This is TPC requesting backup. I've got an emotionally distraught user who wants help. Calling
Hinata
for backup.
I don't really know what to tell you here. College experiences differ between people, and I'd chalk up your negative experiences more towards the unfortunate circumstances going on in your life right now rather than everyone else being out to get you. Yes, people suck (like those "partners of your's), but not all of them do. While attributing failure to an external locus of control is better for our ego, attributing it to an internal locus of control allows for reflection and growth.
Furthermore, College isn't always going to be the saving grace that some think it will be. For me it definitely was, but that's because I went into it with an open mindset and worked my *** off to make the most of it. And even then, I'm struggling to gain my footing in some regards after an entire year.
Hitting yourself won't get you anywhere. I used to do that a lot myself when I'd break down and it did nothing but hurt. I didn't feel better. I didn't get any closer to fixing my problems. I just sat there with a hurt head and a worse mood to go along with it.
Maybe talking to your professor would improve things? Tell him your side of the story since it seems like your "partners" didn't do that. At the end of the day professors are people too, and they're not evil, money-grubbing demons. Those are the administrators of colleges.
In terms of being isolated from your support system, have you made an effort to establish one on your college campus? Do you see your school's counseling services (if they're available/affordable)? Do you have any friends or professors to include in that? Having a support system is extremely important, but you can't expect one to just form around you. It takes time and effort.
Also, I would personally say that you shouldn't let your experiences impact those of your children. While similar in many ways, Children are their own people, and have their own experiences. There's a lot to gain from a public education, so I'd keep an open mind when it comes to that.