When is a person truly happy?

[Yink]

Link to original post: [drupal=4992]When is a person truly happy?[/drupal]



Lately I've been wondering about the way I run my life. Among all the things I do, I feel like it's really difficult for myself to be happy with what I'm accomplishing. That's not to say that I haven't ever been happy but rather, I'm finding as I get older I sort of go in and out of what makes me happy. So really, I sort of wonder if there's really a true way to put what I'm trying to get across. Is happiness just something defined differently for every single person on the planet, or do we really have specific life events or objects that truly make us happy?

I find it hard to make this blog because I'm sure I'll get a lot of criticism about things such as "you should know what makes you happy by now" or "well duh of course it's different from person to person", but I really am in a stage in my life where I see many people (including myself) who do something to make themselves happy and it just never seems like it was what they wanted.

I'll give my example. I have recently become an art teaching student teacher, and in a year I'll be licensed to teach at the middle/high school level. A few weeks ago, my 8th grade classroom teacher said my work was so interesting that she entered it into an art show. I actually had the pleasure of my art being sold that night. I was very happy, but then realized that the piece I submitted wasn't my best and felt as though that buyer wasn't getting nearly what he could've. I don't understand how quickly I went from being happy to overly harsh on myself. Even my professor from the university said it was a wonderful piece, and honestly it was one of my favorites until that moment.

I don't really know what to make of it. It's not just me being critical of my art because I do this in other occasions too. Does anyone else sort of know what I mean? I feel like I'm stopping myself internally from being completely happy, and I don't know what it means or what to do about it. Is this how every person goes about it?

Sorry for the long blog, and if it's really messy.

 

[FoxBlaze71]

There is no such thing as perpetual, surreal happiness. Humans grow bored of the things within the limits of our physical existence.

 

[Yink]

I wouldn't say I'm bored of things as you mentioned, I think what I was trying to say I want happiness out of the same type of thing as usual (for me), but the bar is raised for it every single time.

In a sense that's the same type of happiness every single time, I just make it tougher on myself to achieve. That's probably just because I constantly think I can be better/do better/whatever.

 

[Vermanubis]

To me, happiness is created by chaos; not in the traditional sense of word, rather, always having new challenges and new ways to meet your goals. I asked myself this question a lot many years ago, and after years of thought and experience, it's become pretty concrete to me: happiness is created by creating an uncompromising goal to live up to. Not only does living up to one's standards and goals validate them existentially, i.e. make them feel like they're inherently worth something, but it gives you something to keep the forward momentum going.

When people become bored, they become unhappy. I truly mean it when I say that having goals and dreams keeps a person alive rather than half-dead. Try new things, think of new goals to meet, think of new ways to approach your art. I know that my highest points of unhappiness were when I felt discontent with my music, as that's pretty much what I predicate my goals and aspirations on. Whenever that'd happen, I'd think of new ways to approach music; new ways to express myself.

You should think of new things to challenge yourself with, Chloe. You should also ask yourself, unequivocally, what you want out of yourself and in what ways you can achieve those things. Whatever's important to you, think of new ways to approach those things and get excited about pursuing new things.

And take it from me, once again: I don't think any artist is ever truly satisfied with their work. However, the absolute best way to overcome those artistic obstacles is to consider new ways to explore art. I just recently started studying Bossa Nova and Samba to add to my musical repertoire. Try looking into new mediums or thinking about what you truly want to express with your art and, piece-by-piece, analyze what you can add to it to achieve such an expression.

"Suffering for one's art" isn't an immortal adage for nothing.

 

[ndayday]

I'm not any kind of artist but I think I get what you're saying Yink.
Like, even with stupid little stuff I've done (you know the silly kind of DR comics, or sprites, something like that) I can never really seem satisfied because I know it could be better or usually, that it just looks bad because I don't know how to make things look how I would want them to come out.

You could probably look at it like you're setting that bar too high or as you're just challenging yourself so you can do better, just not consciously.

And I know that it happens with a lot of people, because like Vermanubis said, I've never seen any artist content with their work. They're all too modest. But not like it's a bad thing, lol.

