilijus]

As CK said, religion is very important, especially when it comes to the possibility of having children with some one who doesn't share your views; few things can cause distraught and tension like differences in the upbringing of children.

Also, I would say one of the most important things you can have in a relationship is trust; trust that you care for each other and trust that you will always do the right thing for each other. Sacrifices on both sides must be made, but never used to hang over the head of the other. You have to be selfless just as they are. You mustn't always change for them, but you must always meet them in the center in an argument or conflict.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

i am in (or almost in) a relationship with a 14 yo girl right now

we are both catholic
we are both filipino
been friends for a while

am i weird

say no : )

Yes.

You are 18.

EDIT:

Actually, elaborate a bit.

 

[Endless Nightmares]

^^^ Honestly, I don't see the problem with that...is it because of the 4-year age difference, or because they are at two different points of maturity in their lives? I'm guessing the latter...it won't make a difference in the long run. Heck, even in three years it won't make a difference.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

^^^ Honestly, I don't see the problem with that...is it because of the 4-year age difference, or because they are at two different points of maturity in their lives? I'm guessing the latter...it won't make a difference in the long run. Heck, even in three years it won't make a difference.

I'm not sure what to say. An 18 year old boy going out with a 14 year old girl..?

But, the Catholic bit complicates things. That's why I asked him to elaborate.

 

[choknater]

more to come later, i like this thread.

 

[Crimson King]

^^^ Honestly, I don't see the problem with that...is it because of the 4-year age difference, or because they are at two different points of maturity in their lives? I'm guessing the latter...it won't make a difference in the long run. Heck, even in three years it won't make a difference.

No, it's because any touching can be grounds for statutory **** depending on the state.

 

[Witchking_of_Angmar]

No, it's because any touching can be grounds for statutory **** depending on the state.

The US is a weird country. Go figure.

 

[Jammer]

About the religion thing:

I'm quite religious. I go to church 3 times a week and my religion is important to me. But almost every girl I've dated is of a different religion than me.

When you're just dating, I figure it doesn't really matter. It's not about making babies who need to not be confused about their spiritual identity--it's about connecting with someone and having fun. I guess that if differences in religion hurt our relationship, like if we're constantly debating about religion (which happened with a girlfriend I had) and it isn't constructive debate, then she just isn't the right girl for me, even for a temporary close friendship.

Like Crimson King said, the religion issue becomes very important when you're getting married, because kids are involved. My particular religion would make it impossible for me to be happy about having a child who isn't of my religion. But I don't think it's a big issue for dating.

About the 18-year-old who's dating the 14-year-old:

Hmm... While I of course do not know either of you, I guess I would recommend not having a very close relationship. While there's nothing wrong with being friends with a girl 4 years younger than you, I would say that romance between you two would be, I guess, out of line. I mean, you're 18; you're a young adult. She's 14; she's barely a teenager.

I can't help but feel that, if I was a 14-year-old girl dating an 18-year-old guy, it would most likely be for the wrong reasons.

I also think that I should tell you not to have sex with her, if you were thinking about it. If you already have, I'd say you're probably hurting her emotionally. It would seem that you're taking advantage of her need to be in a close relationship with an older guy. If she has a bad father, or if he's gone, you should know that she's probably seeing you as a father figure. Which is not what you want if you want her to be happy and healthy.

Also, if you live in the States, it's illegal. Probably in other places, too.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

Ok I've thought about this a bit more, and I'm not sure if Catholics can have sex before marriage.

But, why would an 18 year old boy want to date a 14 year girl? Being human, the gritty truth seems to be sex. Going in a relationship with her would only mean you're taking advantage of her.

But strangely, loads of girls in my year were dating much older guys at that age. I still don't understand that to this day..

 

[Virgilijus]

Catholics are not supposed to have premarital sex. Just verifying.

And an 18 year old with a 14 year old isn't very good in my eyes; the oldest is barely a legal adult while the other is mid way through adolescence. While four years in an older relationship is no big deal, at that period in your life the 18 year old is so much more mature than the 14 year old that he would be too imposing for an equal and mutual relationship.