Social DGames Social | V/LA |

[BarDulL]

wow, missed the infamous EE wall.

yeah pretty much what EE said.

 

[BSL]

lolol

overbearing.

 

[#HBC | ѕoup]

lolol

overbearing.

 

[Ramen King]

How has this grown 2-3 pages since I went to bed?

No problem with asking for free premium.

I'll give you some Soup. 3 months though not a year.

 

[#HBC | ѕoup]

We started talking about the ****hole of the life mine is and how I'm going to conquer it like Mt. Everest.

 

[Vinylic.]

You better conquer it. There's a lot of good things ahead that you cannot miss.

 

[BarDulL]

lolol

overbearing.

 

[#HBC | ZoZo]

As a final comment

Soup, I've ****ing been there. My mom basically gave me no choices, wanted me to be who SHE wanted me to be and all the while she was influenced/backed up by her partner (close enough to step dad).

I tried avoiding it. I tried getting mad. I tried communicating. Every time we talked we had promises that weren't fulfilled from one side and that only made the other side more mad. It escalated. Both of our lives were just so rapidly changing and I'm not someone who sits down and lets his freedom get taken. And it escalated more...

Up until the point where I got into a fist fight with her partner and ran away from home. I didn't live at home for at least half a year and moved sporadically between friends and my alcoholic, asthmatic-though-cigarette-smoking father with partner who literally detests children.


Looking back at it, yes, this was escalated so far that it all had to be broken down to build it back up. My mom is possibly the most stubborn person I know, except from maybe her father. But her intentions weren't bad.

If this was a world built up out of good intentions, it would be a lot prettier. But it isn't. It's unfair, but you need actions. Sometimes these don't line up with your intentions, especially as a parent.
Know why? Because you don't know everything about your kid.


I honestly think everything could've been prevented by having more clear communication from an earlier stage.

so yeah. Sorry for the life story thing, but that's where I'm coming from. Good luck.

 

[#HBC | ѕoup]

Zen is my hero. Hope you guys are okay with a lowercase soup.

 

[Vinylic.]

Well, it would lose it's shazam, but I'm fine.

 

[#HBC | Ryker]

Soup, there's always somewhere to turn to.

You can leave your old life behind, move into a city or somewhere else, get a job, get a cheap apartment or whatever. Sometimes you just have to draw a line and move on.

this sentiment, but not this. Have a goddamn plan. Getting caught with no roof and no job ensures that you won't get either wherever you go. Have you got a job? Good. No? Get one as soon as possible. You need to start looking NOW because it's essential to becoming independent rather than being roped down. Now, could that job support you if it had to? No? Keep your job and find a new one. Yes? Good, save your money. As much as possible. You've got no business going to APEX if your considering moving out and may or may not have the support group that could act as a safety net (not ideal, but doable).

You can look beforehand, but only after you have a job established should you move to your own place. Move in with a friend or a relative if you need to leave earlier, but don't try and be super independent Soup without being able to support super independent Soup. Save up an emergency fund and have a fat enough pay check to cover the cost of living.

Don't be afraid of student loans. Get ready to say goodbye to a lot of free time. You'll get freedom, but responsibility will take away a lot of ability to exercise it and you just have to deal with it.

More when I'm off this blasted phone. Other people who have been through the process of surviving outside your parent's house should make sure he doesn't **** up thinking that it's like a story where you get away from your problems and everything is happily ever after. If he has to go, fine, get out, but do it right.

All Ill say on the problem itself is try not to burn a relationship you can't get back.

 

[Mediocre]

No that's not how it works.

BREAKING an unhealthy relationship doesn't fix it.
Putting people before blocks doesn't fix it either.

Some relationships just have to be broken. Some are not worth fixing. Not saying either of these is the case in Soup's case, but it's true in general.

BTW, I work off the doctrine that every relationship is repairable and can be fixed/reconstructed.

That doctrine is pure fantasy, sorry to tell you.

Let's take an extreme example. If a young kid gets ***** by their uncle/aunt/parent/step-parent, you think that relationship is ever going to get fixed, no matter how sorry or guilty the rapist may feel afterwards? I can tell you right no there's no way it ever will be. There are plenty of things that can permanently and irreparably destroy a relationship, from physical abuse to verbal abuse to neglect or separation. Sometimes even smaller things can destroy a relationship.

