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Just gonna share this with the whole thread, anybody who's interested can read it, anybody else can ignore it and carry on at their leisure. It's still very much in the draft phase, but I would appreciate feedback and stuff.
Crack.
The spine bends itself over the table
And presses its face against the broken glass.
Face-down in the needle pit,
A sombre word.
Holding your breath
To keep the water down.
It is rising now.
Water rising high.
And god.
Can you hear me?
A hollow noise where there were once words,
And now the words come back -
Rich and strong.
They sting.
The steel is cold and incises the flesh
With warm tenacity.
Murder is art in itself.
Sublime is the texture of the skin.
But still.
Nothing was said
That didn't need to be heard.
And yet.
Did you feel me?
Was there any purpose to this?
Why did you hold me
As I fell?
Held on for dear life, I was afraid.
Break.
The sweat becomes a part of the tears
And the salt stains the metal implements.
The first body is opened, the second is next.
It will be over soon, very soon.
No.
No sight.
Perhaps, seem to have -
Oh, seem to have
Misplaced eyes.
The retinal shriek,
Synaptic chill.
Everything becomes clear
In the realm of glass and ash.
Bite down hard.
Don't scream.
Dear god.
Don't scream.
This is how it's meant to be.
Accept your fate.
It will be well in time.
You will live again.
Scream.
And how did you hurt yourself this time?
Fell down the stairs, was it?
Pour another glass.
The water will hold.
Rising high.
Always rising.
My, my.
That is unfortunate.
And will he notice this time?
God paints the skin,
The knife makes the picture frame
A little bit better.
Things like this seem to happen an awful lot,
Or so it seems.
We must do this again sometime.
Quite interesting.
Behind the bandaged look,
The gauze over flesh
And rose-petal lips -
Now is the time.
Time to let it all out.
In the deepest waters,
When they rise,
The salt will cure your bones.
Yes.
Clarity now.
Recovene another time.
Live.
consume.
Now is a good time.
Until,
That is -
The drowning.
And then what?
Will there be time again?
Will there be words and stories?
Just gonna share this with the whole thread, anybody who's interested can read it, anybody else can ignore it and carry on at their leisure. It's still very much in the draft phase, but I would appreciate feedback and stuff.
Crack.
The spine bends itself over the table
And presses its face against the broken glass.
Face-down in the needle pit,
A sombre word.
Holding your breath
To keep the water down.
It is rising now.
Water rising high.
And god.
Can you hear me?
A hollow noise where there were once words,
And now the words come back -
Rich and strong.
They sting.
The steel is cold and incises the flesh
With warm tenacity.
Murder is art in itself.
Sublime is the texture of the skin.
But still.
Nothing was said
That didn't need to be heard.
And yet.
Did you feel me?
Was there any purpose to this?
Why did you hold me
As I fell?
Held on for dear life, I was afraid.
Break.
The sweat becomes a part of the tears
And the salt stains the metal implements.
The first body is opened, the second is next.
It will be over soon, very soon.
No.
No sight.
Perhaps, seem to have -
Oh, seem to have
Misplaced eyes.
The retinal shriek,
Synaptic chill.
Everything becomes clear
In the realm of glass and ash.
Bite down hard.
Don't scream.
Dear god.
Don't scream.
This is how it's meant to be.
Accept your fate.
It will be well in time.
You will live again.
Scream.
And how did you hurt yourself this time?
Fell down the stairs, was it?
Pour another glass.
The water will hold.
Rising high.
Always rising.
My, my.
That is unfortunate.
And will he notice this time?
God paints the skin,
The knife makes the picture frame
A little bit better.
Things like this seem to happen an awful lot,
Or so it seems.
We must do this again sometime.
Quite interesting.
Behind the bandaged look,
The gauze over flesh
And rose-petal lips -
Now is the time.
Time to let it all out.
In the deepest waters,
When they rise,
The salt will cure your bones.
Yes.
Clarity now.
Recovene another time.
Live.
consume.
Now is a good time.
Until,
That is -
The drowning.
And then what?
Will there be time again?
Will there be words and stories?
Just gonna share this with the whole thread, anybody who's interested can read it, anybody else can ignore it and carry on at their leisure. It's still very much in the draft phase, but I would appreciate feedback and stuff.
