Hypothetical: Sakurai Hates You and He Knows Your Top 3 Wishes for SSB4

[UberMadman]

1) Ridley is playable, but Sakurai made him so ****ing big that the moment you hit left or right on the control stick, you cross the blast zone and die.

2) Sonic and Snake are back, but Snake is his old incarnation from the end of MGS4 and is to old to fight, so any attack he does leaves him wheezing, he can't run, and if anybody attacks him, he just plain passes out for the rest of the match. Also, Sonic is the Werehog.

3) Mewtwo returns, but Sakurai also adds a Master Ball item that can't be turned off that any person can chuck at Mewtwo for an automatic victory... the person playing as Mewtwo also gets to be nicknamed whatever the person who caught him wants, just like in the games, so not only will you automatically lose, but you will also have your name permanently chaged to "Fluffybutt."

Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna cry myself to sleep.

 

[UberMadman]

Edit: Double Post

 

[Wyoming]

Buff Jigglypuff: He makes her even worse (Rest only does 1% damage, takes longer to wake up. Removal of her multiple jumps, easier to KO)
A Bowser Castle stage: Instead, we get the Wii Shop Channel as a stage with old games attacking the players as a gimmick.
Online has options, is mostly lag-free and fun: Online service is worse than Brawl's, no servers, no options and Coin match as the default and only setting (not that I hate coin matches, it's just not really Smash for me)

 

[Dr. James Rustles]

1. Give Luigi a vacuum-based moveset: He now sucks.
2. Add to Yoshi's swallow move: He gets diarrhea.
3. Make Giygas a playable character: His moveset is incomprehensible.

 

[Mr.Universe]

1. Include the DK Rap: Performed by Young Money
2. Return of Pokefloats: All Pokemon in the game are now floats and "pop" (die) at first hit.
3. Yoshimitsu is playable: Yoshi returns with Yoshimitsu's sword and new playstyle.

 

[TewnLeenk]

1. Every stage is a different themed version of Hannenbow
2. Mid Air tripping
3. Toon Link removed, replaced with "Somewhat realistic somewhat cartoonish Link"