I've been thinking as to why this game is so addicting to me lately. Gorf has mentioned to me once or twice that I don't seem like I'm enjoying this game as much as I could, and he's probably right. I don't really enjoy Mafia anymore, It's just a chore and something I do to get my mind off other things, or even a procrastination tool. I think an easy solution is to just a take break (something I'm trying to do) but it's really hard to not impulsively sign up for a game, even if I know that I'm pushing myself. I'm sure @
Zack Fair knows what I'm going through, but I'm not him and I don't wanna just stop posting here completely. I like everyone here. I like this community. Maybe the reason I keep signing up for games is because of that reason, and I don't think if this were another Mafia site I would be jumping to play in every game. I don't really know what I want to do though, should I swallow my pride and give in to my impulses, or commit to a break? I can't believe I'm asking such a question but I've always used feedback from others to make decisions, as I'm indecisive and tend to over think.
There's also a part of me who is an idealist, perhaps even someone who wants people to look up to him. I've been yearning to feel like people respect me which is part of the reason why I've gotten so demanding in games. I'm inherently a competitive person either way, always wanting to be the best at what I do, but man...I think about how stupid that is and how this is just a game and I should just chill out. I don't want that reflect poorly though, which is why I try so much because I don't want to let people down. I get stressed in games because of my burden of this, afraid if I **** up people aren't going to want to play with me or look at me negatively.