A Classic Case of Bad Game

[BarDulL]

Editing it for now so that people don't think I am teh evilz.

 

[Luigitoilet]

You sound like a blast to hang out with.

 

[Jam Stunna]

I'm sorry, but after reading this, you sound like the A-hole, not her. The girl was trying to start a conversation. So she was bumbling and inept. Maybe instead of critiquing her the whole time, you could have thrown her a bone? Even if you weren't interested in her, it wouldn't have killed you to engage her instead of mentally noting how superior you are to her the whole time.

 

[BarDulL]

You bet. Look what I made earlier today:

What kind of person makes bacon wrapped hot dogs that isn't a blast to hang out with?

 

[BarDulL]

I'm sorry, but after reading this, you sound like the A-hole, not her. The girl was trying to start a conversation. So she was bumbling and inept. Maybe instead of critiquing her the whole time, you could have thrown her a bone? Even if you weren't interested in her, it wouldn't have killed you to engage her instead of mentally noting how superior you are to her the whole time.

Sorry man, it was really hard to throw her a bone when she upset me that much, I tried my best to entertain the conversation but it's hard to really give her a bone when it was that bothersome.

I'm actually a pretty nice dooder, but when it comes to stuff like this, I just...ugh. I mean, there's going to be people you just can't describe positively, and this was one of those moments.

Edit: Where do I come off as being superior? Everyone says this but I can't, for the life of me, understand why people think this.

Edit within an edit: I wasn't critiquing her the entire time while she was talking, oh crap. The point of this blog was my examination of everything that had happened in hindsight...but this is a good mental note for me when trying to reach out to my audience. I was definitely just entertaining the conversation and being nice while we were at it, but yeah, this is my reflection after the fact and it didn't include every detail.

You also forget that she was bothering me from the getgo, how am I supposed to want to engage her after she was being disruptive in the first place? @_@.

 

[Luigitoilet]

I'm actually a pretty nice dooder, but when it comes to stuff like this, I just...ugh. .

stuff like what? girls talking to you and trying to flirt?

 

[Jam Stunna]

I understand what you mean, but part of life is dealing with situations like this gracefully. At least feel flattered that she thought enough of you to muster up the courage (and yeah, it definitely takes courage, you described it pretty accurately when you wrote that) to talk to you, and try to let that good feeling flow through your conversation.

At the very least, if she works in your library, that's someone you don't necessarily want to have a a bad relationship with, as you'll definitely see her again.

 

[BarDulL]

@Luigi - I'm all for flirting with girls mang, but it's hard to flirt with a girl you don't like @_@.

I understand what you mean, but part of life is dealing with situations like this gracefully. At least feel flattered that she thought enough of you to muster up the courage (and yeah, it definitely takes courage, you described it pretty accurately when you wrote that) to talk to you, and try to let that good feeling flow through your conversation.

At the very least, if she works in your library, that's someone you don't necessarily want to have a a bad relationship with, as you'll definitely see her again.

This blog was meant to be kind of humorous and a reminder of what it means to have bad game. I never said I wasn't flattered, I was in a sense, and I definitely should have added it in my initial blog, but my only concern with this blog was expressing what it means to have bad game, I wasn't necessarily telling the whole story. For what it's worth though, I left her a note saying "Thanks =), ~The guy who wasn't being productive on FB" as a way to stay on a good note, which was mentioned in the blog.

 

[C.SDK]

BarDulL, what would be good "game" in this case? What could have she done differently?

 

[BarDulL]

Hell if I know, hopefully act in accordance with social tact, not be intentionally disruptive, approach me directly as opposed to slowly edging her way in by invading my personal space, not ask me if I have any lesbian friends (who does this as a conversation starter? Haha, but it was funny), not be judgmental of what I'm doing or try to read my thought process, not act like she's in a position of power with me, lots of things. Have more confidence, yada yada.

My typical approach would be to start with a reasonable conversation topic and just chat it up a little and see where it goes, but at least I'd be direct at first while being aware of social tact.

