Nintendo-Funded Research Concludes that “Smashbox is Worse than Nintendo Controllers”

A recent, ‘entirely impartial’ study conducted by Nintendo has determined that Hitbox’s Super Smash Bros.-focused controller, the ‘Smashbox’, is objectively worse than Nintendo controllers. Mashpotato Samurai, the head researcher, states that there is “no question about it”.

The study and its subsequent findings come in response to recent talk of the Smashbox possibly trumping the standard Gamecube controllers in tournament play. However, Nintendo assures consumers that this is not the case and insists that said consumers continue to buy their products.

“Don't even waste your time with these,” says a Nintendo employed researcher. “Our studies found that they are like a bajillion times less efficient. Seriously, you are honestly better off just buying GameCube controllers.”

Some might say Nintendo is being disingenuous with their findings. When asked about this inevitable assumption, the Japanese company’s spokesperson dismissed it, saying that they are are a “business conglomerate whose capitalistic pursuits have no effect on providing our customers with the truth”.

Hours after releasing the statement above, the same spokesperson announced Nintendo’s latest project: the NinBox.

The NinBox, according to Nintendo, is an ‘optimized game stick designed specifically for Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo Wii U, not Super Smash Bros. Melee for the Nintendo Gamecube. Furthermore, they state that they began to work on it ‘well before the results of our most recent publicly-released study’. With the removal of the analog stick and the addition of several arcade-esque controller buttons to make whatever tech skill is present in Smash Wii U easier, Nintendo hopes to revolutionize the market.

A rough mockup of Nintendo's new controller.​

The NinBox is set to hit stores sometime in 2017. In response to the possibility that somebody copies their idea, Nintendo says that there may be some ‘follow up studies’ and ‘legal discussions’ regarding the matter.

 

First of all, great article!

Uair has perfectly fine reasoning but it is just the way he states his opinions. Uair called the lack of labelling 'pathetic' and continually acts sarcastically. Personally, I like how they do not include some indication because it makes the article more interesting. It's pretty funny when you almost finish and realize, "wait, this is not true. ohhhhh, comedy corner"

 

Then you should be given an infraction. (seriously tired of seeing off topic posts in this thread, stop notifying me. Thank you)

Or you could just refrain from starting the entire pointless argument in the first place.

Posts like: "Is this satire? I honestly can't tell because this site's news feed is known to be false."

This sort of message is the first post in this article and obviously isn't a good example of encouraging engaging discussion. You were the first one to start the off-topic posts and we wouldn't of gone down this avenue if you hasn't posted that in here. Maybe once is understandable but this is a common thing with you and the Comedy Corner articles.

Not to mention Cyndane posted twice warning users to not continue this discussion yet it still continued.

 

Oh, sorry for reviving discussion. Just ignore my post.

 

Since the discussion can't seem to move past Uair or the type of article this is, I'm locking the comments.

Have a good holiday.