Kinzer

Owls swallow their prey whole because they have no teeth. After approximately 12 hours they cough up the feathers, bones, and fur in a shape of a football pellet.

"...NATO and its allies and the United States."
- President George W. Bush Jr. (when he was governor), forgetting that the U.S. is in NATO

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President

Cats lose almost as much fluid in the saliva while grooming themselves as they do through urination.

Cat's urine glows under a black light.

There are approximately 7,000 feathers on an eagle.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Yes, maam? Right here, this lady. No, she! Yes, right, second row. Next to the guy in the blue shirt, holding her left hand up. It's a he? Sorry about that. Gotta be careful. I'm very sorry. Go ahead! I'm, excuse me, I'm very sorry. Go, ah, I, a thousand apologies, go ahead."
- George Bush Sr., Former U.S. President, at a press conference

"There is no housing shortage in Lincoln today - just a rumour that is put about by people who have nowhere to live."
- G.L. Murfin, Mayor of Lincoln

wow. lunch time already... I'll be back soon with more (dramatic music)

SPAM

"You mean they've scheduled Yom Kippur opposite Charlie's Angels?"
- Fred Silverman, TV programmer, when told that Yom Kippur would fall on a Wednesday.

Chuck Norris’s urine is more valuable the gold in many third world countries

Chuck Norris once was playin a friendly game of golf with the pope. When Chuck shanked a ball into the bunker he began cursing. The pope said, “I will pray for you my son.” Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him to the face stating that no one prays for Chuck Noris besides Chuck Norris, then he stole his wallet.

When Chuck goes shark fishing, he uses only his beard to catch, kill, gut and cook the shark.

"How can a guy this politically immature seriously expect to be president?"
- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., assessing John F. Kennedy's chances in the 1960 U.S. election

Chuck Norris is the current ****** toss champion with a record toss of 79 feet.

Chuck Norris once killed an african elephant with his mind.

Over 300 posts!

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.

A lock of chuck norris’s beard is currently sold on ebay for 12 million dollars.

A cat's normal pulse is 140-240 beats per minute, with an average of 195.

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer

Normal body temperature for a cat is 102 degrees F.

Cats take between 20-40 breaths per minute.

"Boxing’s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer

You Know You're Too Stressed If...


...relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.

...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.

...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

...the Sun is too loud.

...trees begin chasing you.

...you can see individual air molecules vibrating.

...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

...you wonder if brewingis really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee.

...you can hear mimes.

...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.

...things become "Very Clear."

...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

...you begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.

...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

...you keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!" even though you are the only one in the room.

...your heart beats in 7/8 time.

...David Lynch comes up to you and says: "Hey! Can I film you?"

...you and Reality file for divorce.

...you can skip without a rope.

...it appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

...you have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.

...you can travel without moving.

...antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

...you discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

...you begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night.

...teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and cookies.

...you have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.

...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

A kitten will typically weigh about 3 ounces at birth. The typical male housecat will weigh between 7 and 9 pounds, slightly less for female housecats.

"Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths."
- Frank Broyles, College football coach

"Can you imagine if his mouth was open?"
- Fabio's Manager, upon learning her client had been struck in the nose by a bird.

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

20 Things To Do In A Drive Through Lane:


1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.

2. Drive through backwards.

3. Belch your order.

4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.

5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.

6. Walk through.

7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.

8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.

9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.

10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please."

11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.

12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.

13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.

14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.

15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.

16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.

17. One word: Flatulence!

18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.

19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".

20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.

"Hey Diddy, you said anything goes, and I wasn't going to let a little hurricane prevent me from wearing my bathing suit!" said the "Desperate Housewives" star."
- Actress Eva Longoria at the MTV Video Music Awards

lol I fail at posting comics<br>

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
- Ernest Bevin, Former British foreign minister