Crack.
The spine bends itself over the table
And presses its face against the broken glass.
Face-down in the needle pit,
A sombre word.
Holding your breath
To keep the water down.
It is rising now.
Water rising high.
And god.
Can you hear me?
A hollow noise where there were once words,
And now the words come back -
Rich and strong.
They sting.
The steel is cold and incises the flesh
With warm tenacity.
Murder is art in itself.
Sublime is the texture of the skin.
But still.
Nothing was said
That didn't need to be heard.
And yet.
Did you feel me?
Was there any purpose to this?
Why did you hold me
As I fell?
Held on for dear life, I was afraid.
Break.
The sweat becomes a part of the tears
And the salt stains the metal implements.
The first body is opened, the second is next.
It will be over soon, very soon.
No.
No sight.
Perhaps, seem to have -
Oh, seem to have
Misplaced eyes.
The retinal shriek,
Synaptic chill.
Everything becomes clear
In the realm of glass and ash.
Bite down hard.
Don't scream.
Dear god.
Don't scream.
This is how it's meant to be.
Accept your fate.
It will be well in time.
You will live again.
Scream.
And how did you hurt yourself this time?
Fell down the stairs, was it?
Pour another glass.
The water will hold.
Rising high.
Always rising.
My, my.
That is unfortunate.
And will he notice this time?
God paints the skin,
The knife makes the picture frame
A little bit better.
Things like this seem to happen an awful lot,
Or so it seems.
We must do this again sometime.
Quite interesting.
Behind the bandaged look,
The gauze over flesh
And rose-petal lips -
Now is the time.
Time to let it all out.
In the deepest waters,
When they rise,
The salt will cure your bones.
Yes.
Clarity now.
Recovene another time.
Live.
consume.
Now is a good time.
Until,
That is -
The drowning.
And then what?
Will there be time again?
Will there be words and stories?
That was an engaging read and I really like your work. I don't have many words to describe this since I'm still in the process of digesting it all while re-reading it again. Very interesting and I like it. It felt kinda like getting a medical exam done by The Joker and being told by a poet.
Just gonna share this with the whole thread, anybody who's interested can read it, anybody else can ignore it and carry on at their leisure. It's still very much in the draft phase, but I would appreciate feedback and stuff.
Crack.
The spine bends itself over the table
And presses its face against the broken glass.
Face-down in the needle pit,
A sombre word.
Holding your breath
To keep the water down.
It is rising now.
Water rising high.
And god.
Can you hear me?
A hollow noise where there were once words,
And now the words come back -
Rich and strong.
They sting.
The steel is cold and incises the flesh
With warm tenacity.
Murder is art in itself.
Sublime is the texture of the skin.
But still.
Nothing was said
That didn't need to be heard.
And yet.
Did you feel me?
Was there any purpose to this?
Why did you hold me
As I fell?
Held on for dear life, I was afraid.
Break.
The sweat becomes a part of the tears
And the salt stains the metal implements.
The first body is opened, the second is next.
It will be over soon, very soon.
No.
No sight.
Perhaps, seem to have -
Oh, seem to have
Misplaced eyes.
The retinal shriek,
Synaptic chill.
Everything becomes clear
In the realm of glass and ash.
Bite down hard.
Don't scream.
Dear god.
Don't scream.
This is how it's meant to be.
Accept your fate.
It will be well in time.
You will live again.
Scream.
And how did you hurt yourself this time?
Fell down the stairs, was it?
Pour another glass.
The water will hold.
Rising high.
Always rising.
My, my.
That is unfortunate.
And will he notice this time?
God paints the skin,
The knife makes the picture frame
A little bit better.
Things like this seem to happen an awful lot,
Or so it seems.
We must do this again sometime.
Quite interesting.
Behind the bandaged look,
The gauze over flesh
And rose-petal lips -
Now is the time.
Time to let it all out.
In the deepest waters,
When they rise,
The salt will cure your bones.
Yes.
Clarity now.
Recovene another time.
Live.
consume.
Now is a good time.
Until,
That is -
The drowning.
And then what?
Will there be time again?
Will there be words and stories?