 

[Stonesinger]

The way I've started to see it is that ultimately feeling is less important in the moment than it is at the end of the day (metaphorically). When I do something that I know is right (for me it's writing and practicing Smash), something that I've identified as an interest/talent/love, it's not always fun right then and there. Many of the hours I spend cranking away at my novel (sheesh why does it take so long to write those things?) or grinding out my chaingrabs (I suck at low percents, which is where it matters UGH) aren't necessarily fun. But when I look at myself in the mirror and think, well, did I do what I wanted to do? I know my interests: did I attempt to work and improve? The days where I can say yes to myself are the days I'd say I'm happy. Maybe not "This is the best sentence I've ever written!" or "Good lord I spaced the sword perfectly!" happy, but I'm not sad, and that's good enough for me. It's one of the things I've started to really synthesize in my life--not getting really down when the best doesn't happen. I don't think you should stop striving for happiness, something recognizably good, but when instead of awesome you get alright, I think that's, well, alright. It's better than awful, anyway.

The hardest part for me at the moment is recognizing that everything is a balancing act--happiness, the recognizably awesome stuff, would be meaningless if it happened every day. I was really psyched when I finally incorporated wavedashing into my Marth game but I'm not super happy about it every time I wavedash. Obviously, the memory of that mastery is good, but I'll never again feel that big burst of happiness that I did when I stomped a friend of mine at Smash because I could wavedash back -> tipper and he couldn't handle it (LOL n00b!!!!). But I know that eventually (maybe even tomorrow) I'll do/learn/think something new and it'll make me happy. That knowledge is certainly enough for me to get through the nasty/less than alright stuff. I agree with Vermanubis that novelty is key to happiness, but I would say the trick to life is finding things that repeatedly make you happy. Maybe they don't make you happy every day, but even a few times a month is pretty good. Writing makes me happy about once a week, I'd say, sometimes more if I'm really inspired. Most of the time it's eh. I write, it's good, whatever. But that once a week is so worth it.

Anyway, long rambling post aside, I don't think you should worry about it so much. I mean, it's a good thing to ponder, but the most dangerous part about happiness is that it's really easy to psych yourself out of it, as you (Yink) found out--happiness requires constant input and effort to sustain, whereas unhappiness is remarkably self-reinforcing. As soon as you start to feel bad, you worry about feeling bad and you wonder why you aren't happy and you wind yourself up and up and it's just awful. At least, it's that way for me. My final point is that by realizing that you won't always be happy, and by understanding that you'll feel happy again soon, satisfaction (the feeling alright thing) comes much more easily. Plus, doing stuff you know you love will contribute to that satisfaction. If, at the end of the day, you know you did a reasonable amount of things you think are important, you'll feel pretty good about yourself.

Life is rough. At least there's Smash.

 

[guapo]

happiness there is no such thing because as soon as u think ur happy something bad happens its life

 

[Shorts]

Honestly, i think there are various types of happiness. I think there are a variety of things that can make you happy, all lasting various amounts of time, and some even has "consiquences" or have the ability to absolutely drain all your happiness.

For example, you eating a really good meal, finding an awesome person to date, and getting a really great job, all have different types, and amounts of happiness they can bring.

A good meal, could make a person who is doing... okay, happy for a while. Maybe an hour, maybe the rest of the night? And it usually doesn't have reprecussions for eating it, unless it doesn't agree with you or something like that, lol.

Finding a person you like, and someone who likes you back can make you very happy, for a long time. Buuuuut, there is serious repercussions, like, major fights, hurting each other, stress, or even breaking up.

And then lastly, a good job can make you, a different kind of happy then eating yummy food or finding a boytoy, it can make you feel content with life, but of course, like a relationship, can add stress.

So, I dunno, pick your poison. I don't think there is a single thing that can perpatuate happiness permanently. Being sad/mad/confused/depressed/okay is just part of the human exerience. And if any of these things can sinle handedly make you happy, I would say that would be finding the love of your life, but that isn't always daisies and cupcakes, if you catch my drift.

Basically, happiness is never permanent, and it has it's price. The leap from being "content" to "happy" is one I ALWAYS think twice of doing. And look at me down. Just broke up with the boypren. Repercussions suck.

