Oh, that's a relief, considering I have NO skill in... well, much of anything that I know of. =/
This is a false statement. No matter what, you will always have at least some skill in some thing that you can build upon. Seeing yourself as someone without skill just means that you can build upon everything you put your mind to. If you just try, You WILL get better. And let no one tell you otherwise, even yourself
Y'know... I see myself as... awkward to be around, clumsy, boring, lacking humor, dense, completely incapable of being trustworthy... and I could continue the list. And... I don't guess I've really met any of these people you're talking about (maybe I was just too dense to notice)... probably because I never let any one of those exist.
Hmmm... Awkward is something you something you are not. If so, you wouldn't be here, saying it! It means you are uncomfortable in situations, but posting in a forum, where there are Way more people than you will ever interact with at one time, and probably a higher chance of being judged, shows that you can push through it! There's no harm in being clumsy. In fact, most humans are clumsy. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You won't be boring to everybody. Many people will actually think of you as genuinely interesting, and they will not abandon you. Everyone has their own particular brand of humor. What may be funny to you may not be funny to another, and vice versa. But thinking you lack humor will cause you to ignore a joke. Dense... No. Just no. You are not dense at all. thinking you are will not cause you to not even try to understand anything. You don't want to not be able to understand. Everyone is capable of being trustworthy, it's all a matter of perspective. Just because you see yourself as such, doesn't mean others will. unless you make it obvious, the person opposite will never think this.
What I listed are stereotypes, I personally have never met any of these. It's good that they have never been a part of your life.
I... don't think any of what I listed above could be called a good quality of a friend. And... I personally don't think the habit of self-preservation is very fun... but then again, I've never been away from the bottom before, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.
None of what you listed above ARE good qualities. But they are not your best qualities. Allow your qualities to Shine forth, don't force them behind a veil of false opinions of yourself!
If you don't think it's fun, why do you do it? pull yourself out of your hole, and you will surely meet someone who will gladly pull you up the mountain.
I've come to realize that... as a few people have tried to help... I... can't seem to get past the point that I end up just a hopeless jerk in the end... and that people have no patience for that kind of personality.
Did you allow those people to help you? You set up an illusion to give you an excuse for them to stop. They more than likely did not think of you as a hopeless jerk if they tried to pull you out of the hole. People don't Like to hear people complain is true enough (experience), but to say that you're a hopeless jerk is wrong. You don't sound like a hopeless jerk.
...Or they'll just continue to do what they're doing, satisfied with the fact that they've pretended to be friendly enough.
Generally... that's backfired horribly for me. I'm either too dense to understand what their doing, and then of course they just shrug me off, considering the futility of explaining whatever their doing. And if I know something, they know it as well, and thus the conversation comes to a sliding halt after that.
Yes, there will be people like this. But don't be too discouraged, because there will eventually be someone out there who will listen, and be willing to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. It won't always come to a screeching halt if you don't allow it to. Instead of stopping the conversation the instant they say 'yes,' bring up something you thought was interesting about the subject. Try to look at talking like playing a game of chess; different moves work on different people, it's just up to you to figure out what it is.
What I find interesting, everyone else finds boring.
This is absolutely not true. This is a lie that you have told yourself, because What one person finds interesting, someone else will find it interesting as well, or find it interesting that you're interested and become interested in your interest.
That's assuming on the offhand chance that whatever I start out with doesn't get defeated the moment it comes out of my mouth.
Humans aren't warplanes, and not everyone's a flying ace. Thinking that the instant something comes out of your mouth will be instantly shot down is a rather twisted view of humankind. don't stick slab after slab of armor plating onto your jet, or else it will never take off. If you remove some of that plating and take off to rendezvous with the nearest squadron, it is extremely likely that all of the planes will follow you
No. It will not be hard at all. Coming from one of the most shy highschoolers ever.
The lack of skill in anything athletic is one of the reasons I take up videogames.
Sports are just one outlet. There are many choices out there, for everyone. But judging by the rest of your post, I'm thinking this is something you're telling yourself after watching others. Those people have practised. You can get just as good, or better, if you apply yourself. just because others have skill in something, doesn't mean you have NONE.
Well, my situation isn't all that helpful to begin with... I'm a sophomore in college. I'm a five hour drive from home. And... so I don't work because of school. Of course, my past history hasn't helped. I went through four years of social ineptness in high school. Even though I was in the band, I didn't really have too many friends (well, reliable ones, anyway... it seems like my town seems to breed double-crossing jerks that put on the perfect mask to hide their... double-crossingness) there either. I mean... everyone tolerated me... and I tolerated them somewhat. I was simply told by the counselor that things would get better each year, and each year... nothing changed. Of course, my senior year, I was told that things would get better when I got to COLLEGE. And... yeah, nothing really changed. So... I'm the problem, I guess.
You're not the problem, It's your opinion of yourself that keeps you in your hole or grounded that is. You shouldn't think of yourself in such a negative light, as that will cause other people to be sort of condescendinng or helpful. It's a very big fault line, the slightest shift will cause every thing to go better or worse
Looks like I've had the rotten luck of meeting most of those rotten people.
Where? I don't see any. They don't reject you, you reject yourself. They don't think of you as a terrible person. They don't know enough about you to judge you. Only you do, and if you make it apparent that you think they don't want to talk, then they will assume you don't want to talk. so they will stop talking. Don't think they don't want to talk. Be openminded. Block your thoughts of judgement of yourself, because those are not the thoughts of the opposite person.
...I can't say what I don't know. Wow, what I n00b I am. Let's go ahead kick me for not knowing what "ITT" is either.
*footshot*
You know what n00b means, you're halfway there
. but seriously, the tl;dr (means too long, didn't read) wasn't directed at you, it was directed at other people. I had to include a little personal pessimism
You're not incapable of learning new things, or figuring things out. there's no need to shoot yourself in the foot for no reason. We're not judging, or punishing you
). 