Again, not saying any of Soup's relationships are unsalvageable, but you can't just say that all relationships can be salvaged, because that is flat out false.

I don't think opening a secret bank account is a good idea if they're going to send you bank statements through the mail. If your parents are they controlling you'll undoubtedly be found out.

But yeah, the prepaid Mastercards etc are your best bet.

Pretty sure some banks will allow paperless banking, where you just go online to see what's up. So I'd say opening a secret bank account is still an option.

 

[#HBC | Nabe]

If you end up on your own, definitely be prepared to put off education until you're in a stable situation with a job and with credit. Get in to some school, defer for a year, then get a job, then find a place, then move out.

 

[BarDulL]

That doctrine is pure fantasy, sorry to tell you.

Let's take an extreme example. If a young kid gets ***** by their uncle/aunt/parent/step-parent, you think that relationship is ever going to get fixed, no matter how sorry or guilty the rapist may feel afterwards? I can tell you right no there's no way it ever will be. There are plenty of things that can permanently and irreparably destroy a relationship, from physical abuse to verbal abuse to neglect or separation. Sometimes even smaller things can destroy a relationship.

Again, not saying any of Soup's relationships are unsalvageable, but you can't just say that all relationships can be salvaged, because that is flat out false.

People are constantly evolving organisms, so nothing is set in stone in terms of relationships. I've done things I shouldn't have done and made many mistakes, but I've learned from my mistakes, put what happened behind me, and started anew with those same people. It's never too late to turn a new leaf, and it's not impossible to re-captivate trust and friendship from people you have an affinity for. Time heals all wounds.

You seem like the type of guy that would hold a grudge forever. No point in holding a grudge, all those negative feelings and for what? Try to turn those relationships into something positive, and if you can't, then drop it and revisit it later.

 

[#HBC | ZoZo]

Some relationships just have to be broken. Some are not worth fixing. Not saying either of these is the case in Soup's case, but it's true in general.

 

[Evil Eye]

eople are constantly evolving organisms, so nothing is set in stone in terms of relationships. I've done things I shouldn't have done and made many mistakes, but I've learned from my mistakes, put what happened behind me, and started anew with those same people. It's never too late to turn a new leaf, and it's not impossible to re-captivate trust and friendship from people you have an affinity for. Time heals all wounds.

You seem like the type of guy that would hold a grudge forever. No point in holding a grudge, all those negative feelings and for what? Try to turn those relationships into something positive, and if you can't, then drop it and revisit it later.

Not everyone has your (and my, I guess, we sound similar) cavalier attitude about self-improvement and learning from mistakes, though. The sad fact of the matter is that a lot of people are huge ****-ups and not only completely unrepentant about it, but convinced of their rightness. And they won't let go of it. They push away those that don't indulge their fantasies wherein they are the eternal victim in all altercation and choose only friends that uphold their worldview.

Not getting into it on the internet, but suffice to say that a parent of mine has done everything in their power to lose my respect over the last 10+ years and it has cut away at my ability to care for or trust them in general. This is not going to change, because they are not going to change; they are the exact kind of person I described above, and likely will be until the day they die. I will never cut them off from contact, but we will never be close either, for this reason.

It's not about holding a grudge, it's about if both parties are willing to work on their faults that cause the gears to grind. If one isn't going to do so, it is irreparable. End of.

 

[BarDulL]

Not everyone has your (and my, I guess, we sound similar) cavalier attitude about self-improvement and learning from mistakes, though. The sad fact of the matter is that a lot of people are huge ****-ups and not only completely unrepentant about it, but convinced of their rightness. And they won't let go of it. They push away those that don't indulge their fantasies wherein they are the eternal victim in all altercation and choose only friends that uphold their worldview.

Not getting into it on the internet, but suffice to say that a parent of mine has done everything in their power to lose my respect over the last 10+ years and it has cut away at my ability to care for or trust them in general. This is not going to change, because they are not going to change; they are the exact kind of person I described above, and likely will be until the day they die. I will never cut them off from contact, but we will never be close either, for this reason.

