Frown
poekmon
Link to original post: The tricks of Frown's life
Prolouge: So I was standing in my bathroom, brushing my teeth, thinking of things to blog about. Then I got this idea.
This thing is huge. Easily the blog I've put the most effort into. After The Frown Collection... and The Riddle... and the user stats... and the Pepsi challenge...
...
Anyways, enjoy!
1. How to get a toddler to do as you say
Scenario: You're a babysitter. 5-year old Timmy is in the sandbox. He likes the sandbox, you don't. You want to leave, he probably doesn't. It's getting late and you need to get home.
a. Ask him if he wants to leave right now or if he wants to leave soon. He will probably say "soon" but he'll know that you're about to leave.
b. Instead of saying "Let's go", say "First one to get out of the park wins!" and start running really slowly. In my experience, kids usually fall for this. Make sure you let him win the race.
c. Tell him it's time to leave, and be determined. When he says "no", keep your cool.
d. Threaten to tell someone he respects. "I'm going to tell your mother about how well you behaved today".
e. Threaten him with punishment. Nothing too harsh though, he's just a kid who enjoys playing in the sandbox. "If you don't come right now, we aren't having
f. If everything fails, bribe him. Tell him he'll get an ice cream if he comes with you. But this means you've lost. He has now learned that if he says "no" enough times, he will get an ice cream.
g. Carry him. He can't be that heavy.
DO NOT leave without him and yell "Bye, Timmy!" from the distance to try to get him to follow you. Being abandoned by your guardian is a terrible feeling, and he will probably remember it as a very frightening experience.
2. How to be funny irl
When making sarcastic statement, there's a big difference between
"Do you really think we should try to help the poor? Can't we just burn them and fuel our cars with them? JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
and
"Do you really think we should try to help the poor? Can't we just burn them and fuel our cars with them?"
Cut the smile. Look really serious and wait for the response. Then smile. I don't know about you, but people seem to like these kinds of jokes a lot more when they aren't too obvious. The way I see it, we laugh at two things: Surprise, and other people's feelings. When you smile and laugh at your own joke, part of the surprise is gone. Sure, it's quite unexpected that someone would talk about using bums as fuel, but it's even more unexpected if you think the person is being serious for a second.
Also, let the other person figure out the humour.
"Hey, I need help with a gift. I'm giving it to this girl I like."
"Give her something from the bottom of your heart. Rip it out and give it to her! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Hey, I need help with a gift. I'm giving it to this girl I like."
"Give your aortic valve to her."
See, it makes the joke a lot better, doesn't it?
3. How to provide yourself with money
Don't have a job? Got cheap parents who won't let you buy video games because they will make your brain rot? Start a small business. Last year, I started buying large quantities of Coke (the soda, don't imagine anything else) to sell to my classmates. Since I bought 48 at a time, I got them at a fairly low price and was able to get a x2.5 profit. If your classmates are able to buy coke by going to the store, sell yours for a lower price. If you aren't allowed to sell beverages in school, look for something else that people need, like pencils.
This is a very effective way to keep money in your pockets. It will help you eat out every week without using your savings.
4. How to study well
Big test for tomorrow. Oh, boy. I sure need to study now. I'll just turn on my computer and listen to some music while studying. And check my mail. And check my Youtube subscriptions. Then I'm going to study. Oh hey, it's Wednesday! A new Zero Punctuation review is out!
NO.
GET RID OF THE D*** COMPUTER.
THIS IS YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY
Don't even tell yourself to only use it for five minutes. You will be stuck. Also, the music just gives you something else to concentrate on. If you really want to listen to music, listen to silent, ambient music. Listening to someone talk (or sing in this case) while reading makes it a lot harder. If you need your computer to study, turn off the internet connection.
Now, for the part about the studying. If you need to just remember a lot of things, like history, sit down and read the chapter from beginning to end, thinking "What questions could appear on the test?". Write down those questions as you read. When you're all the way through, focus on the questions you've written and practice until you know them all.
How about math? Well, the best thing would be to just work. Try to finish a third of the problems on each page. There isn't really any other way (unless if you're like my classmate Christopher who sleeps through school and gets top grades anyway). Spread out your work. Avoid studying for several hours straight, or you'll start wondering whether 11+5 is 12 or not.
