In the spirit of getting ramped up for E3, I decided to go back and revisit an interesting idea for a Banjo-Kazooie stage we had discussed a while back. The idea of having Gruntilda fly around in the background spouting insults and rhymes to the fighters is too cool an idea to not be put in. If we do end up finally having the beloved backpacking bear and bird buddies return to Nintendo and join the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate roster, I hope they go all out like they did with Joker and give us some great Easter Eggs and nods to the original games. So with that said, I decided to make up insulting Grunty rhymes for all the Smash Bros. characters so far to be officially confirmed for Smash, along with one special one that hopefully will come to fruition in the coming months at long last!
Mario: So, you're the famous video game hero? I hear you're a plumber and I need a fixed Loggo!
Donkey Kong: That tie looks so silly on your furry hide! When I get through with the bear and bird, you'll fry!
Link: A champion like you may have bested a calamity but when I'm through with you, you'll have earned my pity!
Samus: That suit and that gun arm look sleek and divine! I wonder how I'd look in such a suit so fine!
Yoshi: You foolish green lizard with that tongue and those eggs! You try to eat me and I'll break your legs!
Kirby: You're cute and you're pink and round as a ball! I'll destroy you and your friends once and for all!
Fox: A fancy gun and speed you may possess. But you'll make a fine fur coat to go with my dress!
Pikachu: An electric rat? Now I've seen everything! Oh what has become of video-gaming?
Jigglypuff: Those songs you sing are tone deaf and bland! I'll blow your ears out with my band!
Luigi: I hear you fight ghosts but you're a cowardly bro! Nowhere near as tough as Mario!
Captain Falcon: You should've stayed in your fancy blue car! My spells shall send you flying fast and far!
Ness: You have some toys and some powers of the mind. Let's see how they fare against spells of my kind!
Peach: I'll kidnap you like that lizardy lout, then I'll be pretty and thin and you'll be ugly and stout!
Bowser: The King of the Koopas but you're beat by a pair of plumbers! Can a villain possibly be any dumber?
Ice Climbers: You two are a frostbitten pair! At Freezeezy Peak, you'll fit right at home there!
Zelda: The Princess of Hyrule so fair and so true, I can't wait to use my spells on you!
Sheik: Whoever you are, with your mask and your skills, I'll catch up to you and beat you, I will!
Dr. Mario: So the plumber is a doctor now, how quaint! Better prepare to fix yourself when you faint!
Pichu: You hurt yourself with every jolt you unleash! Your chances of winning are about to decrease!
Falco: No doubt your friends with that foolish flying fox! I'll send you back to your friends in a pine box!
Marth: Your sword is quite sharp and you are quite quick, but can you dodge my spells and deal with my tricks?
Young Link: Isn't that sword a bit big for you, boy? Why not run along home and go play with your toys!
Ganondorf: The King of Evil but you just now got your sword! You'd best hurry up, I'm getting bored!
Mewtwo: A powerful monster that can read minds you may be, but I dare to try such a stunt with me!
Roy: You look quite regal with your sword and your flare! I'll fix you good and give you a scare!
Mr. Game & Watch: You're flat and you're black, how strange! To make you go flying can be arranged!
Meta Knight: You're handy with a blade and you fly like a bat! I'll have to do something about that!
Pit: An angel from the heavens, but you can barely even fly! I'll hurt you so bad I'll make your goddess cry!
Zero Suit Samus: So you've taken off your suit and shown me your beauty! I'll take from you what I'll take from Tooty!
Wario: The smell of your farts fills me with unbridled joy! Too bad for your fat butt I'll have to destroy!
Snake: You're stealthy and tough, I'll give you that! But my spells and rhymes will stomp you flat!
Ike: That sword of yours is far too big! Let old Grunty turn it into a twig!
Pokemon Trainer: Those creatures you command are quite queer! But Gruntilda the Witch has nothing to fear!
Diddy Kong: You filthy little chimp in your red Nintendo hat! Gruntilda will defeat you, I have no fear of that!
Lucas: You little crybaby with your psychic power! When I'm through with you, your tears will become a torrential shower!
