Where do I begin...
"Weed out undesirables" Well that doesn't seem very welcoming. We know where this is going.
1. "Punctual attendance is expected." Seriously? This is a video game club, not a job. I'm come whenever I feel like.
2. "You must go through trial meetings and get evaluated before becoming a full member." May I ask why? As long as you play Smash and you're not a douche, you're OK in my book. Once again, this isn't a job.
3. Basically, don't be a ****, which I understand, with some no smoking and no johns rules thrown in. As for the well-groomed part....as long as you showered, you can dress however the heck you want.
4. "We all take turns when playing." No ****, but you should really step your game up and bring more setups.
5. "Gamecube controller and Classic Controllers ONLY. No Wiimotes." ....Whaaaaaaaat? What exactly do you hope to accomplish with this rule besides pushing players away?
6. "The following characters are banned: Meta Knight, King Dedede and the Ice Climbers." STEP YOUR GAMES UP. And ****ing Dedede? Really?
7. "No chain-grabbing and pseudo infinites of any kind. Grab them once and move on." OK, I know chain-grabs and grab release shenanigans are pretty crazy in Brawl, but taking away something that is what makes some characters good in the first place (like Dedede or the Icies) is just stupid. OH WAIT, you banned them like *******. Whatever, moving on.
8. "No spiking. We had to ban Marth and Donkey Kong--" Stop right there. You had to BAN Donkey Kong. DONKEY MOTHER****ING KONG. Because you couldn't deal with his dair, which isn't even a ****ing spike. Just meteor cancel that ****. Marth's spike is one of the defining traits of the character. Don't tell me I can't use it.
9. "No edge hogging" This is just ****ing stupid. If the whole point of Smash is to knock the opponent of the stage and prevent them from making it back, why the **** am I just gonna let my opponent get back on-stage for free? To be nice?
10. "No taunting. It makes others feel bad." Stop being a *****. Taunts are fun, and unless people are being deliberately obnoxious about it to upset you, the occasional taunt after pulling it a flashy kill for instance is perfectly acceptable.
11. "The following items are banned: Cracker Launcher, Fans, Dragoon Parts, Pokeballs, Laser Pistols" Wait, what in the ****? You're telling me you're playing with items on this whole time, and yet still make a **** ton of these stupid rules to try and make it competitive and fair? And it's funny Assist Trophies aren't even on that list even though they're pretty much the same thing as Pokeballs. And no Smash Ball on the list either? Christ.
12. Banned stages, OK, perfectly fine here, everyone has their own stagelist.
13. "When a Smash Ball appears, the game is paused, and the players play Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who gets the Smash Ball." This is too ****ing rich.
14. "No character switching." **** you.
15. "No gimping." See #9.
"Hope all that official talk didn't scare ya." Nah, it makes me wanna strangle ya for giving competitive Smash a bad name.
