A recent, ‘entirely impartial’ study conducted by Nintendo has determined that Hitbox’s Super Smash Bros.-focused controller, the ‘Smashbox’, is objectively worse than Nintendo controllers. Mashpotato Samurai, the head researcher, states that there is “no question about it”.
The study and its subsequent findings come in response to recent talk of the Smashbox possibly trumping the standard Gamecube controllers in tournament play. However, Nintendo assures consumers that this is not the case and insists that said consumers continue to buy their products.
“Don't even waste your time with these,” says a Nintendo employed researcher. “Our studies found that they are like a bajillion times less efficient. Seriously, you are honestly better off just buying GameCube controllers.”
Some might say Nintendo is being disingenuous with their findings. When asked about this inevitable assumption, the Japanese company’s spokesperson dismissed it, saying that they are are a “business conglomerate whose capitalistic pursuits have no effect on providing our customers with the truth”.
Hours after releasing the statement above, the same spokesperson announced Nintendo’s latest project: the NinBox.
The NinBox, according to Nintendo, is an ‘optimized game stick designed specifically for Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo Wii U, not Super Smash Bros. Melee for the Nintendo Gamecube. Furthermore, they state that they began to work on it ‘well before the results of our most recent publicly-released study’. With the removal of the analog stick and the addition of several arcade-esque controller buttons to make whatever tech skill is present in Smash Wii U easier, Nintendo hopes to revolutionize the market.
A rough mockup of Nintendo's new controller.
The NinBox is set to hit stores sometime in 2017. In response to the possibility that somebody copies their idea, Nintendo says that there may be some ‘follow up studies’ and ‘legal discussions’ regarding the matter.
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