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Triforce Of Wisdom: Ask Zelda Anything

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Rabbattack

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Do you love Link?
What is your cup size?
Do you have romantic feelings for anyone?
What did Ganondorf do to you while you were kidnapped and imprisoned?
 

Grey Belnades

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:4zelda:: Well I don't know Superman, what use does modern society have for someone who's super power is "becoming weaker than a deku scrub when exposed to common green ore?" :pow::pow::pow:

As for my absence in the 3DS SSB4 decal, there is a simple explanation. Let's go over this together, shall we?

What do people primarily look at while using the 3DS? The screen(s).

Where is the SSB4 image located? On the reverse side of where the screen is located.

As if I would waste my time posing with those people just to be in a picture nobody would even see most of the time. I have much better princess-related things to do. Such as organizing my royal glove collection, prank telepathing Ganondorf, or sentencing offenders to death.
But Zelda, did you forget about Superman's other power? The one that nulifies Kryptonite?

But Zelda, I don't recal the reverse side of the cover being used to advertise the game or it being use on Wal Mart glass cases.
 

plasterbrain

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:4zelda:: Well, according to your profile you are the incorrect type of person that Marth would fall in love with. For starters, you are not a confusingly androgynous male. You are also not a mirror, nor are you a picture of Marth or Marth himself. So he could never love you, let alone look at you... Unless you can somehow meet most of the criteria that I have mentioned already.

I suggest that you try to go out with Ganondorf. He is as lonely as he is unfortunate looking. I also hear any gender Robin isn't picky at all. Always set the bar low, so this way you can always find something or someone better when you get bored of what you already have.
Thanks, Zelda, you always know what to say.
Follow up to that, do you have Ganondorf's number?
 

Lil Puddin

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Do you love Link?
What is your cup size?
Do you have romantic feelings for anyone?
What did Ganondorf do to you while you were kidnapped and imprisoned?
:4zelda:: Link is a mute country bumpkin with anger issues and a fetish for weird hats. Although he may seem like quite the catch, he is far from my type. I know. Shocking.

Cup sizes? Hmm... Ideally enjoy cold beverages in cups that range from 8 ounces to 16 ounces. For tea, I use my 6.5 ounce Hyrulian Hardglass Hemipluucups. They are cups made in an entirely new style that are exclusive.

I have romantic feelings for Metal Bowser. I can see myself from every angle.

What did G-dork "do" to me? Well, he attempted to kill me multiple times via boredom. Did you know that he likes to poorly write stories and read them to people? Well you do now. You are fortunate to not know the specifics of his awful stories.

But Zelda, did you forget about Superman's other power? The one that nulifies Kryptonite?

But Zelda, I don't recal the reverse side of the cover being used to advertise the game or it being use on Wal Mart glass cases.
:4zelda:: He must have forgotten that he had that power. He doesn't seem to use it at all.

As for the image... It appears in Walmart. I am sure you know why I would not like to be in that image.

Thanks, Zelda, you always know what to say.
Follow up to that, do you have Ganondorf's number?
:4zelda:: He changes it a lot. However, I think you can just call 1800-Rent-Friends or 169-Bulbous-Beauties to see what his current number is. Apparently, he is the most frequent customer for both of those services/hotlines.

You seem to have a thing for Ike. Do you not like Link?
:4zelda:: See my previous response in regards to what I think about Link. But I so like Link. He does everything I say. Too bad about the lack of a personality and muscles, though.

As for Ike, no, I don't have a thing for him. He has such a one track mind, always putting his friends first before anybody else. How gross. Also, he is very condescending and assumes that nobody else is prepared for anything. Once I invited him to my monthly Ballin' Ball and he said "are you prepared for this party?" Like, what, were the hand crafted one-time use glasswares, 7 course meals, flawless decor, golden utensils, and funky fresh beats not enough? Wow Ike. Wow.
 
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Grey Belnades

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:4zelda:: He must have forgotten that he had that power. He doesn't seem to use it at all.

As for the image... It appears in Walmart. I am sure you know why I would not like to be in that image..
That's cause he's humble.

Fair enough.
 

Lil Puddin

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FirestormNeos

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So Zelda, care to clarify what your relation with Link is? What are you two? BF/GF? Married? **** Buddies?

Nintendo ain't given me a straight answer.
 

Warlock*G

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Where do we go after we live?

Oh no wait wait wait I already know the answer I've been there:

 

Lil Puddin

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So Zelda, care to clarify what your relation with Link is? What are you two? BF/GF? Married? **** Buddies?

Nintendo ain't given me a straight answer.
:4zelda:: He is my errand runner. However, rumor has it that he has a rather ironic but expected **** buddy.

Where do we go after we live?

Oh no wait wait wait I already know the answer I've been there:

:4zelda:: Hmm, close but not quite. That's the place you go if you fail so hard online that it's fatal to you. Most trolls wind up there. Also, there's only dial up and Internet Explorer.
 