It's not about holding a grudge, it's about if both parties are willing to work on their faults that cause the gears to grind. If one isn't going to do so, it is irreparable. End of.

Yes, that's fine, but my big point is that nothing is set in stone. Telling someone "no" really means "not right now." I've seen girls reject guys hardcore, and then get with them later on. I've seen siblings who just absolutely hated each other and refused to talk to each other end up becoming the best of friends. You assume here that your parent will never change, but I wonder if that's really true or not. Either way, I know you won't decline giving it a shot at turning that relationship into something positive if the opportunity presented itself (and if it was within your interest to do so.)

Like, take my Dad for instance. This dude is absolutely intolerable. Someday, I'm going to tell it to him, just like how Soup is going to someday tell his stepdad how much of a piece of **** he is. I can't really do that right now because there are obvious repercussions to doing this since I receive funding from my parents at this point of time. However, in the event that my relationship with my Dad begins to negatively affect me when I'm no longer dependent of him, I'm going to tell him how it is. Maybe. Or maybe not. I won't decline giving him another shot if he changes though, but I don't assume that he won't change. As long as he continues to not change, I won't deal with him, plain and simple. But I don't discount the possibility of the off-chance that he changes. People do change mang.

 

[Mediocre]

People are constantly evolving organisms, so nothing is set in stone in terms of relationships. I've done things I shouldn't have done and made many mistakes, but I've learned from my mistakes, put what happened behind me, and started anew with those same people. It's never too late to turn a new leaf, and it's not impossible to re-captivate trust and friendship from people you have an affinity for. Time heals all wounds.

You seem like the type of guy that would hold a grudge forever. No point in holding a grudge, all those negative feelings and for what? Try to turn those relationships into something positive, and if you can't, then drop it and revisit it later.

I'm happy that you're able to do that. However, people other than you may be less able to change, or may have experienced events that have altered them in ways you haven't personally experienced. You're projecting your own experiences on to other people, but a lot of people can't do what you do, either because that's just the way their brain is wired or because their feelings towards another person have just been utterly destroyed. Have you ever experienced severe trauma at the hands of another person? If you have, and have forgiven them, then I apologize. If you haven't, then you have no business saying what a person in that situation should do, or should be capable of doing.

Also, I have to say that it's fairly judgmental of you to decide what type of guy I am based off one post. Not sure why you felt like you could figure out what kind of person I am based off a single forum post. Also, for the record, your guesses about my personality are just about totally wrong. I typically let go of any grudges after at most a few days, like any normal person would.

That may be the smuggest MSPaint drawing I have ever seen.

 

[#HBC | Kary]

you don't have to climb right to the top of the mountain to enjoy the view

/Kary

 

[#HBC | Red Ryu]

While I don't like how helicopter like my mom is, I can't relate to we'll to these last few pages.

 

[ranmaru]

@Mediocre:

Some relationships just have to be broken. Some are not worth fixing. Not saying either of these is the case in Soup's case, but it's true in general.

You don't have the say in which relationships should be or shouldn't be worth fixing, nor do I. (Unless we somehow intrude on the relationship somehow RESCUE RANGERS lol dunno why that came to mind) The only person who has that say is the person who specifically has that relationship with the other people/person w/e. This is because it's up to them, because they may or may not want to fix the relationship no matter what happened. Since relationships can be complicated, one never really knows how the relationship can go if they don't try. Better to try than not try at all.

Let's take an extreme example. If a young kid gets ***** by their uncle/aunt/parent/step-parent, you think that relationship is ever going to get fixed, no matter how sorry or guilty the rapist may feel afterwards? I can tell you right no there's no way it ever will be. There are plenty of things that can permanently and irreparably destroy a relationship, from physical abuse to verbal abuse to neglect or separation. Sometimes even smaller things can destroy a relationship.

