Need to vent

[TakFR]

I would post this in the other thread but it just full of spam

I really need to get this off my chest, if anyone wants to give me **** about it they can go **** themselves because i'm tired of having this **** put on me for little to no reason whatsoever. If anyone is wondering why i'm posting this here it's because I have literally no one to vent this to, so why not post it on a forum

For anyone who doesn't know i've been diagnosed with some form of depression for over a year now, in Year 12 it was perfectly fine as I had people to socialise and hang out with that genuinely liked hanging out with me. The only problem was that I wasn't very confident or all that social over the years. Over this year i've been trying to improve myself socially and improve my self-esteem as much as possible, it worked somewhat as I now look people in the eye and try to hold a conversation of much as I can. I tried to get away from gaming as much as I could, there were many problems surrounding that issue though. I don't have many friends that I wish to keep in contact with since finishing last year (Two to Three max that I can think of). My mum and dad barely speak to me, even with my constant attempts to have a decent conversation with them i've only been able to hold up an ok relationship with my dad. This may be because of me leaving my Uni course with a $4000 camera that they paid for to not be used (I don't think that's the problem as they sold it last month anyway). My sister is the only one in my family who speaks to me on a semi-regular basis. I can only think of 2-3 people at work that don't dislike me (i'm serious, for some reason no one really likes me). My social life is almost non-existent now, I have a very little amount of friends that don't require me to play a video game to be able to socialise with them. Living in a place that is the furthest away from a station as possible (directly in between two of them which takes 30 minutes by bus to get there) prevents me from going anywhere even if I did have people to hang around with (for example N2C) considering buses stop after 9. My life consists of 1) Wake up and go to work and be ignored 2) Get home only to be ignored by most of my family only to go on IRC or the boards here and be ignored or abused on a regular basis 3) Go to sleep
and to be honest.... I just can't do this anymore. I'm tired of trying to be nice to people only to be completely ignored
or called a ****in idiot

Next year I plan to 1)Get my license (I've already started taking lessons) 2) Move out 3) Buy a car (will have enough by Feb next year for the car I have in mind) 4) Get into Uni.
To be honest i'm dead ****ing scared about my mental state if I don't get into Uni this year and begin to socialise with people properly again. Moving out is another problem too, moving out only to be stuck back in a room alone again won't help the issue any further, I can't deal with being completely alone for much longer to be honest so I really don't know what to do about this. Could I at least ask for people to please stop giving me **** randomly, I understand that it's a joke and all but once it becomes 90% of the **** that someone hears it affects them regardless.

That's about all I think, I should probably mention that the depression really doesn't affect me in a huge way and makes me think this all of a sudden, I'm perfectly fine around people i'm comfortable with to prove that.

I've been arguing with myself for weeks now about whether I should post this or not but the truth is I really don't know what to do anymore so I thought I might as well, I feel a bit better letting this all out already anyway

 

[xXArrowXx]

well its good that you feel better now atleast.
what type of friends that dont play video games are you looking for?
any thought of future romance?

yeah i struggle to be social 2. have trouble with eye contact etc. -,-
i dont think ive been mean to you tak :S but if i have, know that it was a misunderstanding.
also i heard u are a cool guy.

 

[Pete278]

I think playing WoW would solve all your problems.

 

[TakFR]

well its good that you feel better now atleast.
what type of friends that dont play video games are you looking for?
any thought of future romance?

yeah i struggle to be social 2. have trouble with eye contact etc. -,-
i dont think ive been mean to you tak :S but if i have, know that it was a misunderstanding.
also i heard u are a cool guy.

A type of friends doesn't matter to me specifically, friends that were actually social on a regular basis would be nice though >_>

Not till Uni I guess, my relationships at work are too awkward now to do anything about that

You haven't Arrow dw =)

 

[Nova]

Urgh I'm going to sound condescending & like a pseudo-psychiatrist and it isn't my intention so w/e, you're warned.
I'm speaking more so from my own ****ed brain (Manic Depressive Disorder), though.

