I'm in a really bad state of mind right now guys...
I don't mean to bring drama and **** in here when we have enough of that already but I really don't know what else I would really rather do or anything like that, I dunno...
I just feel like I've never commited to a single thing in my entire life because I don't have the guts to put any effort into anything in my life. I'm 21 and working in a toy store for christ sake, I feel beyond pathetic. Not even the things I love most have ever warranted 100% effort from me.
I just... don't know anymore guys. I haven't been this mind-in-the-gutter in a long time and I don't know any way I or anyone else can pull it out. I think I just need to go to bed for now...
As someone who is also 21 and kind of feels the same way, it's normal to feel this way.
In today's economic climate, it's hard enough to find a job as it is (though maybe that's just in Ireland at the moment), which can make commitment difficult. In part because it's hard to find something to commit to. Like, I say to myself all of the time that "I wanna draw this" or "I wanna get into Smash modding" and things like that, and I only bring myself to do them 10% of the time. Committing to these things takes time and effort, and while it does build up my skills and I am passionate about doing them, I get little else in return for doing them. They don't make me money. And I don't even have many friends online or offline to appreciate my work and I can never seem to get it to spread around publicly. And committing to these things feels like it's not worth it because of the amount of time I have to commit.
And then when I commit to the job search, I just don't find anything. That's a whole other issue but it's the one thing that immediately seems worth the commitment and I can't get it.
Things are looking up for me though, as I got an offer to take a course in Cloud Computing for the next year, which gives me something to commit to, possibly will allow me to get back to my game design courses after, and at the least, will bring me more job opportunities. Maybe I'll also make new friends.
I'm not sure if what I am saying helps at all, but I think you'd do well to put your all into that job of yours for the time being. To be frank, you're lucky to have it and I'm honestly a little jealous since I applied to my local toy store multiple times and never so much as got called back for an interview. For all I know, my CV never made it to the manager. So know that there are a lot of people like me that would kill to have the job you have.
And if that job is paying well, that's even more reason to be motivated to do your best at it.
Up until now, I've just been flip-flopping around with different things, trying to keep myself busy, since I finished my last college course, which was a failure (though that wasn't really my fault, the course was fundamentally broken and the tutors did some stupid things that sabotaged my marks, same with other students, and I had other problems that year, like health problems). I stay indoors most of the time and don't get to hang out with friends that often. And to be honest, the only reason I still come to this thread, is because I need SOME sort of echo chamber for my thoughts, mostly on video games.
But the main point here is that I understand where you're coming from and your situation is normal. We're both at an age where we are legally adults, but will either still be in college getting educated just like we've been doing our whole lives until now, or we're looking for any old job to save up the money to go back to education. Unless you come from a rich family or one with major connections, it's completely normal to be in this position of not knowing what to do with yourself, and although we are legally viewed as adults, we can't reasonably be expected to have our lives all sorted out and be living by ourselves, at this age, it's just not the way things play out for most people. Most people don't find their footing in life and start feeling sure of where they are going, until they are 23, at the least.
So don't worry too much about things for now. You have a decent job, one that gives you room to grow. You're honestly doing better than a lot of us 21 year olds.
