chillindude829
Smash Master
By now, I'm sure most of the free world has heard of it. A tale so epic that no one is really even sure what happened. Rumors have been spreading like wildfire, and I've decided that it's time to clear things up.
After being traumatized by this incident, I have taken my time to recover. After several visits to a therapist, I believe I have gotten over my fear of telling the tale. So finally, over 5 long days after the event happened, it's time to get the real story.
The Legend of Red Marth
MP Jubilee V, a North Carolina "Melee Brothers" tournament, was a rousing success. Over 5,000 smashers from all corners of the world attended. Mew2King, KoreanDJ, PC Chris, Azen, Isai, Sephiroth Ken, Captain Jack, Masashi, and Aniki were all not present.
The teams tournament was widely considered the most important teams tournament in the history of Melee Brothers. However, Sav Edge and Chillindude829 (hey, that's me!) prevailed, finishing ahead of the roughly 80 million other teams. The legendary team is said to have received $100,000 each in prize money, but this large sum of cash could not prevent what happened later that night...
Despite now essentially being the best 2v2 collaboration since Dr. Dre and Tupac, Savedge and I, ever humble, decided to greatly honor two lucky Smashers by playing friendlies against them.
At this time, I ask those with a weak stomach to please stop reading. There was a photographer on hand with a 10 megapixel camera taking extremely gruesome and high-definition photos of the action, which I will share with you.
It was roughly 5 am on Sunday morning, and Savedge and I sat down to play against a couple of South Carolina smashers. Things went as expected at first, with Savedge and I dominating.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the guy playing us using Red Marth made a lame insult about Savedge's hair. The photographer captured a picture of the scene:
"HEY WHATS UP WITH YOUR HAIR MAN LOL"
note: Red Marth's teammate was not actually Chris Tucker
Now, I don't usually pay close attention to the hairstyles of my male friends, but Savedge's hair is ****ing amazing, no homo. Naturally, this fired us up. This no-name smasher was attempting to defame Savedge and I, but most importantly, Savedge's hair.
We began talking trash back to this insecure player. Surely if he would dish out such stinging words, he would be a fierce trashtalking opponent. After Savedge and I delivered burn after burn, he responded with his own sh*ttalking prowess, with gems such as "How many ***** does your mom have?"
Unable to defeat these masterfully crafted "Your mom" jokes, Savedge and I had to go a different route. As the Red Marth player switched off of Marth and took his sweet time picking his next character, Savedge remarked:
"Who are you using next, Red Marth?"
Thus it began. From that moment on, that guy would never be known as whatever his real name was, but as Red Marth. Savedge and I continued dominating in these friendlies, while feeling slightly sorry for Red Marth's teammate, a very talented Yoshi player (who looks nothing like Chris Tucker by the way).
One friendly was on Yoshi's Story. As we continued our destructive assault, Red Marth's Samus was getting hit by smash attack after smash attack. "Watch out for the tipper, Red Marth," I said, continuing in the same vein of trash talk.
Red Marth next said something slightly unexpected: "If you don't shut up, I'm gonna... jump over my teammate, and choke you with my choke cord!"
Now, I know what you're thinking: WTF is a choke cord? This was my same thought, but I was slightly wary about saying it. I mean, there was the slightest chance that Red Marth was actually serious and was going to try to choke me, so asking what a choke cord was hardly seemed like the smart thing to do.
However, I decided it would be hilarious and in retrospect I have no regrets. So, I asked him:
"What the f*ck is a choke cord?"
Then it happened: Red Marth actually pulled out his controller from the Gamecube, ran at me, and attempted to choke me, with his choke cord.
There are no pictures of this actual incident, but here's what it would have looked like if he was behind me, and I was giving him a piggy back ride, and we were both laughing about the whole thing:
Using my ninja-like reflexes, I quickly pushed him away. For a split second everyone in the room stared at Red Marth, whose fiery ambitions to choke cord me were quickly fading. Looking around at the room full of smashers who could obviously overpower him, he thought better of his idea, and plugged his controller back in.
