So I need to make a statement about Brelooming. I don't want the conversation to be dominated by what he did, but I really need to say my piece.
Without going into too many details, I
knew he was faking his TB. I talked with him virtually every day. He approached me immediately after joining the site-- and before-- and basically talked to me every day with a new bit of chaos. I've been around these types before: compulsive liars who feel that their real life is so mundane that they need to create a new, outlandish life to gain the attention they crave from others. In truth, I should have called him out on all of this sooner, but without any substantial proof, I thought it better to simply keep talking with him so he'd get the attention he wanted without spreading that need further.
However, by the time he "got TB", I realized that this was the wrong move. Turns out I wasn't the only one he was constantly talking to. I was approached via PM by a number of people concerned for him, people who had apparently also "been talking to him for a long time". He roped a number of the Social regulars into his group of people to lie to, to validate his made up life with care and affection. I was asked specifically about what we should do for him, and I wanted
so badly to say then and there, "Guys, he's faking." There was so much circumstantial evidence but no proof, so I didn't.
On a site I moderated about seven-eight years ago, a regular user faked his own death. Said he got cancer and had a month to live, then died a week later only for his relatives to tell our community via his Skype. But the admin was suspicious and used his knowledge through the site to look up the dude's Facebook to find that he had never had cancer and was alive and well; he'd rejoined the site as a new member immediately before his "death" so he could watch the site mourn him. It was ****ed up, but when the admin in question brought these findings public, there was an enormous backlash from members who didn't believe him or thought he'd overstepped his bounds in looking up his personal information like that.
This was all in the back of my mind when Brelooming started talking about the possibility of death. I knew-- I ****ing
knew-- he was saying all this to build the idea up in our heads that he'd die. But everyone here had such genuine, heartbroken emotions over it that I was afraid a similar thing would happen if I tried to call him out. This is why I haven't been present the past week. I've been stewing and livid, unsure of whom I should tell or what I should do when a regular user is faking his own death and pulling on all my friends' heartstrings in a morbid, ****ed up, unforgivable way. I guess I'd hoped he wouldn't go through with it. But then he did, and I just wanted to scream.
So thank you,
@ClaTheBae @punished faygo @Pyra and anyone else who did the digging, because I felt too powerless to. I was worried digging would prompt backlash, and paint the mods as uncaring. I thought my only option was to watch his IP address and bring it to the admins if he came back on another account. But now that everyone knows, that pit in my stomach isn't as deep anymore. I still feel ****ty, and I'm sorry that I didn't have the conviction to do something before he took all of you through the wringer. I did a poor job as both a moderator and as a friend. But I'll try not to let the experience make me cold to other people who approach me for help.
I just... gah. ****. ****ing ****.