To clarify what I said to another friend, re: the poem:
It's meant to be a disjointed monologue with interventions from an external perspective, yeah.
Near as I can interpret it, I think it's about the state of anxiety that stems from emotional and physical abuse. The narrator, whom I imagine to be a young woman, views her domestic life in a manner akin to a patient undergoing invasive therapy - strapped down to a table and numbed to the pain, she watches her life and soul get cut apart by the person she thinks she trusts the most, and as the knife cuts deeper into her soft skin, she slowly drowns. The narrative concludes with a subsequent visit to the doctor, who asks where she got her cuts and bruises from, and she lies about it being an accident. The doctor is clearly aware that she's lying to him, but he ignores her and tells her that it's just being caused by a mental distraction. She yearns to tell the truth, but she knows that doing so will only lead to be more pain and anguish in future. So she keeps quiet, and she sees the world from behind bloodied gauze, nursing her wounds and telling herself that she will be alright.
Just gonna share this with the whole thread, anybody who's interested can read it, anybody else can ignore it and carry on at their leisure. It's still very much in the draft phase, but I would appreciate feedback and stuff.
Crack.
The spine bends itself over the table
And presses its face against the broken glass.
Face-down in the needle pit,
A sombre word.
Holding your breath
To keep the water down.
It is rising now.
Water rising high.
And god.
Can you hear me?
A hollow noise where there were once words,
And now the words come back -
Rich and strong.
They sting.
The steel is cold and incises the flesh
With warm tenacity.
Murder is art in itself.
Sublime is the texture of the skin.
But still.
Nothing was said
That didn't need to be heard.
And yet.
Did you feel me?
Was there any purpose to this?
Why did you hold me
As I fell?
Held on for dear life, I was afraid.
Break.
The sweat becomes a part of the tears
And the salt stains the metal implements.
The first body is opened, the second is next.
It will be over soon, very soon.
No.
No sight.
Perhaps, seem to have -
Oh, seem to have
Misplaced eyes.
The retinal shriek,
Synaptic chill.
Everything becomes clear
In the realm of glass and ash.
Bite down hard.
Don't scream.
Dear god.
Don't scream.
This is how it's meant to be.
Accept your fate.
It will be well in time.
You will live again.
Scream.
And how did you hurt yourself this time?
Fell down the stairs, was it?
Pour another glass.
The water will hold.
Rising high.
Always rising.
My, my.
That is unfortunate.
And will he notice this time?
God paints the skin,
The knife makes the picture frame
A little bit better.
Things like this seem to happen an awful lot,
Or so it seems.
We must do this again sometime.
Quite interesting.
Behind the bandaged look,
The gauze over flesh
And rose-petal lips -
Now is the time.
Time to let it all out.
In the deepest waters,
When they rise,
The salt will cure your bones.
Yes.
Clarity now.
Recovene another time.
Live.
consume.
Now is a good time.
Until,
That is -
The drowning.
And then what?
Will there be time again?
Will there be words and stories?
Thanks for sharing. I will have to reread again but I did enjoy the imagery and the interesting, abrupt structure and organization of your piece. Admittedly, sometimes it comes off as choppy because of the lack of syntax variation but I'm assuming the broken style of syntax lengths and language was deliberate since it did contribute to the tone of your poem. Keep it up.
Edit: Welp, didn't see your new post above as I was replying. Wish I did, lol.
Just gonna share this with the whole thread, anybody who's interested can read it, anybody else can ignore it and carry on at their leisure. It's still very much in the draft phase, but I would appreciate feedback and stuff.
I was busy playing Codename S.T.E.A.M. and wrecking some alien scum with my boi . I hope you can forgive me, m'lady. ;_;
At least you had @Hong
standing by your side. You couldn't ask for a more stalwart companion. :3
HAH! The Pretty-pretty elf-princess wannabes have NOT defeated me!
BEHOLD! The second of my two FE characters!
Name: Jillian Class: Dark Flier Subclasses: Archer and Myrmidon Stats: From best to worst: Magic, Strength, Speed, Skill, Luck, Res, Def, HP Recruitment: Start of the chapter. Starting Equipment: Rexcalibur, Steel Spear
Profile: A young woman of noble birth who grew up around the most stuck up of nobles. She quickly rebelled against everything that is "proper" for one of her standing after getting tired of seeing the commoners verbally abused again and again, discarding things like "etiquette" while taking up things like "swearing". She is otherwise a nice and friendly person, though she has a very dim view on her fellow nobles. The one most likely to eat with her hands. Born December 14th.
