The tired partygoers quickly made a decision.
Shadow Moth backed against the bookshelf jerkily. He was surrounded by the remaining partyguests, who were getting to the point of madness due to nine days of living on party food and drinking urine transfigured to water (courtesy of
Professor McGonagall).
He hissed at them like a snake, and gnashed his teeth. "You dirty Muggle lovers. You think yourself so gallant, so heroic."
Professor Flitwick chirped up angrily from below everyone's knees. "We are! We're better than you!"
Professor Slughorn wiped his brow. This ordeal had taken a lot out of him, he wagered. He might have lost as many as five pounds. He felt gaunt, stricken by his weakened state. So he was at the snack table, and called out half-heartedly, his lips smacking in between gulps of urine. "Yes, Filius, you tell him. That dirty werewolf, being allowed into the school!"
Minister Scrimgeour joined in as well. "Yes, that's right. You're evil, you damn wer-wait, what?"
Slughorn choked down some Cheese Owls. "Isn't that why we're killing him? Because he's a murderous half-breed?"
McGonagall scoffed and turned to him angrily, spitting with rage. "You buffoon! He's
Voldemort, possessing the former
Remus Lupin! He killed your headmaster!"
Scrimgeour nodded slowly and grimly, and drew a long, steady breath with which to speak. "Yes. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named must be stopped."
McGonagall turned to yell at him too. "You should damned well call him Voldemort at this juncture, since he's right bloody there in front of you!"
"No, he's not, you tall morons!" shouted Flitwick in warning. "He's climbing the bookshelf!"
"Mrrph! Oh no!" exclaimed Slughorn. He kept eating.
A spectacular wizard battle then took place, the likes of which the world had never seen and would never see again. It went something like this.
When the dust had finally settled, Remusmort lay wounded and dying.
"That's what you get for killing all those people!" Flitwick squeaked. "For killing Lockhart, the most attractive man who lived! Oh, and Dumbledore!"
Voldemort coughed up some blood, and began to laugh. "You fools, do you truly not remember? You killed Gilderoy Lockhart. We all killed him together! He was
so annoying, what a ******."
A grave announcement! The room fell silent, save for the echoing sound of Professor Slughorn chewing.
"This is some Agatha Christie **** right here," said Scrimgeour finally. "Anyway, as Minister for Magic I can safely say I don't care much about this crime. Consider us all pardoned!"
"Hooray!" said everyone. "Three cheers for the Ministry!" ("Thrr chrr frm mmnsrr!")
He chuckled. "Yes, quite. As for the moral dilemma, I'm afraid it still remains outside my jurisdiction to absolve people of their guilt...
for now. So let's go ahead and finish killing Voldemort."
"You fools!" Voldemort laughed his well-practiced evil laugh. "You can't kill me! I still have a Horcrux, and as such I will forever be immor-"
It was unclear why he had stopped talking and started crying and blubbering in fear, until all eyes turned to Slughorn... who had just eaten a dark and ominous-looking Cheese Owl from the bottom of the bowl, thinking it to be made of licorice.
"Of course!" intoned a high feminine voice from near the floor. "He made a Cheese Owl into a Horcrux! And everybody knows stomach acid burns through Horcruxes!"
"Hooray!" said everyone. (Slughorn rolled on the floor, gasping, his mouth foaming slightly in an obvious attempt at calling out "Hooray!")
Then they all kicked Remus Lupin/Voldemort to death, and stole his shoes.
Shadow Moth was dressed as
King Einon, as seen in
DragonHeart (1996). He was actually
Remus Lupin, Mafia Goon, possessed by Voldemort.
Congratulations to the Town and to its survivors X1-12, July, JTB and Asdioh! Have a happy Hallowe'en!
TOWN WIN
