This is my personal finale' to an incredible thread. None of this is true, and I am totally screwing with you. Now... to begin *AHEM*
As you all know, Fox is the top tier character of Super Smash Brothers: Melee. The smash king, if you will. Beloved by players across the globe for his incredible speed and E-Z flow combos, it seems as though the furred fighter could do no wrong as long as he was in the right hands.
Recently, however, the Smash Boards Tabloids have uncovered a darker... seedier side to the renowned game character. The story THEY don't want you to know. Behind the wave dashing and the flashy shines... lurks Foxes secret. Thanks to a reliable, mustachioed source... we were able to catch the initial event of this incident:
As you can see, Fox crashed the arwing... unable to resist his "Barrel roll" addiction, the craft spun out of control... leaving Fox stranded in a distinctly low tier end of town. There are no records of Fox and his previous relationship with Bowser, but apparently they had some history at the beginning of Melee.
Alas, our correspondant was unable to discover what happened in Bowsers keep that night.... (they were pretty good about pulling down the shades) but one thing is clear: Something strange is going on in the mushroom kingdom.
Bowser refused an interview regarding the incident, but he did grunt something about "just a booty call" before mauling two of our reporters beyond recognition. Speaking of which, we're looking for non-paid interns for exciting and rewarding work in the field of smear journalism! Contact our offices if interested!
After a lengthy session of phone calls to various members of Sakurai's staff, we managed to land an interview with Fox himself. While reluctant to bring up painful memories, Fox assures us that his emotional trauma will not effect his performance in the upcoming game, and that he actually plans to be even MORE over-powered in Brawl than he was in Melee. Fox asked to be quoted on this, as a direct message to Bowser:
I think it's a safe bet that we are all looking forward to the exciting battles of the new Super Smash Brothers game. Except for the poor King of the Koopas. Heck hath no fury like a furry.
Oh yes, and before I forget-- since a fat guy might have done the horizontal mambo with someone from space, this clearly means that Zap Brannigan is confirmed for Brawl.