 

[Teran]

Pre pubescence.

 

[Supreme Dirt]

Happiness isn't constant. You can't feel happy unless there's periods of sadness to judge that happiness against.

Happiness comes from different things from different people. I'm sad and lonely when I'm on my own, but I tend to be in a significantly better mood when I'm around friends. I can be in the ****tiest mood in the world, but around friends I'll be happy; I simply can't help but be. I feel happy when I've done something I like, when I've taken a thought in my head and manifested it irl.

Happiness changes for all people. Sure, you might've thought oh, that piece might not have been my best. So what are you going to do about that? Make an even better piece, perhaps. No matter how great a piece you make, you can always do better, that's the nature of art, no matter what art it is. I'm an aspiring chef and I very much consider my work art, no matter even if it's the simplest thing of a bowl of fries, and I can very much sympathize with the "well that wasn't good enough" feeling. So I improve every time. Maybe I'll perfect something as simple as a bowl of fries, maybe I'll make something even better. You can't let something like that get to you too much. Go out there and keep striving for better and better if that's what makes you happy.

That sudden change to sadness, don't take it as a bad thing. Think of it as realizing there's no end in sight to the potential of your art.

 

[Diddy Kong]

Giving and receiving love, in all mathers.

 

[Sucumbio]

Link to original post: [drupal=4992]I went from being happy to overly harsh on myself. Even my professor from the university said it was a wonderful piece, and honestly it was one of my favorites until that moment.

The key here is the transcendence of your piece from "yours" to "theirs." I think deep down the knowledge of "omg, they just BOUGHT this thing" is playing with your head. That's what it sounds like, anyway.

In general I'd say that you're correct in that happiness if very personal, but I also think it's variable. People derive pleasure from all sorts of things, but the pleasure from making all the green lights on the way to work vs. riding a roller coaster for the first time vs. sitting down to a quiet meal with a loved one vs. your 15th birthday party, on and on and on. They're all different in measure and scope and so forth. To be "truly" happy is to be happy in the moment. Even if the moment fades, for some reason, it doesn't mean that person's happiness was any less genuine -at the time-. I do agree that sometimes people, as they get older, try to recreate specific moments of happiness from times past, and it often falls short of expectations and memory. This is natural, though.

As you get older the things that bring happiness to your life will no doubt change over time (and some things will stay the same). But will it ever feel the same? Probably not. It may be darn close, but remember the person you were 10 years ago experienced the world differently than the person you are now, so naturally your perception of happiness from 10 years ago will be different than your perception today. It's like ... I dunno, beating Zelda when I was kid. I was like OMG!!!!! YAH!!!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!! and jumping up and down and ****. But if I beat it today I'd still feel satisfaction, but I'd also just be sitting there, lol I wouldn't be ECSTATIC or whatever. But on the other hand, landing a promotion recently made me VERY happy, I did somewhat cheer for myself, did a happy dance like Kirby and whatnot. Anyway, hope this helps!

 

[Holder of the Heel]

The mortal enemy of happiness is reflection.

 

[GwJ]

When one no longer desires anything more.

 

[Vermanubis]

The mortal enemy of happiness is reflection.

I've been an intensely introspective person since I was 18 years old, and it was actually through reflection that I found my happiness. And yes, I am an unabashedly content, self-validated and happy individual.

Reflection is only negative if you refuse to accept any given principles upon which to place value.

Anyway, I stand by what I said before. Happiness is wrought through an existential validation; to feel worth something. Whatever a person values most and predicates their values on sets the bar. To use the example I used in my first post, an artist bases their worth off of their ability to express themselves through their art. If someone does this, they cross the threshold into that existential validation, having achieved an ineffable purpose.

If someone doesn't hold value in anything, then they're condemned to perpetual drifting and dependence upon things external to them for brief moments of happiness. The distinction should be made between the happiness a person finds where they feel they could die and have no regrets, or be in horribly suboptimal conditions, and still be "happy," and happiness that's wrought by and whose duration last only as long as, an external event.