I can see this as very hard to fix, and I find it not going back to that 'point' where it never happened. A person can't just ignore that, because they'd be repressing it, so it's a good example. Yet, it doesn't mean that person should totally disconnect, or break off the relationship. Why? Because that person may still love that person (in that case the parent/relative) and still wants to work out, or forgive the person. Break that relationship and you'll regret it (if it didn't need to be broken, and/or if you didn't really want it to be broken, because then you can't fix it [lol what you can't fix what's broken] ) I think that it is up to the person to see if the relationship is worth 'breaking', and I guess others have to see it too so they aren't fooling themselves. I mean if the person (on the other side) really is a jerk, is abusive, doesn't consider the dude's feelings or care for them really, and doesn't deserve to be in a relationship than I can see reason for the relationship to be broken or at least distanced. But if the person CAN deserve, does care for the person in some way, etc, than I think more patience is needed there before considering breaking the relationship. Yet, this 'rapist' scenario only covers one type of case of relationship and that may be one where the victim may want to distance themselves. Yet I haven't seen that case with my own eyes so I can't say for sure if a victim who wants to recover would possibly want to fix it or just forget about it or cope with it in some manner. I can only guess.

Again, not saying any of Soup's relationships are unsalvageable, but you can't just say that all relationships can be salvaged, because that is flat out false.

And saying that some shouldn't be worth it doesn't really cut it since you can only deal with relationships specifically, or case by case. Like you said, you can throw out rapist/cheater/liar as general cases but it won't matter unless you are talking specifically about a relationship a friend has brought up.

 

[BarDulL]

I'm happy that you're able to do that. However, people other than you may be less able to change, or may have experienced events that have altered them in ways you haven't personally experienced. You're projecting your own experiences on to other people, but a lot of people can't do what you do, either because that's just the way their brain is wired or because their feelings towards another person have just been utterly destroyed. Have you ever experienced severe trauma at the hands of another person? If you have, and have forgiven them, then I apologize. If you haven't, then you have no business saying what a person in that situation should do, or should be capable of doing.

Also, I have to say that it's fairly judgmental of you to decide what type of guy I am based off one post. Not sure why you felt like you could figure out what kind of person I am based off a single forum post. Also, for the record, your guesses about my personality are just about totally wrong.

I fell in love this one girl that I had been friends with for years and she ended up rejecting me pretty hard (first girl I liked too), and I was super depressed about it for like a year and a half. Immediately after rejecting me, she then told a friend of mine that she was "just messing with me" and "making me think that she liked me." LOL. That's pretty messed up, right? For her to just admit to playing with my feelings like that is pretty ****ed up. When I confronted her about it and yelled at her for being a terrible person however, she felt bad about it for a few weeks until I ended up forgiving her because she acknowledged that what she did was wrong and that she did care about me. To what extent, I don't know.

In reality, she was just operating within her own personal interests; I was an individual of interest at some point, as to what her motives really were regarding me, I can't say with certainty. Then one thing lead to another somewhere down the line of our interpersonal relations, and bam, interests changed. Can I really blame her for being human? I'm still open to interacting with that person however, even to this day, because I know that even though it sounds like she was being a ***** on the surface, there's a lot more to it than that that just can't be verbally explained. Interpersonal relationships aren't formulas.

Hey Mr. "you're projecting my experiences onto other people," you're doing just that by saying that some relationships aren't salvageable. LOL. Also, I'm not necessarily trying to "project" anything onto others per se, but rather I'm stating something that I feel is a truth about the world. I don't mind if I end up agreeing to disagree with someone else. Lets not be judgmental here.

I'm also not saying with any sense of definiteness that you are the type of person to hold a grudge, but if you are, you should heed my advice and not hold onto grudges like that. It's totally pointless and not worth your time. The opposite of love is not anger or hate, but indifference. Just my advice.

 

[BarDulL]

/brofist Ranmaru, he knows what's up.

 

[ranmaru]

/brofist Bardull

and lol. Bardull I assume her 'expirement' brought you two closer together despite her original intentions? Ain't it funny somehow that a girl hates you or finds you icky but after the years you get closer they start to like you somehow and you go 'wtf'.

 

[BarDulL]

/brofist Bardull

and lol. Bardull I assume her 'expirement' brought you two closer together despite her original intentions? Ain't it funny somehow that a girl hates you or finds you icky but after the years you get closer they start to like you somehow and you go 'wtf'.

