Sucumbio

Even if you had the audio files I sent you, I was in the process of re producing all of my tracks so it wouldn't matter. At any rate, this might be the motivation I need to redo every track like i had hoped to do.

Also, I am sick so excuse me, but I didn't understand anything about the second paragraph xD.

little sister watching televison on illegal sites broke the computer lost everything I had ever written and all of my samples wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Just end it now, it's hurting my brain.

Oh no, do explain.
I have no right to call or think others bizarre, simply because I'm very bizarre as well.

You have the right ideas, continue!

Exactly... Which is why Atheists or Nihilists that try time and time again to prove God wrong always end up proving it for themselves, which is pointless.

What I find weird, the older I get, the shorter each year seems in relation to my life and the more important (to some degree) monitary goods are given the necissity for money and the onset of that realization, yet the older I get the more I enjoy New Years and the less I am impacted by Christmas. Now, December is still my favorite time of the year for the overall feel of it (the whole Thanksgiving day to January 1st really), but New Years seems more important the older I get, and I'm not sure why hahahaha. Reminds me of the 'aging paradox' mentioned by the female philosophy teachers in Waking Life (the older we get, the less importance we put on time despite the fact that we have less of it).

I forget if we had this conversation, have you seen Waking Life?

Thank you.

After a very beautiful 24 hours of deep feeling and connection, we are giving each other space again so that "we can both have the patience it takes." There is also the way she talks about him that assures me somewhat. She never says the kinds of things that she does when she talks about us, but things more a long the line of "He's so good to me." or "The way he looks at me." Its not at all similar to how she talks about me and her. She doesn't say "you" or "I" she says "we" and "us". Really my only concern now is in 4 months when he leaves her fear of being lonely overtaking her judgment agreeing to marry him or something, despite (at the time) they will have only known each other for 6 months. The other night while we were talking she said to me "Its like I'm destined to be alone." I assured her that wasn't the case at all, but it still deeply worries me that she might act on that feeling. If she does make that decision, I'll try to convince her otherwise and if I am unable to, I will tell her simply tell her that if something goes wrong that I will always be there for her and will never make her feel bad for any mistakes she might have made. Though even then, I am reassured by the fact that she will talk to me about this guy but not talk to him about me. She trust me with everything and trust that I will understand her in any situation. If she's coming to me about the problems she has with him, then that's a very good thing the way I see it.

Oh, and then there is that constant fear (since I'm not there) of her 'giving up on life.' I was watching a Sqaurepusher music video and it really set the fear deep within me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCqz58Fq-Cw
I'm guessing it has to do with my distance from her, the knowing that she is in pain, and knowing of her repressed depression. I've expressed my fears to her and told her how close she is to a perfect, happy life I only wish I could do more, and the distance that I must give her currently doesn't help, but I know she will always call me.

Oh, and me and Dee set a date to reconsider our relationship, to set another date, to get back together, or if we have lost our feelings to separate forever remaining only friends. August 1st. By then I should be living on my own in Florida again and should be back in school having reclaimed my music scholarship, and Dee shall be entering her second year of college (though more like her first as she has to do basic math classes.) Its going to take a lot of patience, careful handling of the situations, and a deal of fate, but I'm confident that by then things will have turned around.

So many opinions = So many flames.
Thank you, but it wasn't worth it. The pink name doesn't symbolize much, except that you can speak well on an Internet forum.

Probably the main reason I quit, apart from the Internet forum part, was because of RDK. He is racist, has an extremely sardonic view on Religion (although I am not religious myself, I dislike the ones who try to prove it wrong, simply because humans will never stop believing in higher beings), and is a troll worthy of 4chan.

Seriously, as long as there is strife upon the earth, then people will believe in higher beings. Even at peaceful times, people will believe their 'higher beings' have blessed them. I am an Agnostic, preferring to accept all Religions for what they are and how they have different views. The only Religions I shun are the ones that go completely against one another. Not like Christianity and Islam as they fight, but demonic religions are the ones I am unable to accept. I even needn't mention or see their names.

It seems that you can try and try again, but it's too much work to get into a Debate Hall on an Internet forum. That's what I ended up realizing.

The primary reason I quit was because of people either:
1. Making stupid arguments.
2. Making arguments that we all end up agreeing on.
3. Not even responding to arguments.
or (maybe back when I was there)
4. Actual Debaters helping them with their arguments when they did not aid me at all, giving a blatant unfair advantage.

Last night we talked for 5 hours straight (and had a bit of phone sex and watched a sex instructional video together), and she has reaffirmed to me that she does truly want this to work out. She also mentioned that she told him that she was upset that they would end so soon, and he said just to enjoy the time they had, so I'm glad to see he can be mature about it.

