Zero_Gamer
Smash Master
Salutations, readers and reader-ettes, and welcome to yet another legendary re-telling of a legendary event. Of course, many of you have been wondering, “Are these events really so legendary, and if so, what in the name of the Atlantic South is it that makes them so?” Well, just today I have retrieved a small series of Bro-ly documents, chronicling the mythical journeys of the Atlantic South…
The Bronicles of Karnia
Part 1: The Legend of Man’s Conception
Long, long ago, in a time before time itself; when man roamed where beast roamed; when man lived where beast lived; when man slept where beast slept. This was the immeasurable past of May 16th, 2009.
The story begins on the first day of Rawfuls, a two-day festival marked by the celebration of Guitar Hero and Green Greens, where we give our thanks for all things Rawfuls, by presenting five American dollars to the holy priestess, Rigged Bracket. I can not delve into further detail regarding the Rawfuls Festival for the texts describing it appear to be faded from age and alcohol, but, thankfully, these are the only portions of the texts that have been rendered illegible, so I shall, therefore, continue on with the story. Nightfall was steadily approaching and the bro-folk were relaxing as they had finished with the preparations of the Rawfuls Festival and were finally undergoing the festivities of friendly play. It was during these festivities that a grand series of amazing events unfolded. Vilt, the cleverest of the bros, was playing the Xbox360 game, Town of Persia, a game with awe-inspiring feats of acrobatics and death-metal parkour, PLUR, the sexiest of the bros, was somewhere having sexual relations with Rina-chan and the Brawl Boys, and all of Zero_Gamer’s food was being devoured by his brother, Derp, a new bro who has yet to find his niche, but shows great enthusiasm. So many events (some could even call, miracles) with amazing and beautiful characteristics were taking place, but none so beautiful and, perhaps, intriguing as the Legend of Man’s Conception, who’s only melancholy was that only three people were present at the time.
The legend takes place between two powerful men: One, a most powerful and majestic entity named Dr. Peepee; the other, a lesser being, but still very powerful and wise in his own rite, named Jim. These two beings were locked in epic battle, competing for the plutonic love of Zero_Gamer, a forerunner of the world and co-creator of Bro Love. A battle of such enormity could only be settled with one thing, four-stock Captain Falcon dittos in real life.
As the battle unfolds, Dr. Peepee grabs hold of Jim and slams him downwards. Not expecting the first blow to be so orthodox, Jim had no choice but to roll in a random direction. Unfortunately for him, Dr. Peepee is psychic and he chased Jim as he rolled, and once again grasped him within his hands, slamming him downward once more. This particular form of pursuit and punishment continued ninety-eight more times until finally Jim was given death’s sweet embrace as he was thrown off from the edge of a cliff and kicked deep into the abyss. A stock up, Dr. Peepee knew that he had to sandbag to at least some extent so as to prevent others from learning of his clairvoyance, so he allowed Jim to leap into the air and land a series of double-kicks and back flips that would deal a great amount of pain to him, but leaving no serious injury. After four consecutive back flips, Dr. Peepee felt that it was time he stopped sandbagging in this fight and that he should finish this match elegantly and quickly. First, Dr. Peepee leapt into the air and stomped forcefully into Jim’s shoulders, and then he grabbed hold of him and threw him upwards, followed up with three back flips, and finished his combo with The Knee. With two stocks left, Jim couldn’t help but attempt psychological warfare on Dr. Peepee by saying, “PP, you ***g0t, you’re so gay.” Upon saying this attack, Jim was totally S’ing some D. Where the **** came from, I have no idea, but one could speculate that Dr. Peepee’s manliness with Captain Falcon had temporarily manifested itself in physical form and Jim had to take grasp of it. Not giving Jim the opportunity to finish, Dr. Peepee unleashed a blinding sex combo that was so immediate that no person, but Peepee himself, could have seen what had happened. With only one stock left and after being slammed downward once again, Jim felt the best way not to be pursued and punished was to just stay down. Unfortunately for him, Dr. Peepee predicted this and slammed The Knee into Jim’s face. According to these texts, there are different depictions of Jim’s face for each knee that made contact with him in this stock.
This is the first picture:
After kneeing Jim upwards, Dr. Peepee followed through with yet another Knee, right up the ***:
After two overwhelming blows, Peepee proceeded to hit Jim again, this time, in a paradoxical form, knocking him the opposite of the expected direction with both knees up his ***:
Three knees in a row, the impossible already accomplished, but not finished, Dr. Peepee leapt into Jim and slammed three knees right up the ***:
And so, the battle came to an end, Dr. Peepee came out the victor, and had somehow hit Jim with four knees in a row, and in doing so, impregnated Jim with his super genes.
The baby is expected to be a boy; the birth date is unknown.