I don't really try to think about these things in all honesty, I just go with the flow of things, and if I feel like a girl isn't really caving in, then that's just how it is and I move on.

Hmm, I feel like there are definitely some details here that I'm missing. She was definitely acting like she was "all that" and was putting on a confident persona. If she was a shy and nice girl, oh my god would I have been the nicest person in the world to her, haha. If only I had a video of it. :[

 

[Jam Stunna]

It's just that this blog comes across as so condescending that I can't imagine some of that didn't seep into your interactions with this girl. It didn't really seem like she was trying to run "game" on you, just fumbling awkwardly for a way to relate to you.

Maybe you didn't accurately capture the girl's personality in the OP, and you might want to edit it accordingly, because now it seems like you're trashing a socially awkward girl, and that's a pretty surefire way to come across as a jerk.

 

[Jaedrik]

If I may say so you dealt with this situation most handily. From your language you seem an incredibly genuine and respectful person, many are unaware these days of social tact, and disregard it outright. In this hyper-sexualized and impersonal society without love I'd say you're a glimmer of hope.
Geeze, I really wish I had more to say, but thanks again for this insight, perseverance and genuine goodwill get you a long way in life.

 

[BarDulL]

Yeah, I didn't capture her personality effectively, I'm just now realizing that too. She was acting like she was "all that" and spouting a degree of egotism.

I'm actually not condescending in this post, in fact, the OP itself was written in a light hearted and funny manner, but my way of addressing others is being inhibited by tonality and that's something I need to work on a bit when I'm telling a story through text.

 

[Delta-cod]

It doesn't really matter what you intended to do in your writing. After you've written and published something, all people have to go off of is what's been written.

So, if the reader is telling you you're coming off as condescending, you probably are, regardless of your initial intentions.

 

[BarDulL]

I'm going to try and revise the blog so that it more appropriately and accurately reflects the situation, but for the time being, know that I wasn't trying to be condescending per se, but being funny about it! D:

Thanks for the critiques.

 

[Falconv1.0]

Man is it "I've got ***** problems" season or something?

BRB gotta go avenge the virgins.

 

[Jaedrik]

Well, I disagree, I couldn't for the life of me tell what was condescending about that either.
When you take things through the most cynical lens anything would be condescending or presumptuous or pompous or something.
Something you can never say OR SHOULD EVER THINK (consciously or otherwise) is that you're better than someone, I agree, but I saw nothing in your language where. . . maybe I just didn't look hard enough.
All I saw was a clear analysis and a very good handling of the situation, wrapped in a lighthearted manner. The best thing to do, for the other person's sake as well as, again, tactfulness, doesn't always equate to this 'gentleness', caving in to the other person's 'game', and some refuse to acknowledge that there is any better way to do something than their way.
When doing anything like this you have the primary choices.
#1 Provide a lighthearted and entertaining story, the main pitfall of this is the cynical lens, and they try to force you into some other reaction so they can argue or make themselves feel superior to you as they cannot stand to have someone above them disagreeing in the way to handle things and people, whether or not they realize it.
#2 Provide a deadpan and argumentative analysis. People who don't agree with you are probably gonna do one of two things, try to debate on what makes you wrong and how they think you should act and talk (like them).
Some people who respond can easily take the cynical lens one provides and view a work in that light, WITHOUT the intent of the lens giver or the one who disagrees.
Other than that I don't know, I bet there are a lot more better options though.
Either that or I have the same problem as BarDulL.

