Worst Week of My Life

[smashbot226]

Well, I found out exactly 27 hours, 07 minutes, and 43 seconds ago my father was in intensive care at USC Hospital.

Now, this turned out to be a horrible twist in my recently good week- got my permit, week of GoW2 release, but I when I found out;

I didn't do anything at first. I didn't feel anything. My father and I had an estranged relationship over my parent's nine year divorce, spending seven or eight of them hating him.

But as I saw him in a near-vegetative state, I realized that even through my insults, pre-conceived notions, and spiting...

He still cared for me. Every time I visited him, his face lit up. Now I may never see that face the same again.

During school today, I had let it reach me that he may not live to '09. I just broke down and kind of lost it in the middle of History. Stepped out, talked to, and visited my dad.

I've never been more emotionally broken in my life. Please, Smashboards, give me some advice on how I should deal with this: I'm almost literally COVERED in grief and tears right now...

 

[Deleted member]

.................

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

better hope you are not Republican

 

[M.K]

You have to realize that none of this was your fault. That is the most common symptom of people who feel grief.
I'm very sorry for these times. It is always darkest before the dawn, so keep your head held high.

 

[ZeroFox]

I'm sorry this had to happen to you and your father =/

I really don't know what to say, I don't think anything anyone could say could really comfort you 100%.

But as someone else said before, it's not your fault, and don't think that it is.

I wish him the best.

 

[thesage]

Well IDK what to say to you since I too have an estranged relationship with my father but could careless if he died. >_>;

My grandfather was in the hospital for a long time after he had a stroke after he had surgery. I know how much it sucks going to the hospital but you have to for your loved ones.

What put him in ICU? Stroke?

 

[GoldShadow]

Your father was your age once and he probably knows how people your age behave and think. Even if you didn't always reciprocate his feelings toward you, I'm sure he still cared about you and knew that somewhere, you did have (or would find) a spot for him in your heart.

My best wishes to you getting through this, and to your father doing the same.

 

[Neon Ness]

You're at the most difficult stage right now... Even though people will tell you to keep hoping and praying that everything will be OK, it's tough because you've probably got a million thoughts and worries racing through your mind...

Yes, you should definitely realize that it's not your fault that this happened. The important thing to do now is to be with your loved ones. Your grief wil only grow deeper if you isolate yourself, even though right now you may want to stay away from others. If you need to talk to someone, God is always there... If you don't believe in Him, then you can also talk to your family as I mentioned before. I'm sorry I can't provide much help, but... Regardless of your religious affiliation, I'll pray for you and your family.

PsychoIncarnate, that was completely inappropriate. If you've nothing helpful to say, get out.

 

[smashbot226]

better hope you are not Republican

Don't worry- my family may be, but I'm not.

You have to realize that none of this was your fault. That is the most common symptom of people who feel grief.
I'm very sorry for these times. It is always darkest before the dawn, so keep your head held high.

I'm trying to get to this point, but it's still hard, especially when you DO feel guilty from really a LOT of the hurt you cause him- my case in particular.

Well IDK what to say to you since I too have an estranged relationship with my father but could careless if he died. >_>;

My grandfather was in the hospital for a long time after he had a stroke after he had surgery. I know how much it sucks going to the hospital but you have to for your loved ones.

What put him in ICU? Stroke?

He had liver failure- it affected his kidneys, and it affected his lungs.

He drank- not like an alcoholic, but more than the usual amount.

So, he basically has fluids filling up his lungs and he' can't do ANYTHING- he's unconscious, all he can do is hear.

Me and my sister talked with him in private and said our goodbyes. We hope for the best, but...

Thanks for all your support- I can really use it.

 

[thesage]

Well if he gets a liver transplant it might help *not a medical expert*

I don't really know what to say to you. I've had family members pass away but never any "loved ones."

Just know that if anything does happen that it isn't your fault.

 

[CompassTosser]

At least you get to see your dad =( My grandfather died a month ago from falling off a ladder and had to go immediately to the hospital, then he got moved to the best hospital in the city for extensive care. The whole thing happened randomly. My mom told us all when we went out for dinner one night, I couldn't eat because of it. It was the worst time to even be told that. Anyways, a few days later when i was about to fall asleep, we got a phone call and guess what they said? My grandfather is dead, just like that. The whole thing happened over in B.C. and I'm halfway across the country in Ontario.

What i'm saying is that theres people who have it worse than you. I hope your dad gets better.

 

[.Marik]

Regret sure hurts, eh?

Well, for starters, it's not your fault. Not at all.

What you can do, however, is pray, and hope for him.

And if he gets better, then tell him you love him.

I'm sure that will make him happy, more happy that words can express.

And if he dies, he will die a happy, and loved man.

 

[Kinzer]

Be grateful that you can even look at your father.

You know what the deal is with me? Well, my father abandoned me when I was four years old, and he only calls me every Christmas, but whenever he says he will do something, it just ends up a lie. Now more recently, he has the nerve to tell me that somewhere down in Mexico I have a half-sister.

I'm sure that your father understands your reasons, whatever they are. At least he bothers to try and bond with you, I can't picture my father's face if my life depended on it.