I also think it has a lot to do with confronting one's shortcomings. I think Holder's perspective comes from one of someone discovering their weaknesses and not knowing how to deal with them or overcome them. Self-control, I think, is another pivotal facet of happiness. Feeling one's in control of their actions imparts a very poignant quietude. Feeling like you're helpless to a disposition that conflicts with your most intimate values is one of the most disturbing states a person can be in.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

You misunderstand. It isn't that those who look inwardly are destined to be sadder in nature, in fact, that'd mean I myself would be quite the miserable creature! What is meant by reflection is the principle that living outside of the moment causes existential suffering. It creates many problems, as Buddhists would believe. Thinking of the past and the future creates the illusion of a self. Wanting to even be conscious of your happiness while you are happy can ruin your joy, just by becoming detached from it by incorporating a self, even though in doing so you are trying to do the opposite. This is where the concept of expectations and standards comes in as a huge factor in ruining one's state of being and creates the idea of a self. Your conception of happiness can grant joy, but it is as I've mentioned to you before elsewhere, it depends on other things, and therefore is not actually the way to happiness, for it can lead to the opposite easily.

In this existence, we are met with impressions. Impressions as we can probably define ourselves and have been before, are simply everything that comes upon us in life and seems to grant us individuality, or rather individualize us; all of the things that we sense and add to our memory. As we grow older we have more impressions, take them in different ways because of our very being, and the amount and quality also determines an impressions impact, for us seeing one hundred trees would seem to get more boring as time goes on, whereas the first tree we ever see would be remarkable or at least unfounded previously and thereby important. Also, seeing a gargantuan tree would seem to be quite marvelous as opposed to a normal tree, and stick with our memory better, for the more powerful an impression is, the more likely and better it goes into our long term memory. Impressions also work like crunching more and more numbers, all different sizes, and using different signs (like the plus sign, multiplication sign, division, subtraction, etc.), and is ever evolving. Picture, if you will, a bunch of newborn people on a new planet all as different numbers varied only slightly because of their biological differences, and the grass, trees, rocks, rivers, and so on simply as numbers that immediately inflict themselves upon the senses of the numbers that are the people, and alter them, and alter differently depending on the number it afflicts. Thus, impressions are what is sensed, of course. And it explains why old people are typically depicted as quite tranquil, wise, and not so hard to surprise or excite, for their impressions are far greater than the easily stimulated young-- but back to impressions. Impressions then definitely lead to opinions, for we garner opinions based upon how it affects us personally, and less it does, the less of an opinion we have, and something that has not impressed us, does not have an opinion within us.

Opinions are subjective of course, and it is impressions that make it so, so it would follow that it is in "human nature" it seems to be imperfect, for the objective as we have noted is perfect and is the ideal truth, and we can only understand it as well as our restricting senses and subjective can allow us. But what do opinions of course lead to? Worth, for our opinions are in a sense the measurement of how much a thing is worth to us, be it possessing worth, how much of it, the lack thereof, or the unworthiness of something and its properties. Of course, things that we think smells good is likened by us, and has more worth to us than something that smells bad. And how we get smells is to an extent determined by our biological make-up, but in another sense, by our mere preferences, for we all smell subjective truth of the actual smell, but subjectivity, especially in such a small dose and particular, can bare similarity to another. This is obviously so, for those who describe a smell can also hear an agreement from another, despite being two distinct beings. Stepping to the next level is that of emotion, which is precisely what comes in after expectations: for we react when our individual world (our conception of existence that is subjective in our mind, for we build things and envision things that we think is real in our head but will more than likely play out differently in reality) and the original world (that which is ontological) meet and exchange results. What we are impressed with builds our individual world, for if we sensed nothing, we would have no conception, or at least anything with hope of having an inkling of truth in it, to make an individual world that actively in a sense thinks it is the real world, for it was derived from the real world. This also seems to go along with the fact that things in our mind seem so much more powerful than what is in the original world, and makes us generally have either a superior or inferior outlook upon outcomes in the original world, the more it is contingent on emotion, which seems to imply untruth, because it is resulting from impressions, and is imperfect by necessity.