When taking notes and receiving papers in class, use a folder for each subject. It's extremely handy to have one folder for biology, one for social studies etc. It's even better if you own a laptop. If so, get an account at http://docs.google.com and start using it for notes. This way, you will always be able to reach your documents, no matter which computer you're using. You can probably type a lot faster than you write, but make sure to actually use it for studies in class, and not for fun. If you feel like you can't concentrate with the computer, return to pen and paper.
5. How to fall asleep faster
- Once again, turn off the computer. It's very easy to get stuck and sit in front of it 4 more hours than you planned to.
- Take a walk a few hours before you're going to sleep.
- Try drinking warm beverages (NOT coffee).
- Make sure you've done everything you need to go to sleep (set alarm clock, brushed teeth, told parents "Nighty nighty, don't let the bed bugs be bitey!").
If you have been awake for less than 12 hours, it makes sense that you aren't feeling tired. Follow my tips and read a book until you start yawning. Then try to sleep.
6. How to make an impressive meal
Is your date coming over? Do you want to impress him/her with your cooking skills? I've got a delicious recipe for anyone who isn't a vegetarian.
I recommend that you try to prepare this dish once before you serve it to your loved one. Make sure you do it right.
SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE FOR TWO - THE FROWN WAY
Try to start cooking at 3 PM. Fry 2 onions and 400 grams (0.8 pounds) of ground beef (this will be ten times harder if the beef is still frozen, so put it in the fridge instead of the freezer 6 hours before you plan to prepare it) in a big saucepan. When the beef isn't pink at all, pour 500 grams (1 pound) of diced tomatoes (they are sold in cans) into the saucepan. Then add a tablespoon of tomato puree (it gives the food a nice tint and a more tomato-y taste) and about 0.1 liters (3 fluid ounces) of wine. Then, make a mix of spices consisting of:
1/3 basil
1/3 oregano
1/6 rosemary
1/12 thyme
1/12 marjoram
Then try for yourself how much you think is good. If you ask me, the more the better.
Now, for the easy part. Let the sauce simmer for as long as you want. When it's 20 minutes until dinner, boil 500 grams of spaghetti and add salt and pepper to the bolognese (once again, you choose how much you want). Serve with grated parmesan and not with ketchup. When your date arrives, say "Oh, hello! I'm glad you're here, I've been cooking for three hours!".
Prolouge: So I was standing in my bathroom, brushing my teeth, thinking of things to blog about. Then I got this idea.
THE TRICKS OF FROWN'S LIFE
This thing is huge. Easily the blog I've put the most effort into. After The Frown Collection... and The Riddle... and the user stats... and the Pepsi challenge...
...
Anyways, enjoy!
1. How to get a toddler to do as you say
Scenario: You're a babysitter. 5-year old Timmy is in the sandbox. He likes the sandbox, you don't. You want to leave, he probably doesn't. It's getting late and you need to get home.
a. Ask him if he wants to leave right now or if he wants to leave soon. He will probably say "soon" but he'll know that you're about to leave.
b. Instead of saying "Let's go", say "First one to get out of the park wins!" and start running really slowly. In my experience, kids usually fall for this. Make sure you let him win the race.
c. Tell him it's time to leave, and be determined. When he says "no", keep your cool.
d. Threaten to tell someone he respects. "I'm going to tell your mother about how well you behaved today".
e. Threaten him with punishment. Nothing too harsh though, he's just a kid who enjoys playing in the sandbox. "If you don't come right now, we aren't having
f. If everything fails, bribe him. Tell him he'll get an ice cream if he comes with you. But this means you've lost. He has now learned that if he says "no" enough times, he will get an ice cream.
g. Carry him. He can't be that heavy.
DO NOT leave without him and yell "Bye, Timmy!" from the distance to try to get him to follow you. Being abandoned by your guardian is a terrible feeling, and he will probably remember it as a very frightening experience.
2. How to be funny irl
When making sarcastic statement, there's a big difference between
"Do you really think we should try to help the poor? Can't we just burn them and fuel our cars with them? JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
and
"Do you really think we should try to help the poor? Can't we just burn them and fuel our cars with them?"
Cut the smile. Look really serious and wait for the response. Then smile. I don't know about you, but people seem to like these kinds of jokes a lot more when they aren't too obvious. The way I see it, we laugh at two things: Surprise, and other people's feelings. When you smile and laugh at your own joke, part of the surprise is gone. Sure, it's quite unexpected that someone would talk about using bums as fuel, but it's even more unexpected if you think the person is being serious for a second.