Sonic the Hedgehog: A little blue rat that moves at the speed of sound? In for a penny, in for a pound!
King Dedede: You're big with that hammer as the King of Dream Land! But try dealing with a spell from Grunty's hand!
Olimar: You're a gardener of sorts but you hail from space! Those colored creatures won't help you win first place!
Lucario: You glow with some aura the more that you hurt! So Gruntilda will just have to pound you into the dirt!
R.O.B.: A mechanical relic, that's all that you are! I'll smash you to a million little pieces and send them far!
Toon Link: A cartoon version of that green clad brat? This game is ridiculous, I'm sure of that!
Wolf: At Mad Monster Mansion, you'd fit right at home! Especially in the graveyard with all of the bones!
Villager: You collect items like that fool bear and bird! You'll collect your own death, you have my word!
Mega Man: You've bested robotic villains, that's true! But this witch is gonna turn you black and blue!
Wii Fit Trainer: You wish to make me trim but I'm far too fat! I'll sit on you and squish you flat!
Rosalina & Luma: A galactic princess who hails from the stars. Gruntilda will launch you just as far!
Little Mac: A feisty little fighter you may be, but I'll stay well and far above your reach!
Greninja: A ninja who's a frog? How neat! Grunty will boil your tongue for a froggy treat!
Palutena: A beautiful goddess with gorgeous green locks! Grunty will steal your beauty and wear your socks!
Pac-Man: You look like a sliced pizza pie, you dumb ball! Gruntilda's spells will make you fall!
Lucina: You're just a pale imitation of that fop with the sword! You and your kind are making me bored!
Robin: Are you a boy or a girl? Who cares? Your spells won't stop Grunty from kicking your derriere!
Shulk: You change your physical stats with that sword? With all these people wielding toothpicks, Grunty's getting bored!
Bowser Jr.: In that goofy clown car you're mischievous and small! To your father, Grunty will send you to bawl!
Dark Pit: Another angel, but your hair is all black! Gruntilda will show you how much power you lack!
Duck Hunt: A dog and a duck?! How absurd! That's even sillier than that foolish bear and bird!
Ryu: A powerful warrior you look to be, but you'll be sorry you ever came messing with me!
Cloud Strife: That sword looks as sharp and spiky as your hair! I'll blast you away, so you better beware!
Corrin: You turn into a dragon and you're quick with a blade! But you're all washed up and about to be slayed!
Bayonetta: You can't be a witch, you're not ugly enough! Grunty will make good and sure this fight of yours is tough!
Inkling: Are you a kid or a squid?! It doesn't matter! You best hide in your ink before you splatter!
Daisy: Aren't you cute in that little frock? Grunty's got just the spell to knock you out of your socks!
Ridley: A purple dragon like you is too big to fit in here! I'll cut you down to size and give you something to fear!
Simon Belmont: So! You deal with monsters, eh? I bet you've never dealt with such a powerful witch in your day!
Richter Belmont: You have some fancy moves with that whip! All Grunty can do is wiggle her hips!
Chrom: The father of that pale imitation, that's all that you are! Gruntilda and her spells with send you flying far!
Dark Samus: A shadowy version of that girl with the suit! Personally I think you're much more cute!
King K. Rool: You look in need of some eye drops, you dope! Against Gruntilda and her spells, you'll lose all hope!
Isabelle: Like Tooty, you're too cute and too sweet! This fight of yours will be difficult to beat!
Ken: You have fancy moves like that other Street Fighter! Time to see if Grunty's even mightier!
Incineroar: Another one of these infernal Pokemon? Gruntilda's getting annoyed! C'mon!
Piranha Plant: What a fine looking plant you are! Grunty will take you home and put you in her jar!
Joker: So you like to steal and be cool? Gruntilda will end you easily, you fool!
Mii Fighter: So, you've joined the ranks of the Smash Bros. crew? I bet you're a nerd in the real world! Aren't you?
And, of course, a special one to complete!
Banjo-Kazooie: The bear and bird, you've returned at long last! You should've stayed home in Nintendo's forgotten past!