YES! This is exactly it. Exactly. I couldn't have put it better any other way. Double brofist.

 

[ranmaru]

/double brofist bardull

 

[Shun Goku Satsu Rake]

man is there anyone in DGames that doesn't/didn't at one point have overbearing parents?

medi and mashad are literally the only people I can think of that fit the bill

it might be a pre-req here to have them and be a DGamer

 

[Evil Eye]

tbqh I find it a bit insulting, given my personal experiences, to use immature young adult female antics as some kind of all-encompassing example in a conversation about abusive family members and particularly parents. That is just not on the same level.

Also don't try to spin the "judgmental" thing onto Medi, because come on. You said rather flatly that you're getting the vibe that he holds grudges forever (as he said, off of one post) and he said you are completely wrong. His point about projecting was about the basis of your arguments, not some sweeping generalization about your character based on nothing at all -- something that you did quite quickly, and he didn't do at all. All the winking smileys in the world don't change that.

 

[Ramen King]

I feel like I should read this stuff. Calculus or smashboards calculus or smashboards.

 

[ranmaru]

Ramen you should read this stuff do the homework later bro

 

[ranmaru]

Brain says DO HOMEWORK gut says READ DGAMES SOCIAL BRO

 

[BarDulL]

tbqh I find it a bit insulting, given my personal experiences, to use immature young adult female antics as some kind of all-encompassing example in a conversation about abusive family members and particularly parents. That is just not on the same level.

Also don't try to spin the "judgmental" thing onto Medi, because come on. You said rather flatly that you're getting the vibe that he holds grudges forever (as he said, off of one post) and he said you are completely wrong. His point about projecting was about the basis of your arguments, not some sweeping generalization about your character based on nothing at all -- something that you did quite quickly, and he didn't do at all. All the winking smileys in the world don't change that.

Yes they do. They totally do.

It wasn't based on nothing, it was based on his line of logic regarding how some relationships just aren't salvageable or not worthy of fixing/returning to.

But hey, come on now, regardless of whether or not she was being really immature, it still hurts when someone you really like or love doesn't reciprocate your feelings and tries to stab you while you're at it. That was a big deal for me. Also, how someone copes with certain things is relative to their personal beings, so different subjects have varying degrees of seriousness depending on who the person is (which is why I'm open to agreeing to disagree.)

 

[Evil Eye]

You managed to reply directly to my point while completely shirking the meaning of it.

Regardless of what you based it on, you still made a sweeping generalization about Medi's character based on his argument, then accused Medi of doing the same (while I guess ignoring the fact that you had done so) when called out on it. In reality Medi's assumption was about your logic and again based on your argument. This is all in addition to the fact that he's already said you were wrong and you haven't really acknowledged this in any way and instead continued to give him irrelevant advice about how he should stop holding grudges.

And, so we're clear, I don't mean to diminish the pain you experienced or anything. Honestly the telling of this story is very cryptic, since on the one hand you made it sound like she was just ****ing with you for her own entertainment (which is cruel and sadistic), while later implying... I don't know what, that you guys hooked up, or that you think she started to actually like you, or god only knows. Which is more immature and flakey, as is typical for young adults.

And, sure, that sucks. I've had my share of relations--t and they were pretty deep cuts. But, all points about personal relativity aside, I can tell you that it seriously does not come anywhere near living under the thumb of an abusive parent for the better part of your life. Bringing up relativity of the individual experience, quite frankly, simply admits that you were fortunate enough not to experience such things.

 

[ranmaru]

tbqh I find it a bit insulting, given my personal experiences, to use immature young adult female antics as some kind of all-encompassing example in a conversation about abusive family members and particularly parents. That is just not on the same level.

Also don't try to spin the "judgmental" thing onto Medi, because come on. You said rather flatly that you're getting the vibe that he holds grudges forever (as he said, off of one post) and he said you are completely wrong. His point about projecting was about the basis of your arguments, not some sweeping generalization about your character based on nothing at all -- something that you did quite quickly, and he didn't do at all. All the winking smileys in the world don't change that.

