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A Modest Proposal

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ecstatic

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The following are my ideas on how to make Brawl the best game ever.

1) Every time a fight is started, there is a 1 in 5 chance of there being a lighting storm in the sky. The strikes would happen randomly, and probablity-wise appear roughly once every 25 seconds in a random spot on the stage. The lightning eventually finds it's way to the bottom of the stage (the area where you'd die from falling off the edge.) It is uneffected by platforms. Any character it hits gets 50% and the horizontal knockback of a fully charged Roy B attack. The strategy here is that even though the place where the lighting strikes is random, the algorithm generating the spot is made so that it tends to appear more often towards the middle of the stage. That way, one would want to stay near the edge of the stage in that sense, but if they did that then they'd be more easily KO'd by the opponent.

2) Obviously since items are always on in one player and are by default turned on in vs mode, it's pretty apparent that the game is supposed to be played with them on. People that have no-items rules aren't playing the real smash bros. then. Since they're not playing the real smash bros., Sakurai should punish them by turning off B moves (those ones because they're special, and people who don't play the real SSB don't deserve anything special), all defensive stuff, like shields, rolling, and air dodging (because if they turn off items, what would they defend against anyways?), and all the flat stages (SSB is about chaos, and the only way to have chaos on flat stages is items.)

3) Since Smash Bros. is a fighting game, the player should obviously be controlling their character, not the physics affecting their character. Unfortunately, there are a lot of moves in Melee that lets the player control the physics of the game, like making your character fall faster and slide on the ground while standing still, some are probably put in the game on purpose, but most are so powerful that they must be glitches. These should all be taken out, glitch or not, because even though most of us understand that this is a fighting game, and not a physics-screwing game, some people don't, and they do all this stuff to be cheap and easily win. And fighting isn't about winning, it's about having fun.


With these three things, I think Super Smash Bros. Brawl will be the coolest game ever created. Ever.
 

Renwaldo Van Veenmol

Smash Rookie
Joined
Apr 10, 2007
Messages
17
Mmm... I'd make the lightning storm a more rare occurance. Like give it the same chance of happening as mew had in melee.
 

MookieRah

Kinda Sorta OK at Smash
Joined
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5,384
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Umeå, Sweden
You guys... this is obviously a satire. The entire thing screams satire. The title itself came from perhaps the best satirical piece written by the king of satire, Jonathan Swift.

@ecstatic: Peepz on message boards tend to go for more obvious sarcasm. I think you did a good job of trying to sound authentic while saying the most ridiculous **** you could think of, but that tends to confuse a lot of people. I'm sorry to say this, but you would probably be more well received if you dumbed it down :-(.
 

WaterTails

Smash Lord
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1,363
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Minot, ND
wow, isn't it obvious that this is a joke topic? Even though ecstatic is kinda loopy...

Also, was this supposed to be like the "green button mindgames" thread

Edit: Also, wasn't that too much to type w/ your screwed up hand, you mirror punching maniac?
 

Star105

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Jun 26, 2007
Messages
390
apparently you people have no subtlety and seem to take alot of things at face value......... thats just me though.......
 

PitIcarus

Smash Ace
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655
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Cedar Rapids, Iowa
apparently you people have no subtlety and seem to take alot of things at face value......... thats just me though.......
Clearly you haven't browsed these forums enough.

It's hard to find satire in this thread when basically all of his ideas have actually been genuinely suggested by people.
 

full_95

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Nov 22, 2006
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305
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Lancaster, PA / Golden, CO
dude im not sure this guy is joking. if not, you = dumb, if so you = kinda funny. im sure if he reads the replies now he will say he was joking to avoid public ridicule, but there's a part of me that thinks he's super serial (hopefully a few people get that).

edit: on closer review he has to be joking... he has to be.
 

ecstatic

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I'm happy some people got this (Samochan, MookieRah, and it appears Star105 does too. Thanks for the generally positive replys. Oh, and the title was on purpose.)

@ Everyone thinking this as a joke topic: Although some people have/probably will find this topic funny, it is certainly not a joke, on the contrary, I'm very serious about all my points. (Some people are going to misinterpret that last sentence.)

@PitIcarus: Only the (flawed) logic behind the ideas have been genuinely suggested, to the best of my knowledge. The ideas themselves haven't.

EDIT: I started typing this reply when PitIcarus's second post was the last one, here's the rest of the replys:

@Ogre_Deity_Link: Thank you for understanding the topic.

@The people who think this is serious: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_modest_proposal
 

full_95

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woohooo, i get it now. i had not heard of this piece. im a geo major so the satires of 17th century ireland are nigh unknown to the likes of me. but thanks for spelling it out mang, you have increased my wisdom by 3.
 

ecstatic

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@PitIcarus: I know, but a joke's main intention is humor, while my post's main intention is criticizm. It just so happens that some peopel find satire funny (like myself.)

@full_95: You are very welcome for the +3 wisdom.

@KevRed: The only people putting me down are the people who don't understand the topic. It's gonna be funny when the casuals start coming here, though.

PS: MookieRah, I know the topic would be more widely understood, and thus better recieved, if I dumbed it down to where you're suggesting, but other people have already tried that, and a the casuals are not convinced. Hopefully this approach will be different for the better.
 