The point I am trying to get across is this: the collision of our individual worlds and the original world creates emotions, and thus articulating expectations and standards externally from us creates things positive and negative. It is this individual world we create in our brains confuses us by attributing a self to it, and therefore reflecting upon it is the source of unhappiness. As a result, living in the moment and not attributing anything as our source of happiness will actually create unhappiness, like a yin and yang thing, which I believe was mentioned earlier, and not without sufficient reason! We gain impressions from what we sense, create individual worlds within our minds, confuse it as a self, create opinions and expectations from it as we apply it to what we can call the "original world" and discover things that please our senses or the opposite, and therefore when there are discrepancies when we apply these subjective (and imperfect) ideas to the original world, the disconnection causes existential suffering.

You'll be in a constant battle of impermanence, and this is what the thread creator is having difficulty with. Unfortunately, everything that has been said thus far here has only been telling him things he probably already thinks, I doubt he never considered trying to reach for higher and higher goals will give him a drunken sense of purpose, his validity being a temporary distraction from mundane life like people who go out looking for drugs to lose their sense of reality. Accepting that mundane life is the key. Not that striving for higher goals is a bad thing, or should be discouraged, but it should never be confused with the way to happiness, with such advice you can potentially destroy someone. Having a Goku-mentality and trying to always get stronger and better is great, do that, but never let that high be the foundation, for if that pops, it has nothing to land on.

 

[Vermanubis]

You misunderstand. It isn't that those who look inwardly are destined to be sadder in nature, in fact, that'd mean I myself would be quite the miserable creature! What is meant by reflection is the principle that living outside of the moment causes existential suffering. It creates many problems, as Buddhists would believe. Thinking of the past and the future creates the illusion of a self. Wanting to even be conscious of your happiness while you are happy can ruin your joy, just by becoming detached from it by incorporating a self, even though in doing so you are trying to do the opposite. This is where the concept of expectations and standards comes in as a huge factor in ruining one's state of being and creates the idea of a self. Your conception of happiness can grant joy, but it is as I've mentioned to you before elsewhere, it depends on other things, and therefore is not actually the way to happiness, for it can lead to the opposite easily.

In this existence, we are met with impressions. Impressions as we can probably define ourselves and have been before, are simply everything that comes upon us in life and seems to grant us individuality, or rather individualize us; all of the things that we sense and add to our memory. As we grow older we have more impressions, take them in different ways because of our very being, and the amount and quality also determines an impressions impact, for us seeing one hundred trees would seem to get more boring as time goes on, whereas the first tree we ever see would be remarkable or at least unfounded previously and thereby important. Also, seeing a gargantuan tree would seem to be quite marvelous as opposed to a normal tree, and stick with our memory better, for the more powerful an impression is, the more likely and better it goes into our long term memory. Impressions also work like crunching more and more numbers, all different sizes, and using different signs (like the plus sign, multiplication sign, division, subtraction, etc.), and is ever evolving. Picture, if you will, a bunch of newborn people on a new planet all as different numbers varied only slightly because of their biological differences, and the grass, trees, rocks, rivers, and so on simply as numbers that immediately inflict themselves upon the senses of the numbers that are the people, and alter them, and alter differently depending on the number it afflicts. Thus, impressions are what is sensed, of course. And it explains why old people are typically depicted as quite tranquil, wise, and not so hard to surprise or excite, for their impressions are far greater than the easily stimulated young-- but back to impressions. Impressions then definitely lead to opinions, for we garner opinions based upon how it affects us personally, and less it does, the less of an opinion we have, and something that has not impressed us, does not have an opinion within us.

