Vegeta214
Smash Apprentice
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2007
- Messages
- 114
If you are wondering why this is in the Snake forum, read on.
Alright get this guys:
So we all know Captain Falcon is one of the weaker characters in Brawl. Maybe not the weakest, but he has most certainly lost a lot in terms of speed and power. Many have questioned why the developers of Smash would nerf a character so badly who wasn't as overpowered as for instance, Fox or Sheik.* Captain Falcon in Brawl seems to have lost most of what made him great in the previous game. He has become less lean and therefore less manly, significantly slower and his trademark move (the knee) is nowhere near as destructive as before.
It seems almost that this character is not the Captain Falcon we know, but an entirely different person. And this occurence is what has lead me and others to become suspicious of this man. Is he really Captain Falcon? What horrible things happened between SSBM and SSBB that crippled him beyond recognition? If this man is not who we thought he is, where is the real Captain Falcon? How come he wears knee-pads? And why is this guy so fat?
During research of Captain Falcon's history I have stumbled upon video documentation of an incident involving a young frustrated college student called Rick Wheeler, a masked psychopath named Batman, and Captain Falcon himself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFtw7qW7Vcw
The quality of the video material is bad, but this short sequence gives us insight of the last time Captain Falcon was seen. The material shows Captain Falcon executing a Falcon Punch - a technique so powerful that only the real Captain Falcon could have possibly used it. Because of its power, he usually only uses a weaker version in order to humiliate opponents - in this case however, the technique is performed at full power in order to destroy Falcon's most powerful enemy - Batman (powerful in relation not to Falcon, but to other mortals). Further investigation has proven that the events shown must have occurred at some point in time between the release of SSBM and SSBB respectively. A fact that could be somehow related to the odd changes in Captain Falcon's appearance and powers. Though he managed to contain the power of the punch and successfully eliminate Batman, Captain Falcon supposedly lost his life from its unimaginable force. After long and intense research in these archives:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-Zero_GP_Legend
I have concluded that the frustrated college boy Rick Wheeler, who had always looked up to Captain Falcon, started to impersonate him in order to reach fame and glory.
Herein lies the explanation as to why Captain Falcon is so much less powerful and manly in SSBB: Rick Wheeler is an impostor and those who continue to play "Captain Falcon" in SSBB have been mislead by his evil ways! But another character in SSBB has started to display enormous power and manliness in Captain Falcon's staid - it is Solid Snake, who was UP UNTIL NOW thought to be an elite mercenary of the high-tech special forces unit `FOXHOUND´. Interestingly enough, Snake has powers no human could possibly possess. He is incredibly strong, very hard to kill and exudes extreme manliness. In addition, he has been seen performing a special technique of utmost speed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiaJfgSmCSQ
This footage shows Solid Snake moving incredibly fast - too fast for any human. At the end of the recording he even destroys Rick Wheeler in a single blow! This can only mean one thing:
He has somehow survived the power of the unrestrained Falcon Punch and lives on under the avatar of Solid Snake in order to prevent the universe from exploding, which would undoubtably happen if he did not disguise himself, since the surplus energy of the unrestrained Falcon Punch has not yet been unleashed (Falcon instead absorbed this energy in order to protect the universe).
Solid Snake being Captain Falcon also explains why 80% of all Snake mains used to play Captain Falcon in Melee - it is not merely because both characters radiate great manliness like many Snake players have speculated - they are actually one and the same person.
FOXHOUND is in fact an organisation created solely for the purpose of concealing Solid Snake's true identity. As a matter of fact, the Metal Gear Solid Series in its entirety exists only to cover up what happened during and after the fight against Batman. The true reason for the name "Naked Snake", of whom Foxhound claims Solid Snake is a clone, is the fact that the power of his own punch could not harm Falcon himself, but instead made his suit evaporate. This concludes my findings on Captain Falcon's identity, but to clarify and avoid confusion I would like to summarize briefly the following facts:
- Solid Snake is in fact Captain Falcon.
- The character "Captain Falcon" is in reality Rick Wheeler.
- This information must not be revealed to people who do not main Snake. Doing so would destroy the universe. Not even to people who play Rick Wheeler. FOXHOUND is watching you.
EDIT:
Random facts that support this theory include:
- The winning theme has changed in Brawl
- Nipples are in a weird place
- Rick Failure wears a ****ing scarf
- Wheeler has to wear knee pads. Nuff said.
- Falcon in Melee and Snake both have epic costumes, including gay (pink/leopard) and badass (black/black+red)
- Both wear tight-*** clothing to compliment their manliness
- Snake has the knee (he actually has two!! omg!!) and lieks doing teh gentlemanz.
- Both Falcon and Snake are incredibly sexy, as seen in name-tags around the world
I will be updating these as needed.
EDIT 2: no, Captain Falcon is NOT Chuck Norris:
That will be all.
* Captain Falcon of course holds back his true power at all times in Smash games, so as not to risk destroying the universe.