The fact that you're able to make goals for yourself (moving out/away to place better suited etc) and you recognise a lot of the problems you're having means you're probably a lot stronger/smarter than you give yourself credit for, or, I don't know you at all. Your depression certainly seems majorly exacerbated by a lack of understanding from other people (family or social groups/so-called-friends). Depression is bad enough when there isn't even really a reason for it (just flat feeling with no cause or trigger), but when it's added into situations where you actually have negative situations, it's debilitating; a lot of people have little understanding of how bad it actually is, despite the year we're in. -_-

Your family sound like typical family ******* you get growing up (which everyone deals with in different ways/has different circumstances) and they need to get over whatever their issue(s) is/are.
I can't count the amount of things my mother holds against me but likes to try and pretend she doesn't (in front of other people) 'cause she thinks she's smart or subtle.
Stoopid cow.

If video games are what keep you in ongoing social interactions with other people, I'd not concern yourself too much with stopping them in a hurry - if it still bothers you. Depression can certainly get a lot worse - this isn't a downplay, just saying you can utterly lose interest in things you used to enjoy with untreated Depression, so it's good if you still enjoy or make time to at least try to enjoy things. Trying to force new friends in other aspects without it kinda just "happening" (i.e. Uni) is in my experience a bad idea. That's not to say that seeking new interests is a bad idea though. Depression really is treated/experienced differently in every person though, so it's pretty dumb of me to say things like that anyway tbqh stfu nova.

tl;dr - You're smart enough to identify lots of bs that makes you unhappy/depressed and you're willing (and have already improved on things from what I read) to set long term (not impulsive as they almost always fail) goals in order to help yourself, so you're on the right track, imo.

 

[Attila_]

i think nova is much more worldly than people give him credit for <3

not going to say 'i've been there', cause i really don't know the full extent of things, but i can say i've had something of a similar experience. and from that i'd add a 5th goal... live overseas. seriously.

either way, at least you've analysed the problem, and are taking steps towards fixing it. gl.

 

[Sirias]

Depression is pretty queer, if I say so myself. c:
Gogo therapy, it might work for you, didn't for me.
I just stopped caring - apathy is much better than depression, aww yeahz~

 

[TakFR]

Therapy didn't work for me either, I tried it last year. Thanks guys, Nova and Attila have given me stuff to think about =)

 

[Sieg]

You should start doing workouts with me when I tell you to on IRC Takky Wakky.

Get fit(er), look better, gain confidence. I can definitely say I've gained a lot more confidence out of losing weight and gaining some muscle.

I'm not even huge yet and I still feel like a million bucks right now.

 

[Leisha]

You should start doing workouts with me when I tell you to on IRC Takky Wakky.

Get fit(er), look better, gain confidence. I can definitely say I've gained a lot more confidence out of losing weight and gaining some muscle.

I'm not even huge yet and I still feel like a million bucks right now.

I'll have to agree with you there, I started going to a females gym myself. The results were fantastic xD, it sure did give me alot of confidence afterwards after loosing some unneeded weight. Also helped me out with everyday stress.

 

[oldmanondorf_]

You live in a first world country with one of the best, if not THE best qualities of life in the world. You have family, an education and a functional health system not to mention all the luxuries of a generation addicted to consumerism. You have the ability to make the most out of life, a free society. Try living in a corrupt, war-torn, disease infested third world country where you don't have the choice to feel upset about your social life or feelings because you have to be focused on one thing - living. Where your next meal is coming from, whether a stray bomb is going to destroy your home, or a bunch of militants are going to murder your entire family and leave you deserted to fend for yourself. Simple things such as clean water and power can't be obtained by simply by turning a tap or flicking a switch. Don't take what you have for granted.

I understand that when people get upset or in an emotionally vulnerable state they need support (internet forums aren't the best place to find it), but our generation is so self absorbed that we don't put things into perspective. You've got it better than you think. All the best.