Part 2: The Forest of Evil
This is the story of three bros who were confronted by the desirable power of the forest of evil, one of whom was eventually consumed by it. These bros were:
Foxy:
Dark_Hart:
And NC – Echo:
While these bros were, for the most part, honorable players, they really wanted to get a tournament win. Each of them resorted to a different method. Dark_Hart, Number 1 on the NC Power Fa.g Rankings, resorted to playing a game that he hated very much, Brawl, with Meta Knight. Foxy, who, according to NC – Echo, had been repeatedly punched in the testicles (therefore causing his girlish looks and pedobear tendencies) by him, resorted to playing Brawl with Meta Knight as well. NC – Billbill, however, resorted to using a top-tier character not named Meta Knight, while simultaneously claiming him to be middle-tier (psychological warfare), his name was Olimar. Each of them were confronted by the Forest of Evil, each of them denied its power at first, but eventually the allure of it took grasp upon an individual, but which one? Dark_Hart, while a total ***g0t, was actually pretty cool, he told the Forest of Evil to S his D. It obeyed. NC – Echo, while intrigued by the possible results of its power, promptly denied it by playing a tournament match with Stongers and sacrificing his controller. Foxy, however, was totally scared of Bill, he had lost three-fourths of his tournaments to an Olimar, but he knew that today would be different. Today, he would claim the power of the Forest of Evil. Not knowing of Foxy’s decision, NC – BillBillBillBillBillBillBillBill proceeded innocently to his tournament match with him. Unfortunately, he was completely unprepared for Foxy’s dark, new power.
The fight begins on Lylat Cruise with Bill, doing his signature “run to you, then jump away and chuck a couple Pikmin, then grab or Upsmash you” strategy, but Foxy had learned how to avoid this. He jumped off the ledge of the stage and held on for dear life. According to the Forest of Evil, Foxy would be provided complete invincibility from all attacks, but each time he did, he would consume one tree, and he was only allowed to consume up to seventy trees. This fearsome power had both scared and enraged Bill, his body changed from white to red to darker red to even darker red to a color that may be darker than red to purple. He had no choice but to throw all of his Pikmin, each one missing, and then pluck them again. Foxy, knew that that would be the time to strike, for NC – Echo didn’t know that Pikmin desync easily for their first seconds of life, and Bill lost a stock. With such a surefire, no phail strategy, the match would end in Foxy’s favor, quickly and completely not boringly, so he repeated this form of battle. Eventually, Foxy did what he once thought impossible; he defeated Bill in a tournament. Everyone around Bill wept, even the shoes that were behind him leapt toward the wall, attempting suicide, as he remained his composure and, in good sportsmanship, shook Foxy’s hand, but as he did so, he said one thing, “You will never get a hug from me again.” Upon hearing these words, Foxy had no choice but to D everyone’s S, but, to his dismay; they all refused (except Dark_Hart).
Part 3: The Legend of Zero’s Dad
With the tournament now finished all the bros expected their amazing things to calm down and they would make their merry way home. They were wrong. As Ace prepared to perform Green Greens, a man of a man showed up at the Rawfuls Festival. This man was known as Zero’s Dad. He had just finished his eighty mile jog (he jogs at the speed of light) and he felt it was time he took Zero_Gamer home. As he walked in, Rawfuls greeted him with his polite and universal hello of, “How ya doin’ mang?” Upon hearing these words, Zero’s Dad looked around and replied, “WHERE’S MY DAM ROLL SPAMMING LUCARIO NUB OF A SON AT?” Please note that he was not yelling, on the contrary, he spoke at a very polite tone of voice, but the bros had never seen such ancient and overwhelming power and their feelings of intimidation distorted their perception. Dr. Peepee, the only one not scared of Zero’s Dad, told him that Zero_Gamer was in the middle of a match and he would be finished soon. Seeing a man of equal power, Zero’s Dad gave a great, big, hearty laugh and felt that maybe he could chill with the bros while he waited. First, he played some 3-stock matches of Brawl with everyone, he 3-stocked them all with Ganondorf. He then tried some 4-stock matches of Melee with everyone, he 4-stocked them all with Ganondorf. He also took everyone to Green Greens, he outperformed them all. He even tried Town of Persia, but he said that the game was boring and he uttered a powerful spell, “Blue-skiddoo-we-can-too,” and he teleported into the game itself and completed every single level instantly, the female lead character felt compelled to D some S, but he refused the offer, Zero’s Dad was a married man after all. As he teleported out, Zero_Gamer walked into the main room. Immediately understanding that it was time to go, Zero_Gamer walked to his car, as Zero’s Dad carried it over his back. Zero’s Dad ran home as quickly as he had run here, straight to the mOooOoOOOn.
