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The Afterglow

Jim Morrison

Smash Authority
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
15,287
Location
The Netherlands
The Afterglow



"Goodbye to you too, hehe!"

Keys. Lock. Connected.

Twist, turn, one swift movement.

Suddenly far down the road, the full stream of conciousness started to hit:

The Afterglow played it's bit.

The awareness of the feet on the pedals in the circular motion and the hands on the steering wheel of the bike.

The sky, it had dimension. No longer was it a flat plane, no longer were the clouds paint.

Numerous buildings with people in them with births, with childhoods, with love, death, hardships and the same feelings I am feeling now?

The dead dove on the street was not trivial, it hatched as a chick, grew up to be a chicken

(Don't trust me on this, doves are not my forte),

Died as garbage?

Instead of feeling like the smallest man that makes no difference,

Losing my ego, missing the center.

I felt bigger, bigger than ever.

Connected, like key and lock.

To play a larger part than just me.

To nurture a body, a soul and a person,

Everything CHANGED.

No longer did I move over the surface of the earth,

The earth moved beneath me, and I was going as hard as I could to stay where I was.

No longer did I want to stay in one spot. I wanted to move forward on this hamster wheel. I sped up.

TRAFFIC LIGHT. Stopped in my tracks and moved back again. Fell down in the wheel.

While realizations of grandure disappear, my real size once again became apparent, shrinking down to the size of an art, while the earth and it's human stains kept growing.

It wasn't a long ride home, a measly 15 minutes, but it seemed so, so much shorter.

Afterglows don't alwayslast long, sure,

But when an afterglow does hit,

Let it play it's bit

Twist, turn, in one swift movement,

Lock. Key. Connected.

"Welcome home again."





---
The Abstract Castle]

A story told in a thousand flavours,
Brought by a thousand hours of labour,
Comes into the mind, but never expressed,
Like pressure on you during a contest.

You know you have it, you know you can,
But something stops you, an invisible strongman,
However, once in a week, you have that gift,
Where everything fits perfectly, the amazing uplift.

No word repeats a mold, no detail untold,
Nothing found to be gold, just expression unfolds,
This moment of inspiration and insight,
A phrasal flight, perfect personal delight.

Jump down with me, to the point of no come-back,
Where the realms of fantasy and reality stream,
Jump down our forbidden well, that little crack,
Where we stash away our weirdest dreams.

It’s a fun place, an insane vacation,
Beyond hue, colour or saturation,
Shapes unshaped, matter doesn’t matter,
Every window of reality, shattered

An infinite war, bound by an absent chain,
Raging, back there in the deepest part of my brain,
Source of madness and primal frustration,
Yet, the backbone of my inspiration.

Jump down with me, to the point of no come-back,
Where the realms of fantasy and reality stream,
Jump down our forbidden well, that little crack,
Where we stash away our weirdest dreams.

The loveliest place in the tiny bowl of my brain,
So much to gain from going insane,
And plain to see, it is undoubtedly,
My deep sea of gloomy, happy Me.

My treasure chest of abstract truth,
It is there for my ego to soothe,
I look in the chest, it is empty,
Apart from the devil, I see Me.

Climb back up with me, to the point of going back
Where fantasy and reality split up again,
Climb out of this god forsaken well, the giant crack,
I never wish to go back to the source of this game.

This crazy game of going mad,
I don’t want to play anymore, this is bad,
Without my groundwork of reason,
I must commit this psychological treason.

WAKE UP!
Had this all existed, I can’t recall,
My body oozed in sweat, my forehead a fireball,
My legs shake, my fingers jitter,
I turn over once more, cold and bitter.

---​

One of my earliest attempts at poetry in English! I'd love to get some feedback on this and moreso, I'm interested in hearing what you think the subject is or how you interpreted the poem?
It took me about a day of sporadic working, so I'm not sure if I rushed it a bit. I'll probably use this thread for any future poetry I'll put up!
 

Wiscus

(◕ω◕✿)
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
4,414
3DS FC
3840-5663-0679
I really enjoyed this, nice imagery and it describes a relatable scene very well imo.
Really fond of the way the fist and fifth stanzas sound.

It all sounds natural to me as well, nothing sticks out that would say that youre not a native english speaker.
Good work ♥
 

DerpDaBerp

Smash Champion
Joined
Oct 26, 2008
Messages
2,589
Location
AZ
I'm actually really glad this is as long as it is. And yeah you're clearly familiar enough with english to where it's not an obstacle.