I would've said something more sympathetic, but the other forum members had already mentioned it. You have your reasons to act the way you did, but that didn't and won't ever change your father's love for you. If he comes out of this alright, then that will give him something to look forward to.

I really do hope he comes out fine, I want you to have a chance that I will almost never get with my father. Please hope for the best, everyone will understand that at least looking forward to a brighter future is the most you can do with your power.

 

[The Boss of God]

This is my advice:
You need to go out jogging every day. This will enable your body's lymph system to flush itself. After the jog, you should end up feeling much better, and the next time you visit your father, you won't feel as guilty. Try it out. I'm pretty confident that this will help your emotional state of mind.

 

[smashbot226]

I just found out that my Dad is being given some medication that may enable him to properly converse.

However, it won't improve his condition. Also, to worsen my idea of his state, they just got three or four LITRES of fluid out of his lungs-

There's alcohol in his body, and he isn't a good transplant patient because his liver AND his kidneys are too f*cked up, and I still have no idea how likely he'll live.

If he's able to speak soon, I'm gonna go visit him- if it doesn't get any better, I'll visit him one last time and tell him everything I want.

Again, thank you all for being supportive in this time- I've taken your advices to heart and will sincerely use it.

 

[Tom]

I'm very sorry for you and your loss, smashbot. If you need anything from me, or you need someone to talk to, you can hit up my AIM @ Symptom129.

 

[ranmaru]

I wish your father well, Smashbot.

 

[LadyKirbess]

smashbot, idk what to say to make you feel better. the only thing that i can do is pray for you and your family. in situations like this, the only thing you can do is have faith. if you have enough faith to tell someone "i'll see you tomorrow" you definitely have a enough faith to believe that your dad can get through this.

if there's anything else you need prayer for, let me know
take care and God bless

 

[Neon Ness]

Wow... A lot of SWF members here have had some troublesome relationships with their fathers... I should appreciate my own father more...

Oh, and Smashbot, try not worry about how he'll get better. Just know that he will.

 

[smashbot226]

Well...

I just found out that my dad has an infection. Me, my sister, and mother are going to see him tomorrow.

My sister is 13- she shouldn't have to say goodbye to him so soon.

His older sister- who he hasn't even talked to in 25 years- will be there, as well as the spirits of his mother and father.

I'm going to give him one last message- a message he'll never be able to respond to.

"Dad... I love you. It's okay- let go. You can go, we'll be okay. I'll make your proud."

 

[hippochinfat!!]

Wow, to be honest, I was crying a bit from this. Really sad, best of luck to you Smashbot.

 

[Neon Ness]

It can't be over yet... There has to be some hope left...!

This would be a good time... for a miracle...

 

[Nintendood]

This is going to be a huge trial for you. I honesly can't imagine what you are going through, but I know that everythign happens for a reason.

He is a lucky man to have someone he cares for so much by his side when he is the one that needs help. Be there for him. Let him know that you love him.

 

[smashbot226]

It can't be over yet... There has to be some hope left...!

This would be a good time... for a miracle...

He's dead. I said goodbye to him, but I didn't get there in time to SAY goodbye.

He died earlier this morning. God, why is life this cruel...

I cried all last night- didn't get an ounce of sleep. And the funeral is Saturday or Sunday...

 

[OmegaXXII]

Wow, life sure is unforgiving, may your father Rest In Peace, I hope the best for you and your family so probably so much grief.

 

[Kinzer]

I'm really sorry to hear that man.

Stay strong if you can, I know it might be hard but if anybody out there who cares about you sees you like that, then they might get worried/more sad...although somebody else out there might say something like you have to let your grief out...

...I'll let them back me up there, but...Again I wish you the best...

 

[notftomearth7]

You know, as long as your last words to him weren't negative, you should feel alright about it, and know that you tried to make amends.



Edit: **** he died! Sorry about that. But, think that he is not in pain, but in a better place.

 

[~rh]

He's dead. I said goodbye to him, but I didn't get there in time to SAY goodbye.

He died earlier this morning. God, why is life this cruel...

I cried all last night- didn't get an ounce of sleep. And the funeral is Saturday or Sunday...

My heart dropped after reading this post.

Wow, man... I wish you and your family the best.

 

[Neon Ness]

He's dead. I said goodbye to him, but I didn't get there in time to SAY goodbye.

He died earlier this morning. God, why is life this cruel...

I cried all last night- didn't get an ounce of sleep. And the funeral is Saturday or Sunday...

...

I'm... sorry about that, Smashbot... sometimes there really is nothing we can do. I really believed he'd make it somehow... But like notftomearth said, he's not suffering anymore...

I wish you and your family all the best.

 

[GoldShadow]

My condolences to you and your family.

 

[smashbot226]

*Sigh...*

We already made plans for a funeral on Sunday, and we had a little gathering;
My friends all came over and supported me, as did my sister's...

And I saw my dad's two sisters- my aunts- for God knows how long. Except they both are rather acidic. Hell, I even suspect one of being there out of OBLIGATION.

And IDK if this is bad, but one of my mom's best friends made a collage of me, my sister, and my dad on a board- every time I look at it, I cry my ducts out. I almost wish I could rip it apart...

I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight. So, if anybody wants to email me or message me:

manbearpig226

manbearpig226@aol.com

I really just... don't even want to be outside right now.