*cracks Knuckles*
The plot is unexciting and predictable, Bowser finds a new toy, steals a bunch of Paint Stars (why does everything function on stars in Mario’s world?) and kidnaps Peach. So far, stupid. You soon find a companion, Huey, an over-enthusiastic paint can, and he offers to help you do all the things you need to do to help out the colour-drained world of Prism Island. Many of Color Splash’s issues lie with that damn paint can. From the very first moment you meet him – in which he reminds you every two minutes that you can talk to him if you need help, like a needy bank assistant – he makes the game unpleasantly patronising. Huey is constantly repeating things that are painfully obvious, telling you bits of information that you have already figured out from the environmental storytelling, and generally being tedious and unnecessary.
The combat system, which is basically the same as Sticker Star’s but with cards instead of stickers, requires paint to work properly. You choose a battle card, jump, hammer, or any number of variants on that theme, and paint it to increase its base attack. Then, you flick it towards the screen. You’ll spend more time looking at that tiny screen during battles, poking and tapping and flicking those cards, than you will actually engaging with what’s on screen.
The main gimmick of the game is that Huey has imbued your hammer with the power of paint, and it’s up to you to restore colour to all the walls, floors and people of Prism Island by hitting them with your hammer in a satisfying splat. Hitting Toads with your hammer is relatively fun, but then the game takes this gimmick and beats it to death. Everything requires paint, but paint is so easy to find by hitting grass, trees, enemies and blocks that it becomes an inflated economy where you don’t have any reason to really care how much paint you’re using. And since paint is so easy to find, leveling up your hammer is useless, leading to the verdict that battles are once again better skipped, just like Sticker Star, if you want to scrape any amount enjoyment out of this dumpster fire.
Some battles require Thing cards, special, one-off cards that trigger a small cut-scene, and just like Sticker Star, these are incredibly frustrating. It can be hard to find them, and even harder to figure out which one to use at the right time. Worse still, some boss battles depend on you using exactly the right card, and it’s not always entirely clear which one, especially if you haven’t already found it. And then you have to look up what it is you need, trudge back to an earlier level, then return to the boss battle, and doesn’t that sound incredible boring? Yes.
There are a whole load of things to do in Color Splash, but none of them feel that fun. You can go back to levels you completed to find more secrets, more Paint Stars, and more cards, but all that does is feed back into the combat system, and the combat system is boring. There are Roshambo stadiums, which task you with winning a certain number of rock-paper-scissors matches in a go. It’s far too easy to win money, making the coin economy another pointless number in the game, and it’s also just a game of luck, so it’s quite difficult to win several times in a row. In short, it is also boring.
Does that satisfy you?