I think he was within right to post an example about a relationship, since we were talking 'relationships' and not specifically relationships with parents. We were talking about that previously, but the premise was "Some relationships are meant to be broken" so that allows people to bring in examples that might be or might not be on the same level as **** cases. I also think I have explained that it would be very hard to fix a **** scenario so bringing in one that a person had a really hard time dealing with could at least give some perspective to their own argument, without just focusing on worst case scenarios. Bardull says that it was a really big deal for him and you have to understand, that in that case it was really depressing for him, even though it was 'not on the parent level'. Like Medi said, we can't for sure know how each person deals with each situation, so Bardull. Get on our level. Dare I say, that relationship wasn't meant to be broken.

Although, I can understand why you feel insulted, since of course I can't say how you feel because I'm not you. Just wanted to point that out.

To be more clear. Bardull tries to bring in an example where supposedly, the relationship COULD have been broken right then and there, via "forget about her" "move on, she was just a crush using you" yet instead, he confronted her and bam, it turned into something more. Although it's not something traumatic that someone can't come back from, I don't think the focus should be only on trauma cases and such.

 

[Evil Eye]

Right, but he was using it as a counterpoint to traumatic parenting. It's certainly a good example of a ****ty interpersonal situation where the offended party would be in their rights to cut ties or tell them to burn in hell or whatever but decided not to (although again the outcome is kind of cryptically relayed), but it's not nearly strong enough to stand as a counter-example to abusive parenting and the worse examples, like Medi's **** scenario.

That is all not to mention the fact that the social situation that started this (Soup's abusive and developmentally stunting parental situation) is of the "traumatic parenting" variety and not the "mean girls being mean" variety.

 

[ranmaru]

Fair enough.

 

[Ramen King]

Brain says DO HOMEWORK gut says READ DGAMES SOCIAL BRO

OK

You're such a negative influence on my studies.

 

[ranmaru]

Your gut will thank you. Don't worry your brain will be fine. She'll forgive you.

 

[Mediocre]

You don't have the say in which relationships should be or shouldn't be worth fixing, nor do I. (Unless we somehow intrude on the relationship somehow RESCUE RANGERS lol dunno why that came to mind) The only person who has that say is the person who specifically has that relationship with the other people/person w/e. This is because it's up to them, because they may or may not want to fix the relationship no matter what happened.

Um... yeah. I agree with this entirely. I'm not sure what part of my post you thought you were disagreeing with here, but maybe you should reread what I wrote. Take particular notice of the phrases "some relationships" and "Not saying either of these is the case in Soup's case". I wasn't saying anything about Soup's situation specifically, because I don't feel qualified to judge or give advice, never having been in a similar situation myself.

Since relationships can be complicated, one never really knows how the relationship can go if they don't try. Better to try than not try at all.

This seems to run counter to what you were saying just a sentence ago. As you said earlier, I think it's up to the individual involved whether they want to fix a particular relationship or not. Sometimes it might not be better to try.

I mean if the person (on the other side) really is a jerk, is abusive, doesn't consider the dude's feelings or care for them really, and doesn't deserve to be in a relationship than I can see reason for the relationship to be broken or at least distanced.

Pretty sure rapists are by definition abusive and jerks.

But if the person CAN deserve, does care for the person in some way, etc, than I think more patience is needed there before considering breaking the relationship.

Wow.

Not even sure how to reply to this.

No, more patience is not needed when dealing with a family member who ***** one of their young relatives. That kind of action is unjustifiable.

Sure, if the victim decides they still want to maintain some sort of relationship with the person who ***** them, that's their decision. But saying that they need more patience before they consider breaking up the relationship? Wow. That's not up to you. You don't get to decide that, or make those judgements. That's up to the individual who was hurt, not you.

And that's true in every relationship, honestly. The person should be the one to weigh the value of the relationship against the extent of the pain they suffered, and they should be the one to make any decision that gets made. Moralizing from outside their situation about what they should do is just ridiculous.

And saying that some shouldn't be worth it doesn't really cut it since you can only deal with relationships specifically, or case by case. Like you said, you can throw out rapist/cheater/liar as general cases but it won't matter unless you are talking specifically about a relationship a friend has brought up.