 

[Sieg]

I agree with you Sea, just in general.

Society today is so absorbed in it's own self indulgence that sometimes people fail to see the greater things in life, myself included of course.

Everyday I'm at work I get asked questions all the time like "Will this iPod touch or iPad be good for my 10 year old son?"

What kind of 10 year old has a use for any of this technology at that time in their lives? Kids these days are spoiled rotten and what do with all this power and wealth? They go use it for their own greedy needs.

Obviously I'm not talking about everyone here but yeah, I think most people can agree with me.

 

[Splice]

You live in a first world country with one of the best, if not THE best qualities of life in the world. You have family, an education and a functional health system not to mention all the luxuries of a generation addicted to consumerism. You have the ability to make the most out of life, a free society. Try living in a corrupt, war-torn, disease infested third world country where you don't have the choice to feel upset about your social life or feelings because you have to be focused on one thing - living. Where your next meal is coming from, whether a stray bomb is going to destroy your home, or a bunch of militants are going to murder your entire family and leave you deserted to fend for yourself. Simple things such as clean water and power can't be obtained by simply by turning a tap or flicking a switch. Don't take what you have for granted.

I understand that when people get upset or in an emotionally vulnerable state they need support (internet forums aren't the best place to find it), but our generation is so self absorbed that we don't put things into perspective. You've got it better than you think. All the best.

We all still feel emotions though don't we?

It's natural to complain or to seek comfort when we have issues; it's human. It's fruitless to compare yourself to worse-off people when you have problems; it won't solve your own.

Don't even bother bringing that up here, honestly. It's actually a terrible mindset.

I like to help other people and think that people who can should make a difference to those third world countries, but the most important thing to me is making sure I lead a life that I am happy with and where I am, in my own mind, succesful. Whilst I still consider things like you mentioned, it's still more important for me to look after myself, because considering things like that is useless to absolutely everyone unless an action comes of it.

ANYWAY TAK:

Setting goals and doing things that require motivation is a good way to deal with depression, I find. I wish you good luck with that.

~
What do you mean "don't have to play videogames to socialise with" ?
Whilst you met a lot of people through Melee and stuff, these same people can still hang out with you without playing videogames (albeit videogames is probably one of the funnest and cheapest way to meet up). Don't you consider any of the Melee players good friends?
Can't we be friends?

 

[Attila_]

You should start doing workouts with me when I tell you to on IRC Takky Wakky.

Get fit(er), look better, gain confidence. I can definitely say I've gained a lot more confidence out of losing weight and gaining some muscle.

I'm not even huge yet and I still feel like a million bucks right now.

While I agree, and working out was great for my confidence, it opens up a whole other can of worms: training technique, costs, and the massively intimidating gym environment. I recommend it to everyone, but in reality, expect very few people to actually go through with it. But hell, even I was a gym noob once upon a time. And now people are beginning to consider me as something of a guru. Go figure.

 

[CaLibUr_1337]

I've been there to an extent TakFR. Gl with the plans you've made. Hope it works out for you

I also agree with what Splice said. This may sound selfish but the most imprtant person is you. If you're not happy then you got to sort your own **** out first before thinking of people around you.

I used to go to the Gym during high school but haven't been for 8months now. I gotta say I simply stopped enjoying it. I used to be really paranoid with my appearance even though I wasn't overweight. Thats all subsided since graduating due to not being around as many *******s on a general basis I think. Now adays I just walk for exercise because it's the only for of excercise I can tolerate for a long period of time. Sure I won't get huge muscles or anything but I don't need that to find happiness or a GF etc.

I've come to accept that the best way to find happiness through social interaction is just go with the flow. Don't force yourself to meet certain people or 90% of the time you will become dissapointed. Well it happened to me anyway.

Anyways I'll just end it with this quote:

"Everything will be fine in the end. If it's not fine, it's not the end."