He then sat down and we finished the match.
We 5 stocked them.
The End
After being traumatized by this incident, I have taken my time to recover. After several visits to a therapist, I believe I have gotten over my fear of telling the tale. So finally, over 5 long days after the event happened, it's time to get the real story.
The Legend of Red Marth
MP Jubilee V, a North Carolina "Melee Brothers" tournament, was a rousing success. Over 5,000 smashers from all corners of the world attended. Mew2King, KoreanDJ, PC Chris, Azen, Isai, Sephiroth Ken, Captain Jack, Masashi, and Aniki were all not present.
The teams tournament was widely considered the most important teams tournament in the history of Melee Brothers. However, Sav Edge and Chillindude829 (hey, that's me!) prevailed, finishing ahead of the roughly 80 million other teams. The legendary team is said to have received $100,000 each in prize money, but this large sum of cash could not prevent what happened later that night...
Despite now essentially being the best 2v2 collaboration since Dr. Dre and Tupac, Savedge and I, ever humble, decided to greatly honor two lucky Smashers by playing friendlies against them.
At this time, I ask those with a weak stomach to please stop reading. There was a photographer on hand with a 10 megapixel camera taking extremely gruesome and high-definition photos of the action, which I will share with you.
It was roughly 5 am on Sunday morning, and Savedge and I sat down to play against a couple of South Carolina smashers. Things went as expected at first, with Savedge and I dominating.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the guy playing us using Red Marth made a lame insult about Savedge's hair. The photographer captured a picture of the scene:
"HEY WHATS UP WITH YOUR HAIR MAN LOL"
note: Red Marth's teammate was not actually Chris Tucker
Now, I don't usually pay close attention to the hairstyles of my male friends, but Savedge's hair is ****ing amazing, no homo. Naturally, this fired us up. This no-name smasher was attempting to defame Savedge and I, but most importantly, Savedge's hair.
We began talking trash back to this insecure player. Surely if he would dish out such stinging words, he would be a fierce trashtalking opponent. After Savedge and I delivered burn after burn, he responded with his own sh*ttalking prowess, with gems such as "How many ***** does your mom have?"
Unable to defeat these masterfully crafted "Your mom" jokes, Savedge and I had to go a different route. As the Red Marth player switched off of Marth and took his sweet time picking his next character, Savedge remarked:
"Who are you using next, Red Marth?"
Thus it began. From that moment on, that guy would never be known as whatever his real name was, but as Red Marth. Savedge and I continued dominating in these friendlies, while feeling slightly sorry for Red Marth's teammate, a very talented Yoshi player (who looks nothing like Chris Tucker by the way).
One friendly was on Yoshi's Story. As we continued our destructive assault, Red Marth's Samus was getting hit by smash attack after smash attack. "Watch out for the tipper, Red Marth," I said, continuing in the same vein of trash talk.
Red Marth next said something slightly unexpected: "If you don't shut up, I'm gonna... jump over my teammate, and choke you with my choke cord!"
Now, I know what you're thinking: WTF is a choke cord? This was my same thought, but I was slightly wary about saying it. I mean, there was the slightest chance that Red Marth was actually serious and was going to try to choke me, so asking what a choke cord was hardly seemed like the smart thing to do.
However, I decided it would be hilarious and in retrospect I have no regrets. So, I asked him:
"What the f*ck is a choke cord?"
Then it happened: Red Marth actually pulled out his controller from the Gamecube, ran at me, and attempted to choke me, with his choke cord.
There are no pictures of this actual incident, but here's what it would have looked like if he was behind me, and I was giving him a piggy back ride, and we were both laughing about the whole thing:
Using my ninja-like reflexes, I quickly pushed him away. For a split second everyone in the room stared at Red Marth, whose fiery ambitions to choke cord me were quickly fading. Looking around at the room full of smashers who could obviously overpower him, he thought better of his idea, and plugged his controller back in.
He then sat down and we finished the match.
We 5 stocked them.
The End