Yeah that's true. You kind of made two opposite, conflicting points throughout this post, but this part is true. The thing is, Bardull was making a blanket statement, and I'm saying there are times when relationships can't and perhaps shouldn't be repaired, because they're not worth saving.

I fell in love this one girl that I had been friends with for years and she ended up rejecting me pretty hard (first girl I liked too), and I was super depressed about it for like a year and a half. Immediately after rejecting me, she then told a friend of mine that she was "just messing with me" and "making me think that she liked me." LOL. That's pretty messed up, right? For her to just admit to playing with my feelings like that is pretty ****ed up. When I confronted her about it and yelled at her for being a terrible person however, she felt bad about it for a few weeks until I ended up forgiving her because she acknowledged that what she did was wrong and that she did care about me. To what extent, I don't know.

In reality, she was just operating within her own personal interests; I was an individual of interest at some point, as to what her motives really were regarding me, I can't say with certainty. Then one thing lead to another somewhere down the line of our interpersonal relations, and bam, interests changed. Can I really blame her for being human? I'm still open to interacting with that person however, even to this day, because I know that even though it sounds like she was being a ***** on the surface, there's a lot more to it than that that just can't be verbally explained. Interpersonal relationships aren't formulas.

That's a pretty ****ty experience. It sucks that that happened to you.

However, it's not anywhere near the level of the abuse I was talking about, or even the situation Soup's in right now.

Hey Mr. "you're projecting my experiences onto other people," you're doing just that by saying that some relationships aren't salvageable.

What? No I'm not. I've never experienced an unsalvageable relationship. Never have. You're assuming things about me that you have no basis for assuming. Again.

I'm also not saying with any sense of definiteness that you are the type of person to hold a grudge, but if you are, you should heed my advice and not hold onto grudges like that. It's totally pointless and not worth your time. The opposite of love is not anger or hate, but indifference. Just my advice.

You said "I seem like the type of guy that would hold a grudge forever." You are judging that I'm the type of guy who would hold a grudge forever, based off a single post. That is pretty judgmental.

LOL. Also, I'm not necessarily trying to "project" anything onto others per se, but rather I'm stating something that I feel is a truth about the world. I don't mind if I end up agreeing to disagree with someone else. Lets not be judgmental here.

I have been judging your opinions, which I think are wrong. I have a basis for doing that, because you are posting your opinions. I can see them, and judge them.

You judged me as a person, which you have very little basis for doing, because you don't know me except through a very few posts on this forum.

That is why I said your insinuation that I "bear grudges forever" was judgmental.

It wasn't based on nothing, it was based on his line of logic regarding how some relationships just aren't salvageable or not worthy of fixing/returning to.

That is very little to base a judgement of someone's character on.

But hey, come on now, regardless of whether or not she was being really immature, it still hurts when someone you really like or love doesn't reciprocate your feelings and tries to stab you while you're at it. That was a big deal for me.

I believe that, but at the same time there's simply no way it's equivalent to ****, or years of abuse, or even what Soup is going through with his parents. If that's the worst thing you have experienced in terms of your relationships with other people, you are a very lucky individual.

I think he was within right to post an example about a relationship, since we were talking 'relationships' and not specifically relationships with parents.

Obviously he was within his rights to post it, but it wasn't relevant as evidence to refute what I was saying, because his experiences are simply not on the same level as serious abuse.

To be more clear. Bardull tries to bring in an example where supposedly, the relationship COULD have been broken right then and there, via "forget about her" "move on, she was just a crush using you" yet instead, he confronted her and bam, it turned into something more. Although it's not something traumatic that someone can't come back from, I don't think the focus should be only on trauma cases and such.

Right. I actually respect Bardull for being able to do that. I'm not sure that I would have been able to maintain that relationship after what she did. Even if I confronted her and mostly forgave her, I don't think I'd be able to be friends with her after that point. I might not bear her a grudge, but I wouldn't trust her.

I definitely think that plenty of relationships are worth fighting for. The point I am making is that not all relationships are worth saving, or possible to save. Bardull's example does nothing to refute that point, which is the only thing we're arguing about.

 

[Ramen King]

Your gut will thank you. Don't worry your brain will be fine. She'll forgive you.

My brain is a male thank you