Quotes:
Critical:
Now I'm pissed!
You damn idiot!
You ain't gotta chance!
Stuck-up blue blood!
Victory:
Hell yeah!
You're damn right.
Sure beats curtsying.
Excellent. Excellent.
When a paired up person got the kill:
Dead is dead!
That was damn beautiful.
Thanks, mate!
Damn straight we won.
Paired up:
Let's go.
Into the muck
No need for manners!
I ain't afraid of blood!
Other quotes:
Finding an item: What's this?
Getting EXP: I practiced my swearing. Damn, this is hard.
Getting Weapon skill: I used my teacup for training. It only survived one hit though. Progress?
Getting a boost: I'm feeling especially crude today. Time to throw down and get dirty.
Getting nothing: I wonder what my governess would say if she could see me now.
Edit: I noticed when these were really coming, someone was making portraits... Who was that?
This has been a long time coming, but I finally did it:
Name: Matthias Class: Mage Subclasses: Dark Mage and Myrmidon Stats: From best to worst: Magic, Skill, Speed, Res, Luck, Def, Strength, HP Recruitment: Start of the chapter. Starting Equipment: Arcfire
Profile: An absolute pyromaniac. A friendly upbeat person who has an unhealthy relationship with fire. Normally friendly and easy to get along with, but should fire be seen and/or mentioned, be careful. The most likely to burn down the distressed village. Born June 21st.
Quotes:
Critical:
IN..FER...NO!!!!!!!
BURN! BURN!!! YAHAHAHAAAAAA! BURN!!!!!!!
DIE IN FIIIRE!!!
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--EERRRRRRRRR!!!!
Victory:
You got burned!
Good kindling!
Well done!
Yes! Fire!
When a paired up person got the kill:
Aw, no fire?
Can you use fire next time?
He's dead, friend!
Thanks! I think?
Paired up:
Look! Fuel!
Burn it... Burn it...
Make a fire!
We can incinerate it!
Other quotes:
Finding an item: Ooh! An item! Can I burn it?!
Getting EXP: Ooh! Somethings burn better than others?! I must investigate!
Getting Weapon skill: I made a fire. It was excellent!
Getting a boost: I'm feeling fired up! Something is going to burn!
Getting nothing: La-de-do-de-dum-dee-doo.
Edit: I noticed when these were really coming, someone was making portraits... Who was that?
I've got one more coming, but I'm still working out the details.
While I do see your point, they weren't so bad. Honestly, I expected worse because I did hear about what happened with the Lucina raid indirectly in the Marth thread (where that s**t probably won't be tolerated since they're very meta over there and I love them for it) although that could just be because we're all awesome, mature people.
I don't mind raids, though if I wanted waifu gags, five-second ships, excessive reaction gifs, etc., I'd go to 9gag or something. Generally when I have nothing positive to say, I keep quiet and just do something else, though. I can''t really tell people what to do in a social thread, for the most part.
While I do see your point, they weren't so bad. Honestly, I expected worse because I did hear about what happened with the Lucina raid indirectly in the Marth thread (where that s**t probably won't be tolerated since they're very meta over there and I love them for it) although that could just be because we're all awesome, mature people.
Honestly, I'd pay to read these posts from the Lucina raid.
They needed to close the damn Thread, for 's sake.
and I'm betting that people there couldn't take a joke.
They weren't so bad.
The excess of the gifs and images was annoying, though, I'll give that. My navegator got way slower.
Honestly, I'd pay to read these posts from the Lucina raid.
They needed to close the damn Thread, for 's sake.
and I'm betting that people there couldn't take a joke.
They weren't so bad.
It was ... a clash of cultures so to speak if I recall correctly. Speaking of which, I do find it interesting how every Character thread seems to have its own culture and personality.
It was ... a clash of cultures so to speak if I recall correctly. Speaking of which, I do find it interesting how every Character thread seems to have its own culture and personality.