Ooh, this looks fun. I'll take a whack at it.
Pit: Lady Palutena! This crocodile has more projectiles than I do! Where does he keep all of those gadgets? Why on earth does a crocodile have weapons in the first place? Who is this guy?!
Viridi: Hmph! Such a vile creature, polluting the earth with his machines.
Pit: Err, Viridi? Alright, could you give me some tips? Hey! Watch where you're firing those, you fat crock!
Viridi: What did you call me?!
Pit: Not you! Ahg! *hack cough* poison gas too?! Just help me out here!
Viridi: Well then. That's "King" K. Rool, the leader of the Kremlings. He's performed many horrid deeds against nature, with his oil drilling, mining operations, heavy pollution, stealing banana hordes from poor innocent monkeys, general property damage...
Pit: Monkeys? Oh, this is the guy that always caused trouble for DK! I hadn't seen him in so long, I forgot who he was!
Viridi: You'd forget your own head if it weren't attached to your shoulders.
Pit: I'm about to lose it, if this guy has any say in it...
[collapse=Bonus Snake Codec]
Snake: Woah, this alligator came prepared, he's got as many weapons as I do...
Otacon: Snake! That's King K. Rool, leader of the Kremling crew and arch nemesis of Donkey Kong. Many times has he tried to eradicate the entire Kong family, from trying to starve them by stealing their food supply, to completely destroying their island.
Snake: Sounds like... Gorilla warfare.
Otacon: Uhhg, Snake... Just be careful, though he may be big and heavy, he's deceptively quick. This guy is no joke, though he's got the brains to create and use technology, he's equally insane! He'll try any underhanded tactic to win, he'll even play dead to catch you off guard, so watch out!
Snake: Dirty tricks huh... We'll see which reptile comes out on top.
[/collapse]