Also, let the other person figure out the humour.
"Hey, I need help with a gift. I'm giving it to this girl I like."
"Give her something from the bottom of your heart. Rip it out and give it to her! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Hey, I need help with a gift. I'm giving it to this girl I like."
"Give your aortic valve to her."
See, it makes the joke a lot better, doesn't it?
3. How to provide yourself with money
Don't have a job? Got cheap parents who won't let you buy video games because they will make your brain rot? Start a small business. Last year, I started buying large quantities of Coke (the soda, don't imagine anything else) to sell to my classmates. Since I bought 48 at a time, I got them at a fairly low price and was able to get a x2.5 profit. If your classmates are able to buy coke by going to the store, sell yours for a lower price. If you aren't allowed to sell beverages in school, look for something else that people need, like pencils.
This is a very effective way to keep money in your pockets. It will help you eat out every week without using your savings.
4. How to study well
Big test for tomorrow. Oh, boy. I sure need to study now. I'll just turn on my computer and listen to some music while studying. And check my mail. And check my Youtube subscriptions. Then I'm going to study. Oh hey, it's Wednesday! A new Zero Punctuation review is out!
NO.
GET RID OF THE D*** COMPUTER.
THIS IS YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY
Don't even tell yourself to only use it for five minutes. You will be stuck. Also, the music just gives you something else to concentrate on. If you really want to listen to music, listen to silent, ambient music. Listening to someone talk (or sing in this case) while reading makes it a lot harder. If you need your computer to study, turn off the internet connection.
Now, for the part about the studying. If you need to just remember a lot of things, like history, sit down and read the chapter from beginning to end, thinking "What questions could appear on the test?". Write down those questions as you read. When you're all the way through, focus on the questions you've written and practice until you know them all.
How about math? Well, the best thing would be to just work. Try to finish a third of the problems on each page. There isn't really any other way (unless if you're like my classmate Christopher who sleeps through school and gets top grades anyway). Spread out your work. Avoid studying for several hours straight, or you'll start wondering whether 11+5 is 12 or not.
When taking notes and receiving papers in class, use a folder for each subject. It's extremely handy to have one folder for biology, one for social studies etc. It's even better if you own a laptop. If so, get an account at http://docs.google.com and start using it for notes. This way, you will always be able to reach your documents, no matter which computer you're using. You can probably type a lot faster than you write, but make sure to actually use it for studies in class, and not for fun. If you feel like you can't concentrate with the computer, return to pen and paper.
5. How to fall asleep faster
- Once again, turn off the computer. It's very easy to get stuck and sit in front of it 4 more hours than you planned to.
- Take a walk a few hours before you're going to sleep.
- Try drinking warm beverages (NOT coffee).
- Make sure you've done everything you need to go to sleep (set alarm clock, brushed teeth, told parents "Nighty nighty, don't let the bed bugs be bitey!").
If you have been awake for less than 12 hours, it makes sense that you aren't feeling tired. Follow my tips and read a book until you start yawning. Then try to sleep.
6. How to make an impressive meal
Is your date coming over? Do you want to impress him/her with your cooking skills? I've got a delicious recipe for anyone who isn't a vegetarian.
I recommend that you try to prepare this dish once before you serve it to your loved one. Make sure you do it right.
SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE FOR TWO - THE FROWN WAY
Try to start cooking at 3 PM. Fry 2 onions and 400 grams (0.8 pounds) of ground beef (this will be ten times harder if the beef is still frozen, so put it in the fridge instead of the freezer 6 hours before you plan to prepare it) in a big saucepan. When the beef isn't pink at all, pour 500 grams (1 pound) of diced tomatoes (they are sold in cans) into the saucepan. Then add a tablespoon of tomato puree (it gives the food a nice tint and a more tomato-y taste) and about 0.1 liters (3 fluid ounces) of wine. Then, make a mix of spices consisting of:
1/3 basil
1/3 oregano
1/6 rosemary
1/12 thyme
1/12 marjoram
Then try for yourself how much you think is good. If you ask me, the more the better.
Now, for the easy part. Let the sauce simmer for as long as you want. When it's 20 minutes until dinner, boil 500 grams of spaghetti and add salt and pepper to the bolognese (once again, you choose how much you want). Serve with grated parmesan and not with ketchup. When your date arrives, say "Oh, hello! I'm glad you're here, I've been cooking for three hours!".