However, the main thing that also gave me the final "This is going to work out for me, 100 percent" also gives me pain, part from guilt from me finding comfort in it and in part because I never want to see her in pain. When she had sex with him, two things happened that don't happen with me.

1. She felt out of place. She felt some sort of pain, and she says it might be because she's reminded of her grandfather incident by the act.
2. She couldn't climax no matter how good it felt.

I told her if the feeling persist to explain to him that she doesn't think they should have sex and don't even give a reason, just tell him you don't want to. If he's as good a guy as she says, he should be able to understand and not get angry with her, unless he is doing what I personally think he is and trying to live as much as possible before going into the Navy. (Not saying its a bad thing, just my general feelings based on what I know about him, him being a self proclaimed hopeless romantic and having moved out of his house and gone into a single semester of college for no apparent reason on both of those other than him just wanting to do it). I really don't like to see her in pain of any kind, especially when I'm not there to fix it. She also mentioned that inside she's constantly sad but on the outside she's constantly smiling. That was something she has regressed to since I left, because I had taken that out of her.

Now, both of these things give me great comfort knowing that I truly am the only one who gives her what she needs, but knowing that I am actually taking comfort from her pain, that greatly upsets me. I know its natural to do that, as the main thing I pulled out of our relationship was a sense of purpose, a sense of being needed, a sense of changing someones life for the better, greatly helping my death anxiety, so its even more natural for me to take comfort in this because that is essentially what I pull out of our relationship. It just really upsets me to see me do this involving her. Am I wrong to do so?

She will break up with him. She's basically already told me that when he is going to leave she is going to tell him they want different things out of life. This is basically her way of clearing her head. She once described herself right now as "wanting to go on an adventure and he's just basically along for the ride.'

Also, Dee and I have always and will always communicate everything to each other, this included. I don't get angry. It doesn't hurt me. If I didn't mention it before, I can tell you they've had sex. They had it yesterday in fact, and before hand I supported her letting her know that she is human and this is a natural need and that she shouldn't feel guilty if it does happen. I told her if it feels good, it was good, if it doesn't, she shouldn't do it with him anymore. I have 0 problem knowing this and have 0 problem knowing she's having sex with people. Sex does not equal love it equals a human need, both me and Dee have always understood this.

As for the seperation, we aren't sure how long it will go on for. But Dee is trying to push the feelings down as you mentioned, its why we are limiting contact with each other, but what she doesn't understand is why she isn't drastically in love with Branon because of how romantic he is to her (given that he's trying to win her over so quickly). She's having to learn that you can't chose to love someone, and as she already learned with me during what I refer to as our 6 day war of fighting over what to do with our future together, she learned that she can not stop loving me. She's just trying to make sure that's 100 percent true while I get myself economically depenedent and back in college.

Now, I'm talking to one girl who moves in on my street next week, so that will give me a chance to distract me from Dee somewhat, but I still think it will be impossible for me (just as Dee is finding) to avoid her own feelings for me, no matter how good the person is to you.

We are both being patient. I have canceled my trip down to see her, mostly because I'm sure that this guy will become horribly upset if he ever catches me with her and I don't want her to get physically hurt (he's rather buff.).

Thank you for the comfort. You have reassured me.

Dee asked for space so she could feel more comfortable with the guy she's dating right now while we are going through the Healing Seperation. I don't have any problem with it, but my idol mind without her and about her is rather bi-polor. She assures me that we will be fine why I give her the space, just the space does cause me some worry, so just so I don't get devistated later I'm preparing myself just for the unlikely case that this doesn't go how I want it to go.

Based on that, I came to two seperate and opposite feelings about us ending.

1. I did what I wanted to do in our relationship. I came into her life, fixed her mind, made her life better, and made her smile everyday I was with her (almost haha). If it were not for me, she would have had tons of problems with this guy right now and before I had helped her, she couldn't even masterbait without crying and feeling guilty. Then there were her possessive parents. After seeing me, and learning to trust me, her parents let up and now let her stay out on late hours without having ever met this man. Then there were various other mental problems that I had cured her of that would have also caused problems.

This comforts me. It makes me feel like I will always be an intricate part of her life even when I am not there. the effects of my love will ring throughout her life, even if I died tommorrow.

