It's not how I feel, but I think I can put what a lot of people are trying to say into a more precise description.
As someone I know said to me, "I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of dying". You're afraid of the part where you're fading away.
I wouldn't be afraid of death if I was sure there were some kind of afterlife.
However, since the aspect of Heaven and Hell is just a belief, my logical mind tells me to be more afraid of death than to trust that there is an afterlife.
Because...being dead forever would just suck.
This is almost exactly how I feel. I REALLY want to believe that there's an afterlife, because I try to comprehend what it'd be like if I simply disappeared. Nothing would even matter; even if people remember me, it doesn't matter. NOTHING EXISTS ANYMORE, for me. That is the most frightening thought to me. Ultimately, assuming there's no afterlife at all, everything seems futile because it's all going to be gone someday. I can't bear that thought.
I'm also afraid of dying though. I mean, what do you do? There would be so much I'd want to say or think about before I die that I wouldn't be able to get it all in. Will I feel pain?
I don't have a whole lot of dreams, but I don't think I've really ever had a good one. Most of them involve me dying. However, of all of the dreams I've had, the one that freaked me out the absolute most was one where I died--instead of the dream ending, my vision was basically fading. That moment, where I was thinking that my vision was fading for the last time, scared me to no end. Maybe because it felt so real. It was so real, in fact, that I'm wondering if that's supposed to be a premonition. By the time I'm dying, death probably won't even be on my mind at that point, and it only matters right now when I'm thinking of it. But dying will. I'll actually experience that.
I think it's all fear of the unknown for me, and for many. Because we don't know what's going to happen, we're afraid. It's human nature to fear the unknown--it's why people who are different in society are made fun of and singled out.
But all in all, I have to say this; if there's one thing that I actually got out of reading
The Alchemist, it was one line that said something to the effect of, "If you live in only your present, you'll be a happy person." When it comes to death, I think that's the best way to live. If you spend your whole life contemplating death or worrying about it, you'll ruin life. And while it may end up being futile and all disappearing in the end, you might as well enjoy it while you can.
I also hope I never find out how I'm going to die until I am dying. If I find out, I'll be paranoid, wondering if this could be the start of events that kill me. Also, I heard a story once of someone who had a premonition of their death. I don't remember the story extraordinarily well, but I remember the gist of it being this; the person, after having the premonition, was afraid of being killed. They were going somewhere this day, so they hired a guard. The guard ended up being the one who killed them.
I'm afraid of both death and dying.