I suppose until the last stanza, it could have been a drug trip gone wrong as easily as a dream.

I think it's very appropriate that you call it a castle. A castle would imply a domain you occupy on top of the idea of a castle holding a sort of fantasy charm, which is very, very relatable to someone's "dream space".
 

Jim Morrison

Smash Authority
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
15,287
Location
The Netherlands
Interesting, I hadn't thought of the possibilities of a drug trip. I just assumed everyone would interpret it as a dream turning into a nightmare, but (depending on the substance) a trip could just as easily start off as a great lovely place of inspiration but quickly turn bad and make you want to leave but you can't.

And also, why would the last stanza still not imply a drug trip? The wake up doesn't have to be taken literally but could also be seen as your awakening from the trip, still having all the same symptons.
Disregard that, I think the very last line makes it obvious it is implying a bad dream.

I'm very glad with the way this turned out.
Yes, it was most definitely intended to be long, I dislike short poems. My two greatest sources of inspiration for this poem were mainly Homerus' style of telling a story in a poetic form (with rhyme, this is super important for me) and Jim Morrison's use of words.
Thinking of the name was definitely the hardest part, I think I called it a castle mostly because of the "treasure chest" part, which castles often contain! Also, the fantasy surrounding a castle was a good connection.
 

DerpDaBerp

Smash Champion
Joined
Oct 26, 2008
Messages
2,589
Location
AZ
haha, my dad knew a girl in high school that was dating Jim Morrison at the time
she let him read the poems Jim wrote her
 

Jim Morrison

Smash Authority
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
15,287
Location
The Netherlands
The Afterglow



"Goodbye to you too, hehe!"

Keys. Lock. Connected.

Twist, turn, one swift movement.

Suddenly far down the road, the full stream of conciousness started to hit:

The Afterglow played its bit.

The awareness of the feet on the pedals in the circular motion and the hands on the steering wheel of the bike.

The sky, it had dimension. No longer was it a flat plane, no longer were the clouds paint.

Numerous buildings with people in them with births, with childhoods, with love, death, hardships and the same feelings I am feeling now?

The dead dove on the street was not trivial, it hatched as a chick, grew up to be a chicken

(Don't trust me on this, doves are not my forte),

Died as garbage?

Instead of feeling like the smallest man that makes no difference,

Losing my ego, missing the center.

I felt bigger, bigger than ever.

Connected, like key and lock.

To play a larger part than just me.

To nurture a body, a soul and a person,

Everything CHANGED.

No longer did I move over the surface of the earth,

The earth moved beneath me, and I was going as hard as I could to stay where I was.

No longer did I want to stay in one spot. I wanted to move forward on this hamster wheel. I sped up.

TRAFFIC LIGHT. Stopped in my tracks and moved back again. Fell down in the wheel.

While realizations of grandure disappear, my real size once again became apparent, shrinking down to the size of an art, while the earth and it's human stains kept growing.

It wasn't a long ride home, a measly 15 minutes, but it seemed so, so much shorter.

Afterglows don't always last long, sure,

But when an afterglow does hit,

Let it play it's bit

Twist, turn, in one swift movement,

Lock. Key. Connected.

"Welcome home again."



Updating this in the OP
 

Jaedrik

Man-at-Arms-at-Keyboard
Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Messages
5,054
That's neat, seems to me like an alternate state of conciousness, like the many that exist. The Afterglow gives me a feeling of coming full circle, knowing full well what it entails, thank you.
 

nightmarelaxus

Smash Rookie
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
4
My two favorite works are the Summa Theologica, and Economic Calculation in the Socialist Commonwealth.
 

Sarki Soliloquy

Smash Champion
Joined
Jun 8, 2013
Messages
2,793
Location
Andover, MA, USA
About The Abstract Castle, really like the flow of the stanzas and the imagery you used. While you may have intended it or thought of it as a dream into a nightmare, I personally related it to a spurt of creativity and inquisitiveness that happens to me (or us) every once and a while. But then you lose it after a while, feeling sad that its over and you didn't record it. Guess something strong within your writing is how different interpretations can be drawn from one abstract idea.

So yeah, neat stuff. ;)
 
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