2. That if she does leave me it will be because of our short comings caused by things that were outside of my control, such as her protective parents, both of our mental problems that we cured each other of as the relationship went on, and my problem with having to take way to long during sex and thus never climaxing in her like she always wanted, as well as my financaly dependency on my parents. He doesn't have to work around these same problems everyday. I WORKED my *** off in our relationship so that she would never have to worry. Her father (doesn't speak english) found me on the floor of her closet in my underwear after school and I worked my *** off to make that family love me. Every single moment of our relationship I had to work and struggle and learn everystep. With this guy, Dee doesn't have to teach him how to kiss, she doesn't have to have her mother come on her dates and have to be home from your house by 9 and have my parents do the driving and doesn't have to work around vast mental problems and doesn't have any of the things that she and I had to work around.

If she leaves me, I don't want it to be by this unfair comparison, and it would hurt me deeply for me to see this happen. She loves me deeply even still, but I don't want her to simply say "He couldn't do what I needed" and move on. Given, in about 3 months they are going to have a HUGE problem once he ask her to marry her and come with him on the Navy base (which he already said he wanted to do), because Dee doesn't want to do that. She wants to be an independent woman and always has. She's not going to trow away her dreams (which is also in thanks to me) for some guy (myself included.)

Half of me knows that we will get back together, half of me is preparing for the worst but can't decided to be happy or sad about it.

Hey, sorry, I had a really rough time these past few weeks, and I've started to work, but things are going fine again. Both me and dee are having a hard time in our life, so we are going through a healing seperation. At first it scared me, but I haven't been this confident in us since the begining of our relationship. Things are going to work out, we both are sure, I just need to clean up my life and she needs to clear her head. I use the metaphore of cleaning a glass window. Even if I had fixed her pain, it would have only cleaned one side of the window. You have to clean both sides to get a clear view again.

At any rate, I found an Aphex Twin track I really enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbT20PK78Cw
I'm sure you can tell why :P

you sure this isn't you?

Well, its Brawl, but its, well. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd28Mt3oS84
That's an early version of it and the music is unrelated to the project.
This is also an early version of it. Things are going to be very crazy (yet balanced) by the end of it. I'm a developer on the project, my primary focus currently being on Wario, DDD, and ZSS, but I plan to hijack Olimar and a few others as time goes on.

However I will (once I find a competent 3D animator and a coder) be working on another project that I have been planing out for some time that works out like a Zelda Dissida (thought of it before Dissida though >_> ) in that its a fighting game using the models of Twlight Princess which are incredibly beautiful and underused, and the items and effects give enough lea way to make some pretty inventive fighting styles and gameplay mechanics without the need for the creation of a single 3D model. I just have to find the people who'd be willing to work with me (for free of course hahahah)

Seriously, look at this charecter who had like 2 lines the whole game


Basic idea for her- being a fighting game where you can move around in a 3D enviroment, there runs the risk of the game becoming a camping fest for anyone with a projectile. Ashei, the girl above, would be a charecter designed to prevent this by having great rush down tools without a single reliable way to camp herself.

- When blocking, she uses her heavily armored arm, and to close range melee attacks it recieves chip damage, but it reflects long distant attacks (also allows her to pull in anyone attempting to use a hookshot)
- Fastest character in the game.
-Single hits do little damage, combo ability highest in the game. Can not hope to hit and run thus preventing camping.
- Items: The top spinny wheel thingy. Basically she can increase her speed when using this.
- Low health

that's the basics of her character.
Then there are the obvious main cast charecters, Zelda, Zant, Link. adult Minda.

Merry Christmas :D Sorry I didn't wish it earlier, I started work officially on Christmas and worked a double and had to work so early had to stay at a hotel so i could get there in time.

Hey, I'm working on a hacked Brawl project currently called Brawl- and wanted to know if you'd like to do some original music for it. I though, a Third Strike sound would be really cool, and instantly thought of your music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JabyOdT4Ds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2VLUB5v5eI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3jmNxGi2xE

There are some really genious things on here. The trouble is making sure everything is on the same level.

That track I sent you earlier, that Hi My Name Is, would that make a decent first track? Or is that more theory and study stuff and less album material? what do you think?

I'm pushing SO hard trying to get this album done. Hopefully I'll have a rough demo by the new year.

I asked because I was reading this autobiographical comic, and it sounded SO CLOSE to you and your wife, "met online, she thought she was gay, ended up marrying a guy she met on the internet who moved out to live with her" I found it really funny how close it matched up with yours.

weird randomly specific question: your wife isn't a comic artist, is she?

We are celebrating my birthday tonight, and I've got a ton of sushi sitting in the kitchen, but have to wait for my parents to get home before I can eat it >_< They said in about an hour, its been 3.

I wrote a review for my friend to get him into the album, here are some excerpts.

