Haha. Love. Future plans. What are those?
I still can't even figure out my own life, so why burden someone with that? Besides, I'm reserved and shy. I suck at being funny and charismatic because it's simply not me. I'm an introvert who gets losts in their own thoughts and I have vices that not a lot of people can simply be okay with or find interesting in the edgy kind of way either. But the thing is... I need to get comfortable with people before I can start showing my wild side and "fun" personality. When I'm with my friends I feel like I can do anything and say anything and I'm regarded as an equal, but outside of my comfort zone I feel small and feeble. The unknowns scare me.
But I'm gradually expanding that zone through small steps outside of it. I can actually talk to vendors and have small conversations with others and that's honestly much better progress than I could manage before. I know if I could I could maybe have interesting conversations, but there's a time and a place for everything and I have trouble finding a good time to bring up something or am afraid my uninhibited mind might blabber something that's offensive or a topic that's too personal.
Frankly, I'm not sure I'll ever be the type to settle down. It's a lovely, fantastical thought, but I just have too many issues with myself and in general. I don't wanna rush into something because I eventually lose interest pretty quickly and realize it was simply just an attraction and a glorified coping mechanism, and that's not healthy, at least I don't think so. And that's another thing: I'm so caught up with what is or isn't.
But I'm glad others are able to find some happiness in these times. It's so wonderful that people can have crushes and the confidence to spean to them. It's so wonderful that people can have such grand aspirations for their futures and the determination and dedication that goes with that. You're all amazing in your own ways.
And I think that's one of my problems as well: I... Idolize other's accomplishments to the detriment of my own. I always feel like everything I do could've been done better; could've been said better, and that's not healthy either. I... Think that's called an inferiority complex? But yeah. Maybe we're all amazing and wonderful and equally deserving of respect. And you know what? I do believe that. Sorry about the lengthy post. Just needed to clear my head, I guess lol