Straight to the MOooOoOOOn.
The End
Also, I'm considering hosting some Smashfests in the summer to prepare for HERB
Edit: Virgilijus, 10$ MM at Genesis?
The Bronicles of Karnia
Part 1: The Legend of Man’s Conception
Long, long ago, in a time before time itself; when man roamed where beast roamed; when man lived where beast lived; when man slept where beast slept. This was the immeasurable past of May 16th, 2009.
The story begins on the first day of Rawfuls, a two-day festival marked by the celebration of Guitar Hero and Green Greens, where we give our thanks for all things Rawfuls, by presenting five American dollars to the holy priestess, Rigged Bracket. I can not delve into further detail regarding the Rawfuls Festival for the texts describing it appear to be faded from age and alcohol, but, thankfully, these are the only portions of the texts that have been rendered illegible, so I shall, therefore, continue on with the story. Nightfall was steadily approaching and the bro-folk were relaxing as they had finished with the preparations of the Rawfuls Festival and were finally undergoing the festivities of friendly play. It was during these festivities that a grand series of amazing events unfolded. Vilt, the cleverest of the bros, was playing the Xbox360 game, Town of Persia, a game with awe-inspiring feats of acrobatics and death-metal parkour, PLUR, the sexiest of the bros, was somewhere having sexual relations with Rina-chan and the Brawl Boys, and all of Zero_Gamer’s food was being devoured by his brother, Derp, a new bro who has yet to find his niche, but shows great enthusiasm. So many events (some could even call, miracles) with amazing and beautiful characteristics were taking place, but none so beautiful and, perhaps, intriguing as the Legend of Man’s Conception, who’s only melancholy was that only three people were present at the time.
The legend takes place between two powerful men: One, a most powerful and majestic entity named Dr. Peepee; the other, a lesser being, but still very powerful and wise in his own rite, named Jim. These two beings were locked in epic battle, competing for the plutonic love of Zero_Gamer, a forerunner of the world and co-creator of Bro Love. A battle of such enormity could only be settled with one thing, four-stock Captain Falcon dittos in real life.
As the battle unfolds, Dr. Peepee grabs hold of Jim and slams him downwards. Not expecting the first blow to be so orthodox, Jim had no choice but to roll in a random direction. Unfortunately for him, Dr. Peepee is psychic and he chased Jim as he rolled, and once again grasped him within his hands, slamming him downward once more. This particular form of pursuit and punishment continued ninety-eight more times until finally Jim was given death’s sweet embrace as he was thrown off from the edge of a cliff and kicked deep into the abyss. A stock up, Dr. Peepee knew that he had to sandbag to at least some extent so as to prevent others from learning of his clairvoyance, so he allowed Jim to leap into the air and land a series of double-kicks and back flips that would deal a great amount of pain to him, but leaving no serious injury. After four consecutive back flips, Dr. Peepee felt that it was time he stopped sandbagging in this fight and that he should finish this match elegantly and quickly. First, Dr. Peepee leapt into the air and stomped forcefully into Jim’s shoulders, and then he grabbed hold of him and threw him upwards, followed up with three back flips, and finished his combo with The Knee. With two stocks left, Jim couldn’t help but attempt psychological warfare on Dr. Peepee by saying, “PP, you ***g0t, you’re so gay.” Upon saying this attack, Jim was totally S’ing some D. Where the **** came from, I have no idea, but one could speculate that Dr. Peepee’s manliness with Captain Falcon had temporarily manifested itself in physical form and Jim had to take grasp of it. Not giving Jim the opportunity to finish, Dr. Peepee unleashed a blinding sex combo that was so immediate that no person, but Peepee himself, could have seen what had happened. With only one stock left and after being slammed downward once again, Jim felt the best way not to be pursued and punished was to just stay down. Unfortunately for him, Dr. Peepee predicted this and slammed The Knee into Jim’s face. According to these texts, there are different depictions of Jim’s face for each knee that made contact with him in this stock.
This is the first picture:
After kneeing Jim upwards, Dr. Peepee followed through with yet another Knee, right up the ***:
After two overwhelming blows, Peepee proceeded to hit Jim again, this time, in a paradoxical form, knocking him the opposite of the expected direction with both knees up his ***:
Three knees in a row, the impossible already accomplished, but not finished, Dr. Peepee leapt into Jim and slammed three knees right up the ***:
And so, the battle came to an end, Dr. Peepee came out the victor, and had somehow hit Jim with four knees in a row, and in doing so, impregnated Jim with his super genes.
The baby is expected to be a boy; the birth date is unknown.