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Lil Puddin

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What would you do if your military generals organized a coup against you?
:4zelda:: They can barely protect the kingdom against common threats. What makes you think they've got the brain power, let alone physical power, to plan and follow through with a coup?

ironic? how so?
:4zelda:: "Ironic but expected" is an oxymoron. I thought it'd make G and L feel better if their true feelings didn't seem totally obvious. But we already know, guys. We all know.
 

FirestormNeos

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:4zelda:: They can barely protect the kingdom against common threats. What makes you think they've got the brain power, let alone physical power, to plan and follow through with a coup?
Maybe the reason they can't protect the kingdom from common threats is because they're too busy plotting against you...

Nope, couldn't say that with a straight face.

:4zelda:: "Ironic but expected" is an oxymoron. I thought it'd make G and L feel better if their true feelings didn't seem totally obvious. But we already know, guys. We all know.
Gardevoir: Oh god, you saw that?!
 
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Lil Puddin

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Maybe the reason they can't protect the kingdom from common threats is because they're too busy plotting against you...

Nope, couldn't say that with a straight face.
:4zelda:: I can hardly keep a straight face when I tell them "you all are the best of the best" to motivate them.

Gardevoir: Oh god, you saw that?!
:4zelda:: Yes. We all know that you are a male Gardevoir.

Zelda! What are your girl tips for looking glamorous?
:4zelda:: I awakened like this; every morning I do. Even after binge watching Sheikahs Of Anarchy or Metal Plate Is The New Chainmail at the NitFlex Theatre. But I suppose I can give you miscellaneous tips.

1) Bathe exclusively in sacred springs or fountains. If locals get mad just throw rupees at them. They'll take them as a bribe or they'll be physically hurt by them. It works either way.

2) Find the most fabulous attire design, purchase the rights to it, and make over 300 copies that only you can exclusively wear. This way others will never have the same thing you are wearing for at least a year. Try to change it up every 150 days.

3) Wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner made of the finest ingredients. Saps, oils, fruits, or whatever combination to obtain a fabulous and unique scent. However, always be sure to include ground up fairy wings. They'll make even the lowliest of peasants hair shine elegantly.

4) Less is more; don't dress like a w****. Referring to makeup and attire, respectively.

5) Have a "hero" or servants do everything for you. The more things you do, the more chances you will have to slowly devolve into a hot mess.

Those are all that come to mind for fabulous beauty tips. It is all common sense, really.
 
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Luggy

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Zelda, ever thought to date other characters that aren't in your universe ?
Like Mario for example :

Or Pit :

Or maybe Little Mac :

Or even that smexy guy over there :
 

Lil Puddin

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Zelda, ever thought to date other characters that aren't in your universe ?
Like Mario for example :

Or Pit :

Or maybe Little Mac :

Or even that smexy guy over there :
:4zelda:: In order of appearance...
Not even Peach wants that.
That's illegal and I'd prefer a legal Dark Pit/Pitto instead.
Steroids means his height isn't the only thing below average, so no.

Last and certainly least, that relationship would also be illegal on the grounds that he is unforgivably ugly; he is 10 steps down from a funny obese person.
 

FirestormNeos

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:4zelda:: In order of appearance...
Not even Peach wants that.
That's illegal and I'd prefer a legal Dark Pit/Pitto instead.
Steroids means his height isn't the only thing below average, so no.
Last and certainly least, that relationship would also be illegal on the grounds that he is unforgivably ugly; he is 10 steps down from a funny obese person.
What about Marth?
 

Luggy

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:4zelda:: In order of appearance...
Not even Peach wants that.
That's illegal and I'd prefer a legal Dark Pit/Pitto instead.
Steroids means his height isn't the only thing below average, so no.
Last and certainly least, that relationship would also be illegal on the grounds that he is unforgivably ugly; he is 10 steps down from a funny obese person.

Look what you've done to the poor guy. He's sad now.

Wait, a funny obese person ? YOU DON'T MEAN :

The Legend of Zelda : The Farts of Courage confirmed.
 

Lil Puddin

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Why is the sky green?
:4zelda:: The developers decided to be edgy. If you look down, you'll notice that the grass is blue. Otherwise known as bluegrass.


Look what you've done to the poor guy. He's sad now.

Wait, a funny obese person ? YOU DON'T MEAN :

The Legend of Zelda : The Farts of Courage confirmed.
:4zelda:: Actually, I think the only reason he is so distraught is because he finally looked in a normal mirror instead of a fun house mirror.
Also, no, my next game is The Legend of Zelda: The Triforce Awakens Because It Was Apparently Asleep. However, the game after that is the one you mentioned. It"s actually called The Flatulence of Zeldont Even: Kicking Asses and Tooting Gasses. It is scheduled to come out late 2016 on the Gameboy Advanced.
 
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Lil Puddin

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Oracle Link

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Why did you Decide to have the Exact same Look as Link first you take away his hat then you force Blue onto this Green boy then then You wear Pants and now you have short Hair i mean if you hate Pink Thats Fine but dont Drag link into This (JOKE please still answer)
 
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