Alright get this guys:
So we all know Captain Falcon is one of the weaker characters in Brawl. Maybe not the weakest, but he has most certainly lost a lot in terms of speed and power. Many have questioned why the developers of Smash would nerf a character so badly who wasn't as overpowered as for instance, Fox or Sheik.* Captain Falcon in Brawl seems to have lost most of what made him great in the previous game. He has become less lean and therefore less manly, significantly slower and his trademark move (the knee) is nowhere near as destructive as before.
It seems almost that this character is not the Captain Falcon we know, but an entirely different person. And this occurence is what has lead me and others to become suspicious of this man. Is he really Captain Falcon? What horrible things happened between SSBM and SSBB that crippled him beyond recognition? If this man is not who we thought he is, where is the real Captain Falcon? How come he wears knee-pads? And why is this guy so fat?
During research of Captain Falcon's history I have stumbled upon video documentation of an incident involving a young frustrated college student called Rick Wheeler, a masked psychopath named Batman, and Captain Falcon himself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFtw7qW7Vcw
The quality of the video material is bad, but this short sequence gives us insight of the last time Captain Falcon was seen. The material shows Captain Falcon executing a Falcon Punch - a technique so powerful that only the real Captain Falcon could have possibly used it. Because of its power, he usually only uses a weaker version in order to humiliate opponents - in this case however, the technique is performed at full power in order to destroy Falcon's most powerful enemy - Batman (powerful in relation not to Falcon, but to other mortals). Further investigation has proven that the events shown must have occurred at some point in time between the release of SSBM and SSBB respectively. A fact that could be somehow related to the odd changes in Captain Falcon's appearance and powers. Though he managed to contain the power of the punch and successfully eliminate Batman, Captain Falcon supposedly lost his life from its unimaginable force. After long and intense research in these archives:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-Zero_GP_Legend
I have concluded that the frustrated college boy Rick Wheeler, who had always looked up to Captain Falcon, started to impersonate him in order to reach fame and glory.
Herein lies the explanation as to why Captain Falcon is so much less powerful and manly in SSBB: Rick Wheeler is an impostor and those who continue to play "Captain Falcon" in SSBB have been mislead by his evil ways! But another character in SSBB has started to display enormous power and manliness in Captain Falcon's staid - it is Solid Snake, who was UP UNTIL NOW thought to be an elite mercenary of the high-tech special forces unit `FOXHOUND´. Interestingly enough, Snake has powers no human could possibly possess. He is incredibly strong, very hard to kill and exudes extreme manliness. In addition, he has been seen performing a special technique of utmost speed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiaJfgSmCSQ
This footage shows Solid Snake moving incredibly fast - too fast for any human. At the end of the recording he even destroys Rick Wheeler in a single blow! This can only mean one thing:
Solid Snake IS Captain Falcon.
He has somehow survived the power of the unrestrained Falcon Punch and lives on under the avatar of Solid Snake in order to prevent the universe from exploding, which would undoubtably happen if he did not disguise himself, since the surplus energy of the unrestrained Falcon Punch has not yet been unleashed (Falcon instead absorbed this energy in order to protect the universe).
Solid Snake being Captain Falcon also explains why 80% of all Snake mains used to play Captain Falcon in Melee - it is not merely because both characters radiate great manliness like many Snake players have speculated - they are actually one and the same person.
FOXHOUND is in fact an organisation created solely for the purpose of concealing Solid Snake's true identity. As a matter of fact, the Metal Gear Solid Series in its entirety exists only to cover up what happened during and after the fight against Batman. The true reason for the name "Naked Snake", of whom Foxhound claims Solid Snake is a clone, is the fact that the power of his own punch could not harm Falcon himself, but instead made his suit evaporate. This concludes my findings on Captain Falcon's identity, but to clarify and avoid confusion I would like to summarize briefly the following facts:
- Solid Snake is in fact Captain Falcon.
- The character "Captain Falcon" is in reality Rick Wheeler.
- This information must not be revealed to people who do not main Snake. Doing so would destroy the universe. Not even to people who play Rick Wheeler. FOXHOUND is watching you.
EDIT:
Random facts that support this theory include:
- The winning theme has changed in Brawl
- Nipples are in a weird place
- Rick Failure wears a ****ing scarf
- Wheeler has to wear knee pads. Nuff said.
- Falcon in Melee and Snake both have epic costumes, including gay (pink/leopard) and badass (black/black+red)
- Both wear tight-*** clothing to compliment their manliness
- Snake has the knee (he actually has two!! omg!!) and lieks doing teh gentlemanz.
- Both Falcon and Snake are incredibly sexy, as seen in name-tags around the world
I will be updating these as needed.
EDIT 2: no, Captain Falcon is NOT Chuck Norris:
That will be all.
* Captain Falcon of course holds back his true power at all times in Smash games, so as not to risk destroying the universe.
