Hypothetical: Sakurai Hates You and He Knows Your Top 3 Wishes for SSB4

[Mr. Mumbles]

For some reason Sakurai hates you. Maybe you took my advice about breaking into his house seriously, or maybe you really did get to spend a day with him and you bothered him about smash mercilessly. For some reason you have gotten on Sakurai's seldom talked about **** list.

To make matters worse, he knows the 3 things you most want out of SSB4. Now he could simply make sure none of those things happen, but he is far too vindictive for that. He has instead decided to make sure all of those 3 things happen, but that they will be executed in such a way that you wish they never had. What is your dream and how does he shatter it?

tl;dr Sakurai is a genie who wants to screw you over. Discuss.

 

[PlayerXIII]

Megaman being viable: Makes him extra slow, able to be KO'd easily and everything he does deals 1% damage. Viable only for those that say everything is viable.
Good Netcode : Makes it worser than Brawl.
Balance: Makes Metaknight 2: Electric Bungaloo because Metaknight was too weak in Brawl.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

1. Make Ganondorf non-longer a Captain Falcon semiclone: Ganondorf is instead a complete clone of Kirby, only much much slower. 0.o
2. Include Ridley in the game: Ridley is the smallest character in the game, and his moveset is just Charizards's old moveset only with less knockback and damage.
3. 1 uniqe level per character style adventure mode with the ability to play as other characters after said level is beaten with the intended character: Every level while texturally unique is just a straight hallway with all of the enemies just being a retextured variant of the same thing every time.

 

[TreK]

Man, you haven't been here long, but I want you to stay xD
It's kinda sad that the Sakurai hate got into a game, but this thread is still funny.

1) Instead of alternate textures, we get alternate models+voices+names like in Injustice : uses it as an excuse to suppress all clone characters. Or makes it DLC like Injustice.
2) Removes CGs except for the ICs : removes ICs, keeps CGs in.
3) Makes a stage with a periodic or interactive item dispenser that would allow us to use items in competitive play : makes it as curvy and disruptive as Olimar's stage.

 

[Curmudgeon]

1. Give the Mother series more representation: Includes every character's mother

2. More Pikmin music: environmental noises and Ai no Uta on every existing language

3. Walugi playable: 10,000 matches played with every character to unlock him

 

[Starbound]

1. A Small Roster: We get a 25 character roster
2. A New Mario Character: Waluigi is playable
3. A Second Kid Icarus Character: Playable Eggplant Wizard

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

1. Give the Mother series more representation: Includes every character's mother

2. More Pikmin music: environmental noises and Ai no Uta on every existing language

3. Walugi playable: 10,000 matches played with every character to unlock him

I believe you are the first person to do this in the spirit in which it was intended. Most people see to be having Sakurai go against there wishes as opposed to technically granting them but not in a good way. These have all been funny though, but I do think yours is the best so far.

 

[nessokman]

Not letting ridley in: Ridley gets in and is the most overpowered character: Like he can freaking one hit anything with any move

more mother music: songs being sung horribly by soccer moms on every screen

masked man gets in: Masked man is killed by LITERALLY anything. If he moves, he flies off the screen and dies, if he is hit, the person who hit him gets 10 kills added/ masked man loses automatically

 

[OcarinaOfDoom]

1. The game is balanced: Only 1 character is actually balanced. he rest all stand on the balance board while fighting
2. 45-50 Character roster: 45-50 complete clones
3. Lyn is in the game: We get the Korean singer.

 

[Zzuxon]

DLC: Characters are revoked to be sold as on disk DLC.
Toad: Geneally a crappy joke character, a la pichu.
Paper Mario: Mario clone.

 

[mimgrim]

More Fire emblem character : Mke FE character unplayable and makes everysingle FE character into a assist trophy.

More furries in the game - Put in allot of character with lots of rage and anger but none of them resemble a animal.

Board the Platforms return - Makes Board the Platform instead with it not being unique to each character and them having to jump onto only a single platform.... That is so high in the air that there is no way to get to it...

That some cruel shiz right there. Q_Q

 

[greenluigiman2]

1. A Small Roster: We get a 25 character roster
2. A New Mario Character: Waluigi is playable
3. A Second Kid Icarus Character: Playable Eggplant Wizard

Eggplant Wizard would be an awesome addition.

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

More Fire emblem character : Mke FE character unplayable and makes everysingle FE character into a assist trophy.

More furries in the game - Put in allot of character with lots of rage and anger but none of them resemble a animal.

Board the Platforms return - Makes Board the Platform instead with it not being unique to each character and them having to jump onto only a single platform.... That is so high in the air that there is no way to get to it...

That some cruel shiz right there. Q_Q

At first with the Board the Platforms I thought for sure you were going to say, "but it is the only single player mode." Regardless, any of that would be pretty terrible.