PitIcarus

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@PitIcarus: I know, but a joke's main intention is humor, while my post's main intention is criticizm. It just so happens that some peopel find satire funny (like myself.).
Hence why I said in my first two posts that I don't see the humor in reply to people saying it is suppose to be funny.
 

ecstatic

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@PitIcarus: Kay. I see what you're saying now. I thought you meant in those posts that you didn't see the satire, rather than the humor. Anyways, some people think it's funny because the nature of satire (that is, clever irony and criticizm) often makes it humorous to those who understand it. I hope we're on the same page now.
 

MookieRah

Kinda Sorta OK at Smash
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if I dumbed it down to where you're suggesting, but other people have already tried that, and a the casuals are not convinced. Hopefully this approach will be different for the better.
The thing is the casuals just aren't going to get it. Most of them just don't like the competitive scene and nothing we do will change that. I'll still debate their dumb posts though, just cause it's fun to destroy their logic.

Anyways, all the people who agree with your proposal don't actually learn their lesson or pick up on it, or they only would after reading all the other posts made afterwards. Basically it's funny to the people that realize what is really going on, but just alienates everyone else.
 

BigRick

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Montreal, Canada AKA Real City brrrrrrrrapp!
3) Since Smash Bros. is a fighting game, the player should obviously be controlling their character, not the physics affecting their character. Unfortunately, there are a lot of moves in Melee that lets the player control the physics of the game, like making your character fall faster and slide on the ground while standing still, some are probably put in the game on purpose, but most are so powerful that they must be glitches. These should all be taken out, glitch or not, because even though most of us understand that this is a fighting game, and not a physics-screwing game, some people don't, and they do all this stuff to be cheap and easily win. And fighting isn't about winning, it's about having fun.


This man here approves.
 

PitIcarus

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The thing is the casuals just aren't going to get it. Most of them just don't like the competitive scene and nothing we do will change that. I'll still debate their dumb posts though, just cause it's fun to destroy their logic.

Anyways, all the people who agree with your proposal don't actually learn their lesson or pick up on it, or they only would after reading all the other posts made afterwards. Basically it's funny to the people that realize what is really going on, but just alienates everyone else.
Elitests, the other other other white meat.
 

Masque

Keeper of the Keys
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I was going to suggest eating Pichu and Young Link to make more room on the playable roster, but your ideas are good, too.

/allusion

(When we read that junior year, one of the girls actually thought that Swift was being serious. Kudos to you for being satirical, my friend!)
 

ecstatic

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The thing is the casuals just aren't going to get it. Most of them just don't like the competitive scene and nothing we do will change that. I'll still debate their dumb posts though, just cause it's fun to destroy their logic.

Anyways, all the people who agree with your proposal don't actually learn their lesson or pick up on it, or they only would after reading all the other posts made afterwards. Basically it's funny to the people that realize what is really going on, but just alienates everyone else.
Yeah, I guess for the most part, you're correct. It was fun to write the post, though, and I still can look forward to messing with the casuals who do see more than the first post.


@BigRick: Why would such an intelligent person agree with such a ridiculus idea? Or are you criticizing me?

@Aeris: Thanks!
 

GregUnit

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all defensive stuff, like shields, rolling, and air dodging (because if they turn off items, what would they defend against anyways?)
I lol'd very hard at this line, but at the same time I find it saddening because I know some people feel that way.
 

LaniusShrike

Smash Champion
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Feb 18, 2002
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Or
Hmm, I don't know about your ideas. I think what Smash Bros. needs is the random cannibalization of Irish babies. I think baby consuming would add a strategic yet fun element to the world of smashing.

The biggest problem of this thread is that I imagine a fair percentage of posters aren't at the age that they would have encountered Swift's essay, and the majority of stupid posters are most definitely not at the age/intelligence to understand it. But, then again, I guess them posting their "WTF u stupd" kind of adds to your point.
Sigh.
 

Pyroloserkid

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Funny...funny guy.

Jokes over now though, right?
It's a lame joke, and has been played out too much.
Also, this joke = short lived. =]
 

GaryCXJk

Smash Lord
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Jun 2, 2006
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1,809
I don't think that post is funny, but I do get the whole point.

A satire never made as fun, but more to mock people. People on this board. Mainly, the people who actually want to dumb it down because they don't like the tournament scene or the competitive element. They think the way THEY play it is the ONLY way to play Brawl.

However, if I want to use the game as a Frisbee I am allowed to make that choice. It's not how Sakurai intended it, but once I buy the game, I can do whatever the hell I want with it. Tourney players can set their own rules.

Super Mario Bros. was never made as a tournament game, but still people hold speedrun tournaments. Is it really wrong to do that? Me no think so.

And the people who didn't spot the ridiculousness of the second point and thus conclude that it's a piece of satire are just dense.

EDIT: I just found a parallel with the essay. This topic just shows how Smash must be butchered to accommodate to the "normal" gamer, thus leaving the tournament players, who are already not very much represented, with a dead baby.
 

Jigglymaster

Smash Hero
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Hey I've got an Idea from your number 2 statement.

Instead of getting rid of item switch in Multiplayer, why not just have an item switch in both 1P and Multiplayer!
 

Scav

Tires don Exits
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Ah, joke threads. I love you so. But alas, they all must be eventually closed, lest they become catankerous and cancerous.
 
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