Part 2: The Forest of Evil
This is the story of three bros who were confronted by the desirable power of the forest of evil, one of whom was eventually consumed by it. These bros were:
Foxy:
Dark_Hart:
And NC – Echo:
While these bros were, for the most part, honorable players, they really wanted to get a tournament win. Each of them resorted to a different method. Dark_Hart, Number 1 on the NC Power Fa.g Rankings, resorted to playing a game that he hated very much, Brawl, with Meta Knight. Foxy, who, according to NC – Echo, had been repeatedly punched in the testicles (therefore causing his girlish looks and pedobear tendencies) by him, resorted to playing Brawl with Meta Knight as well. NC – Billbill, however, resorted to using a top-tier character not named Meta Knight, while simultaneously claiming him to be middle-tier (psychological warfare), his name was Olimar. Each of them were confronted by the Forest of Evil, each of them denied its power at first, but eventually the allure of it took grasp upon an individual, but which one? Dark_Hart, while a total ***g0t, was actually pretty cool, he told the Forest of Evil to S his D. It obeyed. NC – Echo, while intrigued by the possible results of its power, promptly denied it by playing a tournament match with Stongers and sacrificing his controller. Foxy, however, was totally scared of Bill, he had lost three-fourths of his tournaments to an Olimar, but he knew that today would be different. Today, he would claim the power of the Forest of Evil. Not knowing of Foxy’s decision, NC – BillBillBillBillBillBillBillBill proceeded innocently to his tournament match with him. Unfortunately, he was completely unprepared for Foxy’s dark, new power.
The fight begins on Lylat Cruise with Bill, doing his signature “run to you, then jump away and chuck a couple Pikmin, then grab or Upsmash you” strategy, but Foxy had learned how to avoid this. He jumped off the ledge of the stage and held on for dear life. According to the Forest of Evil, Foxy would be provided complete invincibility from all attacks, but each time he did, he would consume one tree, and he was only allowed to consume up to seventy trees. This fearsome power had both scared and enraged Bill, his body changed from white to red to darker red to even darker red to a color that may be darker than red to purple. He had no choice but to throw all of his Pikmin, each one missing, and then pluck them again. Foxy, knew that that would be the time to strike, for NC – Echo didn’t know that Pikmin desync easily for their first seconds of life, and Bill lost a stock. With such a surefire, no phail strategy, the match would end in Foxy’s favor, quickly and completely not boringly, so he repeated this form of battle. Eventually, Foxy did what he once thought impossible; he defeated Bill in a tournament. Everyone around Bill wept, even the shoes that were behind him leapt toward the wall, attempting suicide, as he remained his composure and, in good sportsmanship, shook Foxy’s hand, but as he did so, he said one thing, “You will never get a hug from me again.” Upon hearing these words, Foxy had no choice but to D everyone’s S, but, to his dismay; they all refused (except Dark_Hart).
Part 3: The Legend of Zero’s Dad
With the tournament now finished all the bros expected their amazing things to calm down and they would make their merry way home. They were wrong. As Ace prepared to perform Green Greens, a man of a man showed up at the Rawfuls Festival. This man was known as Zero’s Dad. He had just finished his eighty mile jog (he jogs at the speed of light) and he felt it was time he took Zero_Gamer home. As he walked in, Rawfuls greeted him with his polite and universal hello of, “How ya doin’ mang?” Upon hearing these words, Zero’s Dad looked around and replied, “WHERE’S MY DAM ROLL SPAMMING LUCARIO NUB OF A SON AT?” Please note that he was not yelling, on the contrary, he spoke at a very polite tone of voice, but the bros had never seen such ancient and overwhelming power and their feelings of intimidation distorted their perception. Dr. Peepee, the only one not scared of Zero’s Dad, told him that Zero_Gamer was in the middle of a match and he would be finished soon. Seeing a man of equal power, Zero’s Dad gave a great, big, hearty laugh and felt that maybe he could chill with the bros while he waited. First, he played some 3-stock matches of Brawl with everyone, he 3-stocked them all with Ganondorf. He then tried some 4-stock matches of Melee with everyone, he 4-stocked them all with Ganondorf. He also took everyone to Green Greens, he outperformed them all. He even tried Town of Persia, but he said that the game was boring and he uttered a powerful spell, “Blue-skiddoo-we-can-too,” and he teleported into the game itself and completed every single level instantly, the female lead character felt compelled to D some S, but he refused the offer, Zero’s Dad was a married man after all. As he teleported out, Zero_Gamer walked into the main room. Immediately understanding that it was time to go, Zero_Gamer walked to his car, as Zero’s Dad carried it over his back. Zero’s Dad ran home as quickly as he had run here, straight to the mOooOoOOOn.
Straight to the MOooOoOOOn.
The End
Also, I'm considering hosting some Smashfests in the summer to prepare for HERB
Edit: Virgilijus, 10$ MM at Genesis?