 

[Gingerbread Man]

-Online play is now good, but requires a subscription.
-Robin confirmed... Paired up with Tharja. Awkward fan service included.
-Final smashes have been balanced. They're all landmasters.

 

[Fatmanonice]

-Wario is replaced with John Goodman.
-Megaman has the awkwardly high pitched voice from Megaman 8.
-Ridley gets in as his evil Furby form.

 

[[Corn]]

Want:
-Ice Climbers in and have a not ballz easy chaingrab like melee, but a harder one like Brawls.
-Ganondorf to be unique in more regards as well as being a good character.
-Some Paper Mario character, preferably Mario/Dimentio.

Reverse:
-Ice Climbers are dropped due to technical limitations. Every character can chaingrab with D-throw and can Wobble with pummel.
-Ganondorf decides to forget his sword a third time and has no double jump or recovery move. All attacks are now like his up tilt.
-They use something from Sticker Star.


Happy?

 

[Game&Watcher]

1.) Make Little Mac Playable - he's underpowered as can be and patches afterward deliberately nerf him even more.
2.) F.L.U.D.D. gets canned - it stays in and becomes even more useless than it already is.
3.) Robin the Avatar gets in over Chrom (this is a stretch, I can live with Chrom being the new FE rep, I'd just prefer Robin) - same fate as Mac just above

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Want:
-Ice Climbers in and have a not ballz easy chaingrab like melee, but a harder one like Brawls.
-Ganondorf to be unique in more regards as well as being a good character.
-Some Paper Mario character, preferably Mario/Dimentio.

Reverse:
-Ice Climbers are dropped due to technical limitations. Every character can chaingrab with D-throw and can Wobble with pummel.
-Ganondorf decides to forget his sword a third time and has no double jump or recovery move. All attacks are now like his up tilt.
-They use something from Sticker Star.


Happy?

I'm sorry. I forgot I occasionally force people to do things in my sleep, even while I'm still awake. I'll be sure to send you three pictures of Sakurai and a can of lemon juice to make up for my accidental coercion.

 

[Swamp Sensei]

Ridley is the only boss in the game.
Pokemon Trainer is removed entirely.
Air tripping.

 

[cultofrubik]

- Multiple air dodges removed.
- Mewtwo brought back as a playable character.
- Ranked and friendly matchmaking system included.

* Single air dodge. Does not induce tumble. Can be jumped/up-b'd out of.
* Mewtwo's playset has a potent upgrade, but takes more tech skill than Guilty Gear. Tournaments are now all Mewtwo dittos. "King of Smash" is subjugated by "Mewtwo King."
* Ranked games require the use of all stages, 2 minute time-limit, and items.

 

[ImaClubYou]

Makes the best game ever.

Maps button layout on a N64 controller.

 

[DakotaBonez]

Smash Bros 4 released with amazing netcode and region free wifi...but there is no online lobby, friends list, or ability to share content...plus all matches require 4 players.

 

[BridgesWithTurtles]

1. Have a playable K. Rool: Kaptain K. Rool, specifically noted to be King K. Rool's brother, is added. Only pulls from his one game for his moveset.
2. Don't change Pokémon Trainer's Pokémon: The Trainer is unable to change out his Pokemon during battle. You're stuck with what you start with.
3. Faster gameplay: Battles are now limited to 1-minute timed matches.

 

[Homelessvagrant]

1) Pokemon Trainer returns - but he has a completely different team and stamina is more punishing.
2) Ridley becomes playable - He is basically the Ganondorf version of Charizard.
3) Balance patches become a reality - He abuses the nerf bat on personal favorite characters.

 

[Kamiko]

Get rid of Ganondorf's TP hair: Ganondorf is now bald.

Give Ganondorf his own moveset: Ganondorf can now use Dead Man's Volley. And only Dead Man's Volley. Also, he pulls out a different sword for each taunt.

Balance character matchups: All characters now use Ganondorf's new moveset. Ex-fans now call the game Super Tennis Bros.

 

[Dark Phazon]

For some reason Sakurai hates you. Maybe you took my advice about breaking into his house seriously, or maybe you really did get to spend a day with him and you bothered about smash him mercilessly. For some reason you have gotten on Sakurai's seldom talked about **** list.

To make matters wors,e he knows the 3 things you most want out of SSB4. Now he could simply make sure none of those things happen, but he is far too vindictive for that. He has instead decided to make sure all of those 3 things happen, but that they will be executed in such a way that you wish they never had. What is your dream and how does he shatter it?

tl;dr Sakurai is a genie who wants to screw you over. Discuss.

Mewtwo as a pokeball
Little Birdie Ridley evolution thing
New DK stage with K.Rool in the background like DeDeDe was in Dreamland and Ridley in N64 Version.