"Clark's got the best album of the year. Makes all other records look like ***** willow ****. Its just god **** perfection. Its like some cumlative of everything that was built up in this decade. You want the Venetian Snares rough style drums? Yep, its got it. You want the Flying Lotus bass? Yep, its got it. You want something that finally seems technically on par with the works of Aphex Twin? Yep, its got it. You want some electronic baroque melodies? Yep, its got it. You want some rave tracks as **** and dancable as they come? Yep, its got it. You want music that manages to carve itself out as art while still retaining a youthful **** charm ala Dan Deacon? Yep, its got it. You want some circut bending? Yep, its got it. **** man, you want some beautiful cascading guitar that will make your grandfather, not the young grandfather, but the older one who went thought the **** depression without a tear, the one whose friends are all dead and he says "better them than me", a guitar song that would make even him cry? Yep, its got it. You want some autotune disco voice? Yep, its got it. You want some alternative rap? Yep, its got it. You want some glitchy gameboy synths? Yep, its got it. All the work of one man, no featuring artist. This is some down right sexy ****."

"This is like, one of those albums that makes you cry at night because you didn't make it, and you never could."

I picked the wrong time to listen to this album, because its making me feel really insecure with my album xD

Oh, and man, you've got to listen to Chris Clark's new album. I love his music so much, yet somehow his music is so good, it just makes me feel horribly stupid XD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_RkluaGaSE

You know Dose One?
Also, I worked on that one hip-hop beat, but my headphones broke, so I'm not so sure about the production. I'll upload it sometime soon, probably with the entire LP.

The Akira soundtrack was litterally, all I listened to through about August when I discovered it earlier in the year.

Yessss. Its perfection to me. 100 percent amazing. And to think it was made by non-professionals adds to it somehow.

Its just that, its perfection in its truest form.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUDoajmZHiU


This is the greatest album ever made.

Heyyyy. Have you heard Perfection yet?

Thank you Sucumbio!!! :D
I'm not sure when I get to celebrate it though. Hmmm. Hopeing for SF4 so I can begin practicing on that.

I guess it's RamsesJelsma, I'm european and we use MSN over here haha, I downloaded it so I could talk with you.

accept my aim request : D

I hate how my life is so mundane and boring now that I don't even notice that my birthday is 2 days away until someone points it out to me.

My hair is unstoppably curly. Its untamable. I can flick it out, but that causes one of these as it was freshmen year

Yeah, That's what I've considered doing so I can continue. Its inspired heavily by Einstein on a Beach
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl0BSh7RXPc who I've been told I look exactly like (Philip Glass that is)

Hey, that's a really good idea. From there I was never sure what to do with it, but if I just hyped up the crazy to a Snare's level, yeah, I could do a lot with that.

http://rapidshare.com/files/314951312/My_Name_Is.wav.html
I've been trying to work on this, but I've cropped, cut, and altered this sample so many times, it takes my computer 30 seconds just to lay down another little beat hahahaha. Its hard to finish because of that.

http://rapidshare.com/files/314926021/I_can_fly.wav.html

Here it is. If you want the vocal trap as well, I can upload it too. The web host wouldn't upload for some reason.
Made from- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PecHjYQPt5o

Oh silly Smashboards, despite you sending this 30 minutes ago, it just let me know right now.

Wow, this sounds a lot more modern than your other stuff. I could see the the bass repeating throughout the song, building itself and everything building around it. Kind of life this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iHDFm3pbns (minus the chaotic breakcore elements of course)
Just one way it could go.

I'm uploading the file now btw. I got a free server, and I'll upload them there and send it to you.

We had turkey, gravey, jello fruit salad, stuffing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, cornbread muffins, pumpkin pie and cranberries. (My Mother likes to go all out)

And you were not. Besides, it takes a lot to make me angry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYi24D9lHqc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD_imYhNoQ4
the original video btw.

Whenever I get down about work, I just think, 6 more months and I'm off to Cali. Plus, working seems to be the only cure for my death anxiety, which is pretty big at times.

Also, I'm involved in a project called Brawl- (spoof name of Brawl+ ) and it will be brawl but crazy. The goal is to make every character as broken as possible but balanced.

WOW! That's awesome about your studio. And no, sorry, I work at a 24 hour dinner, so I've been incredibly tired of late. Around the time when normal restaurants close, we get really busy. I'm dreading tomorrow morning O_O
I'm off Monday and Tuesday, so I'll get it too you then.
My Thanksgiving was alright, I had Ruby Tuesdays with my family after work. We are going to have the turkey on Saturday instead since according to the yearly sales that day will be pretty dead and we can leave early.
I made this in like 3 minutes today though xD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezvx4TRwOxU