 

[BarDulL]

Well, I disagree, I couldn't for the life of me tell what was condescending about that either.
When you take things through the most cynical lens anything would be condescending or presumptuous or pompous or something.
Something you can never say OR SHOULD EVER THINK (consciously or otherwise) is that you're better than someone, I agree, but I saw nothing in your language where. . . maybe I just didn't look hard enough.
All I saw was a clear analysis and a very good handling of the situation, wrapped in a lighthearted manner. The best thing to do, for the other person's sake as well as, again, tactfulness, doesn't always equate to this 'gentleness', caving in to the other person's 'game', and some refuse to acknowledge that there is any better way to do something than their way.
When doing anything like this you have the primary choices.
#1 Provide a lighthearted and entertaining story, the main pitfall of this is the cynical lens, and they try to force you into some other reaction so they can argue or make themselves feel superior to you as they cannot stand to have someone above them disagreeing in the way to handle things and people, whether or not they realize it.
#2 Provide a deadpan and argumentative analysis. People who don't agree with you are probably gonna do one of two things, try to debate on what makes you wrong and how they think you should act and talk (like them).
Some people who respond can easily take the cynical lens one provides and view a work in that light, WITHOUT the intent of the lens giver or the one who disagrees.
Other than that I don't know, I bet there are a lot more better options though.
Either that or I have the same problem as BarDulL.

Wow, this post was incredible. Kudos. It's like you took the words right out of my brain. You are awesome.

It was definitely #1, and I wonder if the cynical lens was responsible for it or if it was simply my portraying of the facts at hand being sub par, albeit I haven't quite distinguished which one it is as of yet. I try to be open minded about these things, but I haven't been able to wrap my head around it yet because of the varying degrees of subjectivity at play. Either way, I felt it was much more safe of me to take it down for the time being and review it analytically before presenting it again since I'm sure there are ways to better illustrate my perception of the facts anyway. Still, mega kudos.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Through the computer screen, looking at isolated sentences and posts in a thread, it is incredibly easy to fall prey to cynical interpretations of things.

For example, plenty of things that are said online would have a completely different effect on people if you were to say it in-person and how they accept it. Little to do with the content.

 

[deepseadiva]

BOOOOOOOOOO at the op edit

 

[BarDulL]

This was the original blog in question:

Spoiler

Link to original post: [drupal=5428]A Classic Case of Bad Game[/drupal]



Hey everyone, BarDulL here. Typically I don't post in User Blogs very often unless something captivates my interest substantially, i.e. my response to affirmative action and the act of catering towards certain ethnicities in general, but today, you guessed it, something captivated my interest substantially, and I just had to share it with you all.

"Game."

You know, the term people use when you "try to get with someone." To do the bad thing. Sex! It's that thing we all enjoy and love when we're doing it with someone we're interested in sharing our bodies with. We do it for a number of reasons, be it love, pleasure, desire, passion, or anything in between.

Now, I'll try to be brief; I don't believe in "game." I don't "play games." The reason why I don't try to "game" people is because it forces me to act in a way that isn't genuine. It can also ultimately make me look silly, weird, or creepy. I just try to go with the flow of things and see what happens, and anything that happens, happens, and if it doesn't happen, then that's just how it is, and I don't get my hands dirty.

It's as Morpheus said: "what happened, happened, and couldn't have happened any other way."

The reason why I bring up "game" is because, today, I had the luxury of witnessing someone trying to "game" me. It was an interesting experience and downright hilarious, but I can't help but acknowledge the individual for their efforts.

Here's what happened: I was sitting at a computer desk in the college library. It looks a little something like this:



If you'll notice, the computers are lined up right next to each other on a single long table. I was sitting at one of these computers when, all of a sudden, a young woman in her early 20's sits down next to me and begins to try getting my attention. She does this by intentionally leaning towards my computer screen, texting on her phone while the phone wasn't on silent, and seemingly talking to herself aloud. At first I don't think much of what she is doing, but admittedly I begin to get slightly annoyed with this person for not acknowledging my space nor the general "don't be noisy" rules of the library. She was like one of those weird mumbling individuals that you'll occasionally encounter in public transportation; distractive while not benefiting you after garnering your attention. However, I persevered, for my patience with people in-person knows no bounds. Typically.