 

[[Corn]]

I'm sorry. I forgot I occasionally force people to do things in my sleep, even while I'm still awake. I'll be sure to send you three pictures of Sakurai and a can of lemon juice to make up for my accidental coercion.

This thread is everyones worst nightmare...which is why I decided to be a part of it.

 

[Demna]

Tripping returns

 

[Dark Phazon]

This thread is everyones worst nightmare...which is why I decided to be a part of it.

Its really easy to come up with many things instantly thats whats the most ****ed thing imo...

 

[Curious Villager]

1. Mewtwo returns in Smash.... As a Pokeball Pokemon....
2. Anna joins the fight.... As an Assist Trophy....
3. Trophies return.... They are handled the same way as they were in Brawl....

 

[Mr. Mumbles]

Ridley is the only boss in the game.
Pokemon Trainer is removed entirely.
Air tripping.

At the phrase air tripping, I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

 

[[Corn]]

At the phrase air tripping, I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

Sonic had it in SSBB.....

 

[FalKoopa]

1. Lyn as a playable character: Makes her an Ike clone. (Yeah, someone said that she would an Ike clone. )
2. A large roster: Crams in a ton of 3rd parties or turns the game into Nintendo x Namco.
3. Less crazy stages: Puts an Ultimate Chimera on each and every stage.

 

[ImaClubYou]

Watch out everyone.

Sakarai is looking at this thread for feedback*

 

[shinhed-echi]

Grants me Mike from Startropics:
>> He has a very dull moveset, he gives him a "Mother" style redesign (the inverse of Pit from Melee to Brawl), and he yells Radical! for every single move he does. He will also share a stage with Wii Sports Resort instead of getting his own iconic stage.


Grants me Little Mac:
>> He implements kicking, and cheating moves from other boxers, thus defeating the purpose of being Little MAC. And he's uberly powerful for all the wrong reasons, to the point EVERYONE and their mothers want to main him. And we're talking about putting Metaknight to shame broken. Thus ruining the character and the franchise for me.


Grants me Saki Amamiya:
>> Is the weakest character in the game. He so useless, even Pichu could run circles around him. And gets a clone that's actually useful.

 

[Vintage Creep]

If I understood the OP correctly, basically Sakurai will troll me by making my wish come true, but not completely.

1) I want Banjo-Kazooie in the game, so Sakurai puts them in as assist trophies. Unplayable. And they kinda suck.
2) I want a roster with 50+ characters, and Sakurai does that, but 15 of them are boring lame clones. Straight out clones like in Melee, same moveset, only different palettes.
3) I want stages with great things happening in the background, and Sakurai pulls a Playstation All-Stars: a flat platform with a looped animation in the background.

 

[volbound1700]

If I understood the OP correctly, basically Sakurai will troll me by making my wish come true, but not completely.

1) I want Banjo-Kazooie in the game, so Sakurai puts them in as assist trophies. Unplayable. And they kinda suck.
2) I want a roster with 50+ characters, and Sakurai does that, but 15 of them are boring lame clones. Straight out clones like in Melee, same moveset, only different palettes.
3) I want stages with great things happening in the background, and Sakurai pulls a Playstation All-Stars: a flat platform with a looped animation in the background.

#3 already happened a lot in Brawl.


I actually cannot think of any wishes other than Sonic returning (I guess he could sub Shadow for him) and if possible no cuts (Yes, even Snake who I mentioned doesn't really fit Smash) obviously he could breach this by making cuts or making characters return with bad movesets.


Better yet for the no cuts, he brings all characters back but each character but outside of 8 characters (ones in trailer and perhaps Yoshi), each character costs $5.00 worth of Wii points to unlock and play as in the game.

 

[Vintage Creep]

#3 already happened a lot in Brawl.


I actually cannot think of any wishes other than Sonic returning (I guess he could sub Shadow for him) and if possible no cuts (Yes, even Snake who I mentioned doesn't really fit Smash) obviously he could breach this by making cuts or making characters return with bad movesets.

Yeah but with the Wii hardware, it was excused. And anyway Lylat Cruise and Frigate Orpheon looked 100% better than everything I saw related to the stages in Smash 4.

 

[SmashShadow]

Roy returns: Loses T3H PH1R3 on all moves
Sonic returns: Up B and side smash are now spinning attacks.
Mewtwo returns: Lighter than jigglypuff

 

[TheTuninator]

1) We get an Advance Wars rep - it's Will from Days of Ruin.

2) Peach gets her jumps, throwing ability and killing power back - but she attacks with the realistic speed and hitboxes of a 5'2" princess who's never had to work a day in her life.

3) Zero Suit and Samus are separated into different characters - but using Samus's final smash causes a lore paradox which exits the game.