Life is pretty interesting at the moment. I just got back in contact with someone very special to me. i was 14 years old when i met her. back then i kept mostly to myself and was actually a pretty reserved person. Back then instead of spending time with other people, i would spend a hell of a lot of time to myself. i would substitute piano practise for basic human interaction. since i couldn't relate to other people, i was usually looked down on by other people. I spent a fair bit of time alone in the music room, though sometimes other musicians would use the room to practise at the same time as well. i was quite lonely,
One day a girl walked into the music room, ill call her jillian to keep her anonymous. (take that, stalkers!) She was looking for her friends and so i guess you could say she stumbled upon me by accident. i didnt hear her come in, but apparently she looked around for a little while and really enjoyed my playing, so she sat at a desk in that classroom for 10 minutes before actually deciding to say something. when she finally spoke up i looked at her and jumped out of my seat. i literally had no idea she was there, she thought it was hillarious. i died a little on the inside.
So she asked me if i'd seen her friends. i hadnt, obviously. i wouldnt have noticed even if they had come in. she turned to leave, but before she did she told me something.
"You play beautifully. I really enjoyed that"
"Thanks" i said
"My name's Jillian by the way. ill see you around"
"I'm Andre'. its nice to meet you Jillian"
And without another word she left.
When i came to school the next day i found myself hating it just as much as any day; First period english, second period science. God i hated those people. As usual to cope with my frustration, i decided to go back into the music room and hide from everything like i usually did, something changed that day. I went to the music room and Jillian was already there waiting for me, she really wanted to hear me play again.
As lunch was coming to a close she offered more words of kindness.
"i really enjoyed what you were playing today. i guess ill see you tomorrow"
And as i realised she was going to be back for more tomorrow, i decided i wanted to practise more. you have to understand, for someone like me, i had never experienced anything like that before. There were never many kind words of praise, or any real reason to take anything seriously. i mean, i played music since i was 4, but it was just a hobby. for once i was actually motivated to practise and get better,
I guess i felt like i couldnt afford to lose my one and only fan, so i stuck it out, got better and she never got bored of it. she made me want to practise more, she made me realise that i can do something extraordinary. in a sense you could say she is the reason i take music seriously.
As time started to pass we got to know each other quite well, we became friends and one thing led to another, i started to develop feelings for her. i never had the courage to say anything, because it was just easier not to complicate things more then they had to be. she had a pretty awesome birthday party that year. I had my first beer at 14
she videod the whole evening. it was a great night
This went on for about three months before one day she was listening to me play, she turned to me and she told me something
She was moving away. in three weeks.
I was upset at the time.
When she left i thought to myself that i really needed to see her off the right way. I wanted to do everything that had happened after we met poetic justice! being a big fan of irony like i am, i decided to write, record and play her a piano piece on the end of her last day at my school.
When she came into the music room i handed her the recording and the sheet music transcript, i hopped onto the piano and told her that the piece i was about to play was my parting gift. when i finished playing the piece for her, she was fighting back tears. we hugged for a long time before she let go
"Ihings are gonna be so different without you around"
"Thank you so much. for everything"
"Take care of yourself, Jillian"
And she left without another word.
I started trying really hard to get back in contact with her a few months after she left, We chatted on msn occasionally, but she stopped coming on completely, so we lost contact
When i was sixteen turning seventeen i signed up and joined myspace, god knows why, but i found out that Jillian had a facebook, that made having one worth it
we got back into contact and chatted quite a bit, the ironic thing with sarah is that my timing was always horrible. she was planning to move again pretty shortly, so i decided to organise one evening where we could hang out. I borrowed samuels keyboard for the evening and brought it over to her place. she was feeling a bit under the weather, she had tonsilitis, so we couldnt really chat too much. still, i set up the keyboard in her room and just played for her. she and her mum really enjoyed my playing that last night, seeing her again was great, and some small part of me fell for her again when i saw her again. sadly she lost her internet connection and got a new mobile number, so we fell out of contact again.
I currently have a facebook, i know some of you probably thing facebook is ********. to those people, you are closed minded fools! i went on facebook about 2 weeks ago and for fun i typed in Jillians last name. i found her older sister on facebook. she knew who i was and practically threw Jillians Mobile number at me. I txted her and she was really suprised and glad to hear from me. we organised to meet up last thursday.
It was a great night on thursday. I got to her place and put my keyboard stuff in her room. We went upstairs and she put the video of her 15th birthday on as we cracked open a few beers and chatted about life. We spent a lot of time while we were in front of that TV reminiscing. I remember at her 15th birthday they had a bouncy castle and i went on, while i was on the bouncy castle a group of people came, burned my shoes and tossed them over my fence. The next day i walked to her house from mine with no shoes to come and pick them up, but i couldnt wear them so i ended up just walking home. we had a good laugh about that
After chatting for about 40 minutes she decided she wanted to order a pizza, so while she did that i went and set up my new (All new 4 grand ultra manly) keyboard. I played her a couple of tunes, and then we walked to dominos to pick up a pizza. we paid for a large but i still insist that we got given a small
then we got back to her house and i played a couple more tunes for her, including the one i wrote for her. she looked really happy, but we were both really hungry so she took me out to her balcony. they had a nice table out there, and it had a really nice view.
As if out of nowhere she asked me who my favourite pianist/singer is.
"youll probably never look at me the same way again, but i really enjoy ben folds"
She ran into the house, pulled out a ben folds album and chucked it on her speaker system. she came out with 2 beers.
"songs for silverman? i love this album!
"me too!"
I knew then that this was gonna be a great night.
We spent the next couple of hours chatting about this and that. romance, politics, religion, how we met and music. As we talked the night away somewhere inside me i felt a familiar tug, i realised i was falling for her again. People really do never change
it never fails to suprise me how true that really is.
Her mum came home, and they both muscled me into playing some more piano, they loved it. we spoke some more about this and that, and then she told me something.
"Back in year 9 you changed everything for me. i never got the chance to tell you how grateful i was. you saw something in me that nobody else did. You gave me something special to look forward to each day, and thats what kept me looking forward to every day i was going to spend with you."
it was the nicest thing id ever heard, and it came from the person who made the most difference to me. the person i appreciated the most, the person who always seemed to want the same things i did.
I like to think that murphy's law exists. it makes me feel better when life slaps you in the face, some things just cant be helped. My timing failed me again, she's moving to the eastern states for a year on the 4th of August. We are in talking about meeting up again before she goes though,
As cheesy. stupid, geeky and lame as it sounds, to anyone who has watched the first spiderman, to me Jillian is my mary jane. That girl who things could work out with if murphys law didnt exist; that girl next door who is always just out of reach
that night rekindled my love of ben folds, im listening non stop these days
im a train wreck
There we go! musing at its finest