Well, she doesn't stop there. She starts trying to talk to me, mumbling at first. Finally, she musters up enough confidence to start the conversation off with the topic of lesbians and asks me if I have any lesbian friends, but she does it in a way that is very odd and feels forced, as though she doesn't actually have a sexual interest in lesbians and is asking me if I know of any anyway. Firstly, why is she sharing this information with me? Why is she asking me, a completely random stranger, if I know of any lesbians or have any lesbian friends? Thirdly, isn't it kind of WEIRD to ask people who you don't even know about that kind of stuff? There was definitely a lack of tact going on on her part in that accord. Anyway, I end up laughing it off and say that I don't have any lesbian friends as a way to ease the awkwardness.

However, it doesn't end there. She proceeds to ask me to watch her phone and her folder while she goes back and forth between the computer and her work desk (I find out later that she actually works at the library). I don't actually have a problem with doing this though because I've had times where I needed to leave the computer desk in order to print something out, so at the time, I could sympathize with her. Thinking back on it now, doesn't it seem a little off to be asking someone to watch your phone when you can just put it in your pocket? Doesn't it also seem off to leave your folder at a computer desk when you work at the library and can just as easily put the folder in her desk drawer?

It gets better; she begins to tell me that I shouldn't be on Facebook and that I should be more productive. While this is good advice, she did it in a way that came off as judgmental and commanding, not to mention that I had nothing better to do for an hour before class started. I also don't know this person whatsoever, and despite this, she was trying to assert her values and beliefs onto me anyway. She then begins to display an additional level of conceitedness by telling me that "if you don't get off Facebook by the time I get back, there'll be problems." Now, I'm sure she tried to come off as joking around, but I wasn't laughing because she wasn't really in a position to make this kind of play, nor did it come off as well as it could have. She notices this and says "just kidding...not, I bet you're the complacent type that likes *****es that don't speak up." LOL. Oh dear. Even if that was true, which it isn't, she's completely out of line for saying this, AND she's being a jerk for assuming what my thought processes are. Frankly, I don't like girls who curse, are annoying, and aren't aware of social tact, but I was certainly amused by her efforts to continuously provide me with attention and pull me over when I was uninterested in the first place.

So, after having dealt with all that, I decided it was time to leave. During one of her brief intermissions away from my computer desk area, I left her a note on her folder saying "thanks =), ~the guy who wasn't being productive on Facebook." I did this because, while I'm not particularly interested in this person in any way, I try to leave on a good note with everyone I know even if I don't particularly enjoy them as friend material, and maybe it'll make her feel better about herself and whatnot. There's also a chance that she'll reflect on what she has done, but I'm not necessarily hoping for that much.

As I'm walking away from my computer desk, I see her up ahead and I say "hey, I'm outta here, don't forget your folder," and she gives me this "pfft, I don't need you" kind of look. I quietly laugh and smile at her as I walk out of the building.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I want to call "a classic case of bad game." When people try too hard to make things work with another person, ultimately things just don't work out in the end anyway, and they end up looking absolutely silly in the process.

Heed my advice, people of Smashboards: don't allow yourself to succumb to being a victim of employing "bad game." Keep your dignity and self imagery intact and, I assure you, you will be a much happier person in the absence of fruitless and embarrassing sexual pursuits.

BUT, if you have to give it a run anyway, AT LEAST do it with people you have no chance of seeing ever again. Now I'm likely going to have to deal with this woman whenever I go to the library.

If anyone can give me personal critique on how I should improve myself in illustrating and expressing my point of view (and perhaps provide examples), I would absolutely love that. Try to read this blog in a light hearted manner and not a condescending one, as it is apparent that falling into pitfalls under the cynical lens seems to not be hard at all. Try to elaborate on our subtle varying perceptions of how to handle others if, per chance, you feel they are there.

 

[deepseadiva]

You do come off a little cold. That Facebook joke was NOTHING to be offended at.

But she also sounds crazy LOL.

"Just kidding...not, I bet you're the complacent type that likes *****es that don't speak up."

How do you even say that to someone you just met!

Interesting interaction. I'm not sure this is all about "game" though. She's obviously super flirty here, but you said she works there. I'm thinking she bugs people often. You weren't even DOING anything, why were you so bothered by her initial approach? lollol

 

[BarDulL]

You do come off a little cold. That Facebook joke was NOTHING to be offended at.