 

[TakFR]

Sea I am greatful for that, one of the reasons it took me so long to post this was for that reason that I have no right to complain in terms of the quality of living that we have here, but i'm not complaining about the quality of living we have here. I'm venting over the social aspect of my life due to how important it has become to me over the year only to have my social life become at the lowest point in my life so far.

Splice the thing about this is 1) The melee scene very rarely hangs out outside of smash, I can think of 2 times this year where something has been orginised that didn't involve playing smash. 2) To be honest if I can't have a conversation about of something that doesn't relate to a video game with someone then I don't see how I can consider them a good friend especially if they only hang around me when I am playing them in smash (This is just my perspective, it's no necessarily true for other people).

I went to a gym at the start of the year and stopped after about 3 months due to it not actually helping my self-esteem or confidence (it probably would be helpful but when you are social with people on a regular basis, but this isn't the case for me). Out of all of the options I have to improve my social ability and confidence the best thing would be for me to move out next year, I just need to sort out License, Car and if i'm going to Uni beforehand =/

 

[abhishekh]

I love these threads. It's so interesting to read about other people's problems.

This may be because of me leaving my Uni course with a $4000 camera

I didn't get this part though. Were you doing photography or photojournalism or something?

Also play Brawl. Everyone's so nice, and I rarely show up.

 

[undead_moose]

No he did a course in physical theropy that required a 4000 dollar camera


Of course it was a photography related course

herp
a
derp

 

[luke_atyeo]

you could learn to channel your frustrastions through the power of hate

or you could go to the gym.
serisouly, working out gives you some endorphins **** that makes you feel great, helps your confidence and self esteem, and really helps you with any frustration or anger problems you might be having (hard pysical exercise is a great way to realease that ****)

you could also learn to man up.
whislt that sounds like an insult its not, men have become very womanized and effimenent in todays society.
try doing some light contact sparring or wrestling, beating the **** out of other people in a fun safe enviroment is actually really good for the male pyche.

 

[Zxv]

Interesting... I read Nova's entire post, word for word, and skimmed over the tl;dr part. I even tried to read it a second time and couldn't focus. Isn't that just the darndest thing...

Depression is pretty queer, if I say so myself. c:
Gogo therapy, it might work for you, didn't for me.
I just stopped caring - apathy is much better than depression, aww yeahz~

Yeah, I used apathy to deal with my parents/peers. Worked for me. Not saying I suggest it though...

To each his own.

You live in a first world country with one of the best, if not THE best qualities of life in the world. You have family, an education and a functional health system not to mention all the luxuries of a generation addicted to consumerism. You have the ability to make the most out of life, a free society. Try living in a corrupt, war-torn, disease infested third world country where you don't have the choice to feel upset about your social life or feelings because you have to be focused on one thing - living. Where your next meal is coming from, whether a stray bomb is going to destroy your home, or a bunch of militants are going to murder your entire family and leave you deserted to fend for yourself. Simple things such as clean water and power can't be obtained by simply by turning a tap or flicking a switch. Don't take what you have for granted.

I understand that when people get upset or in an emotionally vulnerable state they need support (internet forums aren't the best place to find it), but our generation is so self absorbed that we don't put things into perspective. You've got it better than you think. All the best.

I don't really agree with Zeus here... Being blessed with an opportune life doesn't mean you become debted to those without. You're allowed to feel unadequate or underwhelmed without having to feel guilty towards those disadvantaged. That's how I feel, anyway...

Also play Brawl. Everyone's so nice, and I rarely show up.

Ironic, because in America, from what I can tell, the Melee scene seems much friendlier/more communal than the Brawl scene.

 

[Nova]

Zeus = Oldman, zexy.

 

[Zxv]

Zeus = Oldman, zexy.

Oh, I actually knew that... I don't know why I wrote Sea... Probably didn't read the name originally.

 

[TakFR]

I thought it was Sea too lol -_-

Funnily enough at work today I was thinking about doing something like that Luke, great minds huh