Opinions are subjective of course, and it is impressions that make it so, so it would follow that it is in "human nature" it seems to be imperfect, for the objective as we have noted is perfect and is the ideal truth, and we can only understand it as well as our restricting senses and subjective can allow us. But what do opinions of course lead to? Worth, for our opinions are in a sense the measurement of how much a thing is worth to us, be it possessing worth, how much of it, the lack thereof, or the unworthiness of something and its properties. Of course, things that we think smells good is likened by us, and has more worth to us than something that smells bad. And how we get smells is to an extent determined by our biological make-up, but in another sense, by our mere preferences, for we all smell subjective truth of the actual smell, but subjectivity, especially in such a small dose and particular, can bare similarity to another. This is obviously so, for those who describe a smell can also hear an agreement from another, despite being two distinct beings. Stepping to the next level is that of emotion, which is precisely what comes in after expectations: for we react when our individual world (our conception of existence that is subjective in our mind, for we build things and envision things that we think is real in our head but will more than likely play out differently in reality) and the original world (that which is ontological) meet and exchange results. What we are impressed with builds our individual world, for if we sensed nothing, we would have no conception, or at least anything with hope of having an inkling of truth in it, to make an individual world that actively in a sense thinks it is the real world, for it was derived from the real world. This also seems to go along with the fact that things in our mind seem so much more powerful than what is in the original world, and makes us generally have either a superior or inferior outlook upon outcomes in the original world, the more it is contingent on emotion, which seems to imply untruth, because it is resulting from impressions, and is imperfect by necessity.

The point I am trying to get across is this: the collision of our individual worlds and the original world creates emotions, and thus articulating expectations and standards externally from us creates things positive and negative. It is this individual world we create in our brains confuses us by attributing a self to it, and therefore reflecting upon it is the source of unhappiness. As a result, living in the moment and not attributing anything as our source of happiness will actually create unhappiness, like a yin and yang thing, which I believe was mentioned earlier, and not without sufficient reason! We gain impressions from what we sense, create individual worlds within our minds, confuse it as a self, create opinions and expectations from it as we apply it to what we can call the "original world" and discover things that please our senses or the opposite, and therefore when there are discrepancies when we apply these subjective (and imperfect) ideas to the original world, the disconnection causes existential suffering.

You'll be in a constant battle of impermanence, and this is what the thread creator is having difficulty with. Unfortunately, everything that has been said thus far here has only been telling him things he probably already thinks, I doubt he never considered trying to reach for higher and higher goals will give him a drunken sense of purpose, his validity being a temporary distraction from mundane life like people who go out looking for drugs to lose their sense of reality. Accepting that mundane life is the key. Not that striving for higher goals is a bad thing, or should be discouraged, but it should never be confused with the way to happiness, with such advice you can potentially destroy someone. Having a Goku-mentality and trying to always get stronger and better is great, do that, but never let that high be the foundation, for if that pops, it has nothing to land on.

I actually spoke privately with the topic creator, and she agreed with the points I made. Sorry for the terse post, but it seems like you were arguing from her perspective, which can be nullified by knowing the actual stance.

 

[SuperBowser]

I can relate to feeling your work is inadequate when somebody tells you that it's good. I've won a couple of prizes in the last few years. Each time it happened I didn't feel happy. I just thought, "I didn't deserve that; other people worked way harder for it. I was just lucky.". I'm not sure the solution to this feeling, but I've always expected more from myself than is probably reasonable. Regardless, I think the happiness we derive from single feats of work have relatively little impact on how happy we truly are - it's all a little hollow, you know?

Maybe this a roundabout answer, but I was reading a relevant article a couple weeks ago about the top regrets terminally ill patients have. Everybody's different but I thought this article summarised what makes most people happy.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I sometimes look at people who do dead-end jobs like working in a fast food shop in their 40s but look genuinely happy. I wonder if it really matters what we earn, what we look like, what we are, what we do. In the end, our relationships with the people around us matter most and how we think we fit into those relationships. Perhaps it's just human nature to want more though.

EDIT: Changed the link to the original source.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

If you had read my post, you'd know that I said it is obvious that the creator will have the same feelings as you, the purpose of my delineation was to describe how that is a pseudo-answer. Soo... nothing was nullified. ^_^ It only shows that I correctly predicted the situation. *lifts head up high* In fact, me trying to speak from her perspective was not my point, I just preached my teachings, one may take it or leave it, that is fine, that is just how I view it myself from my experience.

 

[Vermanubis]

If you had read my post, you'd know that I said it is obvious that the creator will have the same feelings as you, the purpose of my delineation was to describe how that is a pseudo-answer. Soo... nothing was nullified. ^_^ It only shows that I correctly predicted the situation. *lifts head up high* In fact, me trying to speak from her perspective was not my point, I just preached my teachings, one may take it or leave it, that is fine, that is just how I view it myself from my experience.

Oh, alright.