But she also sounds crazy LOL.



How do you even say that to someone you just met!

Interesting interaction. I'm not sure this is all about "game" though. She's obviously super flirty here, but you said she works there. I'm thinking she bugs people often. You weren't even DOING anything, why were you so bothered by her initial approach? lollol

I actually wasn't offended per se; I acknowledged her seeming attempt at trying to be jokish, however it was...not the best execution, haha. Also, had she not come across to me earlier as having been an odd bird (considering that her phone wasn't on silent and she was talking to herself aloud and all from the start), I would have been more open to engaging her, or at least I would imagine.

That line is what makes me think she was trying to "game" me and not necessarily her just being a complete nut; sometimes we'll do silly things in order to game someone, and it isn't necessarily craziness per se. I myself have done irrational things while caught up in the wave of attraction, but that subsequently doesn't make it irrational because the behavior can be explained, do you know what I mean?

Or, perhaps she really just is an odd bird. There are two sides to every coin, of course. However, I felt during our interaction that she was trying too hard to capture my attention for the average person, and the only plausible explanation was that she was interested in me. The comment "just kidding...not, I bet you're the complacent type that likes *****es that don't speak up" seems to be revealing of her perception of the interaction, as though gender had something to do with it and not her as a person.

 

[Sizzle]

I think your reactions were perfectly fine haha. I could tell you were annoyed and it came across perfectly in your writing. I see you are pretty obviously trying to joke around in your last two paragraphs, why did everyone get all upset XD

 

[deepseadiva]

Was she hot? I'm guessing no, but you don't mention it.

Actually, more importantly, are YOU hot? Does this kind of thing happen to you often?

Is this you? If your some ridiculous stud, then, yea, this illuminates the whole situation as a big hilarious fumble on her part. But I think what's likely, is she's a bored extrovert at work who noticed a cute boy and it didn't go so well.

 

[ndayday]

I wonder if they make blogs about my bad game over at Smash Sistas forums.

 

[Jim Morrison]

It doesn't sound like she was trying to game you, at all.

 

[Falconv1.0]

Sounds less like an attempt at flirting and more like an inability to make anything resembling normal small talk.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LESBIANS.

 

[BarDulL]

@Sizzle - Thanks, that's reassuring. I thought I really screwed up because Jam was saying I was being a condescending jerk and Luigi was making seemingly cynical remarks. @_@

Was she hot? I'm guessing no, but you don't mention it.

Actually, more importantly, are YOU hot? Does this kind of thing happen to you often?

Is this you? If your some ridiculous stud, then, yea, this illuminates the whole situation as a big hilarious fumble on her part. But I think what's likely, is she's a bored extrovert at work who noticed a cute boy and it didn't go so well.

LOL, no, that's not me. That's Gramps from the youtube video "Overdrift", the greatest youtube video ever.

I've been told on occasion that I'm physically attractive/handsome, and this isn't the first time where a girl has been silly while trying to get my attention. @_@

@Jim, what do you feel is good "game" in this context then? Maybe our definitions differentiate.

It's kinda hard to draw the line between "game" and "flirt" through text, but I feel that it was "game" because she was trying to make herself out to be the big cheese as opposed to trying to relate to me and talk to me in the absence of what was apparent egotism (a facade meant to make someone seem greater than they really are.) I concede that I didn't draw this point very well though in the initial draft.




In general: I'm surprised at the levels of subjectivity in this thread o_O crazy shenanigans.

 

[BarDulL]

So, a minor update, and I know this is going to bite me in the *** by posting this here, but it's just too funny, haha:

I ended up leaving my wallet in the library at the computer desk I was sitting at before leaving, and I'm 99% certain the girl was responsible for putting it in the lost and found without touching anything inside of it.

Funny how the world works, eh? Good thing I left her that note, although I suppose I owe her one now for real.

 

[Brawlman1000]

She obviously wants the D.